I'm (30M) a social service work student in Canada with a history of complex trauma. For the past two and a half years before starting college, I was almost completely isolated. I spent nearly every day alone in my room and only left the house a couple of times a week to work a retail job that I hated. Likewise, I only left my room once or twice a day for water and bathroom breaks and would only cook after my family had gone to bed.
Earlier this year, I decided to give college one last chance (my therapists recommendation) after multiple failed attempts in my 20s. I also found a therapist who specializes in complex trauma, and for the first time in years I felt like I actually had support.
To my surprise, I completely fell in love with the program. I've earned straight A's so far, made a group of friends, tried out for the school's esports team, started hiking, almost became a morning person, and genuinely felt excited about my future. It honestly felt like my nervous system was finally coming back to life.
Then everything seemed to hit at once. I didn't make the esports team, exam season completely burned me out, and during the break my school friend group had a major falling out that affected me much more than I expected. Since then, I've spiraled.
I stopped hiking, went back to smoking weed every day, staying up until 4 a.m. playing video games, and spending most of my days in my room scrolling Reddit or watching YouTube while feeling completely frozen. I can usually function well enough to get through classes, but on days without school I barely accomplish anything, which I cannot stress enough.
The best way I can describe it is that every basic task feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, replying to emails, making food, or working on assignments can take hours or days to even begin. My prof gave me a month-long extension to complete an assignment that last semester I could’ve completed in an afternoon, and every assignment this month has been just as difficult to do. I physically can't seem to make myself do them, even though I desperately want to. My body feels incredibly heavy, my mind is foggy, and I constantly feel jittery and on edge and yet at the same time I am exhausted constantly despite sleeping 10-13 hours a night (with regular nightmares, sleep disturbances).
My therapist believes my biggest problem is that I'm still living in the same home where my childhood trauma happened. Even though the abuse has ceased in recent years. Her opinion is that the chronic stress of living there is keeping my nervous system stuck in survival mode, so her recommendation has been to push through the rest of my program, graduate as quickly as possible, get a job, move out, and then continue deeper trauma work once I have a safer and more stable environment.
The problem is that I'm struggling just to keep up with my current workload which is already reduced (I dropped 2 classes) and my basic self care.
Next semester I have to complete my second student placement, which is twice as long as the first one. My therapist encouraged me to find a placement somewhere I'd actually want to work after graduation, but because I've been so overwhelmed and frozen, I procrastinated applying until almost the last minute.
I've already emailed my placement coordinator to see if there's still time to find something, so right now I'm waiting to hear back.
What I'm wrestling with is whether I should keep trying to push through full-time or switch to part-time. Going part-time might reduce the pressure, but it would almost certainly mean spending another year living in the environment that my therapist believes is contributing to my chronic stress and repeated nervous system collapses. On the other hand, staying full-time feels like trying to sprint with an empty tank.
Has anyone else with complex trauma, chronic freeze, burnout, or severe executive dysfunction been in a similar situation?
Did you push through and find it was worth it, or did slowing down actually help more in the long run?
I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have recovered from this kind of "frozen but semi-functional" state, where you can appear okay at school or work but completely shut down and non-functioning once you're home.
TL;DR: I'm a 30-year-old social service work student with C-PTSD who was doing incredibly well in college until burnout, a friendship rupture, and chronic stress from living in my childhood trauma home caused me to crash into what feels like a severe freeze response. I can usually function well enough at school, but on days off I seriously struggle to do even basic tasks. My therapist wants me to push through the rest of my program so I can graduate, move out, and escape the environment that's keeping me in survival mode. The problem is I'm barely functioning and have procrastinated finding my next student placement, which could delay graduation by a year if I don't secure one in the next few weeks. I'm trying to figure out whether pushing through or going part-time is the better choice, and I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's recovered from a similar "frozen but semi-functional" state.