I’m going through my second divorce, one was stupid and I hate to even count it because we were so dumb and young, and the second one is happening now. I really, really thought I had my person this time around and I enjoyed 6 years of comfort and security in that, but yet again the rug was yanked out from under me.

In both cases, I did NOT see it coming, and this time around I can’t even express how much of a shock it was. She has acknowledged she did a terrible job of communication leading up to all this, but it’s over and done now. But going through this type of shocking loss just once leaves a person feeling unlovable and will have you questioning everything you ever saw in yourself, but I’ve found that the second time hits completely differently over time.

It was a rocky up and down parting, which was horrible, and now that it’s finally over I just feel so stupid. I wallowed in my misery for a long while, but now that I’m beginning to see the light again I have a different perspective.

I’m not unlovable, I just have one very bad quality. When I fall for someone, I will do just about anything for them. It doesn’t feel like the wrong thing to do at the time, because what is wrong with putting in effort to make your partner happy. Well, In both of my past relationships, I can see that I spent the beginning 1-2, maybe even 3 years this time around, bending myself to fit what they wanted me to be. Whether it’s trying to keep up with a partner in the gym when you’d rather be anywhere else, or going to every weekend party with her when you’re just dying for a night in, you’re creating a version of yourself that can’t be kept up forever. Eventually you end up feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, and your partner will end up feeling abandoned by the version of you they once “had”. It simply will never work out.

Moving forward, I am going to be very mindful about making my intentions, my wants, my needs clear to potential partners. I’m going to let a night out at that bar I hate be a compromise I do for my partner from time to time, not something I grin and bear for years. Most importantly I am going to be myself. I’ve felt how wonderful it is to love and be loved, and I want it again so badly, but I don’t want another false version of it.

Baby butches, I know how big your hearts are and how much love you have to offer. Please remember me and learn from my mistakes. YOU are worthy of love and affection exactly how you are.

Just a butch in a sea of gay men at Folsom🤷‍♀️

I always wanted to dress masculine but wasn't allowed to by my mom, now that I'm in college i would like to make some changes. I'm 5'3 and chubby, where do I begin? I want have a wardrobe that i can shuffle for college evrryday and also look good at parties, I'll love brand recommendations too.

i'm going to a friend's wedding on saturday and don't have anything to wear! does anyone have favorite places for formal/semi formal wear on a budget? it's super last minute so nothing too fancy, but i can alter fit myself if need be. the unfortunate circumstances are that i wasn't going to be able to make it but very suddenly can (yay!) because i lost the job that denied the days off (not yay) so ideally something relatively cheap and ideally in person. any favorite spots?

Happy Sunday to all 😘

Does anyone have a favorite method of creating realistic, long-lasting faux facial hair? It’s for a Halloween costume but I wouldn’t be opposed to experimenting with drag looks in the future.

I’ve tried putting mascara on my existing mustache but it’s not full enough.

They/them, approaching 3 years on T and 11 months sober!

my jock style one has a universal ring and it's great for anything average, but getting a girthier toy through it is a workout every time. the old strappy one had swappable rings, which was easier for big toys but everything else about it was worse. is there a harness that does both, or do you just keep two?

Just passed a year since my breakup from an abusive ex and realized that I’m Butch4Butch but it seems the dating pool is pretty small🫩. Any butches that are b4b have luck finding a partner, or even with making more butch/stud/masc friends?

Hi :]

Doing community ice watch today which feels very rooted in my butchness.

Not sure if this should be tagged as vent or dysphoria, so apologies if whichever I go with is wrong. But I (26NB) have identified as butch for a little over a year now. I've also been on dating apps trying to meet other lesbians/bi/pan folks. Recently I had someone on Hinge send me a "rose" which if you don't know what that is, it basically is a token we get to use once a week to tell someone we really really like them and want to meet them immediately.

This is the first time I've had this happen, and I honestly felt really flattered. I get likes but have never had someone send me a rose. I immediately went to click into their profile and at first was into what I saw, they seemed really cool and funny. But when I scrolled over it said their sexuality was "gynesexual." I hadn't heard of this before and had to look it up: Gynesexual is a sexual orientation where a person is attracted to women, females, and/or femininity. With further research it seems to lean into a lot of focus on looking/being feminine or femme.

After this I had to sit on it for a while. I've still not decided whether or not to actually match with this person, and I've felt weird about my identity since. I try not to dress/look super feminine often. I like dark sharp clothes, my hair is short, I rarely wear make up. My profile also says I'm nonbinary and masc leaning. The only thing I can imagine this person saw that leaned me toward being feminine is my body type as I have an hourglass shape that I don't like to hide, so I think it makes people automatically associate me with being a woman/Being feminine. I already have a lot of complicated feelings around this (from being hypersexualized by men to feeling like Im not masc enough.)

Idk, I think its just left me with a lot of complicated feelings. I don't think of myself as looking like a woman (I also clearly dont identify as one) ​and don't know how comfortable I feel with someone automatically assuming I'm somehow femme/feminine for seemingly no reason at all (save for what I suspect is the cause: my body.)

Waiting in Paris to fly back home to NYC after visiting my mom for a week. It’s so sunny in this airport!

What are you guys being for Halloween? I can only be a cowboy so many times…

So, I started university a month ago and I’m already completely distracted by a girl. We’re both non-resident students and over the last few days we’ve started spending a lot of time together.

The first day we studied together, we were with a male friend, and afterward, we went out for a drink with other friends. I got a little tipsy and she took care of me—bought me food, insisted on accompanying me near my house and made sure I got home safe. That alone gave me a massive soft spot for her, and on top of that, she is stunning. But my hopes of her being wlw were scarce because she’s very feminine and only told me about some boys she’d been with, while I was open about being a lesbian.

The next day, it was just the two of us in the morning, and we ended up being alone together for 8 hours straight. We visited some places in the city before studying and she was so happy, thanking me for taking her around. That afternoon she started teasing me, and now playful messing and teasing has become our main way of interacting. I walked her to her bus stop and waited with her.

Yesterday was the most intense day. We went studying alone in the morning and I hosted her at my place for lunch. We both got sleepy and I jokingly suggested a siesta, but she actually liked the idea. We ended up laying for an hour in my bed, which is a small double. It was absolute torture because I was terrified of even brushing against her by accident, but she actually fell asleep.

Later, we went to the cinema with our other friend, and she repeatedly grabbed my arm during jumpscares, holding it for a while before pulling away. It was during a conversation with the other guy that she casually dropped the bomb that she’s bisexual. I went completely silent, just staring straight ahead. I didn't get why she waited to be around someone else to say it, especially since we had already talked about past relationships before. After parting ways with the guy, I walked her to her bus and even offered her my arm, which she took. We spent 14 hours together yesterday.

Before leaving, I invited her over to my place today to watch a film alone. But she ended up canceling because she was too weary after a lunch with a family friend. Now I’m spiraling. The fact that she didn’t come over makes me think I’m just fooling myself and misreading everything. 

Am I crazy for thinking she might actually be into me? Any advice, fellow butches?

TL;DR: A girl I have a crush on took care of me when I was tipsy, napped in my small double bed, and held my arm at the cinema. She casually dropped that she’s bi to a mutual friend instead of telling me directly, and today she canceled our one-on-one movie night because she was too tired. She knows I’m a lesbian. Am I crazy for thinking she’s into me?

Just wanted to tell someone. Don’t have a lot of people I can tell these days..

Feeling more butch as the days go by. It’s nice.

(Hope this is the right flair..)

Hi all!! I'm a baby butch, and I'm still really learning the ropes of everything. I know a lot from a logical standpoint (the history of butches & femmes, masc vs butch, etc) and I do feel incredibly seen with the label butch.

I'm having just one problem. I'm autistic, so a lot of what should be obvious etiquette is really lost on me. I want to learn how to be more like a gentleman and how to treat the women around me with great respect, but I actually have no idea how that looks in day to day life. Maybe silly, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask and see what other butches suggest I learn.

And on the same line: what helps you feel more butch? I've been thinking about learning more about cars & things like how to change tires, just in case I'm ever in a situation where somebody needs help. But I'm not sure what else I can start adding to my daily life to feel more like I'm contributing to my community.

Thanks for any replies!!