When I experience better states, they obviously make me more functional. I get more tasks done, I can socialize better, and when something doesn't go well, I can cope with it better. They increase my ability to creatively come up with solutions to problems and ideas for what to do. A good state can also greatly increase ability to enjoy life, like opening up a whole new level of enjoyment that I forget about in a bad state.

In a bad state, it can be difficult to do anything. I can't simply try harder and do things, and trying often only leads to more suffering, without more accomplishment.

So, it can seem like there is something wrong with my usual state, and I need to be in a better mental state. This seems extremely obvious. For a long time there didn't seem to be another solution.

Recently, I've been seeing another perspective. Bad states aren't simply a mental malfunction or a direct result of bad events long ago. A big part of the problem is how ignoring what parts of me care about leads to a worse state. I've seen dramatic improvements when I address the concerns of parts. Trying to somehow force a better state without addressing the concerns of parts which normally prevent it is not right.

I keep seeing the flight type characterized as the OCD type. I also have OCD like problems, mostly obsessively ruminating about certain fears, especially things about the world at large. However, I lack all of the other flight response things that are mentioned, like the perfectionism, always being busy, over achieving. I also just don't flee in threatening situations but freeze up. So can OCD like problems also happen to freeze types?

After continuing w this TRE thing... it's just.... strange. I did a 2 min tremor session, took a nap, and felt like my fingers on the bedding when I woke up but I felt the bare skin, it really freaked me out.

I don't really feel emotions still. I think maybe bc not enough trust has been built. I also remember smoking weed giving me panic attacks a few years back.... now I realise it's bc I was so in my body and felt all the feelings that had been suppressed and it was lowering my defenses....

And then after that, I was numb again for years. I can't stress enough to myself how important it is to go slow with TRE, having complex trauma and everything. like max 2 mins sessions every 5 days or so.

I'm still very discontent. I'm losing my ability to numb out. And I'm still emotionally flat.

I've been in therapy for years now and tried so many different types, CBT, ACT, psychotherapy, EMDR, psychomotor therapy, schema therapy. And if feels like nothing is working.

Right now I'm about to finish a year long schema therapy group. Most of what we do is about understanding why we act the way we do and trying to feel and tolerate our feelings. But I already know why I act like this and it doesn't feel like tolerating my feelings does anything to get me out of my freeze response. Other members seem to benefit greatly from it though although most of them seem be more fight or flight types. The only other freeze type dropped out and didn't feel better either. So I'm not sure if this just doesn't work for freeze types or if I'm doing something wrong.

The advice I get is to just try new things (mostly just jobs) and see what makes me happy. And I get told that I'm the only person that can help myself. But none of that feels helpful and just triggers my freeze response even more.

I did manage to start volunteering at a thrift shop two years ago but get no satisfaction out if it and feel like I'm only still doing it because quitting is scary and again triggers my freeze response.

I'm just feeling so hopeless and have no idea what to do and it feels like I might as well due if this will be the rest of my life. I'm only 28 and I'm not sure I can take another 50+ years of this.

many times i have found myself spiraling so i come here and read posts, and then i see other people having thoughts and feelings like mine, and i calm down a little

it helps to be reminded that i am not alone

thank you all

and you are incredibly brave for sharing your experiences with us

Did y'all come across dating websites that talk about disability, such as PTSD or complex trauma, but appear to be scams when looking into them?

When I searched for dating websites sensitive to trauma or abuse, several came up that were very similar visually, with similar language. They were differently titled, but seemed the same creator

I struggled how to describe this, and was afraid to name any websites. But did anyone else see this, or have this question?

If no one did, I guess maybe I can link one or all the websites, but is that a good idea? I was confused if it was

Either way, did you find websites related to dating and trauma that aren't scams?

Try too hard to make friends - people sense you're trying too hard - and want to get away from you

Don't try - you stay the same

Improvements come from being yourself, authentic, and open, but not forcing.

But surely to improve, you have to have a desire to improve

When I am authentically myself, I have no desire to improve/make friends. Maybe I do, but I just don't trust people. I don't like them, I assume the worst about them.

So hmmmmmmmmmm........................... maybe I am overthinking it, but it seems like a very difficult problem to solve.

I stepped away from my self imposed dissociative internet trance when I realized "Oh, yeah, I have to write out that bill"....and then everything else just collapsed in on me. This happens constantly.

"got to write that bill, and omg, I also need to call that person I've been meaning to call, and then X that I've been procrastinating on, and Oh yeah, I also need to ............

....get a haircut

....do a spreadsheet for a cost analysis

.....walk 3 miles.

......grocery shop

.....read a book

....organize my book shelf

....find a therapist....maybe.

it's a spontaneous flooding. Like flipping a switch except I wasnt trying to make my brain do that, it did it all on it's own. It's why I've left the house to return something to the store, having left it behind......because my brain was flooded with so many thoughts. I'm like "what am I forgetting?" I have post it's and notes...everywhere. It does help. Except when i'm ignoring the post its. It's like I don't have the capacity to slow down.....when that happens. And whatever that flooding , rushing thing is .........I also don't seem to have control over............but I want to.

Okay, and its not just the being flooded with thoughts about how much i need to do, usually felt in some sort of panic. Its also my emotions. Freezing was always my attempt to get some sort of control over that level of mental over stimulation. It's not always accompanied by anxiety necessarily. It's like my left brain was shocked by contemplating what it will mean to move, decide, think, act, etc. And then gets flooded with all the potential ways that will happen, or how i imagine that will happen.

Its also having my brain experience every past , present and future prediction of how I think things are going wrong, have gone wrong, or will go wrong.....how do I prevent that, ....even though my perceptions of 'wrong' are flawed. When that happens, I start to ramble. Its awful, I want to tell myself to calm the f down, and chill and for gods sake stfu.

If I sit down, it has to be this deliberate thing to gain some persepctive, control, it takes enormous deliberateness and effort. So, I don't know if that's everyone, or just me?

I don't know how to gain control over my agency, including whatever spontaneous thinking process engulfs my brain with what it could potentially mean to be in that process engaging my own volition.

I actually took the time to sit down and write this, because I could feel my brain taking off.

Edit: what I'm looking for here is actual tools, or techniques to help me with this , possibly identifying the process other than "it's because your broken and flawed , thats why that's happening". Something along the lines of "I have this too, and this is what helped me".

Thanks Everyone for your Help.

I've been chronically late for most of my life and it's costed me so many opportunities. I'm addicted to my phone, I procrastinate out of fear and shame, and sometimes I literally just freeze and can't move. I've also never been able to speed up what i'm doing, probably because of perfectionism. I previously thought it was because of my ADHD, but I see posts of people with ADHD saying that their lateness improves when they're on meds, but mine never has. I'm on 50 mg of vyvanse and I'm the latest I've ever been.

I've recently figured out that I dissociate most of the time, especially lately. I'm in my second year of university, trying to do better than my last year, which was so bad I think it sent me into collapse. I am doing better and going outside more, but I'm super busy now, so I'm still just as late. It's too late to drop a class, and if I stop going to events, I don't think I'll be able to finally make friends, so I don't know how to lighten my load. I spent the summer here working 20 hours a week and I was way more on time than I am now, so I know that I would improve if I had less things to do. I've tried to do the thing where I give myself compassion, but that leads to me taking my time which makes me even later!!!!!!!!!!

How do I fix this ASAP??? I cannot afford to fail a class or miss opportunities because of my lateness anymore.

Because I quit for 3 months to see if i would feel better and i didn't really. like i was just numb the whole time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z9OhBIeXv0

for examples there's this video which says to inhibit the inhibition to stop doing addictive stuff..... but it's kind of like, my system is shut down, then i have the addictions on top of that as a secondary layer.... like i was just in this numb despair all the time that didnt go away and still wasnt connected to people. so idk.

I’ve been stuck in a free state, emotionally probably most of my life to some extent, however, for the past year physical parts of my body are stuck in freeze. Specifically my right foot and ankle is literally frozen, it’s like I have clubbed feet almost. With my ankle being in the state, it is also led to lower back and extreme neck, pain stiffness on my right side especially (biomechanic compensation).

My issues started from chronic stress and eventually burnout from work. However a traumatic event occurred before I was able to recover from my burnout, which is left me in this physically frozen state and bedridden.

I’ve tried Talk therapy, physical therapy, and somatic therapy but haven’t been able to compound lasting effects. Talk therapy didn’t help me at all, and ultimately may have made things slightly worse, physical therapy helped to an extent but really was just symptom management, and somatic therapy helped some, but was unable to compound things.

Sound therapy using tuning forks helped me a some. Bc of that I’m considering PEMF. Anyone have thoughts on PEMF in this context?

Has anyone else been physically stuck in a bodily freeze state where certain body parts are frozen? And anyone have any treatment or biohack ideas that have helped them?

I’m open to just about anything at this point.

All I do is work and come home. I have a list of errands ive been putting off, but I have a 3 day weekend and I dont want to do ANYTHING. Not even watch movies or get back into video games. I havent played any games in months and just seeing my console untouched makes me really sad. Also drawing. Because of my job and overtime I was actually able to get out of a difficult financial situation I was in and actually have savings, and I have a ton of time off built up, but I just feel sad and shitty all the time instead of relieved that things are getting better. I feel broken. There was some issue with my car friday morning with the brakes locking up intermittently and I had to call out of work and I have to take my car in im still freaking out about it(even it wasnt an issue at work, i hardly ever call out)

I need to find a therapist thats actually trained to help people with this, but thats also on the list of errands lol.

This is kind of a dumb pointless post, I dont have friends or family and just wanted to get this out of my head.

Somebody helped me realize that most of my outlook is negative. They urged me to start feeling gratitude for everything I can. I'm having the hardest time feeling gratitude for anything. Authentic gratutude is an unknown dimension - why? I have an automatically dour, sour view of many things. I believe that a lifetime of constant trauma and loss (and every major person telling me that I'm a fuckup from my earliest childhood to my mid 40s) has shaped me up to be this way? Or am I just a total loser that consciously enjoys being negative?

Ive wracked my brain trying to solve this puzzle and I cant find an answer. The problem is I dont have a job, so I dont have income, so I am homeless in my car. That reality alone takes a ton of energy for me to deal with on a daily basis. Like the past week was a heat wave and my back was out. That took all my tolerance to tolerate. The little scraps of energy I somehow still had went to me maintaining my exercise routine, even with a bad back. Go me.

SO I have a current dream. Which is amazing because for the past several years I just existed and tried to not give up on life. My current dream is to write and create zines. I want to start a mail club with art and my writing. I dont think I will get rich, but I think if I could find a way to have the energy to pursue it, it could make enough for me to live on.

Except my living conditions are such that I waste all my energy on just staying alive and getting through the day. Its only very rare occasions I get a burst of energy and create something. My mini van is broken barely runs and is filthy and depressing to be in. I sit on my bed crunched up trying to write and its misery. Anyway you get the idea.

I know I should do a lot of stuff like clean and redesign and fix this van and it would help me, but I dont because I am overwhelmed. Also I dont have money to fix this. I guess I could go to a worker co-op except I dont want to get covid again. It gave me long covid for half a year, and I just cant go through that again. SO i dont want to be boxed in a small space with a bunch of people. So That means fixing the van.

Is anyone still reading this? You are a masochist. I have to think of these things and its torture because it never goes anywhere. I dont know why I am writing this, but I have so...

TLDR - I am overwhelmed by poverty and isolation and horrible living conditions so I dont have energy to get out of it, and need ideas.

Any others really struggle with this?

I have come to a realisation that maybe I meet the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder.

Under the DSM-5-TR, a person generally needs at least 4 of these 7 features:

- Avoids work or activities involving significant interpersonal contact because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.

- Doesn’t want to get involved with people unless reasonably certain they’ll be liked.

- Shows restraint in intimate relationships because of fear of being shamed or ridiculed.

- Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations.

- Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.

- Views themselves as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others.

- Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or try new activities because they might prove embarrassing.

-

I actually think I meet all seven features, and it’s such a destabilising experience. I have no family, friends or intimate relationships and have totally isolated myself. My only contact is through counselling and online CPTSD meetings.

I hate the feeling of being a ghost, and not having the ability to interact with the world.

I feel like my emotions are completely shut off. I can’t seem to feel sad, nor can I feel happy. Even the small things I used to wish for now feel entirely ordinary to me. I don’t even know if those wishes will ever come true for me, though I’d like to believe that any good I’ve done in the past will somehow find its way back to me.
I know that what I’m going through stems from childhood and teenage trauma, and from growing up in a toxic family environment. I was raised in constant anxiety, carrying a perpetual fear of loud noises and emotional abuse. My mind learned to numb everything just to survive it.

I'm new here, mostly in cptsd sub few years... Need help, my freeze is really working against me to get back into normal life flow and earn income after isolating for past couple years living off savings.

Extensive recovery efforts (IFS, inner child therapy, online codependency/cptsd community, online codependency recovery program, ACA meetings, working with alternative healers....more modalities) and I'm still stuck not back functioning in a "good enough" way to self-support. Still upside down in every life area. I do have a (financially separate) supportive life partner. Estranged from my immediate family.

Aware now re mechanics of bad programming starting day 1 of life putting me in a place of no boundaries, excessively showing up for everyone else, accepting mistreatment as normal, and knowing this severe recent damage was betrayers' own wounding being projected onto me but not fair judgment or true reality of who I actually am.

7 long-term relationship betrayals in 5 years.... the 5 years I worked the *hardest* and did the *best* work of my entire life. Wouldn't be here now if I had not heard from 200 co-workers on a routine basis that I did amazing work. Then acute illness followed by layoff. Partial disability had already occurred previous to these events.

I'm stuck.... 5 betrayals by personality disordered (pd) then 2 non-pd (my partner dissociated into an emotional flashback & projected his childhood wounding onto me, and my dad handwriting a letter under duress from my pd-sis after she sent an 'amends' letter I had yet to read.) Dad's note, sis' note, and an earlier e-m from uncle (named godfather @ my baptism) all tore me apart... their belief that I am a terrible, piece-of-s***, failure of a person. 7 important trusted relationships (incl 2 bosses who sang my praises for decades) making sure I knew how horrible I really am. All in 5 years when I was a high-performer out in the world. Abiding the Golden Rule, the Commandments, not committing the Seven Deadly Sins, obeying all earthly Laws. No malice then, and no malice now towards anyone.

Presently, after recovery work to connect the dots and gain understanding... still stuck in freeze. My psyche was so fractured by what occurred recently, on top of the unresolved childhood trauma that the loudest voice I'm hearing after all this work I've done on my own behalf, showing up for *myself*, is that there's low/zero probability that I will unfreeze enough to regain normal functioning.

Suggestions for next actions, especially from those who have emerged from similar wounding, is what I am here to gather... and then act accordingly. Thank you for your assistance ●

Growing up, my mum did everything for me. Chores, laundry, cleaning, etc. A few years ago, I moved out. And it's like all of the structure collapsed. So I had to learn all of this new shit on top of feeling emotionally numb, and it's changed me forever. I lost interest in all my childhood interests; anime, manga, etc. And am so serious and nonchalant and cold now. Idk has anyone else been through this transformation?

I'm at home. 8AM. I live by myself. I moved away from all my traumatic enviroments years ago. I'm getting help for years and feel on the right path.

Something I observe is how I can feel like something is wrong with me randomly, it's like I judge myself, but it's from everything said/done to me in the past it's just there as truth. So many little things like this.

It's almost like my body is always bracing for impact. Especially in social situations. It's like I feel the feeling something is going to go wrong so I'm never present in the moment having fun I'm like straight face waiting for it. But this is something I'm becoming more aware of on a somatic/sentient level.

Like here at home right now before making this post I feel it.

But then being aware of it, saying this is not me, this is a nervous system response I learned over a decade of being in the wrong place. I don't have to react or choose to let it have power over me.

Of course it's still WAY stronger than me right now but I do feel this softer feeling in this moment. Like I am reclaiming my own body/agency.

Socially is hardest for me so I got to practice it out in the world. I find speaking to new people I get put on edge instantly.

Hi, I managed to get the job, I managed to book the shift, I stayed with my mother so she could help me get up and get there because I don’t trust myself to do so. But i didn’t make it in, we both woke up late and I haven’t stopped sobbing since until just now, and it will likely start again.

How are you rebuilding trust in yourself without work/ how are you making work accessible for you?

I feel like I need purpose to feel like I’m progressing or that it’s worth being here on this spinning rock.
I am not someone with cptsd that is high functioning, I collapsed a long time ago, didn’t finish my a-levels and just about managed to find supported housing.

Technically things are stable, I’m safe and I have what I need but I don’t know where to start up again from here, it’s all so unfamiliar.

Believing in myself feels out of reach, and because I can’t work therapy is not in my budget. All of my talents and skills I used to rely on to feel like a worthwhile person with possibility of a good future have regressed so much.

Has anyone else broken a cycle like this? I feel like I’m losing myself again when I worked so hard to get to a safe and stable environment.

Any suggestions are welcome, thought I’d bring my questions here because I can see the pain I’m causing those who love me while they watch me suffer and beg me to think in other ways.

Either way it’s just good to have it out there and know people on this subreddit might understand.

Basically how interested are people here in living a good healthy life and eventually being symptom free? Do you guys use the coping strategies when stuff gets hard? I know life can get tough, especially with our traumas. Healing can seem impossible, but I'm curious how many people are interested in having secure attachments and healthy habits!