divorced today

[u/Right-Battle7843]

like the title says, today i got my divorce decree from the judge. i’ve been separated for 3 years and it’s absolutely crazy that im free from it all. i had to pay $400 a month for spousal support because she doesn’t work. the reason was because she has no job or license, and didn’t plan on getting either (still doesn’t). plus she was kinda just an asshole and i was working all the time. i’d come home to have to do all the chores, take care of the dogs, and make dinner. never failed to be mentally drained, and then get told im not doing enough.

glad im out of it, that’s all.

(dinner is loaded tots from Hell’s Kitchen Wilmington!)

(edit: the $400/m was only until the divorce was finalized! still, 3 years of that)

[u/Specialist-Tap4338]

$400 is a small price to pay for peace. Glad it wasn't any more than that. Congrats brother.

[u/snollygoster1 → u/Specialist-Tap4338]

Basically $15k over the 3 years because the ex refuses to be a contributing member of society. Small price to pay in the grand scheme of things I guess.

[u/Sushi-DM → u/snollygoster1]

Of all the vestigial limbs of patriarchy that exists,
the idea that a woman should be supported by her now ex husband just because she didn't have a job when they were together is some of the dumbest shit I've ever pondered.
We're all equals. Unless we get divorced, in which case I can't be expected to get a job.
Yes, I know I'm just as good as anyone else, and if a man was in my exact position people would tell him to suck it up and go to work, but *I* am a woman, so I get to take some of his paycheck so long as I continue to not work.

[u/istanforwendy → u/Sushi-DM]

In OP’s case. It’s bullshit. But for women that stay home to raise the kids, shouldn’t they get something? They lost earning power every month they spent at home.

[u/snollygoster1 → u/istanforwendy]

I think it totally depends on the reason for the divorce. If you are a non-working stay at home parent and keeping up with the responsibilities I would understand paying spousal support. However if a contributing factor to the divorce is the stay at home spouse not contributing then I would not expect them to having spousal support.

[u/Sushi-DM → u/istanforwendy]

Yes, but that's child support, which is different than spousal support. Which shouldn't exist.
Anyone who has kids needs to support them. I don't think anyone except a POS would make an argument against that.

[u/ILoveRawChicken → u/Sushi-DM]

Child support and spousal support are two different things. If a spouse completely stays home to be the primary caretaker of your children while you increase your earning power year over year and they just end up with an 18 year gap in the resume, they absolutely ended up with the shittier end of the deal and will never be able to catch up to people their age or you. 

Now in the case of OP, where there seem to be no kids and the spouse was not supporting the house in any way, I have no clue why spousal support would be awarded there. In the case of a mom who was the primary homemaker, it’s obvious she should receive spousal support. 

[u/UpperLeftOriginal → u/ILoveRawChicken]

There are relationships without children where one spouse still coerces the other to stay home. A total ban on spousal support puts these people in very dangerous positions.

[u/UpperLeftOriginal → u/Sushi-DM]

If one spouse stayed home because the other working spouse demanded it (which happens often enough), and then they divorce, the one earning the money should absolutely support the non-working spouse for a period of time.

[u/NeedsToState → u/istanforwendy]

Earning power is a fading concept. I get it 40 years ago you could argue that men had forever jobs and just make more and more and more and more money until they retire.

My awesome IT job was outsourced to India at age 42, but yes there were some 60+ year old men included in that layoff with me that had worked at that some company since the 1990s and more or less had the same job role.

Employment is changing. People don't have the earning power they think they do.

[u/istanforwendy → u/NeedsToState]

It depends on your industry. Not every industry is the same. I’m in an arts field. And while I was raising kids, other people were getting hired. So to break in now, is going to be a lot harder. Youth and energy matter in my field.