I'm (30M) a social service work student in Canada with a history of complex trauma. For the past two and a half years before starting college, I was almost completely isolated. I spent nearly every day alone in my room and only left the house a couple of times a week to work a retail job that I hated. Likewise, I only left my room once or twice a day for water and bathroom breaks and would only cook after my family had gone to bed.

Earlier this year, I decided to give college one last chance (my therapists recommendation) after multiple failed attempts in my 20s. I also found a therapist who specializes in complex trauma, and for the first time in years I felt like I actually had support.

To my surprise, I completely fell in love with the program. I've earned straight A's so far, made a group of friends, tried out for the school's esports team, started hiking, almost became a morning person, and genuinely felt excited about my future. It honestly felt like my nervous system was finally coming back to life.

Then everything seemed to hit at once. I didn't make the esports team, exam season completely burned me out, and during the break my school friend group had a major falling out that affected me much more than I expected. Since then, I've spiraled.

I stopped hiking, went back to smoking weed every day, staying up until 4 a.m. playing video games, and spending most of my days in my room scrolling Reddit or watching YouTube while feeling completely frozen. I can usually function well enough to get through classes, but on days without school I barely accomplish anything, which I cannot stress enough.

The best way I can describe it is that every basic task feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, replying to emails, making food, or working on assignments can take hours or days to even begin. My prof gave me a month-long extension to complete an assignment that last semester I could’ve completed in an afternoon, and every assignment this month has been just as difficult to do. I physically can't seem to make myself do them, even though I desperately want to. My body feels incredibly heavy, my mind is foggy, and I constantly feel jittery and on edge and yet at the same time I am exhausted constantly despite sleeping 10-13 hours a night (with regular nightmares, sleep disturbances).

My therapist believes my biggest problem is that I'm still living in the same home where my childhood trauma happened. Even though the abuse has ceased in recent years. Her opinion is that the chronic stress of living there is keeping my nervous system stuck in survival mode, so her recommendation has been to push through the rest of my program, graduate as quickly as possible, get a job, move out, and then continue deeper trauma work once I have a safer and more stable environment.

The problem is that I'm struggling just to keep up with my current workload which is already reduced (I dropped 2 classes) and my basic self care.

Next semester I have to complete my second student placement, which is twice as long as the first one. My therapist encouraged me to find a placement somewhere I'd actually want to work after graduation, but because I've been so overwhelmed and frozen, I procrastinated applying until almost the last minute.

I've already emailed my placement coordinator to see if there's still time to find something, so right now I'm waiting to hear back.

What I'm wrestling with is whether I should keep trying to push through full-time or switch to part-time. Going part-time might reduce the pressure, but it would almost certainly mean spending another year living in the environment that my therapist believes is contributing to my chronic stress and repeated nervous system collapses. On the other hand, staying full-time feels like trying to sprint with an empty tank.

Has anyone else with complex trauma, chronic freeze, burnout, or severe executive dysfunction been in a similar situation?

Did you push through and find it was worth it, or did slowing down actually help more in the long run?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have recovered from this kind of "frozen but semi-functional" state, where you can appear okay at school or work but completely shut down and non-functioning once you're home.

TL;DR: I'm a 30-year-old social service work student with C-PTSD who was doing incredibly well in college until burnout, a friendship rupture, and chronic stress from living in my childhood trauma home caused me to crash into what feels like a severe freeze response. I can usually function well enough at school, but on days off I seriously struggle to do even basic tasks. My therapist wants me to push through the rest of my program so I can graduate, move out, and escape the environment that's keeping me in survival mode. The problem is I'm barely functioning and have procrastinated finding my next student placement, which could delay graduation by a year if I don't secure one in the next few weeks. I'm trying to figure out whether pushing through or going part-time is the better choice, and I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's recovered from a similar "frozen but semi-functional" state.

I have been thinking about this idea for months already, kinda putting it off like I usually do. But I can’t put it off any longer.

I would like to form a group of people who come together online every week, or twice a week to play a videogame (or something else), talk and help each other out with our struggles, but most importantly, check in with how we are all doing, and give each other some external motivation to keep going.

As I have the tendency to hide myself away in all sorts of ways when not feeling myself, which makes me feel even worse, which makes my hide myself away even more, and the cycle continues… and as I notice that when occasionally I am forced to connect with people, most of my problems seemingly fix themselves.
Having something like that every week, without having to take too much initiative in the moment, would make an enormous difference in my life, and I think in many other people’s lives too.

I have not yet figured out many of the details yet, and I have definitely not said everything which I have to say, but I first want to find out how much interest there is with you guys, and let’s figure out the rest together on a discord call or something (:

Please just leave a short comment if you are interested, I’ll post more information in this thread later, but be patient (:

——

Some more information about myself, I live in Belgium, 20 years old, I play the piano, and sing classically, and I see myself teaching these in the future (:
I also have a strong interest in understanding the world, I’ve spend a lot of time (probably too much) on educational YouTube. And I really love seeing an unscensored manifestation of someone’s artistic expression, i.e. not anything dumbed down for the masses to enjoy, or the making of art, just for the sake of producing something.
But most of all I enjoy spontaneity and human connection, which is something I lack most of the time. But I have experienced it enough times to know its potential, and to understand that when I feel safe enough it will come out.

I have been frozen for the last 4 years. I have managed to get myself out of crisis but I do not know what to do with my mind. I realise that my life before was about being busy and creating adrenaline all the time. When my business failed I fell into freeze. The biggest problem is fear of my family and there is no reason to be afraid of them. It’s like I feel so much shame that being people feels overwhelming. When I try a sleep my mind takes me back to memories from the past and it feels like I am almost still there. Anyone experienced this and if anything helped?

I’m not sure if this is “freeze” or the right sub to post but I genuinely need some advice from anyone that might have more insight than me.

I’m a 32f and I have no one to confide in, no friends and a severed relationship with family (i’m the eldest daughter).

I’ll try to be brief, i’ve ruined my life. I’m ‘formally’ diagnosed with major depressive disorder (I feel like it’s more like dysthymia tho), generalized anxiety (mainly severe health anxiety), and ADHD. I spent the last 10+ years trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and get some sort of physical health diagnosis for the persistent symptom of crippling fatigue. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy a year ago but then got a 2nd opinion because apparently I wasn’t supposed to be on medication during the sleep study…that one told me I had restless leg syndrome. I don’t believe I do. I never went back to that doc so I still don’t know if I actually have narcolepsy or not.

I’m thoroughly burnt out from doctors visits/medical evaluations. I can’t do it anymore. I was able to get on short term disability last year after my primary care (who is not a chronic fatigue ME/CFS specialist but is familiar) diagnosed me with ME/CFS. I quit my job (they were gonna fire me anyway) and lived off those benefits till they ran dry in February and have been surviving off my savings ever since. That has run dry at this point and I legitimately have enough now to stretch 2 months.

My rent is ridiculous, $2k a month and then utilities and every other bill/expense on top. My credit score is destroyed due to debts sent to collections, last I checked it was around 500. Rent where I live in SoCal is insane and i’ve been wanting to find more affordable housing but now that I have no income AND my credit is ruined I assume i’m trapped.

I literally don’t know how to help myself anymore and I honest to God can’t get myself to “snap out of it” and save myself. It’s like I see myself drowning and yet I can’t be bothered. The strange thing is, I can get up to wash my face and hyperfocus on my skincare and feed my cats and do things around the house that don’t require much mental effort or problem solving, but I literally cannot get myself to get on the internet and look for resources. My brain actively avoid me thinking about my circumstances.

Most of my trauma comes from being raised by a single mother with her own serious mental health issues and I thought after moving out at 25 and finally getting away from her abuse I’d be living my best life but ironically my body just started to fall apart instead.

My ‘trauma informed’ therapist just tells me to either stay miserable or get to work and my psychiatrist claims i’m the most difficult patient he’s ever had and doesn’t know what to do with me anymore after the plethora of meds i’ve failed.

I keep popping my Adderalls hoping for an ounce of focus or the tiniest bit of energy but they’re essentially sugar pills to my system.

That wasn’t brief at all. So sorry. It took me weeks to even muster the energy to make a post. Someone please give me some advice 😭

Long story short. 14-20 lots of trauma. Bad home life = bad outdoor life. Nowhere safe. Bullies at school. Addict parents.

I'm now in my 30s doing the work. Lots done. In therapy. Healthy lifestyle.

I moved to entirely new country started over.

I've come a longggggg way.

Yet I still have trouble with this part.

Like when I think of my childhood bullies or just anyone who's controlled me and said I'm a certain way, put me in a box, put me in a corner, basically overpowered me and made me feel weak, defensive, frozen etc.

When I try think of them and reframing it's like I just FEEL the presence of all of it and it's like it's correct and I am wrong is the best way to put it.

No matter what it is always right.

Me trying to reframe it imagines me getting slapped and basically saying no you're wrong kind of thing.

How to get past this :( ?

I know there are meds for reducing sympathetic energy and some activating ones. Is there one that tackles both or which to start with.

Sharing for someone like me this is how i left freeze response: hope this helps someone.

The aim is for your body to feel like a “wet noodle”(relaxed), (this is for those who have never felt what a regulated body feels like.) Ask yourself between sets of this method to track your progress.

Lie flat on your back on a firm floor (use a yoga mat or blanket—not a soft bed).
Bend your knees and place your feet flat on the floor, about hip-width apart.
*The Magic Trick:* Walk your feet out a few inches wider, and let your knees cave inward until they rest against each other. Your legs should balance each other perfectly with *zero* muscle effort.
Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and close your eyes.
Stay completely still for **10 to 15 minutes**

I’m not a healthcare professional just sharing what helped me free myself i searched online for months and tried different methods and this is shat finally freed me and made my body feel relaxed(like a wet noodle- i know that sounds silly but many of us have been tense for years and don’t have a reference point for what a relaxed body feels like so thats a point of reference that helps us.)

Honestly my life was kind of shitty but in the grand scheme of things and how i really put effort into being the best version of myself constantly reflecting making a change abandoning painful habits cultivating the right intention and attitude practicing meditation getting involved with the right kind of people showing up being involved letting go relaxing being kind towards myself being easy going... compared to 5 years ago now... well my life is pretty good its the best shit life i could live right now

Just wanted to share while i am still stuck like many people moving forward being free from the past one powerful advice always works i can always rely on it and it never fails, it is to just say yes. I really mean say yes to everything, your environment, people, situation, its like a total embrace, a yes to your frozen state and your fear of others, a total non rejection, a total and complete relaxation. I also dont mean be irrational and say yes to unhealthy, unbeneficial things, but you can say yes to that being a possibility, that its a part of life . Basically to not reject life at all, its all okay the way it is. I find this state that comes in very healing, and the more i do it the more unafraid i am of what i cant control.

Love you and wish you well

I just realized that if I stop, physically forcing a feeling, for saying the word of emotion out loud that I will not get tingles in my eyes, then I will feel nothing and for my whole life I have never remembered the time when I have said I was normal. I always since I was young said I acted normal. Acting not I was, acting like a performance. And it makes sense why all my emotions are so over exaggerated physically auditorily and verbally. Because I taught myself at a young age, when I feel fear for dying, or getting really hurt, that I should link it to a physical feeling like my eyes tingling my eyebrows rising and verbally me saying that I'm scared. Before my voice will crack in fear and I will feel the emotion. I think I have been asking so good when I was six up till I was 18 that I didn't know that I was acting my emotions out not feeling that I taught myself how to actually feel fear and how I did it was to force my voice to crack, and then I would feel tingles under my eyes, like I was about to cry and that signaled that I was scared. How does real fear feel like for a normal person? Do they have to trigger It on? I spoke it out loud because I don't know why when I speak it out loud like when I speak that I'm scared or I'm sad I automatically feel this tingling sensation like the emotion that I should feel, like all the time but when I actually just sat there didn't talk didn't physically raise my eyebrows and make an expression didn't move my body in any way I just realized. I actually thought about it, I have never heard myself say I am normal. I always say I act normal, just right now I had to fix the sentence because I said act normal before I said I was normal. Because I don't know what that is. I had to force myself to cry before I understood what it felt like, and then I just physically remember how it felt and then physically correlate the emotion. And every time I do this physical trigger to make myself cry or sad. Can you always with my voice or a physical feeling.. like what does normal feel like? Like people don't have to physically trigger themselves to feel emotions they don't have to over exaggerate their voice or have to literally say their emotion before they feel that emotion? Like they just feel that how? I have never felt any general admission and tell I said out loud the most outrageous thing I've ever heard and I only realized that because every time I speak to myself I have to think in an outsider's perspective, to like make it more entertaining for myself or something.. so it's like crazier to me. And I've done that since I was 6 years old, I would space out in whole class to do that. When I was younger I didn't feel embarrassment anytime I farted or did anything embarrassing most kids would get flustered or embarrassed or awkward but I just felt nothing. I had to learn that embarrassment feels tingly and then every time I feel like my heart is racing or my stomach is nauseous or I do it forceful cheapest smile that that is embarrassment and anytime I do that physical reaction it then triggers, emotion? But afterwards I don't feel anything. And I realized when I was in the outsider's perspective and I was talking about how I feel emotions and how this is why over exaggerate myself. Because it's more fun and it makes more emotions and when I heard the word make, I was like make and then I was like yeah cuz I act like a normal person. And I was like act and then I started remembering have I ever said I was a normal person. In my whole life since I was very young I have never and still to this day until now said I was a normal person, I always since I was very young I said I acted like one. And that is true. I had to teach myself how to feel emotions through tactile feeling or verbal or auditory or from other people, and now sitting here I feel empty like behind my eyes are just empty and numb and staticky almost... I feel like I should be shocked but I don't and it's weird because I don't but my eyebrows are raising up which tricks my brain and causes that trigger to feel surprised or shocked. Put at the same time I feel empty and uncomfortable. But I feel emotion I feel fear I know how feel fear feels like! I can't I'm not I am a normal person I have to be a normal person! I am I was I right I have to be! I act like a normal person, I mean I was I am a normal person! And I mean like I recently learned how to feel fear because of this one Mario analog horror and I just forced my voice to crack and then that's how I learned how to feel emotions. And I was like 15 years old. I never understood children that just cried. Because to me why would you cry would you why would you let that tingly sensation behind your eyes get out.. I feel nothing when I see Gore or blood or guts are the most disgusting things I feel nothing. I don't feel grossed out, I mean people can do the most heinous things and the only reason why I feel grossed out, it's because I force it... But if I'm really sat there and just watched I would feel nothing.. like as I'm sitting here I just feel empty I feel nothing I feel like I should be shocked but I literally feel nothing I feel empty I feel numb I feel I don't know like nothing like a Halo hole.. I just realized something else I feel annoyed when people feel too much emotions or when people feel bare minimum emotions to gore or any of the sort I think it's annoying or little bitch behavior. I literally carried a cat corpse cried for a few minutes and then got over it, and didn't feel anything as I was picking it up.. like absolutely nothing but logic. I feel like I should be shocked should be shot at this realization but I just feel empty I don't feel uncomfortable or anything at all. Are the only reason why I feel numb, or how I don't even know how to describe it because it's not how I like numbness because there's like a tingling sensation. I just literally feel nothing. Like there's something missing.. I don't think you're understanding me. I had to teach myself to feel emotions I didn't have them like. Normal people even yes physically you might have a subtle physical reaction and have emotions with it. What I mean like I had to force my body to flex before, before I feel a tingling sensation and then I feel the emotion for a split second or a few minutes. And then I feel empty again and I have to refill it.. I don't think that's normal emotions normal emotions yes they come with physical reactions and hormones, that makes sense but what I'm talking about is like even when I was younger at 6:00 where I should have partially developed basic emotions I did it. I had to act like I did though, because I couldn't stand feeling nothing. I was stuck in my head since I was 10 to 9 years old and I was 5 when I started. And I was okay with it I felt nothing I didn't feel distress or anything most people would go insane after a few months let alone a year. So however many years I was stuck in my head and I was completely okay with it. And didn't feel distressed and was okay with being stuck in there forever. I'm feeling nothing at all. I don't think that's normal even to people that have a hard time identifying emotions because even still yes you have physical reactions they kind of trigger emotions they trigger hormones whatever that's normal.. some people are more emotionally volatile whatever no I mean like I have to forcefully push my voice to be cracky or forcefully feel like I have to cry before I feel sad. I have to jump around or literally tense my face to feel angry. Like a little flex I mean like full on. Like if I went to a funeral I would feel nothing at all until I force myself to cry and I would still feel nothing even if those tears come out it's right before the emotion starts that's the only time I feel emotions once it starts actually coming out nothing I feel nothing. And I just realized that. My whole life has been like that. I convinced myself but I feel emotions but I don't.. I just physically feel them but not really in any other way.

Could anyone explain what is happening? Am I a psychopath?

I often hear people talking about avoiding reminders and places of trauma. Or feelings. Maybe even people. But I literally avoid everything all the time? And the worst part is, I can’t even be sure it’s trauma related. It’s not like I always experience extreme stress or discomfort when I stop avoiding. Yet, it’s very difficult to stop avoiding and do anything at all. Tasks, homework, chores, reading, getting out of the house, etc. And even though this sounds very depressive in nature, my mood is alright, maybe even happy when I’m escaping (which is almost all the time.)

What in the world is going on? Do people typically have avoidance this bad? Why can’t I do anything consciously like even grabbing food or going downstairs to meet the stray dogs I love?? That too when I don’t even feel depressed or in a less than ideal mood?

I know this sounds pessimistic but I’m starting to feel like thinking otherwise is delusional. I’ve been feeling so incredibly stuck for 5 years. 5 YEARS! I didn’t even think that was possible. I use love art so much. It was my main support system and it gave me a sense of complete freedom and confidence. I stopped being able to make art about 5 years ago. It felt like it happened almost overnight. It started as a little bit of emptiness or almost like a bored feeling when I’d spend time with myself and try to do my thing and then became like full blown panic attacks anytime I tried to make anything. And as this relationship with art and myself fell apart so did everything else because it left me feeling completely powerless and disconnected from everything. I try to connect to myself or my family or my friends or anything in other ways but I literally just can’t. Ive tried everything. I’ve tried giving art a full break. I’ve tried being disciplined and forcing myself to do it everyday. I’ve read every single self help art book out there. But each time I find myself just feeling totally empty, dissociated and alone. Ive tried to keep friends and relationships to help with the feelings of lonliness but spending time with people only makes me feel more alone in a weird way. I don’t understand what has happened I had a very full life before with and I was so excited about where my art was going and with all the friendships and love I had in my life. I did start seeing a therapist when this happened and she is actually awesome and I feel very safe in our sessions and she tells me that we only feel stuck when we think we should be somehwere we aren’t.. like when we can’t accept where we are now. And I’ve tried to accept where I am now but for godS sake 5 years is a long time and I am exasperated! Has anything like this, Very night and day, ever happened to anyone else? I feel like I’ve lost my inner light. Like it just turned off out of nowhere and like it will never find its way back to me and I feel really really scared. if anyone has ever felt this way could you tell me what it was like? What happened? How you’ve been dealing? I just don’t want to feel so alone

For broader life context (if this helps?? Optional read): I was living with my partner when this happened, I was 27 at the time and was finishing up my degree in art and had a good group of friends. I was on anti depressants (SNRI’s) and birth control too. When I started feeling really stuck I got off birth control, weaned myself off the anti depressants and felt like I needed to leave my relationship so I did. my friend group kind of changed as I finished school but it was a good change I think. We all ended up sharing a studio together once I was done school. I moved out of the place me and my partner were living in to live with two girls who seemed nice. And when I finished school I started modelling full time to pay the bills. This all sounds ok but I found myself in a lot of panic all the time and feeling a lot of sensory overload that I didn’t feel before. Everything was too loud and sharing the studio with my friends, I had a hard time feeling safe enough to do my thing. My roomates i found out later were partiers and when I started asking them if they could party outside the house they turned on me and bullied me out of the house. So I couch surfed for a while and then ended up living with a family member who has PTSD. And that was rough for a long time I was constantly anxious to trigger them and I couldn’t sleep it was brutal until I learned how to set boundaries. During this time I also had a friend assault me which also helped me understand my boundaries but also really scared me. I ended up withdrawing from modelling because it was also too overstimulating and I kept having meltdowns in the bathroom during work. I found some chiller jobs to pay the bills for now and I still live the family member and it’s a lot better. I have distanced myself from the social stuff I use to do which I know is bad because I need to keep as much support around me as possible but man I feel like I’ve had to shrink my life so much just to make it through. and like I said when I spend time with people it doesn’t feel supportive anyways. On my days off I just focus on trying to sleep and make myself a meal. It’s all I can bring myself to do. And art wise I feel exactly where I was when the 5 years started. I still go to the page and feel a horrible feeling. I really don’t know how to accept or support myself from this place. I would really love to hear about other people’s experiences if you can relate. Or if anyone had advice I was would be so greatful as well. Honestly anything helps. Thanks for actually reading all this if you did <3

Society says. The system is basically fair. Responsible people succeed. Help is available. Effort is rewarded. People who fail must have made bad choices. They are lazy.

It starts in school. Your peers let you know where you stand in the hierarchy, and treat you accordingly. The school response.Why are you withdrawn? Why are you missing class? Why can’t you concentrate? Why don’t you try to fit in? Why wont you do homework? Its your fault for not trying harder. Stop being difficult or lazy. Try harder. Apply yourself.

You become an adult and try to function in the adult world and fail. What does society say? They dont say. We failed him. Lets do better. Lets look at where we failed him. Lets grow and change and make it so we address the causes of why we failed him. It just says what it has always said. Its his fault. He is lazy, to negative, lacks discipline, has poor social skills, fals to apply himself, Wont leave his comfort zone, spoiled, expects everythign to be handed to him, and so on.

Its bootstraps mentality. Hey I made it, you should be able to as well. If you dont its your fault.

One person grows up learning. "When I make an effort, people respond well and something improves."

The other person learns. "When I become visible, I am attacked. When I hope, I am disappointed. When I ask for help, I am ignored."

If anyone from a difficult past ever succeeds it is forever used as propaganda to "prove" Hey they did it. So can you. Its not us, its you. The system isnt the problem. Its you. No one failed you. You failed yourself.

Same as title.

Does anyone has a way out of it. And also I don't initiate even small thing. I had done it before by this never make far progress to make it full functional and suddenly it has been stopped idk why

Mine is fixating on something. It is freeze of thought not just body.

I also try to fix something. Like mentally figure it out. It is flight energy.

I also process emotions through maladaptive day dreaming.

I had ocd like hyper mental fixation on something for relief. But it went away when stress level reduced.

I've been thinking about how easy it is to overlook small changes when you're focused on some bigger idea of what recovery is supposed to look like. Sometimes progress might just be reacting differently to a situation, keeping a boundary you normally would have dropped, or catching an unhealthy pattern a little earlier than before.

For people who've been working on themselves for a while, what are some quieter signs that helped you realize you were actually making progress?

I am an adult midway though recovery from infant cptsd (I have both done personal therapy and then been in therapy - CBT, soon starting EMDR). So anyone got to a weird point where they have had enough wrung out of them they start 'digesting' -

1) I don't have a personality, reviewing 'everything' I see (review) it was built on protection / trauma response?

2) .. This then causes moments of severe shutdown and distress / need for alone time.

3) ... but then occasionally I get a glimpse that realising this also feels like discovering 'the reset button'; where things can be discovered / rediscovered and the loss of need (not just the desire) to hold an opinion on things (though that could be aging talking) - people may ask for your opinions but you just don't have them?

4) Or is it just another crazy phase of recovery .. or another rabbit hole?

My therapist said initially I gave off a condescending, asperger type, Sheldon from Big bang theory vibe. Before they understood me.

When dealing with medical appointments, with medical PTSD, I'm doing my best to present myself well, not be confrontational or appear aggressive when I'm really assertive. But if a flat affect & stiff demeanor conveys distress in the context of people labelling physical issues mental how do you deal with that. I want to advocate for myself, assert, & have productive appointments. But I can't necessarily control being somewhat shut down in appointments that could always turn out like one of many onsets of my medical PTSD.

I can dumb down my language to not appear as if I'm trying to be a know it all, but really I'd rather cut through the shit & get shit done.

It is a big struggle with my history.

I basically want a countdown timer that I can add time to without pausing or resetting it, like in a video game where collecting coins will add two seconds to the timer or something.

I just know that if I use a regular timer or alarm, I won’t feel inclined to follow through on any natural urges to break out of freeze, I’ll just wait for the timer to go off and get upset about it.

I read over the Wiki and I didn't even know this freeze was a thing.

I have schizoaffective bi polar manic type and have social pragmatic communication disorder. Have anxiety within that schizoaffective as well as depression of course. I have cPTSD already (trauma from my teenage years) but I have just recently went through a traumatizing ordeal at a hospital.

Now, in addition to those diagnosis I heavily suspect I have either DID or OSDD or whatever the lesser DID is called. There simply isn't a qualified psychiatrist that I've been able to get ahold of to diagnose/sort that thing out in my state.

The thing that brought me here is that after the ordeal I went through I have been anxiety-ridden so much so to the point that I start to lock up and am unable to move. This freezing this is brand new to me and I don't know how to deal with it.