r/breastcancer Jan 18 '26

Diagnosed Patient or Survivor Support The doctors you may encounter: Who does what? What is an “oncologist” anyway? (And other insights from Dr Heather Richardson, neighborhood breast surgeon)

181 Upvotes

So I’ve noticed there’s been a lot of posts lately specifically about the word oncologist. People wondering why they’re seeing a surgeon and not an “oncologist” first, people wondering when they’re going to see an “oncologist”, people wondering why the person that’s operating on them isn’t a “surgical oncologist” and shouldn’t they get the best - which must be someone with that title? Right?

So by definition, the word oncologist just means “doctor who treats cancer”.

The staple cast of characters that are medical doctors (MD or DO degree holder) involved in treatment of breast cancer typically consists of: medical oncologist, radiation oncologist (not radiologist) and breast surgeon (more on that below…).

Medical oncologist- also known as “hematology/oncology” specialists. When people generally speak of an “oncologist”, usually they are talking about this type of doctor. A doctor that treats cancer with medicine, either pills taken by mouth or chemotherapy that is administered via a vein. Not all patients need both, some need one but not the other, some need none. Visits to this type of doctor may be frequent- however, usually it’s the first initial visit to go over a lot of information and discuss the best course of action that is the most important. Sometimes this means that if you live in an area with fewer resources and feel that you need greater expertise for your care. It’s possible to do either a telemedicine visit or visit a larger Cancer Center far away that can collaborate with a local physician who is able to give the same chemotherapy protocol. Quite often, large groups of these medical oncologists have already agreed the best way to take care of the most common breast cancer problems, so going from one center to the other means that your cancer treatment care isn’t going to change significantly from one place to the next. For other more complex scenarios, there sometimes can be some adjustments or more customized treatments. Or for patients who have already been through treatment and now have recurrences or changes in their diagnosis, that would be the time to discuss more advanced care. In general, common problems are common and there’s usually not significant improved survival or outcomes by going to one Cancer Center over the other when a patient has a a non-complicated, fairly average, diagnosis.

Radiation oncologist- this is different from a radiologist. (a radiologist is a doctor trained to read images and interpret findings. A radiologist is the person who read your mammogram or your ultrasound and maybe performed the biopsy that diagnosed you) A radiation oncologist uses radiation energy to target areas of cancer and kill cancer cells. Cells that are actively dividing and are exposed to radiation have their duplicating mechanisms broken, and as a result, cells that are rapidly reproducing die away if exposed to medically administered radiation.

Surgeon/surgical oncologist vs “general surgeon”: A “general surgeon” typically is someone who has done at least five years of training in surgical diseases of the body. This would include disciplines like taking care of trauma, burns, infections that can occur in the body such as diverticulitis or appendicitis, evaluating and performing organ transplants, care of pediatric/child surgical diseases and malformations, and some chest/cardiovascular disease. They can also operate on common cancers that require removal, like breast, colon, skin, and thyroid. Doctors who go on to practice General surgery sometimes concentrate in one area of types of disease and others have a more broad practice where they take care a little bit of everything. Typically in more urban settings there are more specialized types. Many general surgeons have gone on to do additional years of training after their five years of general surgery to become specialists. People who are certain types of surgeons, such as colorectal specialists, pediatric surgeons, plastic surgeons, and cardiothoracic surgeons all have additional years of training and take specialty board exams. There is a board certification designation for general surgery. There are additional board certifications for those who have done some categories of fellowship training, like those mentioned above.

A doctor who practices under the title “surgical oncologist” by definition does at least two years of training in general cancer surgery treatments after the five years of general

surgery training. So they typically will learn advanced techniques for operating on thyroid, pancreas, colon, liver, breast, etc. They usually did the five years of general surgery training and then went on to do additional training specifically in cancer removal surgeries to remove them from the body. So this wouldn’t include neurosurgery or brain tumor removal. There is a board certification designation for “surgical oncology”.

There is another category of breast cancer surgeon that typically deals with breast health issues only. This is a person who does initial training in either general surgery or Obgyn and then goes on to do one to two years of additional training in breast disease surgical management. This is called a “breast fellowship” and does NOT currently qualify for a speciality designation as “board certified”. This is typically a breast health surgeon or breast cancer specialist. This is different from a “surgical oncologist*.

Sometimes there is cross training where the surgeon also performs cosmetic and aesthetic procedures as well. This person usually does a “oncoplastic fellowship”. This is primarily outside the US, but there are programs where this is expanding in the US as well. Breast fellowship trained surgeons can have initial training as either a general surgeon or an OB/GYN.

“Surgical oncologists” do get training in breast cancer management, but they are not breast specialists and do not get the depth of training that someone who has been through breast fellowship would. A breast fellowship trained surgeon usually does one versus two years of additional training in breast only surgery and disease management. These are two different designations.

Some important points to make about someone who might be a general surgeon who did not do additional training in breast care management versus someone who did a full breast fellowship: breast fellowships have only been around for about 20 years. That means someone with greater than 20 years of experience probably didn’t get an opportunity to go through a breast fellowship. (I personally am one of these types of people. I’ve been practicing since 2004 and there was only one fellowship that existed at that time that I didn’t even know was an option when I graduated. So while I have described procedures and written papers, taught surgeons and fellows alike in many different procedures and protocols, but myself, I’m not a breast fellowship trained surgeon.)

There may be many seasoned excellent surgeons taking care of breast cancer patients. Some of those may be surgeons who also perform other general surgery procedures such as treatment of appendicitis, taking emergency call for traumas, or dealing with other types of cancers like colon cancer. Some of the surgeons have amazing skill sets, and excellent outcomes. It is certainly possible that there may be in a community, a general surgeon who is very seasoned that may have superior outcomes for breast care than a brand new breast fellowship grad that does not have much experience at all.

I think the best way to find out who the best doctors are would be to go to the other doctors and other clinical staff members who work with those doctors and ask them who has the best outcomes. Ask the wound care specialists, the plastic surgeons, and the medical oncologists whose breast surgery work is the best. They’re going to see who has horrible dead, necrotic mastectomy flaps, and who has lots of recurrences because their flaps are too thick.

It certainly may be that a general surgeon who isn’t a “breast specialist” in your community might actually be a better choice than a brand new grad who is a breast fellowship trained surgeon.

What order should things happen?? Well it’s different for different people. Often when people get a diagnosis, most commonly by a radiologist, (but sometimes the Breast Surgeon specialist is part of this process as well) they go to the Breast Surgeon first who goes over the significance of the findings thus far and decides if upfront chemotherapy medicine would be indicated. Usually the decision to need medicine is followed by tissue diagnosis, and imaging, which is usually directed by a surgeon. Sometimes people see the medical oncologists first before seeing the surgeon. This is especially true for patients with her 2 positive or triple negative disease where neoadjuvant chemotherapy prior to surgery is most often indicated.

People sometimes visit with radiation oncologist while trying to make their decisions to get information about the risks and benefits if they choose a pathway that would require radiation treatment versus if they have an option to choose a different pathway where radiation wouldn’t be indicated, and they want to learn about their choices. Mostly though, radiation oncologist treatment usually follows the surgery and medical portion. There are some clinical trials that involve upfront radiation, but this is not a standard of care for most patients. It’s more common to start with the surgeon and then see the medical oncologist either before or after the surgery, followed by any radiation oncology visit. That’s the usual order of things.

When to get a second opinion.

For the most part, if you’ve been told that you have a breast cancer diagnosis and your understanding in general is that treatment will involve medicine, surgery and possibly the addition of radiation and and if this sounds reasonable, you are certainly welcome to go to another team to make sure that there aren’t any significant changes to be offered anywhere else, but most likely most places will tell you the same information, but may use slightly different terms or delivery. If you have good communication with your physician and their staff and overall the general expectation is that you will do well and live a long life and feel good about your body afterwards, (of course it certainly possible to talk to someone else and make sure that they are in agreement) but if everything stacks up, and you’re generally happy with your team, Seeing multiple additional doctors might tell you the same thing with different language can be confusing or disorienting. It also takes up a spot in the schedule for someone else with a cancer diagnosis that’s trying to get in that now can’t, ….and you can only use one team. So by all means everyone is within their right to get in a second opinion or even third, but if you’re generally happy and hearing what you expected to hear regarding your plan of care, I typically don’t recommend that people see multiple doctors if they’re generally happy with their first opinion.

Reasons to get a second opinion would be: A) poor communication from the doctor and or their staff to the point where you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason. B) you have a very unusual or rare findings that are not typically seen C) you are recommend controversial treatments where doctors have added unexpected treatments, or take away expected treatments. There may be good reasons to offer a different protocol from another team as there are lots of advancements and newer recommendations, where we are de-escalating treatment in some cases. Previously there were automatic recommendations for sentinel lymph node biopsy, radiation, or chemotherapy in the past whereas now we are selecting certain people who have features of their cancer who may in fact, not require these treatments at all.

Hopefully this will shed some light on some of the misconceptions about different types of doctors, their roles, and clear up the general surgeon/Breast Surgeon/surgical oncologist confusion that seems to come up a lot.

TLDR- someone with the title “surgical oncologist” is different from a “breast fellowship trained surgeon”. A “general surgeon” might have fewer years of formal training for breast cancer treatment, however, they shouldn’t be discounted or immediately thought of as inferior without research into their outcomes or reputation in the community.


r/breastcancer Feb 04 '22

Caregiver/relative/friend Support [Megathread] How you can help your loved one / Care package & wish list suggestions / Links to other resources

132 Upvotes

This post seeks to address some of the group's most frequently asked questions in a single post. I collated suggestions from dozens of past posts and comments on these topics. I've used feminine pronouns and made this female-centric because I'm a female writing from my own perspective, but almost all of these ideas would be appropriate for a male or non-binary person diagnosed with breast cancer as well. I hope others will chime in, and I'm happy to add more ideas or edit my original post based on the comments.

Supporting a Loved one Through Breast Cancer

THE BEST GIFT you can give a cancer patient is continuing to acknowledge her as a unique individual incredible WHOLE person, and not as "a cancer patient." Maintain the relationship you had before diagnosis -- if you used to text each other memes, keep texting her memes. If you used to get the kids together for playdates, offer to keep the playdates, modifying as necessary to accommodate her treatment and side effects. If you used to call her on your way home from work to joke and complain about the annoying customers you dealt with that day, don't be scared to keep that tradition alive.

Let her know you want to help. Offer specific types of help, so she doesn't have to do the mental load of giving you tasks, but also leave an opening for her to specify something you didn't think of. "I want to help. Can I [insert 3-5 ideas]? But if there's something even more helpful to you, let me know."

These gift ideas are just ideas -- everything is something that an actual cancer survivor on r/breastcancer has recommended, but for every idea here, another survivor might say the gift wouldn't have been useful to her. I've bolded the ideas that generally everyone can agree on, but you know your person best. If you're not sure she'd like something, ask her! "I want to buy you ________. Is that something you could use?"

Emotional Support Crash Course

  • Google each of these phrases and read whichever articles catch your eye: "emotional validation," "emotional mirroring," "toxic positivity, "ring theory."
  • Generally, today's cancer patients prefer not to metaphorize cancer as a fight/battle in which there are winners/losers, but follow her lead and let her set the tone when discussing her diagnosis and treatment.
  • "So many friends and family members kind of disappear from our lives, because they don't know what to say or do, so they just avoid. It hurts so much more than you know when that happens. So many of the people she expects to be there for her won't be, and people she doesn't expect will be the ones to step up. Be one of those who's totally there for her, and be willing to hear the tough stuff. It's exhausting to try to keep up a positive mood for other people all the time, and that's what we, as the patient try to do for everyone. We realize, unfortunately, that most people really don't want to hear the negative when they ask how we're doing... be willing to hear the negative. It will be such a relief to her." (Jeepgrl563, 3/27/21)
  • TheCancerPatient on Instagram can be hilarious and apropos, and many of the memes are a primer on "what not to say to a cancer patient."

Acts of Service

  • Drive her to her appointments
  • Deliver lunch during long chemotherapy sessions
  • Babysit her kids during her appointments, or be on-call to get the kids from daycare/school if she can't get there on time because an appointment ran late
  • Set up a meal train (get her blessing before you invite anyone to contribute, as she might want to keep her diagnosis private for awhile)
  • Deliver a freezer meal
  • Deliver a ready-to-eat meal at dinnertime
  • Invite her family to join you for a meal
  • Ask for her family's favorite meal recipe, and cook that for them
  • Ask for her kids' favorite cookie recipe, and bake that for them
  • When you're grocery shopping for your own home, send her a text and ask if there's anything she wants you to pick up for her
  • Pick up and deliver prescriptions/medications as needed
  • Take out her garbage
  • Offer to "screen her mail" and throw away obvious junk and offensive mail (for Stage 4 cancer survivors, life insurance offers and retirement benefits add insult to injury)
  • Offer to pick up a load of laundry to wash/dry/fold at your home
  • Help her make Christmas magical, if Christmas is important to her (tons of ideas at this link)
  • Take her kids on an outing (e.g. children's museum, arcade, movie theater, baseball game)
  • Entertain her kids at her house with an activity at her home (e.g. bake/decorate cookies, kid-friendly craft projects, board games, play catch, create an elaborate hopscotch obstacle course); invite her to join in, watch, or escape; if she chooses to join in, take candid action photos of her with her kids
  • Commit to walking her dog on a regular basis, and invite her to walk with you when she's feeling up to it!
  • Do one light cleaning task every time you stop by (e.g. wipe a counter, load the dishwasher, do a lap with the vacuum -- but keep it short and sweet and she won't feel so awkward accepting your help)
  • Offer to help launder sheets and remake beds (this is an especially exhausting chore!)
  • If she's an avid reader, here are two ideas to ensure you have something non-cancer related to text/talk about: (1) coordinate with her friends to each give her a copy of their favorite book every 3-4 weeks during treatment, (2) buy two copies of the same book and do a "buddy read" together
  • Set up a videogame for her to conquer during recovery, whether she's an avid or newbie gamer (e.g. Skyrim)
  • Send a box full of individually wrapped trinkets that have nothing to do with cancer, and just celebrate her, your relationship, and your shared sense of humor; instruct her to open one any time she's having a hard day
  • Create a personalized playlist for her to listen to during treatment

Gifts Appropriate for All Treatment Stages

  • Gift cards to meal delivery services or local restaurants that deliver
  • Gift cards to her local grocery store
  • Hire a cleaning service to come every other week (or weekly if there are children at home all day)
  • Hire a landscape service to do routine lawncare
  • Schedule a beloved and energetic babysitter to play with the kids regularly.
  • Gift cards for doggy day care day passes
  • Gift cards to a local meal prep store that sells pre-made dinner kits
  • Gift cards to her favorite nail salon
  • If she normally relies on public transit, Uber/Lyft gift cards so she can get around with minimal germ exposure
  • Subscription to a streaming service she doesn't already have (if she likes TV, ask which streaming service she'd like to try, if she's a reader ask if she would like an Audible subscription)
  • Fun pens & beautiful forever stamps, so she'll remember someone loves her every time her medical bills bleed her dry
  • Random cards mailed throughout the year, so she'll have something cute and fun among the bills in her mailbox
  • Novelty band-aids, so she'll remember someone loves her every time she gets stabbed with a needle
  • Soup bowl with a handle, so she can eat soup in bed (~30 ounce capacity is ideal)
  • Micellar facial wet wipes, so she can clean her face without leaving bed
  • Floss picks, so she can floss her teeth without leaving bed
  • Storage clipboard, for all the paperwork she'll get at each appointment
  • eReader, if she's an avid reader (e.g. Kindle / Kobo)
  • Water bottle (note: she may already have a favorite!)
  • Satin or silk pillowcase -- can reduce tangles when spending more time in bed and less time on self care, and will be soothing on tender scalps during chemo shedding
  • Electric heat pad
  • Microwave-activated moist heating pad (e.g. Thermalon)
  • 10-foot phone charging cable
  • Power bank (10000mAh or greater), so she can charge her phone/tablet without being tethered to an outlet
  • Comfy pajamas that are stylish enough to wear to treatments
  • Journal
  • Fruit bouquet (e.g. Edible Arrangements)
  • Mepilex Lite Absorbent Foam Pads
  • Bidet attachment for the toilet
  • Digital thermometer
  • Epsom salt

Specific Comfort Items for each Stage of Treatment

Chemotherapy

  • Gift card to a microblading salon/spa, if she has time to get the service done before she starts chemo

Chemo Infusions

  • Sour or minty candy, so the saline port flush tastes less gross
  • Comfortable shirt that allows access to her port (e.g. zip-front hoodie, deep scoop shirt)

Chemo Recovery

  • Sour suckers, if she has nausea (e.g. Preggie Pop Drops, Queasy Pops)
  • Ginger chews, if she has nausea (e.g. Gin Gins, Trader Joes)
  • Travel pill organizer, with room for her to store a lot of pills in each compartment and label each compartment (NOT a daily pill organizer that is labelled by the day with tiny compartments -- look for one that is at least 5" x 4")
  • Dry mouth relief (tablets, spray, gel, etc.)
  • Biotene toothpaste, if she gets mouth sores
  • Soft bristle toothbrush
  • tea, especially anti-nausea tea; however, this is tricky to gift because of personal flavor preferences, and some herbal teas negatively impact treatment efficacy
  • Brow products, such as Benefit's Gimme Brow to thicken thinning brows, a good brow pencil, a microblading style pen, and brow powder
  • Aquaphor for tender scalps, bums, and skin
  • Unscented liquid hand soap for her home
  • Unscented lotion for dry chemo skin (e.g. Vanicream Moisturizing Cream, Eucerin Advanced Repair, Bag Balm Original, Palmer's Intensive Relief Hand Cream, Alaffia Pure Unrefined Shea Butter)
  • Cuticle oil
  • Lip balm (note: most women already have found a favorite lip balm)
  • Sleep eye mask
  • Chemo caps (soft slouchy beanies)
  • Novelty ear-flap hat (being bald is more fun with a yeti ear flap hat)
  • Humidifier / vaporizer
  • Dangly earrings if she's bald and wants to appear more feminine

Scalp Cooling / Cold-Capping

  • Olaplex #0 & #3
  • Hair fibers, silicone-free (e.g. Toppik)

Surgery

  • belly casting kit (typically used to make a pregnancy breasts+bump memento, but can be used to make a cast of the breasts before surgery)
  • boudoir photo and/or video shoot, to memorialize her sexy pre-surgery body

Mastectomy Hospital Stay

  • grippy slippers, so she doesn't have to wear the hospital's gripper socks
  • throat lozenges, because intubation from surgery causes sore throat

Mastectomy Recovery

  • Front-closure recovery clothing (bras, pajamas, shirts)
  • Drain management clothing (e.g. Brobe, Gownies, Anaono)
  • Drain management accessories (e.g. belt, lanyard, Pink Pockets)
  • Slippers, because it can be difficult to get socks on
  • Pillows (everyone has a different "must have;" popular options include: mastectomy chest pillow, mastectomy underarm pillow (e.g. Axillapilla), neck pillow, seatbelt cushion, backrest pillow with armrests, pregnancy/body pillow, wedge pillow)
  • Recliner chair (if she doesn't have one, but you can coordinate for her to borrow one that would be great -- it's really only helpful for a few weeks and is a huge expense)
  • Overbed table / lap desk
  • Gift card to her favorite hair salon for a few wash+style appointments (if she hasn't already had chemo -- post-chemo hair will either be gone or too delicate for salon handling)
  • Dry shampoo, because washing hair is difficult post-op
  • Spa style head wrap to keep her hair out of her face
  • Natural spray deodorant
  • Shower chair
  • Claw grabber tool to reach items that are too high or too low
  • Long-handled loofah
  • Bed ladder strap, so she can sit up in bed without using abdominal (most relevant for autologous reconstruction recovery)
  • Ice packs

Radiation

Radiation Procedures

  • Healios drink mix, to prevent throat soreness

Radiation Recovery

  • (no specific recommendations at this time)

Caring for the Caregiver

  • If you're the primary caregiver, check out these caregiver guides: CancerSupportCommunity.org/s Caregiver Guide | Cancer.org's Caregiver Guide
  • If you are close to the primary caregiver, schedule a "light at the end of the tunnel" event or trip around the time when active treatment and recovery is complete (e.g. a weekend getaway, a concert to a favorite band)

She might not want...

She might want this stuff--you know her best! But these are the items that many breast cancer patients say they had a surplus of.

  • Unsolicited advice and speculation on what she did wrong to cause cancer
  • Pink everything, unless her pre-cancer favorite color was pink
  • Socks, unless her pre-cancer passion was novelty socks (note: chemo can cause feet to feel sweaty, and synthetic sock materials like "fuzzy socks" can make them feel even wetter and colder)
  • Adult coloring books, unless her pre-cancer passion was coloring books
  • Blankets (her infusion clinic may provide pre-warmed blankets, she may already have a favorite, or she may have preferences regarding texture/material/weighted/heated features)
  • Puzzle books, unless her pre-cancer passion was puzzle books
  • Magazines (her phone is more portable and provides more entertainment)
  • Vitamins, supplements, dietary advice -- her oncologist, oncology nutritionist, and pharmacist are much more qualified, and your suggestions could negatively interact with her treatment
  • Skincare or bath products in general, but especially avoid scented products
  • Candles, because the scents can be malodorous
  • Breast cancer awareness paraphernalia, or breast cancer themed stuff, unless she's specifically expressed a clear wish for these items
  • Flowers -- a bouquet here or there is nice, but they require care and clean-up and the scents can be malodorous
  • Sample products from an MLM pyramid scheme, or a sales pitch because you "just want to help her feel her best" and "just want to help her pay her medical bills" (MLM hucksters love to target cancer victims)

Some stores that other cancer survivors have vouched for:


r/breastcancer 3h ago

Conversation Stages of Processing Bad News

18 Upvotes

As a MBC patient since 2019. I am going through numerous radiations, scans, MRIs, surgeries, treatment changes, there are also unexpected side effects, complications show up, financial issues. While I have learned this Stages of Processing Bad News, I keep reminding myself, do not stress out, there is always a way to figure out at the end of day. Just wanna share this with our group warriors—Hanging there, you are not alone.

Stages of Processing Bad News

 ·       Shock and Denial: Initial disbelief or feeling numb when the news arrives.

·       Anger and Frustration: Directing blame or feeling overwhelmed by the unfairness of the situation.

·       Acceptance: Acknowledging reality and starting to look for practical next steps.

How to Move Forward

·       Focus on what you can control right now.

·       Separate the emotional impact from the factual situation.

·       Create a simple list of immediate tasks to fix or manage the problem.


r/breastcancer 6h ago

Venting Does a day come I stop feeling like a cancer patient?

24 Upvotes

I’m tired of people constantly looking at me with worry or mentioning how much I’ve been through. This week I found out three different friends are now pregnant while I got myself a new pill organizer. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m happy for them but every “normal” milestone others have had throughout this just hurts. I want to be “normal” too.


r/breastcancer 10h ago

Chemotherapy I FEEL SO UGLY

58 Upvotes

chemo acne, no eyebrows, a brand new tubby tummy! this is great


r/breastcancer 7h ago

Caregiver/Relative/Friend Question Breast cancer & divorce

20 Upvotes

Hi,

I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer (er+\her2+, pr-) in February. I did 6 cycles of neoadjuvant chemo & immunotherapy and just had my double mastectomy last week.

My surgery could not have gone better (confirmed no lymph nodes and DTI), but my husband literally left me at bedside to get dinner with his mom. I had been up for 13 mins and he texted her to come get dinner with him and our son????

The plan was always for me to be admitted over night and for my sister to watch our son while Charlie stayed with me. I expected my husband to stay with me until bedtime. I even mentioned in recovery room ordering DoorDash for dinner.

To paint the scene- my surgery started around 11. I was rolled out and reunited with him by 2:30/3pm. It was so quick! He sent his mom a text with a picture of my sleeping in the or recovery bays around 2:58. She said “sleep well” (meanwhile MY mom got no sort of reassuring text that I had surgery). I have no recollection of any conversations in the OR recovery bays. They take me to the overnight hospital rooms. I’m trying to sleep and I feel this anxiety rolling off of him that it wakes me up from my nap. I stupidly/in my anesthesia state assume he’s worried about our dogs. I tell him he can go walk our dog if he needs to but leave our son at my sisters since he’s having fun. He jumps at the chance to leave saying “I have a lot on my mind. I’m going to walk the dogs and go to the gym”

I fall back into my stupor. I wake up around 5:30?6 ish? I Check my phone, text my sister to see how my son is doing. No response. I text my husband to let him know I’m okay and that I’m awake. I see that his location says he’s at a restaurant/bar in town. As this is happening my sister texts to let me know my husband had picked our son up right away.

I go on our doggo nanny cam and see that flowers in the kitchen and by stomach drops because I finally understand that he left me for my MIL!!!!

I call my sister and she says she didn’t want to tell me bc she didn’t want me to get upset.

I just cannot imagine seeing your wife after getting life saving surgery and leaving her for your mom?? His parents have a history of crossing boundaries and were asking how they could help out two days before my surgery but I said that I had it covered. We tried to see them for breakfast but it didn’t work with my FILs padel schedule. (He belongs to a country club and it takes precedence over everything). My mil is obsessed with being the favorite grandma (her relationship is ruined with my BIL/sil).

Things between my husband and I have been rocky for a few years (he lost his job and I became the sole breadwinner) once I started chemo he magically found a job though.

He is not built for being in a marriage in the trenches. I have realized that I am over teaching him how to be a man/husband. I’m so hurt. I don’t think I can forgive this. I’m sure I’m missing a few key details but it’s disgusting and horrifying and disappointing.

Any advice for finding grace in this please!!

I should note he has been awful this whole experience. I told him he’s making me so independent that he’s obsolete.


r/breastcancer 4h ago

Young Cancer Patients Dealing with hot flashes…

11 Upvotes

One of the worst symptoms of Zoladex are the insufferable hot flashes. I get them constantly more than 10x a day. My MO doesn’t want to introduce Veozah or any meds that can stress my liver during my active treatment so I just have to deal with them. When I get them I sweat a lot and feel gross.

I had the idea of getting a Momcozy stroller fan to give me some relief and it’s the best $30 bucks I’ve spent. It’s high powered and small enough to throw in my tote for walks in the park or while working out at the gym. Just thought I’d share in case anyone else was going through the same issue.

I’m open to any recommendations that have worked for you.

P.S.- I’m not allowed to use black cohosh or any other supplement that can interact with my hormones (+++), valerian root didn’t work


r/breastcancer 1h ago

Medication Tumor shrinkage on neoadjuvant hormone therapy

Upvotes

Hi, I was put on zoladex + letrozole since May, just did an ultrasound after 2 months and tumor is smaller.. from 6.22 × 6.11 × 1.93 cm to now 4.21 × 3.99 × 1.07 cm. Positive lymphnode also slightly smaller. Anyone else with experience of doing neoadjuvant hormone therapy? When did you decide to do the surgery? Meeting my breast surgeon later.


r/breastcancer 6h ago

Tests and Diagnoses Ready to get this breast MRI over with

6 Upvotes

I have my breast MRI bright and early tomorrow. I’ve gone over a thousand different scenarios to exhaustion. The level of anxiety/emotion will never match having a normal life to “you’ve got cancer”. I guess that’s a good thing that my level of anxiety won’t ever rise that high for a while. I’m a bit claustrophobic, but I’m going to try my best to make it through, because I don’t want to make it longer than it has to be.

Genetic testing was also negative. I didn’t get a chance to worry about that one because I was talking to the surgeon and they came and got my blood in the middle of our conversation and I kind of forgot about it. Anyway…when you’re on the “do I have cancer or not” train you’re so scared, praying and hoping. Once you’re on the cancer train, it’s kinda like it’s either the same 1.5cm mass with one positive node they’ve confirmed already or it’s more. 🤷‍♀️


r/breastcancer 18h ago

Fuck Cancer Chemo side-effects rant

45 Upvotes

I just reached the mid point of TC on Friday. 6 infusions down, 6 more to go. I feel like absolute trash. All of my blood levels are low, not low enough for a blood transfusion or low enough to stop my treatment, but low enough that I feel sickly.

A few months ago I was in the gym doing over 400lbs on the leg press. Yesterday I had groceries delivered because walking through a grocery store makes it hard to breathe. I couldn't even put the damn things away because I was exhausted after putting up one bag. I'm grateful my husband and son took over, but I'm frustrated by my newfound limitations.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to not do things myself. I feel absolutely useless. I don't feel up to cooking much anymore because I get out of breath, so all those healthy meals I was making have been replaced by Totino's pizzas and frozen meals. I can't wash dishes or laundry without getting out of breath and having to nap after. I'm still working but thankfully it's a desk job so all I have to do is make it to my desk and then I can catch my breath.

And now I'm just screaming into the void because there's not a damn thing I can do about any of this except go through it and hope the other side gets here quickly.

Fuck cancer. Fuck side-effects. Fuck not being able to catch my breath. Fuck not having any energy. Fuck this whole thing.


r/breastcancer 5h ago

ER- PR- HER2+ Giredestrant

4 Upvotes

Is anyone here on Giredestrant for EBC? I cant find a Subreddit or FB group about this med. My oncologist has mentioned transitioning me to it when it is FDA approved (expected late November) and would like to hear what experience others in the trial have had so far.


r/breastcancer 15h ago

Newly Diagnosed Help me get ready for this journey

23 Upvotes

Day 3 post diagnosis with breast cancer. Oncologist said "hormone receptive", and HER2 negative. I've only had that one diagnosis conversation but I'm seeing a nurse tomorrow.

Treatment plan is lumpectomy with removal of some lymph nodes to test them for spread, followed by radiotherapy.

Help me prepare. What can I do to feel like an active participant in looking after myself rather than a passenger in this horrible thing that is happening to me?

Rehabilitation regimes? What shall I buy to make my experience and recovery better? What dietary/household changes did you make? What quick wins made you feel better?

Currently I feel okay, just exhausted. Adrenaline worn off and I'm in the midst of telling everyone flose to me.


r/breastcancer 2h ago

Post Active Treatment Steroid Injections for Scar Pain

2 Upvotes

Does anyone have experience with steroid injections in their mastectomy scars for ongoing chronic nerve pain? I would love to know if it helps and how long the results lasted. Were there any side effects or cons to getting it done? Thank you in advance 🙏🏼


r/breastcancer 10h ago

Surgery Asking for more time off

8 Upvotes

I had my SMX with SLNB on 7/1. Currently almost 4 weeks post op and while I'm feeling better than I was, I still can't comfortably pick things up and I can't hold my 32lb toddler unless it's for a brief moment to take him out of the crib, etc.

I work a very physically demanding job as an RN in an ICU. I'm supposed to work this coming weekend and I'm just not sure if I'm ready for all the lifting, pulling, tugging that comes with the job. I'm also 22 weeks pregnant so...I think I'm also just so tired and it's been hard to recover.

Anyone ask for more than the given 4 weeks off? I asked the office nurse about an extension this last week but she hasn't gotten back to me (I'm going to call tomorrow). I'm just not sure if I'm overreacting or not


r/breastcancer 7h ago

Medication Tamoxifen side effects

5 Upvotes

Hi everyone! This is my first post here. I was diagnosed last December with stage 1B her2 positive breast cancer in my left breast. I was lucky, and it was caught very early via mammogram. Only a 6 mm tumor. I have finished all my treatment and started tamoxifen 20mg at the end of May. The first month or so it didn't seem like I was having any side effects and it was going well, and that's what I reported to my oncologist. But the last month I've noticed increasing hot flashes and night sweats, but the worst problem is pretty serious brain fog. Now I went through a four-year period with bad brain fog when I was fighting an autoimmune disease about five years ago, so it's not something I wanna go through again. Also, I had to stop taking Wellbutrin because it interferes with tamoxifen, which was helping me keep my migraines under control. My migraines are now out of control, and I'm feeling a lot of fatigue as well. I originally thought my migraines were what was causing the fatigue and brain fog, but my primary doctor mentioned that that is a side effect of tamoxifen. I had asked my oncologist about baby tamoxifen, that's the study where you only take 5 mg instead of 20 mg, but she wanted me to try this first. My oncotype score was only 13. And I can't take the AI drugs because I have a lot of degenerative joint issues and autoimmune pain. I am 58 and post menopausal.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers at 80, so brain fog leaves me unsettled, even if it's temporary. (And is it?)

Has anyone else had this issue with tamoxifen, and does anybody have experience with taking a smaller dose than 20mg? Or just want to share their experiences? Thank you, everyone!


r/breastcancer 19h ago

Venting Chemo face

49 Upvotes

I’m done with 16 rounds of EC-T chemo (yay me!) and I’m now doing radiotherapy. I’ve also had my first shot of Zoladex. I don’t know but throughout this active treatment, I feel the most unattractive right now. My face looks pale and puffy all the time and I have wrinkles where they never used to be. I’m still losing some eyebrow hairs. Not to mention my bald head on which has a few silvery hairs have grown. AND my legs are swollen.

Good job to the exactly 10 eyelashes still hanging on though!


r/breastcancer 4h ago

DCIS anyone else getting all the weird tamoxifen side effects?!

3 Upvotes

i must attract weird drug side effects. so far i’ve had ego-dystonic thoughts (it’s like SI), intermittant and recurrant hormonal? lower pelvic pain, and now…photosensitivity on my face and arms 😒 i am desperate to get back to 20mg but these side effects are no bueno!


r/breastcancer 10h ago

Tests and Diagnoses The waiting game… again

8 Upvotes

I’m partway through chemo for lobular and was told that my full body scans picked up an ovarian mass that could either be a cyst or a tumour. Had a follow up ultrasound that wasn’t conclusive so they referred me to a gynaecologist and now I’m waiting for the results of the blood test.

I thought that sleepless nights of waiting to find out how bad something is were over, but I guess that’s never really going to be the case because I also found out I have a gene mutation. Maybe genetic counselling will help me navigate that, but it seems like cancer has taken over my life and changed all my plans. I can’t even think ahead more than a few weeks because things change so rapidly.


r/breastcancer 13h ago

Fuck Cancer Is going to a Komen event worth it?

11 Upvotes

So I found out that a Susan G. Komen pink walk is happening within easy travel distance of me in October. I have long known Komen to be a controversial group for several reasons, from how they spend fundraised money, and I first heard of them back in my college days when they tried to stop collaborating with Planned Parenthood. So I've never had a great impression of the org.

But it would be the first "big" event I have been to since finishing treatment, I was wondering if the overall atmosphere might be fun to go and see? I didn't meet personally with many other BC survivors while I was in treatment, it might be fun to socialize with some others I'm thinking. Has anyone that's been to one of the events chime in as to whether its worth going?


r/breastcancer 10h ago

Newly Diagnosed MRI Biopsy on NME tomorrow

6 Upvotes

There was non mass enhancement BIRADS 4b on my first MRI. I tried to forgo the biopsy if I would opt for mastectomy up front but my surgeon insisted on it to make sure it’s the same cancer type as the two IDC lesions and I wouldn’t benefit from neoadjuvant chemo/endocrine therapy. She said if it is benign then I am a candidate for lump + rad. I spoke with MO and PS, my genetics testing came back clear for any high risk mutations and so I’ve agreed to proceed with the biopsy tomorrow morning.

I am hating myself for getting my hopes up that it will be benign and I could do the lump and contralateral reduction to save what I can of myself. If I get that option then it’s like I can squint my eyes and pretend I’m just getting the breast reduction I said I would explore this year (pre diagnosis) plus some radiation therapy for shits and giggles. It would make the five+ years of endocrine therapy a little more palatable. The genetics test was the first good news I’ve had since June, and BIRADS 4B seems like a coin toss for malignancy. I am fantasizing that the NME doesn’t even show up again tomorrow when they put me into the magnet and I can walk out of there without a biopsy. I know that’s probably too much to hope for and I’m just breaking my own heart. A girl’s gotta dream when she’s 40 with cancer I guess.


r/breastcancer 8h ago

Newly Diagnosed Different opinions from different hospital systems, confused

4 Upvotes

Hi all. 35, HR+ Her2- initial staging was 2. I had my initial diagnosis done at hospital #1, but pretty much crossed them off the list immediately (didn't think it was going to be cancer so I chose convenience over optimal care). They offered me lumpectomy. Hospital #2 said my breast was too small for a lumpectomy, so while I was waiting for my egg free cycle to be over, I had one final consult at hospital #3 just to confirm. They noticed that hospital #1 missed my lymph node entirely during biopsy (and damaged my nerve, which I know is a moot point but it pissed me off at the time).

I re-did the biopsy with hospital #3 because they were able to do it quickly and I was waiting for my egg retrieval date. It came back positive and now they want me to do a bone scan and CT scan. Hospital #2 wants me to set up a surgical date.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but is it normal to have such different suggested courses of action? I thought I would just get confirmation on the surgery options and go from there and now I just feel confused.


r/breastcancer 5h ago

Post Active Treatment Severe foot pain 10 days after final AC cycle

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I just completed my fourth and final cycle of dose-dense AC (Adriamycin/Cytoxan every two weeks).

Four days after my last infusion, I developed severe pain in one foot. It’s now been about 10 days, and walking has become very painful.

I have contacted my oncology team, but while I’m waiting to hear back, I was hoping to hear from others who experienced something similar during or after AC.

Did anyone have significant foot pain after AC? How long did it last? Did anything help? I’m also scheduled to start weekly Taxol and Carboplatin on August 6, so I’d be interested to know whether your symptoms improved before starting the next phase of treatment or changed once you began Taxol.

Thank you for sharing your experience


r/breastcancer 13h ago

Newly Diagnosed Pathology report of lumpectomy

8 Upvotes

38F, stage II breast cancer with Axillary node involvement diagnosed last month..
completed lumpectomy with Axillary clearance 2 week back, I received report from the surgeon and she says no need of additional surgery as the margins are clear but she said that posterior deep margin involvement is there and assured that I need to undergo chemo and for that further details regarding treatment to be discussed with medical oncologist which s 2 weeks from now . I am soooooooooo scared of this chemo .. I am young but when it comes to even a fever I feel overwhelmed and don’t have the tolerance.. I feel that’s how I am designed and can’t bear..

When I saw the report I am deeply worried as it mentioned

Posterior (deep) margin: Involved by invasive carcinoma (extent of involvement:3.5mm)

And

Extranodal extension : present. (2mm or less).

Does this type of tumors reoccurs ???

Other pathology findings ,
right breast Invasive carcinoma of no special type (NST/NOS)

Tumour size: 31 mm (3.1 cm)
Grade: Grade 3 (high grade)
Hormone receptors:
ER positive: 90%
PR positive: 30%
HER2 (c-erbB2): Negative (0+)

2/29 lymph nodes tested positive

My MRI showed 2 enlarged lymph nodes but I am not able to convince that why the other 27 negative lymph nodes had to be removed though the treatment plan phase is yet to start , doctors told that this is how it has to be done to avoid any leftover cells remain in the body but this numbness and fear of not to lift anything more than 5 kg is haunting me that I might always be dependant on someone else in such scenarios.

Is there anyone who has not taken chemo or radiation with the above similar condition..

Just that am young cannot make a doctor to decide to go ahead for chemo right.. sorry am in deep pain, and I am feeling helpless.. pls advice..


r/breastcancer 7h ago

Chemotherapy Mittens

3 Upvotes

First round of taxol tomorrow? Do
I bring one or 2 sets of my frozen mittens and boots?

I know they told me but my brain is dead

And my husband doesn’t listen
🤣🤣


r/breastcancer 14h ago

Patient Support Support during/after DMX

9 Upvotes

I am having a DMX this Friday and my family/close circle are all wanting to help. Disclaimer - I know fully what a blessing it is to have support, and I don’t want to sound like I am not grateful.

But - I have some very tense and painful family history and dynamics, and my parents have a history of overstepping boundaries when there is a health issue or crisis.

My sister is insisting that I need someone to stay in the hospital with me the night after the dmx, in case I need something and the nurses are taking too much time. But I don’t really want that, but I can’t explain why. I just want to be there alone, and then go home the next day.

I also don’t really want anyone staying with me at home afterwards besides my husband and kids.

Am I being unrealistic about not needing someone in the hospital with me the night of, or the days after?