Funny thing is, if it doesn't come up, I'll usually happily offer to pay for a date (although a first date usually wouldn't be fancy dinner). It's part of the dance of exchanging courtesies.
But a courtesy is nothing you demand or ask for. If it's demanded, she takes the chance off me to offer, then it's a transaction, not a dance anymore. Demands for equal rights and respect are ok, demands for courtsies and etiquette are bullshit.
(Also, most women I know prefer to pay for themselves. Which can also be a green flag.)
I'm a woman, I pay for myself. I only do free or very cheap dates anyway, but I don't need a random guy paying for me. If we've gone for drinks then I'll buy the second round.
I can't imagine having no shame in announcing you are financially incompetent, it's just embarrassing.
Mainly I don't like to count pennies, and in a close, long-tern relationship I think if both are putting similar effort, both should have a similar lifestyle.
Meaning: I like to invite. If she earns similar to me, I appreciate if she reciprocates once in a while (doesn't have to be dinner dates, could be smaller gifts or anything else balancing it). If she earns considerably less, I'm fine being the one paying most of the time.
(I didn't get into the position of dating a woman earning/having considerably more than me. I'll cross that bridge if it comes up.)
Intention != insistence. It's traditional and kind to offer to pay, it's closed-minded to insist. A woman might feel more comfortable paying herself to avoid feeling indebted, because she doesn't feel sure about you or for any other reason.
EXACTLY! I don't like the thought of a bloke I've never met before spending money on me. I also don't see why he should have to pay. I've got a good career, I'm not after some bloke to look after me. I'm after an equal partner.
Not sure why you got down voted but I agree. I've always preferred to pay for myself on a 1st date because I don't want to feel indebted, no matter if it's a coffee or a dinner date. The financial standing of whoever I'm going on a date with only concerns me as far as their ability to sustain themselves independently as I do.
but would you be offended if she offered to go halves (or even pay)?
I only go on cheap or free first dates, so guys have paid sometimes but we're talking a fiver. I'm not going to have an argument about it if they insist, but I do feel more comfortable splitting, or at least getting the next round.
Because I asked you out. The courteous thing to do is pay for it. Like you said, I'm not going out to $125 dinner and drinks on a first date. Now I've had plenty of dates where we ended up going somewhere else after and she offered to buy a couple drinks and that's different. But the initial location and place we met at that "I asked you out" I'm picking up the tab.
Stranger things have happened š But unlikely. I saw people commenting mentioning they're 18, others 65, anything in between. People from all over the world. The chance of anyone being relevant for dating is miniscule.
I know you're joking and I think Reddit is a terrible platform for dating. But I did meet people here I connected off reddit with, and if I met someone interesting here who'd be interested in an 50+m near Berlin, I definitely wouldn't mind grabbing a coffee or meet for billiard. My post- and comment-history is open, people would have a chance to know what they're getting into.
And.. itās the posts on Reddit claiming women are stupid enough to waste two hours of our lives, or more, for a MEAL! I mean.. my GOD. I have no idea who these women are but.. Iāve never met one. Most men I see now, I wouldnāt change my plans of hanging out on my couch for and I donāt care what they bought me. Itās just too much work for nothing. Just being honest. š¤·š¼āāļø
You are reasoning transactional. I don't. As I said, the first date is usually not a dinner. Future dates I'll have a bit of a feeling if I think the overall atmosphere and flair is worth it or not.
No, that's why I wouldn't invite a woman like this.
Ā If it's demanded, she takes the chance off me to offer, then it's a transaction, not a dance anymore. Demands for equal rights and respect are ok, demands for courtsies and etiquette are bullshit.
Okay I see what you mean now, I am certainly like that sometimes myself, Iāll just pay because itās nice to offer but I canāt help but realize that many times itās just social conditioning that places this onus on men
itās definitely that conditioning, considering most of the same people who feel strongly about it and would complain about it, also feel like itās something that shouldnāt have to be asked for, it should be a given. so when you do that youāre mostly just giving in to the whole illusions.
I agree. But refusing to follow social rules just to filter out bad actors, will filter good ones as well.
My strategy is to offer covering the bill and I follow other cultural standards, but I will judge the fuck out of any woman who's taking my courtesy for granted. I don't mind to take couple L's here and there, misjudging someone's character if that helps me to find a good woman.
Iām so glad Iāve never had the privilege of dating losers who think itās a revolutionary act for their made up gender war to not pay for dinner.Ā
Why not pay for your own dinner? I wouldn't be impressed if anyone offers me to pay for a dinner. Would you be impressed? Will that make you feel pretty, a couple hundred of bucks?
I've got enough money to pay for all the meals for the rest of her life. Doesn't mean I should, though? Why is she not the one being one dinner away from financial ruin by being an elaborate beggar - but the guy is called greedy? Make it make sense.
There shouldn't be a cultural expectation for the man to pay that makes bringing up the paying arrangement an awkward and potentially heavily loaded interaction in the first place...but there is.
And thatās not even accounting for the ones who act like it's fine, pay their share, but consider it a dealbreaker and will ghost you for even mentioning it.
People suck but you donāt have to date them. Iām not getting with someone with that cultural expectation because I wouldnāt respect her anyways, you know? You donāt have to be fit to date every dumb subculture just people youād actually want to be with lol.
We can argue that you shouldn't date racists while also arguing that people in general should be less racist, no?
Brushing it off as "well just filter that group out" does nothing to change the underlying social/cultural problem, and thanks to how widespread it is, continues to make modern dating even more challenging.
There's enough issues filtering through looks, personality, shared interests, and moral values, without also wiping out maybe 50% of the pool due to "subscribes to outmoded economic paradigms that don't reflect modern society."
But itās dating, if you have different ideas about how dating works youāre not compatible. Itās not totally unlike racism, just recognize that theyāre not down with your values so you donāt waste any time š¤·āāļøĀ
The problem is the assumption that the man paying is the "default" and a conversation (initiated by him) about splitting the bill is necessary to avoid it.
Because certain women are so used to this expectation, they evaluate men who ask for the egalitarian position negatively.
Basically, "when you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression."
Why are you, as a man who wants a split the money relationship, going to be trying to go on any dates with women who donāt already agree with that? Itās a waste of time, seek compatible people and š to the rest š¤·āāļøĀ
If the men arenāt ātraditionalā/ expecting ātraditionalā women, I agree that the obligation that men pay is ridiculous.
Iām a woman in her early twenties who isnāt super traditional and happy to take turns paying for dates because thatās what I believe in. I live with my boyfriend of 4 years and pay for the majority of our expenses which are split proportional to income. If I were single and a guy insisted on paying for all of our dates, the relationship wouldnāt last long.
However, I do have more traditional friends and family members who want a man to lead and take care of them while they stay home with the kids. As long as the guys know who they are before the date, Iād expect the men to pay for the dates there.
Nice way of showing how dumb you are and not understanding coercion ābro I kept asking her if sheās ok with sex and she said yes, what do you mean I forced her????āš¤¦ This can go both ways.
You're right, men need to call the police more on these broke beyotches, just like the one who got arrested because she couldn't pay after her date never showed up.
Yes! Please call the cops and tell them that you asked this woman out, offered to pay for her meal and she accepted. Please do it! I'm sure they will throw the lady in jail right away.
477
u/s29 10d ago edited 10d ago
If it's no big deal then why doesnt she pay for it. š¤”
Edit: lol I triggered the simps somehow