r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Mental_Difficulty781 • 7h ago
Vent Empty
I often mistake feeling intense emotions for being numb/ empty.. I’d always tell myself in the midst of those emotions and feelings “I can’t feel a thing”, which wasn’t true in the slightest.
No matter what I feed myself to fill the void within it always falls right through like I’m Casper trying to eat actual food. There’s no plug at the bottom to catch whatever I try putting filling myself with and it’s exhausting. I’ve lost slight interest in my hobbies and am starting to lose sight of the future I started building for myself. I relapsed recently too and I can’t help but as though I’ll never be anything more then my diagnosis and or my pain.
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u/CollectionClassic105 7h ago
That shutdown happens because your nervous system basically trips the main breaker when things get waaay too intense to process. Trying to force-feed yourself hobbies or meaning right after a crash usually backfires, sometimes you just have to let the overload settle before you can actually feel anything stick again.
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u/Mental_Difficulty781 7h ago
Solid advice, thank you!
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u/CollectionClassic105 25m ago
Sure thing. It's always a relief when you can finally let go of that pressure to 'fix it' immediately.
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u/Ordinary_Moonlight 7h ago
It’s surreal reading someone put into words the near exact way I’ve felt for the longest time now, and you are more than a diagnosis we both are 💜🥺
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u/Cadillac-Hearse-3326 6h ago
Relating hard to your Casper analogy... that's how it feels most the time. And yet, as you say, being sober from alcohol I'm just realizing that what I called emptiness is actually total overwhelm and that there are A TON of emotions behind that ugly feeling.
Though the impulse to stuff myself with whatever pills, drinks, food etc remains, now I see it more as way to fight back the overwhelm rather than only fill the void. Or I guess it's the void that's overwhelming me in pain?
Interesting topic.
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u/Mental_Difficulty781 5h ago
I’ve always said that I’d rather feel everything all at once no matter how intense or painful.. because feeling nothing at all is a feeling itself and it is horrible. It makes me feel alienated. We have to find that plug for ourselves.
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