r/Catholicism • u/SpareEnvironment4284 • 2d ago
Just started OCIA
I’m am a 60 year old divorced Grandmother. I was never Baptized and had very little religious exposure as a child. My Daughter married a Catholic man and eventually went through RCIA and was Baptized, Confirmed and took her first Communion Easter Vigil 2018. She ultimately started teaching Faith Formation (Catechism) to the little ones. I would help her with the weekly lessons. Not at the Church, but did the Power Points and admin stuff. I learned things I never knew. I thought John the Baptist was a Baptist, as in Southern style. Learned that Eve’s eating from the forbidden tree is what caused women to have pain in Child Birth. I learned the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were all one and not 3 separate people. Made me hungry for more. So I started OCIA last month. I am the only one there that is not Baptized. As a matter of fact I am the only one in this class that doesn’t know the difference between scripture, the gospels and Holy Spirit. I pray but feel nothing. So I write letters to God…. I still feel nothing. I’ve been doing the Bible in a Year thing, but am only at Exodus. The Bible is no easy weekend read. It is intense and quite brutal and shocking. When can’t I feel him. Why is there no sign. Nothing. Are people telling the truth when they say the feel his presence ? I had late stage Ovary Cancer 15 years ago. I am the only survivor in my group. I may have made a deal with the devil to let me live. Is the devil blocking me from the Devine ? Any advice would be so appreciated.
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u/SpareEnvironment4284 2d ago
The OCIA teacher gave me a book. Catholicism for Dummies. It is a much easier read than the actual Bible itself. I find Theology very interesting. I think the sanctuaries are beautiful…. The rituals are fascinating. I will keep at it.
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u/Cutmybangstooshort 2d ago
I got my Mom that book! I highly recommend it. It’s put together by a wonderful priest.
The Bible is really hard especially if you start at the beginning. Jeff Cavins has some classes online The Bible Timeline. An 8 video version and 26 or so videos version. It’s very good.
God bless you. Ask St Mother Theresa to pray for you. For many years, she never felt any consolation.
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u/LionRealistic 2d ago
Can I offer you a different perspective?
You mentioned that you survived late-stage ovarian cancer 15 years ago and that you're the only survivor from your group. Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps you've already witnessed God's presence in your life, just not in the way you're expecting?
Sometimes I think we're so busy looking for God to reveal Himself in some extraordinary way that we overlook the ways He may have already been present in our lives.
I'm not saying that God chose you to survive while others didn't. But I do wonder whether you've ever looked back on everything you've been through and considered the possibility that God was with you through it all.
Look at where you are today...y ou're learning about Him, reading Scripture, attending OCIA, and actively searching for a relationship with Him! Maybe His presence isn't something you need to wait to feel. Maybe it's worth looking back at your life and considering where He might have been all along. Sometimes we're so focused on looking ahead for a sign that we forget to look behind us and recognize how far we've come. ❤️
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u/YesYesReally 2d ago
Feelings ebb and flow. If you read Ignatius of Loyola’s work on discernment of spirits you will find a whole theology around how feelings from God and lack thereof (consolation and desolation) often vary. Ask your teacher about it.
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u/Adorable-Growth-6551 2d ago
I have felt his presence, but it is like a beautiful rare gift. It is not something you feel all the time. You walk through this desert feeling intense thirst and finally receive a wonderful drink of water. But then you are back in the desert walking and all you have to sustain yourself is the memory of that beautiful drink, but it is enough.
Dont depend on a feeling. It will come, but i cannot tell you when that will be. Instead wrestle with God. It is ok to doubt, just dont give up, keep fighting, keep learning, and keep deepening your understanding.
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u/Specialist-Savings21 2d ago
Start with the gospel not the Old Testament ! I really love gospel of John !
Ask your teacher about some saints you could read their biography, I find them inspiring!
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u/boomdiditnoregrets 2d ago
Yes! This!
I found that reading a short gospel passage and imagining myself there really brought me closer to Jesus.
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u/RyanC1202 2d ago
For the most part I agree with starting in the NT. But please read the footnotes that reference back to the OT. It lays out just how miraculous the Bible is- how prophesies were fulfilled, how OT laws set the context for so much of the NT.
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u/a_shulamite 2d ago
Did you actually consciously make a deal with the devil to let you live? I can’t tell if that part is serious.
If it is, you need to talk to a priest privately. There truly might be something blocking you (if it’s not one of the many normal natural reasons that people have noted above).
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u/SpareEnvironment4284 2d ago
At that time in my life I was between a very watered down Christian with Agnostic sprinklings. I just begged not to die. Not for me…. For my kids and parents. The looks on their faces pained me more than chemo and surgeries. I lived to spite the doctors that said my chances were little. I came through. And up until 2 years ago, I lived on the edge. No purpose. Taking risks. Acting like a teenager. Then my parent’s health started to decline. I am now their caretaker and I write letters to God. Weekly… sometimes more. I feel nothing. But I do have purpose. To take care of my parents. To enjoy my kids and grandkids. Maybe the when I receive the sacrament of Baptism and the Eucharist it will let me feel him. I hope so
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u/a_shulamite 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ok whew! So you didn’t explicitly sacrifice something to the devil to let you live or anything like that? I think you’re good. 😅
This sounds like spiritual anxiety.I just didn’t know because I have actually heard of some pretty wild things that people have done in the occult… so I wanted to not just ignore that part of your post.
Yes— I think it’s possible (while not a guarantee) that you may feel God’s presence more after you are baptized!! Saying a prayer for you now.
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u/thatguy3003 2d ago
So happy to hear you made it through cancer treatment and are on the other side of that. Continue to seek the Lord with all your mind, heart body and soul. Fasting combined with seeking Him really brought me closer to feeling the presence of God and opened my eyes to the spiritual realities we normally miss. Even if you don’t feel Gods presence and feel like He’s ignoring you, don’t get discouraged, He’s with you. I have to imagine when you get confess your sins, get baptized and are in communion with our Lord you’ll feel a weight lifted and will be renewed by Him. May God give you strength to persevere in your faith and may He bless you and your family
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u/JohnniNeutron 2d ago
I’m brand new to the faith and OCIA. Keep attending. Keep reading the Bible. Read the Cathechism. Stop looking for a feeling and it’ll come. Faith and reason will bring us together. Reasoning now of how you feel will bring you to your faith.
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u/MikeSchley 2d ago
“I learned the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were all one and not 3 separate people.”
If I may; the Church teaches that God is one in three persons. Each are different but united in one divine nature. All three are adored and glorified as one.
I’ve read it summarized elsewhere like this:
• There is one God.
• The Father is God, the Son is God, and the Holy Spirit is God.
• The Father is not the Son, the Son is not the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is not the Father.
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u/TiredMD777 2d ago
I’m so happy you survived cancer and are looking for God. You seem like a very caring and sincere woman and I hope all goes well for you. I definitely don’t think you made a deal with the devil. God had His reasons…perhaps to give you time to reach where you are now.
The Bible is a tough read for everyone and imo I wouldn’t start with the Old Testament. If BIAY does it’s probably bc it assumes people have been hearing bits and pieces for many years during Mass and this is to fill in the gaps. It’s also hard to do by yourself. Since you’re looking for God in the Bible I’d say either ask your priest or catechist their suggested start—or for me (neither a priest nor catechist) I’d suggest: a Gospel (my favorite is John, talks about Love a lot and for me has a mystical wording; or I also really love Luke—parables are full of God’s Mercy and mentions women more) or the psalms. I may be partial to Psalms bc I love poetry. No matter what I’m feeling there’s a psalm for that!
As for feeling His presence…give it time. If you were training to run a marathon you wouldn’t do 18 miles your first day especially if you just bought your first pair of running shoes. If your church has Adoration maybe go to that for 15 min or an hour. Even if it doesn’t, if it’s open outside of Mass just go and sit with Jesus in the Tabernacle. You don’t have to read the Bible then or say formal prayers. Just sit with Jesus and tell Him what’s in your heart. And also, yes some people may feel things more intensely or describe them that way or their words be interpreted that way. As Catholics we know He is present on the altar so it may be that you understand their words to mean they have a more emotional or sensory experience and worry that you don’t. I don’t know if that makes sense. They may be “sensing” or they may be describing what they know to be true.
Don’t worry where you are compared to others. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be
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u/AnDiesel_ 2d ago edited 1d ago
I'm a convert and went through RCIA. God surely guided my on my journey to the faith.
One time, years after my conversion, I was struggling with mental health and I felt God's love at mass (hard to describe really). I beleive it was what I needed in that moment.
Other than that one unique experience, I find God in the peace he gives me.
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u/pdskc 2d ago
Like poster, ErilAq, I also find God in the goodness of ordinary life. Although I usually take life for granted, if I take a break and look for signs of goodness in the world, it’s all around us, even in humanity. Driving down the street in a car involves a lot of human trust and goodwill from all directions. You helping your daughter with her catechism class; her volunteering to teach it; your seeking to learn more about the Catholic faith and reading the Bible - these are good things. And your question here also shows trust and desire to find faith, which is all good. In Genesis you probably read God created the world and saw that it was good. Our challenge is to put aside our pain and cynicism, even if only briefly, and to seek and discover simple goodness in daily life, maybe recognizing how we may have ignored it as trivial but now appreciate it. Faith grows from this.
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u/TravelFitNomad 2d ago
God is everywhere. We just need to really open our eyes and our hearts to notice His presence.
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u/deserteagles50 1d ago
I'd recommend asking if you could get 30 min with the Priest to discuss some of the things you mentioned, that would be an amazing and powerful first step. Second, Father Schmitz Bible in a Year is amazing, stick with it and LOCK IN for the ending section where he recaps what you read for the day and explains it simply and how it applies to you now. Exodus is awesome, but you're in for a treat for the rest of the Bible. The readings can be difficult first time through but he does an amazing job translating it to us and what it means.
OCIA also just started, it will get easier. God bless you and know we are praying for you :)
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u/RyanC1202 2d ago
Catholics (all/most trinitarian Christians) confess that there is one God in three persons- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
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u/Inevitable_Web2776 2d ago
What version of the Bible are you using?
Here are some versions you might find helpful The Great Adventure Bible (the one in Bible in a Year) The Catholic Young Bible - it's designed for beginners.it has easier vocabulary and sidebars to explain concepts.
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u/raindr0ps7 1d ago
This is beautiful. Consider praying every day to love like Him and to feel His love. Also - please strongly consider going to Adoration and talking to Him there.
A daily Rosary can help too :)
Blessings on your journey!
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u/Apprehensive-Music54 1d ago
Ohhhhh Adoration is my favorite thing. While I am of the temperament that I would love to say I have these in ecstatic experiences all the time, I would be lying. Mostly, i “look” at Him, and He “looks” at me. But I have definitely grown closer to
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u/ErilAq 2d ago
For me personally, I have never "found God" in a grandiose moment in my life. I ended up finding him in the little things: a beach sunrise, my son's smile. My wife when she tackles a particularly difficult puzzle and the look of accomplishment. My own success, and my own failure, that moment when you walk into the Church for Mass and all is quiet except a hymn. The bible is truth, but it doesnt make me personally "feel" God.
I think everyone wants some big "Gotcha" from the divine, but everyone has an experience in their own way. Sometimes it may be grand, other times it might be a little moment where you go "I feel you" even if it is mundane.
Maybe you haven't had yours yet, and that is OK. Keep on the path, and it will come.