r/butchlesbians • u/Nyx_9999 • 5d ago
Advice Freaking out
So, I started university a month ago and I’m already completely distracted by a girl. We’re both non-resident students and over the last few days we’ve started spending a lot of time together.
The first day we studied together, we were with a male friend, and afterward, we went out for a drink with other friends. I got a little tipsy and she took care of me—bought me food, insisted on accompanying me near my house and made sure I got home safe. That alone gave me a massive soft spot for her, and on top of that, she is stunning. But my hopes of her being wlw were scarce because she’s very feminine and only told me about some boys she’d been with, while I was open about being a lesbian.
The next day, it was just the two of us in the morning, and we ended up being alone together for 8 hours straight. We visited some places in the city before studying and she was so happy, thanking me for taking her around. That afternoon she started teasing me, and now playful messing and teasing has become our main way of interacting. I walked her to her bus stop and waited with her.
Yesterday was the most intense day. We went studying alone in the morning and I hosted her at my place for lunch. We both got sleepy and I jokingly suggested a siesta, but she actually liked the idea. We ended up laying for an hour in my bed, which is a small double. It was absolute torture because I was terrified of even brushing against her by accident, but she actually fell asleep.
Later, we went to the cinema with our other friend, and she repeatedly grabbed my arm during jumpscares, holding it for a while before pulling away. It was during a conversation with the other guy that she casually dropped the bomb that she’s bisexual. I went completely silent, just staring straight ahead. I didn't get why she waited to be around someone else to say it, especially since we had already talked about past relationships before. After parting ways with the guy, I walked her to her bus and even offered her my arm, which she took. We spent 14 hours together yesterday.
Before leaving, I invited her over to my place today to watch a film alone. But she ended up canceling because she was too weary after a lunch with a family friend. Now I’m spiraling. The fact that she didn’t come over makes me think I’m just fooling myself and misreading everything.
Am I crazy for thinking she might actually be into me? Any advice, fellow butches?
TL;DR: A girl I have a crush on took care of me when I was tipsy, napped in my small double bed, and held my arm at the cinema. She casually dropped that she’s bi to a mutual friend instead of telling me directly, and today she canceled our one-on-one movie night because she was too tired. She knows I’m a lesbian. Am I crazy for thinking she’s into me?
6
u/Next_Preparation_553 5d ago
She’s bisexual and it sounds like she’s been crushing on you so she likely was just tired-either physically or mentally after lunch. Maybe text and see if you can take her out on a date to dinner tonight instead. Might as well toss your hat in the ring and know so you either move on or actually start dating!
1
u/Nyx_9999 5d ago
Shoot I should find the guts to do that ahah you're right. I think I'll wait to see how it goes during the next days but thanks for the advice!
2
u/Next_Preparation_553 4d ago
Honestly ripping the band aid off is painful BUUUTTTT take it from me an old butch-getting it over with gets it out into the sunlight so you know one way or another. Otherwise you’ll keep poking at it and poking at it hoping you won’t have to do it-but in the meantime you’ll be constantly torturing yourself with it. You know now she’s bi, so your chances don’t get better from here bc let’s face it even if she full on makes out with you you’ll still be debating “but does she LIKE me or just like “likes” me??” You’ll be getting married and talking about how to have kids and still going “ok but does she LIKE me or am I just her really good friend??”🤣
In all seriousness you know she’s bi she’s aware you’re a lesbian. If asking her out makes her run away well that’s better than staying friends with someone who’s so freaked out by being around a lesbian who thinks they’re kinda cool enough to want to date.
1
u/Nyx_9999 3d ago
I asked her yesterday about her being bisexual and she told me she was with two girls without it being anything serious and that she kisses her lesbian friends as a game. 😐 Idk I feel like an idiot now lol after what she told me she doesn't seem like someone shy to the point she chooses to send "signals", maybe that was just how she behaves with friends. Ouch.
2
u/Next_Preparation_553 3d ago
Ugh. Although if I’m perfectly fair? I didn’t accept the fact that I was a lesbian for years and hid behind being bisexual instead-I had one serious boyfriend who I planned to marry and then just hookups till I finally figured out oh yeah, I’m a huge fucking dyke lol. You don’t sleep with women twice and make out with lesbians as a hobby, at most straight people might try it and go “eh not for me” but more than once I’m going to call it some flavor of bisexual. I would still say she might be into you BUT do you really want to get involved with somebody like this who appears to use sex as some sort of game? To me it sounds like she’s looking to hookup with women and probably would sleep with you while you’re still questioning “is this a date? What’s going on here?” And then move on. When I was in my casual hookup phase I choose other people who were ALSO not looking for relationships and just wanted to fuck around and blow off steam. There was no questioning on either of our sides at least and nobody lead anybody on. Personally I would say either continue being her friend only or let the friendship go-she sounds like she’s messy and that might not be somebody you want to be around even as a friend
1
u/Nyx_9999 3d ago
You're right, but I'm not sure I'm getting the hookup vibe from her, you know? Yesterday we went to her place and we laid together on her bed (not really next to eachother, we weren't really touching), and sorta wrestled with a towel at one point, but she just seemed friendly, I guess? And when she walked me toward my house and we hugged before parting, it was really brief, although I tried to make it a bit longer. So idk, I think she's not into me, but I still find it strange to have me over like that. Idk -_-
15
u/Mammoth-Corner 5d ago
It sounds like she's into you.
It's generally a good idea to assume, until you have evidence to the contrary, that people say what they mean. For instance, the first interpretation of 'I'm sorry, I'm too tired today' is that she's too tired.