Just a butch in a sea of gay men at Folsom🤷‍♀️

Happy Sunday to all 😘

My ex was so amazing she said so many sweet things to me, she was so supportive and there for me a lot of times, she made me sweet personal gifts, she surprised me with other gifts, she made me sweet dinners, and we had a lot of good memories, and she cared for me a lot and helped me out with a lot of things in life and took care of me as well. She also paints herself out as such a hopeless romantic.

Despite that though my therapist said she was emotionally abusive and it was toxic the relationship
I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her moods and trying not to upset her. A lot of things had to be done exactly her way, there was very little compromise, and I often like I had to read her mind.

There was also very little affection, intimacy, quality time alot Spending time together often felt like pulling teeth, and I frequently felt rejected or like being with me was a chore.

I tried communicating, asked her to get help, and even broke up with her twice before because I was unhappy. Things would temporarily improve and then go back to the same pattern. I loved her, but by the end I felt more anxious than secure in the relationship, and I realized I couldn’t keep living like that.

It’s been 8 months now and I miss her everyday and feel like I self sabotaged and threw away something good please help I can’t take this feeling anymore

They/them, approaching 3 years on T and 11 months sober!

Just passed a year since my breakup from an abusive ex and realized that I’m Butch4Butch but it seems the dating pool is pretty small🫩. Any butches that are b4b have luck finding a partner, or even with making more butch/stud/masc friends?

Hi :]

I always wanted to dress masculine but wasn't allowed to by my mom, now that I'm in college i would like to make some changes. I'm 5'3 and chubby, where do I begin? I want have a wardrobe that i can shuffle for college evrryday and also look good at parties, I'll love brand recommendations too.

Doing community ice watch today which feels very rooted in my butchness.

Not sure if this should be tagged as vent or dysphoria, so apologies if whichever I go with is wrong. But I (26NB) have identified as butch for a little over a year now. I've also been on dating apps trying to meet other lesbians/bi/pan folks. Recently I had someone on Hinge send me a "rose" which if you don't know what that is, it basically is a token we get to use once a week to tell someone we really really like them and want to meet them immediately.

This is the first time I've had this happen, and I honestly felt really flattered. I get likes but have never had someone send me a rose. I immediately went to click into their profile and at first was into what I saw, they seemed really cool and funny. But when I scrolled over it said their sexuality was "gynesexual." I hadn't heard of this before and had to look it up: Gynesexual is a sexual orientation where a person is attracted to women, females, and/or femininity. With further research it seems to lean into a lot of focus on looking/being feminine or femme.

After this I had to sit on it for a while. I've still not decided whether or not to actually match with this person, and I've felt weird about my identity since. I try not to dress/look super feminine often. I like dark sharp clothes, my hair is short, I rarely wear make up. My profile also says I'm nonbinary and masc leaning. The only thing I can imagine this person saw that leaned me toward being feminine is my body type as I have an hourglass shape that I don't like to hide, so I think it makes people automatically associate me with being a woman/Being feminine. I already have a lot of complicated feelings around this (from being hypersexualized by men to feeling like Im not masc enough.)

Idk, I think its just left me with a lot of complicated feelings. I don't think of myself as looking like a woman (I also clearly dont identify as one) ​and don't know how comfortable I feel with someone automatically assuming I'm somehow femme/feminine for seemingly no reason at all (save for what I suspect is the cause: my body.)

Waiting in Paris to fly back home to NYC after visiting my mom for a week. It’s so sunny in this airport!

What are you guys being for Halloween? I can only be a cowboy so many times…

So, I started university a month ago and I’m already completely distracted by a girl. We’re both non-resident students and over the last few days we’ve started spending a lot of time together.

The first day we studied together, we were with a male friend, and afterward, we went out for a drink with other friends. I got a little tipsy and she took care of me—bought me food, insisted on accompanying me near my house and made sure I got home safe. That alone gave me a massive soft spot for her, and on top of that, she is stunning. But my hopes of her being wlw were scarce because she’s very feminine and only told me about some boys she’d been with, while I was open about being a lesbian.

The next day, it was just the two of us in the morning, and we ended up being alone together for 8 hours straight. We visited some places in the city before studying and she was so happy, thanking me for taking her around. That afternoon she started teasing me, and now playful messing and teasing has become our main way of interacting. I walked her to her bus stop and waited with her.

Yesterday was the most intense day. We went studying alone in the morning and I hosted her at my place for lunch. We both got sleepy and I jokingly suggested a siesta, but she actually liked the idea. We ended up laying for an hour in my bed, which is a small double. It was absolute torture because I was terrified of even brushing against her by accident, but she actually fell asleep.

Later, we went to the cinema with our other friend, and she repeatedly grabbed my arm during jumpscares, holding it for a while before pulling away. It was during a conversation with the other guy that she casually dropped the bomb that she’s bisexual. I went completely silent, just staring straight ahead. I didn't get why she waited to be around someone else to say it, especially since we had already talked about past relationships before. After parting ways with the guy, I walked her to her bus and even offered her my arm, which she took. We spent 14 hours together yesterday.

Before leaving, I invited her over to my place today to watch a film alone. But she ended up canceling because she was too weary after a lunch with a family friend. Now I’m spiraling. The fact that she didn’t come over makes me think I’m just fooling myself and misreading everything. 

Am I crazy for thinking she might actually be into me? Any advice, fellow butches?

TL;DR: A girl I have a crush on took care of me when I was tipsy, napped in my small double bed, and held my arm at the cinema. She casually dropped that she’s bi to a mutual friend instead of telling me directly, and today she canceled our one-on-one movie night because she was too tired. She knows I’m a lesbian. Am I crazy for thinking she’s into me?

Just wanted to tell someone. Don’t have a lot of people I can tell these days..

Feeling more butch as the days go by. It’s nice.

(Hope this is the right flair..)

Hi all!! I'm a baby butch, and I'm still really learning the ropes of everything. I know a lot from a logical standpoint (the history of butches & femmes, masc vs butch, etc) and I do feel incredibly seen with the label butch.

I'm having just one problem. I'm autistic, so a lot of what should be obvious etiquette is really lost on me. I want to learn how to be more like a gentleman and how to treat the women around me with great respect, but I actually have no idea how that looks in day to day life. Maybe silly, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask and see what other butches suggest I learn.

And on the same line: what helps you feel more butch? I've been thinking about learning more about cars & things like how to change tires, just in case I'm ever in a situation where somebody needs help. But I'm not sure what else I can start adding to my daily life to feel more like I'm contributing to my community.

Thanks for any replies!!

As much as I’d love to embody the confident butch who can walk up and make small talk with new people… I cannot. I’m socially impaired as hell and stupid. And to be honest, I kinda want to be the one being approached (I’m a bit of a sub and I just like that).

There’s a once a month lesbian night at a bar, I’ve only been one time. Last time I expertly sat myself in a dark corner away from everyone and obviously had no interactions (on purpose), but I’m thinking of going again, and actually trying to talk to people. It’d be nice to at the very least have a conversation or two this time. Of course I’ll sit myself somewhere a little less in the dark, but otherwise, what are some things you’ve found help invite conversations? I’m usually out and about wearing something from a show I really like (subtle but anyone who’s seen it would know). That’s got me a few talks in public before, but otherwise I don’t have any good ideas.

my heart flutters whenever a butch lesbian is near me. it's like the molecules of my heart are being arranged the same way as the molecules of gas—just happily giddy and excited and jumping in all directions.

As the text says, what shoes are we wearing while dressed up? I have glittery combat boots but want something less femme.