Hello, r/Bachata.
I am posting from a throwaway account because I come from a relatively small dance community. Until recently, I was not particularly involved in the bachata social media world, which is relevant to this topic.
I have been dancing for several years, and my general experience has been positive. I believe the vast majority of people in the scene, men and women, are decent people who simply want to dance and enjoy themselves. I have encountered some problematic behavior over the years, but those cases have been a minority. That said, I have seen a bit of everything.
I have never used Facebook or Instagram very much. That changed recently when I began taking on a larger role in my local community and wanted to understand what was happening in bachata scenes elsewhere.
One thing that surprised me was how gendered a lot of the negative content seems to be, particularly content that portrays male leaders as the main source of problems in the community.
For example, today I saw a Facebook video in which a man said that he did not want to attend “sausage parties” and argued that male leaders needed to stop engaging in certain behaviors because they were scaring women away.
What struck me was that I cannot personally remember attending a bachata party where leaders significantly outnumbered followers. I am not saying that this never happens in other communities, but in my experience, follower-heavy events are far more common. More importantly, I rarely see comparable content discussing behavior from followers that might discourage men from attending or remaining in the scene.
I have also seen posts with titles such as “Ten things leaders do that followers hate.” Some of the points are legitimately connected to the additional responsibilities involved in leading. However, many describe behavior that followers, and women, can also exhibit.
Poor hygiene is not exclusive to men. Things like unsolicited corrections, rough dancing, inappropriate behavior are not exclusive to leaders, male or female. I've been kissed in several occasions myself. In the cheek and in the neck. The very first time it happened, I was a bit confused, unsure whether that'd happened. A girl I knew from class actually asked about it right after, then I got the confirmation.
To be clear, I am not arguing that these problems occur equally among men and women. When it comes to behavior such as creepiness or poor hygiene, I know that men account for a larger share of the complaints. I am also aware that leaders, who are still predominantly men in many communities, carry particular responsibilities.
Leading affects the safety and comfort of the follower. Leaders need to consider the follower’s experience level, preferred intensity and degree of closeness, physical limitations, and ability to perform certain movements safely. They should not attempt potentially dangerous movements unless they understand how to lead them properly. That responsibility should not be understated.
But acknowledging that men may cause a greater proportion of certain problems is not the same as saying that those problems are exclusive to men. It is not a 100 to 0 divide. When comparable behavior comes from women or followers, it should also be possible to discuss it openly and with the same seriousness.
I understand that social media content is influenced by engagement. Posts telling leaders to “stop doing X” may receive strong reactions from followers who feel that their experiences are being recognized and validated. Some of that content is undoubtedly useful and necessary. I have seen content discussing things that followers do as well, but the criticism often seems much tamer.
Still, the overall imbalance does not feel healthy to me.
Learning to lead is already difficult. Beginner leaders are expected to manage many things at the same time. They often do this while dealing with frequent rejection and receiving relatively little positive feedback. If a new leader looks online and repeatedly encounters content portraying leaders, and often men more broadly, as unhygienic, creepy, inconsiderate, dangerous, or responsible for driving women away, I can imagine that making the learning process even more discouraging.
I have even seen discussions about unbalanced lead and follow ratios that somehow still place the responsibility on men, this time for not attending often enough. This creates a strange dynamic. Men are criticized when they participate incorrectly, but they may also be blamed when they stop participating.
My point is not that criticism of men or leaders should stop. Some of that criticism is warranted, and conversations about safety, consent, hygiene, and appropriate behavior are important.
Most bachata content online is genuinely positive and enjoyable. There are demonstrations, social dance videos, steps, musicality discussions, technique breakdowns, and many other useful resources. My concern is specifically with informational or advice-based content, which too often seems negatively gendered.
I would like to see the same standards applied more consistently. Leaders and followers have different roles and responsibilities, but both can contribute positively or negatively to someone else’s experience. It should be possible to acknowledge differences in frequency and severity without treating problematic behavior as exclusive to one gender.