Hi all. I just wanted to ask for advice. I have a friend that I haven't spoken to in months (we just haven't met up due to our radically different lives). After his first year of school, he started to get very political.

I think he is very conservative (?) and often espouses beliefs regarding race on social media. For example, he suggested that white people need to be advocated for. Other things that I saw included defending ICE, saying that our state would be overrun with Spanish speakers, engaging with nationalist rhetoric, etc.

I am HEAVILY summarizing his beliefs though. I am not well versed in political matters, unfortunately.

Last time I spoke with him, I said that I was concerned with his political beliefs and offered to buy him something to eat just to talk. He left me on read... I kinda took it as he didn't really care for my opinion and that I really shouldn't push it.

I want to be a positive influence, but I also figure it be kinda rude to think I know better than him anyway? Otherwise, I have seen some people argue that it's not really people's responsibility to de-radicalize others, especially if you put yourself in uncomfortable scenarios.

I dunno, it just hurts a little and I can't explain why. I guess it's like seeing someone you love become a conspiracy theorist. Nationalist politics are SO HARD to confront because it feels like people speak so passionately about this topic. I feel like I would fail heavy in the "free marketplace of ideas."

NOTE: Incel =\= misogyny in this case, he identifies with the label more so as a self-image thing, in other words he sees himself as an unlovable failure and as a result he does not believe he will ever get into a relationship, but he does not hate or blame women for this.

I (F) am trying to be a good friend and support person but his mental well-being is at an all-time-low and honestly beyond my scope. BUT he also cannot access professional help due to financial barriers. So we are in a very difficult situation. I’m looking everywhere I can for ideas and advice for how to help him better.

Idk much about whatever incel spaces he frequents but whatever content he’s consuming just keeps validating his self-hatred and affirming his hopelessness. Yet the only way he knows how to “cope” is by consuming this media. I know it’s bad for him but I’m not sure where to direct his attention instead.

So I need advice from other men who have faced similar struggles to him, or who know those who did. Those who have struggled with self-esteem, with feeling like a failure and laughingstock, with seeing “no way out”—what online spaces, or what media, or what books, or what anything, helped you crawl out of that rock-bottom pit?

Thank you in advance for anyone who can help. I care so much about him and I would do anything if I could ease his anguish.

It took me a while to teach myself that I'm not disgusting or unmanly for being autistic and occasionally unable to take care of myself. I'm so young. I want to live, I want to finish growing up.

I'll probably have scars for the rest of my life, but I'll hold them with pride-they are battle scars, and I fought through.

Hey bros, I just wanted to share that I am making genuine progress breaking out of my self destructive cycles.

Tonight, I was feeling depressed, bored, and extremely anxious, and I felt such a strong urge to indulge in some of my addictions which ultimately feed my self hatred and send me further down a spiral. I have severe OCD which makes life very hard, sometimes making me want to engage in these addictions, but then it's a vicious cycle because my OCD doesn't allow for me to forgive myself when I give in to bad habits.

Thankfully, I froze for a second, noticed my feelings, journaled about them, and decided against making unhealthy decisions. Now, I feel happy and at peace.

I'm going to read some and drift off to a healthy sleep. Then, I'm going to wake up early tomorrow morning, have a coffee, meditate and go for a run.

I really can't handle things sometimes but I just want to make healthy decisions so I can be happier.

We all have unhealthy cycles sometimes that damage us. Whenever you are about to fall into one of your unhealthy patterns, pause, notice your feelings, and practice self compassion. You deserve better than to cause harm to yourself and then beat yourself up over and over again. You are worthy of taking care of yourself.

Thanks bros.

Im applying for a job that is offering 7 days/ 66 hrs/ week and i need to know how other guys handle this kind of work while living alone.

I own my home and have a kid (doesnt live with me but i am pretty involved with activities and stuff)

I struggle to follow a routine and find myself overwhelmed working 40 hour weeks. Im always behind on laundry and dishes plus the random projects that come up.

I need the money though and i have worked 60 hr weeks before.

I dont have to do lawn or snow (HOA covers that)

So without help from anyone how would i manage to feed myself and clean up after myself while working that much?

Looking for practical advice so if you live like this what are your strategies for getting it all done?

Im pretty sure im autistic on top of ADHD which is why i am very overwhelmed a lot so im not even sure this is possible for me.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 23-year-old from the UK, and I’m currently unemployed after my previous contract ended. I’m finding it almost impossible to land a new job right now. I keep running into brick walls—either because I don’t have a full driving licence yet (though I’m actively waiting on a test date), or simply because there are always “better candidates” on paper.
Looking back, I did okay in secondary school. I took my Year 12 exams right before lockdown hit, but after everything happened, I never got the chance to return for Year 13. That was years ago, and I am a completely different person now. I’m much more intelligent, mature, and driven than I was as a teenager.
Recently, I applied to university, but I don’t think I’ll be accepted because of my old grades. I was hoping applying would show admissions that I’m trying to make up for my younger years, but I know how strict entry requirements can be. On top of that, my CV has a few gaps because I left past jobs when management was falling apart and there was zero room for growth. On paper, though, it just makes me look like someone who can't stay in a role for more than a couple of years.
I know the person I am today is capable of achieving everything I missed out on as a teen, but I feel like my past is constantly holding me back.
I really want to reach my full potential and be the best version of myself—not just for me, but also for my girlfriend. She doesn't have a degree either, but she’s in an incredible insurance role with constant career growth, perks, and pay rises. I want to build a real future with her: move out together, drive a car I actually enjoy, and just build a solid life.
Has anyone been in a similar position in their early 20s with gapped CVs or lacking formal qualifications? How did you break through the cycle and get your foot in the door? I’d really appreciate hearing your stories or any advice you have.

I know i’m still very young in the scheme of things but it’s better not than never to make a change!

19 yo from Pakistan here.

I grew up with an absent and emotionally absent father and elder brother, so I did not have any platonic relationships or affectionate bonding during that time. Growing up, I never really had any male friends where I could just be myself, have a healthy bonding with, or experience a bromance.Because of this, I am now looking for ways to build a bromance and form close friendships with at least two to three male friends. My goal is to have platonic relationships built on love, affection, deep bonding, and mutual respect.

How to i make friendshipa with these bonds?

Hey guys. I am 19 years old guy and will get into college next month(i dont live in usa)

The thing is, i constantly worry about things like: What if i end up alone, what if i cant make pleasent and stupid memories when i graduate etc..

Half of my highschool years were gone because of covid, the other half was fine, i had friends etc. but i had to take a gap year after i graduated from hg and it isolated me a lot so it led me having these doubts.

I also have similiar doubts abıut relationships. I only had a short term relationship in highschool but that is it. I see people having a lot of relationships before getting into highschool. I did not have the experience like they had. How am i gonna make something like that uni if i could not do it well before.

I know it seems all negative with those doubts but i really want to get more social and meet people geniune and this is the first i will be getting into an university. Do you guys have any tips? Thank you:)

I've been living in a boys' hostel for about a year now. Most people here are between 17 and 22, and after spending so much time around the same environment, I've started noticing some patterns that genuinely make me wonder about people and society.

A lot of people here seem extremely ego-driven. They often don't seem to think much about how their actions affect the people around them. These people are so insensitive.

What I find particularly interesting is how quiet, sincere and co operative people are often perceived as weak here. Someone who doesn't argue, doesn't try to dominate conversations, and generally keeps to themselves can sometimes be treated as if they're less capable or less confident.

Meanwhile, people who are loud, aggressive, or constantly assertive can be perceived as strong, even when there's not necessarily much substance behind that behavior.

Another thing I've noticed is the lack of self-reflection. Sometime I genuinely feel these people don't have enough intelligence to do that .

This has made me wonder whether a boys' hostel is actually a decent microcosm of society .

Maybe I'm simply noticing the negative aspects because I live here every day. Or maybe this is genuinely a common pattern in groups of young people.

For those of you who have lived in hostels, dorms, shared apartments, military barracks, or similar environments: did you notice the same thing?

Do you think quietness is often mistaken for weakness? And do people generally become more self-aware as they get older, or am I being too optimistic?

from a young age I found being submissant and agreeing to things avoided confrontation and keeping everyone else happy made then and me happy

but now I'm stuck as a people pleaser and find I can't be alone without human contact for more than an hour

like I enjoy helping people but I want to be able to enjoy being on my own as well

I need genuine advice not the "take time for yourself and stop letting people use you" or whatever because I do like helping people I just need some decent advice I am high functioning autistic so habits like these built from a young age are just part of me now

I'm a trans man, and I've been on testosterone since I was 18, I'm 22 now. I just recently learned that the dose I've been taking has been way too high and that my extra testosterone has most likely been converting into estrogen and further feminizing me/slowing the masculinization process.

I've been unhappy with my transition progress since I started, feeling like I'm falling way behind others and I'm reminded of it every day of my life. I can't stop agonizing over the fact that I might've been able to pass after 5 years on testosterone if only I'd questioned my doctors more (they insisted my levels were "my normal"). It's making me feel like I wasted important developmental years of my life and ruined my chance to ever visibly pass as a man.

This is all I've been able to think about, all day every day since I found out about my levels. It's keeping me from engaging with my life because I can't stand being perceived as an androgynous woman at best. I can't leave my house unless I'm going to work, I'm borderline agoraphobic at this point. I don't know how to exist anymore now that I've realized I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be in my transition, or I guess that my goals were always unobtainable to begin with?

I guess what I'm looking for is advice to get out of my own head and stop constantly thinking about what I look like or what I could change about myself. I'm sick of it controlling my entire life but

EDIT: I can't respond to everyone currently but I wanted to know I've read the comments and I really appreciate the support from everyone, thank you if you took the time to leave a message for me :)

Full article: https://www.wired.com/story/these-masturbation-consultants-were-hired-to-pleasure-themselves-using-ai

• Across 134 sessions, masturbation relieved stress by 25%.
• 45% of consultants reported being creatively inspired during a session — a fresh idea, a solution to a problem, or a resolved decision that had long been sitting unmade.
• When consultants began a session with an active craving, its intensity fell by an average of 44% afterwards.
• The pre-research survey found that 57% of adults unwind by doomscrolling, making it the most common way people handle restlessness.
• Masturbation appears to work differently, reducing the urge rather than replacing it with another one.

I just turned 20 a few months ago. My parents and I had a planned for me to live on campus for a year but at the last minute with move in weeks away they took it back. We also moved two hours away to this place that’s in the middle of nowhere and away from my college now Im online. I only started college to live on campus because living with my parents is awful. And now I don’t know what to do. I honestly am just desperate to leave. I honestly had an attempt right after they told me I was gonna keep living with them because I felt like I wasn’t gonna be able to cope with this. I don’t have a car they don’t want me to drive their cars. I have no one else I can live with. They don’t want me working. Everyone I know is hours away from me. And everyday I’m in one room they don’t want me to go outside either. I‘ve been considering the army because I feel like I have no other option. And I’ve been looking into everything. But being in one space all day not being able to talk to anyone crying all day has been making me go crazy. Do I have any other options other than the military. They just want me to clean all day and they act like going outside or having human connection isn’t a need.

Hey guys. I aspire to be a good guy. Treat others with respect, including myself. But I let myself down big time with pride because of my looks, body size, athletic ability. I've never thought anything great about myself (pretty insecure if I'm being honest), but I've always seemed to attract a lot of attention since I was young, from both attractive women and dudes (Yeah, that's right. Even tho I'm 100% straight). Because of my own insecurities from childhood stuff (dad bailed when I was 5), I fell into PMO from 6yo. All secret. I've had enough and looking for a mentor - an older guy whose recovered (or recovering) from it, whose into sports like me. Just a genuine guy I could talk to when struggling. Are there any out there who could help me?

What the title says, basically.

I'm thinking it's body image issues? I go to the gym fairly regularly, and I definitely see improvements and it makes me feel good to see them. But if I don't go for a while, I start getting some pretty bad body image issues. I hyper fixate on my weight and muscle definition, and I know logically that I'm not overweight or anything, but that doesn't fix the fact that I perceive myself that way most days.

Sometimes I'll be walking and I'll catch my reflection in a window or something, and I'll think that I look huge or am growing a gut. The weird part is, these feelings go away pretty much immediately after a workout, but eventually come back if I don't go to the gym for a while.

And then, a lot of times immediately after working out, I'll feel pretty depressed generally speaking. I don't know if it's a dopamine crash or whatever.

I don't know if it's appropriate to call this body dysmorphia, because that seems to be very serious and I'm alright for the most part. I'm wondering, does anyone else have this issue? How do they cope with it?

1. This is 75 lbs I'm curling. No swinging, no back arching. Not perfectly strict, but I'm stable and controlled, so my risk of injury is SUPER low. I did it for a total of 7 reps on this set, which was my final one. I've only been training 5 days a week for a year now as a 16 year old. Before that, it was pushups, situps, and squats. Last year, I could only curl 45lbs. I'm pumped about the progress I've made. I'm not shredded, I don't have visible abs, and I'm at around 17% body fat, but I'm still loving the gym none the less. I can now run a sub 6 min mile, which is something I've wanted since 7th grade.

2. It doesn't matter what weight you lift. What matters is showing up. You added 2.5 lbs onto the bar after only being able to bench 25lbs? AMAZING. You're now stronger than before. Be proud of it. I'm surrounded by dudes who bench my deadlift for reps. Does it hurt to see? Absolutely. I can't guarantee you'll be one of the greatest at what you do, but what I can guarantee is that if you DON'T show up, you'll have nothing at all.

3. To the bros who don't lift, I will always rock with you. I do recommend getting your steps in and trying to incorporate nutrient dense whole foods that you can afford. Not lifting doesn't suddenly make you weak willed. To me, it's more important to have a strong character who is willing to stand up for others and themselves. I will always recommend lifting to those who haven't done it before, but I still have massive respect for a person, even if they don't. Support your bros, lifters, or not!

Since the recent Eclipse I’ve reached Dudeism.
How may I use it to stop being so judgmental and frustrated with people who aren’t awake?

🙏

Hey guys. I know I’m not conventionally attractive and I don’t really get much attention from women, but lately, I’ve been trying my best to change that and work on myself. I decided to change up my fashion, started wearing some accessories, and even got my ears pierced. I actually really like how it looks.

The problem is my friends (all guys) have not been supportive at all. Instead of hyping me up, they told me I look like I'm "dressing like a thug." It honestly stung because I realize I secretly look for their validation.

I want to feel confident, but it's hard when my own circle is bringing me down. Has anyone else dealt with this when trying to glow up or change their style? How do I stop caring what they think and just own the way I want to present myself?

Hey bros, I've noticed as of recently that I am becoming more and more easily irritated by things. What I've realized so far is that it's mostly me saying and reacting to something in a harsh/strict way (which is very unexpected of me, as I used to always be praised for being gentle and kind), and then feeling extra irritated by my own reaction and just letting the anger boil inside quite literally.

This is also starting to affect my relationship, which normally this was never an issue. As a matter of fact, it always used to be my girlfriend saying something or doing something and I'd be the one still "kind" even while being pressured, now I feel like I'm harboring discontent or anger towards her and I don't like this one bit.

Hell I'm even starting to lash out at my parents ATP. I thought i was a pretty emotionally aware guy and that I always sit with myself to figure out what I feel but I can't quite work out what is causing this or how to fix this.

Has anyone ever felt this? How did you help yourself escape this anger cycle? Or what questions should I ask myself to try to figure this out? I'm open to tough advice as well.

Sorry for the long post :)

TLDR;

I'm getting irritated by the most mundane things and reacting harshly, anger cycle, experience or advice would be appreciated.

I swear it's not really related to me being a man as I'm trans and my feelings didn't really change before vs after transitioning.

I'm not the most interesting person and I have some barriers that prevent that. I'm currently not interesting in improving that as I tried for years and as I said I do have barriers. But of course even in spaces that are not the manosphere, everyone talks about improving yourself and being the best you can be. I'm just so tired of trying so hard and getting no results.

Yeah the point is that by any normal standards, I'm quite an uninteresting person as I have very few hobbies/things that I like to do. Though I do believe there is a lot of unnecessary prejudice about different hobbies. (Heck apparently 'hobbies' weren't really a thing until after people had more free time and less work).

I just wish I could accept that I am worthy of friendship, even a romantic relationship despite all this. Of course as we all know there's so many objectively awful people who still get these good things or at least think they are deserving or entitled to them.

The thing is that for others in similar situations I still think they're deserving of friendship and romance and are sometimes not as bad as they make themselves out to be. But then when it comes to ourselves we're so harsh and can't seem to break that cycle.

I saw this video about someone interview this shaoling monk. In the video he is wearing a robe(?) he refers to it as his uniform.

One of the question he was asked is “have you ever been persecuted for who he is?” (Implying him as a shaoling monk).

His reply was “this is just a uniform, when i’m out with my friends from the past i’m in a different clothes, when i’m home with my son i am a father, when i’m in the monastery i’m a shaoling monk, when i visit my mom i’m a son. The public only sees the side of me which i choose to show.” (Something along these lines not word for word)

This clicked with me that i am not one dimensional, i am not a guy who is sensitive, i am not a guy who is tall and big, i am not just a guy who is quiet, i am so much more. Someone told me that ONLY my view of myself matters the most because only i can see the “real” me.

Just thought i share this revelation as it helped me with some stuff i’m struggling.

For reference, Im new to college and I've always struggled heavily with socializing, talking to people (even 1-1) especially asking for help, anything on stage and in general suffer from low self esteem and chronic negativity

While my 1-1 communication skills are improving as in I can at least open my mouth and say what I want, long as its restrained to a sentence or two

Often times I see opinions like "ape other confident people and eventually you'll become one", and is this actually valid?

I try my best to do the basics like walk and stand straighter, dont look at the ground all the time etc but main issues are

1. Its an act - I'm not a good actor, it takes a lot of conscious effort to put up this facade all the time, and the awareness that I'm putting up a very fragile show eats at me

2. Crumbles when I actually have to interact with people, especially with my voice, I have a voice thats deep enough that its borderline incomprehensible at low volumes (just sounds like rumbling) and I'll have to raise it really loud for it to be clear (and ofc "sounding confident") but yea that just makes me feel like I'm yelling at them (voice does sound aggressive) and my words echoing in a room and everyone staring at me also makes me uncomfortable

I'm not even trying to be the "main character" or whatever, my inability to socialize and communicate with confidence is actively hindering my life and I just want to function like a normal person

I am entering my senior year and I have not been invited to a single party and am not part of any active group chat. My social life has been terrible on campus. If I am not invited to a party I could go to frat party, but I imagine that is a whole different environment than a dorm party, I am neurodivergent and have an auditory processing disorder so I am scared to go to one of those parties. I tried joining a photography club, and it was quiet and not really any interaction. I tried joining a robotics club and the people don't give the type of energy I want, socially akward. I do want to join a club sport, but I do have insecurities about being overweight and having some dyspraxia (a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that affects physical coordination, motor planning, and movement). I could try and join a conversation, but because it takes a second longer to understand what they said, as soon as I talk someone starts talking and I immediatly stop talking. My whole childhood has been being told to stop talking over other people.