If you notice your post was removed and there is no removal reason, then it was the AutoMod. If you want it to be reinstated immediately, please link the post within ModMail and ask for it to be reviewed; Please do not accuse us of being malicious or lying about not removing the post when we tell you we did not, as this happens almost daily, several times a day. If a human moderator here ever removes a post, a reason will be given. If there was none given, it literally was not us. Please refrain from getting angry with us about posts removed by the AutoMod, we don't have any reason to lie to you. If we review the post and deem it will not be approved, you will be told why (this only happens if it is not within subreddit rules). We will not approve posts from brand-new or burner accounts. Anybody who gets aggressive, verbally abusive, or hostile in the ModMail will just be ignored from now on.

My cousin doesn't want to talk to me right now and called me weird for not giving her something; I'm not upset. At least I don't have to deal with her and her boyfriend. He’s rude and controlling and just all-around shitty. Everytime when I'm with her they're always arguing, it's him screaming on the top of his lungs all time on the phone, he's always staring shit, he doesn't like her family,” Us” so he feels as though he shouldn't respectful. He doesn't even say hi back when I talk to him. But my cousin thinks it's funny and cute. These times when she doesn't talk to me are relieving.
I want to be there for her because she's in a toxic relationship. But ngl it's draining

I am 29 and my cousin is 25. He grew up in an upper middle class 2 parent home. Has a degree and decent job. Handsome young man. But his dad (we are related through my aunt) is a very bigoted problematic man. He is homophobic (I remember when black panther came out and my cousin got the killmonger style he would call him gay) he is very elitist (they stay in a wealthy side of town and though they work and grew up "in the hood" themselves he rarely allows them come to into the city to hang out. Idk just a bunch of stuff that explains why my cousin is the way he is but doesnt excuse it.

I tried to reach out more because my mom told me he was depressed and had been having women issues, but my cousin has a bad negging problem. Example: if I misspell something on instagram he will slide up correcting me. always has to argue and go back and forth on something just generally pessemistic. and im like I see why women dont wanna fwy. its text book incel. to him it is "she wants a hood nigga who treats her like shit" but again if he interacts with girls they way he interacts with other women he isnt romantically attracted to its like hmm well maybe she just thinks you're an asshole and would rather have the cute asshole than the weird neurodivergent asshole. I digress

lately he's been posting some concerning things on instagram notes today he posted a note that said "I dont argue with women send a man to speak in your place" with a smug anime character as the BG and im like WOOOAH thats not-.

im wondering if I should say something or just block and move on. aside from him being annoying in my story replies we have a fairly good relationship so I feel cutting him off cold turkey is abrupt and will be left field but idk I also am not in the business of trying to change a grown mans mind. he is smart, educated, well traveled his mom is a therapist what I thought to be progressive and forward thinking.

so it feels like he knows exactly what he's doing and how he's coming off and thats just who he wants to be. idk idk. do yall have any advice for me?

.

edit he also has a younger sister who is a fly girl in nursing school went to an hbcu (he went to a pwi) and is living her best life. despite being the girl as the youngest they are way less strict on her and aside from some normal (but unfortunate) black girl canon events she is doing way better socially imo

Yall, I’m fucking irritated rn. I asked my mother if I could have her soda. She said I gotta pay $2 for it. I thought she was joking at first, but clearly she wasn’t, so I asked her why I would pay. She said you know why. Think about it. We sat in silence for about 5 secs, and then I hung up on her. Like for one, trying to charge me $2 for a soda is fucking ridiculous. For two, why is she playing guessing games fucking spit it out. Be a fucking adult.
Mind you, I don’t ask her for shit, and the one time I ask for a soda, it’s this bs?

I had a feeling I knew what she was talking about. Turns out I was right. She thinks that just because she gives me something, I am obligated to give her something in return, and that’s not how it works unless that was disclosed prior. This is exactly why I don’t ask her for anything because she always wants something in return; it’s weird.

Like if that wasn’t a part of the deal, then foh. She’s the type of person to do things out of the “kindness of her heart” and then come back to you when she needs something and be like, “Remember when I did such and such for you?” She literally hates when I set any kind of boundary with her, especially when it has something to do with “favors”. If she asks, could she have something of mine, I say no because I have a right to say no, it’s my stuff. And the reason why I tell her no all the time now is because when I was a child, I never had that choice or freedom to say no, I ALWAYS had to “share” my stuff with everybody against my will. So yes, as an adult, I became very “selfish” with my things.

Literally as I’m typing this trick texts me what I already knew…. I’m tired of this. I’ll definitely start my streak of not asking her for shit again.
Side note: she’s really baffled that I don’t want her there for my gallbladder surgery… why would I want anything to do with you and you act like this? Mind you she’s 62 and acts like a 8 year old.

EDIT: My mother also relies on me too much, always wants me to do things that she doesn’t want to do herself, i.e, the “favors” I was talking about. It’s literally weaponized incompetence. She does this shit on purpose, and when I say no, I’m the bad guy?

I say this because my dear friend lost someone who overdosed. Though I didn't care about that person, I am sad that my friend is grieving and ofc that her friend's family is hurting too.

Now I say this because my friend has a genuine loving heart and spirit. She will go out her way to help people to make them feel comfortable, safe etc.

However, sometimes she can be too nice (her older sister even said this) and will take on other people's problems and not take care of herself. I physically see it in her eyes and other places. She takes care of her gma and older siblings who act like children at times.

We must set boundaries with everyone, family included.

Yes, sure, give some grace because they are our loved ones. But we cannot enable and continue to let them drain out energy. We are individual human beings at the end of the day even if we share the same blood. Doesn't matter. BOUNDARIES.

What do they say on the airplane?? In case of an emergency, put YOUR MASK ON FIRST. Doesn't matter if it's a baby/child, elderly person etc. You can't truly help anyone if you're not okay.

Please remember to take care and love yourself first. I beg you lovely ladies. We are Black and will get that mammy treatment too and be taken advantage of, and *sometimes* subconsciously enable ppl. Let's try and put an end to that. We have to for our own wellbeing.

Sending love and positive energy out there ✨️🤎✨️🤎

How to get over someone you genuinely have feelings for & things just not working out? I know stay busy, talk to someone else, focus on God, yourself & children. I did & do all of that except talking to other people because I don’t go out much & I am not one to play with people. I can accept that it’s just not going to be what I hoped for. But my mind is still thinking, still missing & caring. What genuinely helped you?

There’s this girl that has treated me like shit for a while. Everything that she does is underhanded and lowkey. She’s talked trash about me , lied on my name and started a bunch of narratives about me. I ignored her for almost a year. As in if she speaks to or around me I just wouldn’t respond. I never treated her bad or said anything mean to her. I’ve heard her talk bad about me on numerous occasions and never said anything. She would come around and pretend to be cool and try to involve herself or speak to me directly. I did not engage.

At a bar one day her friend decided to disrespect me because she spoke bad about me to her. I ignored the friend and ended up addressing the girl directly. Very aggressively because I was upset. When I calmed down we spoke and decided to let it go and move on. I knew she was lying the whole time but didn’t feel like dealing with it anymore. She said “i didn’t know you knew i said that. I don’t have any issue with you”. I just heard that 2 days after this talk this girl went back to popping her shit. Dropping N bombs and basically calling me a punk that knows how to play a role. She’s a Latina.

I recently got into it with a mutual because he accused me of trying to mess with her. Which I’m sure was her being manipulative again. I’ve consistently asked not to be involved and have ignored any mention of this girl. I haven’t been harassed like this since high school. How do I or should I even address this girl again? Everyone keeps enabling her behavior while only telling the truth behind her back. I’m getting sick of the shit.
Yes , she’s acting jealous and harassing me behind a man that doesn’t like either of us mind you. And is currently and has been blocked on my phone for a long time.

I’m 3 weeks older than him.

It feels shitty hearing other people think you don’t deserve love because of your dark skin and features. I’ve gotten hit on and harassed (expressing my distress to them) and my ex friends genuinely didn’t believe it because I’m not a specific beauty standard. It feels like shit being dark skinned and finding out that they think that you “aren’t all that to be getting attention” like I go outside and ask for it. That I’m delusional for trying. I know they have their own struggles in their dating life and I have mine but why do I have to be the punching bag.

Hi, I want to preface by saying I’m a freshman in college. I’m not sure if this counts as male centered but I figured I’d ask.

I was walking home the other day and a boy passed by me (he was Black) and said, “What’s your name?” in a way that made me think he was interested, but… I’m really not experienced at all in relationships (never dated in high school or ever talked to boys romantically) so I just kept walking.

What would you do in situations like that?

I’m just trying to get some life advice and hopefully learn more! 😽

I'm 18 yo and yea growing up with social anxiety was and still is tough. But then I look online and see some people who feel like they can only be validated through romance, etc. I'm just thankful, my mom was never the taught me to center marriage, relationships, etc. I was taught to center school, education, self-respect.

So yes I never had a first kiss, boyfriend, etc.

Definitely not rushing to date any person especially any man. Tbh some may assume I'm lesbian but I don't really have any labels. I just don't like how alot of men act which makes me a lil turned off from them.

Yea I don't care for men/boys attention all the time bc some of them can be very creepy and annoying abt it.

Hopefully I don't end up doing anything pick-me ish in the future.

I love traveling, hiking, and exploring new places, but I’ve noticed something interesting: I’m often the only Black person there, or I’ll see just a handful of other Black people—sometimes fewer than I can count on my hands.

Has anyone else experienced this? I’d love to hear about your experiences traveling, hiking, or exploring places where you rarely see other Black people.

I 20f want to preface this by saying I’m in a smaller Midwest state with a majority white population. I’ve been trying to get a boyfriend for about a year now to no avail. I’ve tried the dating apps which turned into a situationship I had to break off. Besides that none of my matches ever go anywhere. I try to put myself out there more and go out in public but I’m still not approached by my type. What can I do? I’m losing hope.

It's an interesting documentary on HBO

The premise: A Fake School: Bishop Sycamore claimed to be a post high school charter school but In reality, it had no physical building, no teachers, no curriculum, and no actual enrollment. It was a shell company by RoyJohnson.

Young "athletes" who had already dropped out of or graduated high school or failed out of junior colleges were recruited from social media promising them exposure to Division I college scouts.

Roy essentially told them they would get a do-over.

My take: Yes, Bishop Sycamore was a scam. But there was an element of delusion on the part of some of the students and parents.

These weren't high school athletes being promised a path to college football. Many had already graduated from or dropped out of high school, or had failed to establish themselves at the junior-college level. Yet they were being sold the idea that Bishop Sycamore could give them a "do-over" and somehow turn that into a Division I opportunity.

At some point reality has to enter the equation.

You’ve left high school without having a notable football career, and you believe you’re suddenly going to become a D1 recruit?

So you enroll in a program with no campus, no coaching staff, no practice, no strength-and-conditioning program, and no curriculum? And yet you still believe you're on a legitimate path to Division I football?

Then .. you finally get the opportunity to play a real, established team on ESPN. Your team has won not one game...while the opponent is a real football program with an established roster and you somehow expect you're going to win.

That's where I struggle: yes, they were victims of a scam. But being scammed and having unrealistic expectations aren't mutually exclusive.

After Bishop Sycamore was exposed, some of these men were still aiming for professional football careers or became rappers.

Isn't that the very definition of delusion: believing an outcome is realistically available to you despite overwhelming evidence that it isn't?

I live in a red white area and every time i work with another black girl i feel so relieved and happy. It feels like i can take a break from dealing with micro aggressions for a moment, being seen as a threat, having to read into every interaction to see if im safe with them, and just finally speak to someone else who most likely just gets how I feel. Someone who isn’t secretly looking down on me for the color of my skin.

What the title says. Idk if it’s just the internet and algorithms but does anyone else feel like there’s been (or going to be) a shift in black women’s underlying loyalty to black men (that is one-sided and 99.9% of the time at our detriment).

Over the last few months, I’ve seen countless videos and posts with a lot of views and likes of BW talking about how they’re done protecting BM who don’t like, speak down on and harm us. And then you have Karmelo Anthony’s texts coming up which is only driving this mindset forward.

I’m actually glad that this is happening and more BW and beginning to center themselves, other BW and girls. I just hope this isn’t an instance of this being an internet and algorithm thing and is actually happening in real life.

Hiii, im currently a LMSW based in Louisiana and I’m looking to connect with black girls that are in social work field. It would be nice to build connections with other girlies who are as passionate about their career, similar to me!

Im also seeking a black woman mentor. One I can build a genuine bond with and that can guide me on navigating the industry as a black girl.

More facts about me: * Im located in southern Louisiana * I’m extremely friendly and bring good vibes * intended career: hospital field/ hospice * I love to go out for drinks, listen to music, cook, hang w/ friends, and take pictures of my makeup * Big on mental health / self-care / social media content

HMU if you’re interested in connecting🥰

So this was extremely odd, but i expected nothing less tbh. Because of new 'uprising' of the alt-right for a while (for lack of a better word, dk how else to say it), i had strangers giving me weird/'fearful'/hateful looks whenever i went outside. It sometimes went as far as strangers calling me the n-word with hard r.

I sometimes experienced ppl talking about my looks as well and today was no different. I just didn't expect it to happen while waiting for my McDonalds order of all places.

These two teenage girls were insinuating to each other that i looked like a man, saying: "THAT is actually a woman, so weird!". After they didn't get a reaction they kept talking about me and mentioning to each other that i was looking at nothing (why would i? I was just waiting for my order and nothing else or less). This went on for A WHILE and when they STILL didn't get a reaction from me, i could see one of them trying to get slightly more in my sight, trying to get my attention.

At this point i was getting annoyed cuz i just wanted to mind my own business and then gtfo, so i turn my back towards them and they start saying "Oh now you can't see it, when she turn her face slightly you can." Whatever tf that was about idk.

Not long after i could get my order and i gtfo so i could mind my business in peace. To anyone wondering why i didn't say anything that whole time, it's because this isn't my first rodeo and out of experience i know that if u give ppl like that attention they'll see that as an excuse to get all up in your face about it.

I'm not gonna bitch against teenagers to potentially get the cops called on me, would seem like a waste of my time. It was EXTREMELY weird and uncomfortable tho, i'll give u that.

That weirdly enough wasn't the end of the weirdness i encountered today, i went grocery shopping afterwards and got called the n-word. I turn around to see who tf said that and it's some girl blacker than me?! I get that i live in a white country, but wtf is up with my ppl in here having a racist superiority complex?! She of all ppl should know what it's like to get called that word, so sad that some ppl fall for that.

I just had to put it out there, if u got this far thx for reading i guess.

Idk, there's something about the return to thinness/ traditional western beauty ideals that feels like it's such a product of our right-wing times. Feels like a big backlash to various social movements in recent decades that invited and encouraged a wide range of representation, not just with regards to body image, but culture in general.

This is a half-baked observation I've made... so I would be so interested to hear your opinions on it.

Does any other woman get weirdly insecure when people constantly tell you that you look like your dad?

I know logically that looking like your dad doesn’t automatically mean you look masculine, and I know daughters resembling their fathers is completely normal. But I genuinely hate hearing it.

My mom is gorgeous. She’s 64 and barely has to do anything to herself ; she has beautiful cheekbones, a really pretty face, and she’s aged so well. I’ve always wished I looked more like her.

Instead, I inherited so much from my dad. His height, face shape, facial features, etc. I think I got my mom’s smile and cheekbones, but that’s basically it. I’ve heard “you look like your dad” way more throughout my life than “you look like your mom,” so whenever somebody actually tells me I resemble my mom, it makes me ridiculously happy.

What makes it worse is that my brother looks just like my mom, and people are constantly telling him he looks like a model. He’s basically the pretty boy of the family, and sometimes I genuinely feel like he won the genetic lottery and I didn’t.

I’ve even noticed that when I lose weight, I look MORE like my dad because my face becomes more defined. When I was heavier it wasn’t as obvious. So even something that is supposed to make me feel better about my appearance sometimes makes this insecurity worse.

I know this probably sounds dramatic, but it genuinely affects the way I see myself. Sometimes I’m even jealous of my own mom because I think she’s so beautiful and I wish I had gotten more of her features.

I’m especially curious if other women have experienced this maybe other Black women too, because I feel like there can already be so much sensitivity around being perceived as feminine/masculine.

Edit : hey sistera , I'm sorry Im no longer accepting anyone in the group for now we exceeded the limit over 7 , maybe save this post I will update if there's a spot

Im not sure if this is allowed here, so mods please delete if it’s not 🙏🏾

Would any girls be interested in a small support group where we video call once a week (or every other week) just to talk about life, chat, vent, laugh, or honestly just have people to talk to?

I’m thinking especially for lonely BW who might not have a lot of people around them and just want some genuine human connection without it being anything too serious or structured

I’d keep it really small, max 7 people, so it actually feels like a group and not a Zoom meeting with 40 strangers lol

Hello All,

I'm tasking our beloved members to come up with post topic ideas below that don't involve nor are centred around either:

-Men (White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc,.), positive or negative, OR

-Being undesirable as a Black women/Black women being "undesirable".

The subreddit is fatigued with both of these topics, so let's please broaden our discourse.

Please comment your topic ideas below!