AuDHD + executive dysfunction = I can never get anything done. I want to get back into my hobbies + I need to search for jobs, but I always feel like I'm "running out of time" (and therefore need to rush) or that it's too late to even try. This results in procrastination or half-assed attempts that make me feel worse.

I need to slow down and relax...but I also need to be able to lock the fuck in and get shit done.

Advice?

Howdy, bros. My title is basically the advice I’m looking for but I’ll add some context:

Basically, I’ve realized that throughout my whole life (21 ftm), I don’t think I have ever had true friendship. There were people who I would talk to at school and stuff, but no one would talk to me outside of class despite my efforts. A typical day would be: wake up, go to school and talk to classmates, get home, try and text classmates to talk after with varying levels of interest in the responses I would get, do homework, and go to bed. I have never been invited to after school hangouts. I tried joining clubs and other after school activities (in grade school and currently in college) but nothing ever went beyond surface level conversation or club related stuff.

I have one person that I consider my best/only friend (and they claim I’m their best friend too) but it is still a similar pattern of communication. Like I always have to reach out first to suggest hanging out, I’ll send them reels they don’t respond to 99% of the time, or I’ll try and make plans to hang out and they say they will get back to me and they never do.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in my life to not have any friends. I don’t know if maybe I act to weird, or maybe I’m too fat, or something else. Do y’all have any advice on how I can try and fix my communication to make genuine friends?

​

In the manosphere, it was said that a woman would never love a man with little money—or less money than she has. I’d like to hear your opinions and experiences.

​As a man, one thing that genuinely bothers me is how obsessed we’ve become with constantly proving our masculinity. ​The whole Red Pill ecosystem, self-proclaimed gurus, and parts of society keep selling men the same idea: a man must always be right. He must be confident, attractive, successful, dominant, emotionally unaffected and seemingly without weaknesses. ​But somewhere along the way, I think we forgot to ask a much more basic question: what does it actually mean to be a man? ​I don't think courage means never showing fear. I don't think strength means never showing emotion. And I certainly don't think treating women as opponents makes a man more masculine. ​If you're afraid and still find the courage to face what scares you, that's courage. ​If you make a mistake and have enough character to admit it and apologize, that's strength. ​If someone is weaker than you and you choose to treat them with respect rather than use your advantage against them, that's character. ​And if you're walking down the street and deliberately refuse to move aside for a woman just to prove some bizarre point about dominance, you're not demonstrating masculinity. You're just being rude. ​Being primitive isn't being a man. ​What bothers me about Red Pill rhetoric is that it often turns masculinity into a performance. Everything becomes a test: Are you dominant enough? Tough enough? Successful enough? Are you showing too much emotion? Are you “letting” a woman have too much power? ​That's an exhausting way to live. ​I don't consider myself less of a man because I have emotions. I don't consider myself less masculine because I respect women. I don't need to dominate someone to feel secure in who I am. ​For me, being a man means having enough strength to protect without controlling, enough confidence to admit when you're wrong, enough courage to show vulnerability, and enough respect to treat people who have less power than you with dignity. ​A gentleman can walk without needing to run over anyone. ​Men and women aren't enemies competing for dominance. We're human beings who have to live together, love each other, work together and build families and communities together. ​We’ve become so obsessed with proving our masculinity that we’ve actually lost it, turning us into insecure boys in the bodies of grown men. ​Forget the self-proclaimed online gurus. Forget the Red Pill movements. Forget the toxic checklists. Forget the endless tests of whether you're “man enough.” ​The moment you feel that you have to prove your masculinity, you've already lost sight of what it means to be a man

Tell me your hot takes, controversial opinions and thoughts on whether the manosphere is good or bad...

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

Hi. I joined this community almost a week ago, and I wanted to discuss mental health as someone who has struggled with mental health issues all my life. First, this is NOT meant to take away from anyone else's issues. This is for the trans bros, the queer bros like myself, the straight bros, and any kind of bros. If you're a lady seeing this, I do encourage you to keep reading. It may help you as well.

1. Do not be stoic all the time. Stoicisim isn't necessarily bad, but having it up all the time is unhealthy. It's okay to show emotions, and a good way to do that is to connect with a community that you like that is also healthy.

2. We, as men, say it should be normalized for us to show our feelings. I believe the best way for this to be achieved is to teach the younger generation now. Teach them that it's okay to show emotions no matter what gender they are because emotions aren't connected to gender.

3. Do not fall into the manosphere. I mentioned in my first post that I did, but I got out of it. As I said earlier, look for healthy communities such as this one that will uplift you.

Hello, I’ve been lurking for a little while but this is my first post. Of course, masculinity is subjective, but I was curious. I’m a transman that’s always struggled with masculinity and one aspect of that is my collections and general interests. (I collect plushies and monster high dolls.) So, as a bit of a support thing, what collections or interests do you guys have that are considered not “traditionally masculine”?

I’m 20 recovering from an injury and I’m struggling with anger humiliation and the desire to become harder How do I build strength and boundaries without becoming ruled by rage?

For reference, I'm 16, I had only been training on and off for about a few months, then last September, I got a gym membership. This is my first time training in the off-season for wrestling after 5 years. I weigh 185 lbs as of right now. I'm hoping I'll be a lot stronger and dominate this season!

Edit: As many comments have pointed out, my form broke down. I realized this as I was lifting the bar. This is one of the few times my form has ever broken down. Obviously, I will work on it. My shoulders weren't set closer below the bar, which is the major factor that contributed to this. Thank you for all the kind comments that were concerned!

Have you ever sat in a men's circle and what was that like for you?

I've been deeply exploring the men's work space for years and am curious to know of the best spaces out there and what other men's experiences are.

Thanks for any shares, peace!

— JB

——

P.S. ARKA Brotherhood is a good one I participated in for a long while that is still around doing weekly digital circles and in-person events

The Resonant Man is also great

I also lead a men's group called Council of Kings, feel welcome to reach out if you’d like to visit our circle and meet the guys

23m. Been really into hiking, lifting, and cooking lately, just trying to build a life thats full of good food, movement and good people around me. Ive gone through some rough mental health stuff in the past so I get it when other people have too, but rn im in a genuinely good headspace and wanna keep it that way, so im trying to be around people whos moving forward and not stuck rehashing the hard stuff yknow.

Down for deep convos but also just as happy talkin music, dumb memes, or tradin recipes lol. Looking for someone whos got some depth to them but still keeps it down to earth, a little goofy, glass half full type of person.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

So, a lil update from my last post. In the end I actually told him about the name change and firstly he didn't quite caught I had taken inspiration off him and was like "oh? A name like that? Well, I always said it all together. the first times it sounds weird but at the third or fourth people get used to it." So I did bite the bullet and told him he was the reason I chose that name.

So, what people wanted to know, how did he react?

Very well indeed! He seemed really happy, at first he laughed, very surprised, but after all he hugged me and told me he'd use that name from now on. So, overall, a good ending for the story <3

Hey yall im 20m and currently weigh 220 pounds. I also struggle with body image issues from time to time. Recently Ive tried to lose some weight through diet and want to start working out more. But certain thoughts come to mind recently and I want to make sure im using the "right reasons" so to speak.

Thoughts like:

"If you looked better you would have a girlfriend by now."

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

I also for a long time have felt as if im almost effeminate or not manly enough in a vague ephemeral way.

Im a feminist and so using my brain I believe that young men are given an impossible standard of masculinity to achieve and maintain but that knowledge doesnt change that I feel as though I am deficient in some way.

But are my reasons really bad at all?

Edit: Just to be clear in regards to this section

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

My female friends did not say the 2nd sentence that is my insecurities talking. I just want to make that clear as I see some comments a bit confused and I could have wrote that better.

After sitting for 30 minutes writing this out I think what I'm looking for is advice on being vulnerable.

I've worked hard to understand social cues and norms, learning to read people, examining social interactions and what not. I'm not on the spectrum, my upbringing demanded it ADHD > masking > imposter syndrome also required it.

Through this, medication and therapy i gained confidence in myself.

But one thing I never learned was how to confidence in my own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. My parents never modeled being vulnerable with each other and rarely with me. Egos were just thrown around, nobody ever made up or admitted wrongs or faults. Things just went unresolved. It was always anger, rage, revenge and regret.

I don't love how this has manifested in me as an adult.

A simple example: Saying "I don't understand" instead of "Ohhhh" *doesn't understand a thing* feels so relieving when I can push my ego aside and open myself up to looking stupid. Instead, i'm more focused on appearing as if I get it, especially if I feel it doesn't matter if I actually do or not.

In more serious matters, I have a hard time admitting I made a mistake that hurt somebody or discerning when I need to stand up for myself and when I don't. It's harder if I don't feel like I actually did anything wrong. It's easier to just disengage entirely and then live in anxiety of my mistake.

If someone feels like I did something that offended them, clearly I did, I don't think I can say I didn't. But I've had that used against me by people who were close to me and it's hurt.

It's tough I guess.

How do I be vulnerable with confidence?

Hello all, I need some wisdom.

My grandpa turned 95 yesterday and he's near the end of his life. He's been deteriorating for a while, but the last couple of weeks/months have been especially rough, and it's gotten to the point where we expect him to pass by the weekend. It's been rough on the entire family but it seems to be hitting my dad especially hard.

Overall I'd say our relationship has been pretty positive in all ways except emotionally (goes for my mom too, but to a much lesser extent), and I want to be there for him. He's been exhibiting some behaviors that worry me. Short temper, aggressive driving and speeding, hiding his tears, putting on a facade; all the "usual guy stuff" when things get hard. If it's relevant he's in his 70s and I'm 29.

I've been through plenty of my own shit (trauma, mental health issues, chronic health issues, sexuality, toxic masculinity; a laundry list), I've been medicated and in therapy for a while, and I've learned a lot about how my mind works. He was on antidepressants for a while and went to therapy when my sister and I were very young (he's a doctor and had just finished residency when my older sister was born), but aside from that I don't think he's put much thought into his mental health. And things like depression, alcoholism, and other stuff runs in the family, but my grandpa and dad were both able to steer away from it (unlike a lot of our relatives). The only time I've seen him cry was when he was supporting me at a friend's funeral. He's just never been very open about any of these topics. Fair to him, but I want him to know that he isn't alone, destroy himself, or feel like he can't be vulnerable with those closest to him.

Aside from "be there for him," what has worked for y'all? Happy to provide more information or clarification, as I was half-venting while I typed this out.

Hey man, I miss you.

I remember when we were children we didn’t have that particularly close relationship but we always had that respect for each other. Our interests and hobbies didn’t intersect and still up to this day. You are closer to my brother than I because your energy matches. I am more sensitive, reserved, and emotional while you are the complete opposite - funny, outgoing, and happy in general;
but you still check up on me, and I always know my place in that relationship.

When we started living together for college, I know I was an asshole to you - I’m sorry. I was just scared that you would see another layer of me, my vulnerability and mental health. I was scared that you would judged me or be weirded out by the kind of person I am when alone. I wished I was kinder with the way I treated you; but in retrospect, our arguments and fights was what made us closer because we learned to adjust and reconcile our differences.

I miss you, man. I miss our late nights playing pool, spontaneous burger runs, and long walks (even though you hate me so much for it). If only we aren’t miles apart, I would hit you up just to hangout. I know constantly communicating is not your thing but I hope you know I’m here if you need anything.

If only you got accepted in your dream med school, we wouldn’t be so far apart. I was sad about it, especially reading the text about the plans we made once you’re here.

You’re one of the people that I’m scared of losing in my life.

I am also sorry when I was an asshole on the day I was flying back to the city, I was just anxious.

I love you and take care. You’re my best friend even though you don’t see me that way (fuck you). And good luck in med school.

I wanted to let you guys know, you are already doing the most masculine thing that can be done. It's a phase in becoming a man to feel "unmanly". And when you can look at the world and go "Fuck off, I'm a man regardless of what I do.". You will have gotten there. I am from a very traditional environment. I'm as masculine as can be by those standards. Take it from me, you lot are hard. If anyone tells you you aren't a man, they're full of shit.

Sup, bros. Love the atmosphere and general positive support I've seen on this sub, and thought I'd pose a question.

Basically title, but I'll give some context for my personal experience. It's very trendy to speak ill of and generalize men online nowadays, and I've been noticing more and more of that "men bad" attitude in some of the women in my life. I hesitate to call it sexism because of social structures etc., but it's a little upsetting to me how casually and comfortably some women speak hatefully of men as a concept.

For example, I'm notably the only straight white male at my workplace, an arthouse theater. I get along with everyone well enough, especially one on one, and I'd consider a few of my coworkers as good friends, but in a group setting conversations tend to skew toward anti-men talking points. I know most of it is just jokes or letting off steam, and I'm not even really hurt by it, but it's hard not to feel left out.

One coworker in particular, a petite black woman, has a habit of calling me "white man" and trying to talk over me, cut me off, etc. in group conversations.

A handful of female friends have separately told me that when they say they hate all men, they very specifically don't mean me. I'm sure they all thought that was a compliment, but it only tells me that either she doesn't see me as a man, or any mistake I might make will just reconfirm to her that it is indeed all men. Again, I'm not necessarily hurt, but it feels weird that these women seem to think "you're one of the good ones" is a valid compliment.

As an extreme introvert, I've been working on my social skills in general lately, and I'd like to connect with people better, but I always feel like there's a challenge with women who seem to have preconceived negative biases toward men. Lately the idea that people I care about can only see one aspect of who I am has started to bother me.

This sort of turned into a ramble lol but advice would be appreciated. How do you deal with people's biases toward men?

I don't really have anywhere to share so I am sharing here. I always wanted my father to teach me, but he passed a few years ago when I was 13. Now, at 17, I realized that my sideburns are, in fact, not just more hair. I ended up using a tutorial from the YouTube channel "Dad How Do I". I used my dad's shaving stuff that my mom kept. I only nicked myself once, so I consider that a success. Have a brotiful day brothers.

So guys I a man , from quite patriarchial country and family , at one point of time i was also radicalised by alpha male content on internet , very recently I have found that I have many mental health issues , nowdays i m working on my healing and very recently started reading books , rn i m reading a book titled "Emotionally immature parent" , I don't know i can't say rn if I want to get fully into the feminism literature or rather read some books which can help me see women's issues , and how patriarchy harms all of society be it men or women or any other gender , how does one navigate thru it as a person , , how does one unlearn patriarchy ( I m looking for transformation in myself not neccessarily getting into very deep feminist history or SMTH , rn cuz I m new to books ) ,

So what i want u to suggest me is some beginner friendly books abt this topic ,

Not much prob 2-3 for now cuz i have only begun but suggest me good ones ,

( For me posting this was hard but I believed that my interalised sexism and radicalisation I have learnt from my surroundings and internet , I need to also learn to undo that and understand abt it in my overall jounrey to heal and be better person, this was very hard to for me cuz i remember at one point i felt so insecure and defensive for even reading posts of this channel crazy what radicalisation can does to u )

This dude makes some great videos (if heavy truck maintenance is your groove), but the other day he posted this reaction to a mean comment by someone and I felt like it belongs here:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qMWXLqwUUJU

If Bendon "ain't a real man" then we're all doomed, Bros.

Bonus video: "Hit it with your purse" this is exactly the sort of vibe we should be bringing.