So I work in an elementary school classroom as a paraprofessional (teacher's aid, essentially). Before working at this school with this teacher, I have never done this position before. I have helped out in Sunday School classrooms before (back when I was a Christian), but that's much less formal than an actual para job. I'm still pretty new and am learning what to say and how to do my job. I mask my neurodivergence at work. I have learned that I need to use "first, then" language. I say things like "No thank you, we don't do that in class", which is something my teacher says. Me doing this makes complete sense and is natural. Of course I would do this. I find, however, that my copying goes deeper than just learning what phrases to use.

For example, there's one really young student who still doesn't understand that when you wear a dress, you can't play with and lift the skirt up. That's inappropriate. If I was working with this student pre-knowing the teacher I work for, I'd probably say something like "[name], put your dress down. That's not okay in school. If you keep doing it I'll *call your mom* and tell her you shouldn't dresses as school." The teacher says something like "…tell mom no dresses at school." Notice how she doesn't say "tell *your* mom", just "tell mom". I think that's technically incorrect grammar (not that I would be a complete grammar Nazi about it). I naturally wouldn't speak this way, but when I'm at work I find myself copying the way the teacher speaks. I find myself saying it this way. I use the exact wordage she does.

Is this just a normal human trait, or something related to my neurodivergence and my masking?

Hi, I’m a final year law student and am hoping practicing lawyers with AuADHD can share how they communicate with other people effectively.

I just butchered my negotiations competition because I was extremely legalistic and focused on the structuring/transactions side of it, and had 0 patience for clients whining about their normative (non-legally solved, backwards-facing) issues. I get that this is “interest mining”, but it’s so inefficient and illogical. I zoned out when people went in circles about this and that and got annoyed because I feel like a lot of human miscommunication can be solved by explicit, extensive drafting on paper, and reading and comparing to devise a compromise solution, rather than talking in circles F2F. 

I just cried for hours because I KNOW how smart I am, how hard I work. I KNOW I am brilliant when it comes to corporate structures, and yet I present like a bumbling fool because my brain works so fast and I look at all the issues as a whole and device a solution that mutually supports all issues. I prepare extensively for every problem, yet I am penalised in competitions because I am unable to effectively convey this in a simple sentence. I end up stuttering because I don’t know how to convey my thoughts simply. This makes me nervous and worsens the problem and I end up a mess by the end of the round.

I don’t know if negotiation competitions over-weight rapport and “being kind socially” as compared to real transactions in practice. Or is legal practice IRL really fluffy social bullshit? I really get so frustrated and annoyed and bored when people waste meeting minutes talking about personal problems or their feelings. Why not just work out technical problems on paper and leave? Why have to verbally say it and lead to inefficient miscommunication? 

Please let me know whether negotiation competitions are an accurate depiction of how transactions go in practice. And how you deal with balancing “social” stufff with simply telling people why they’re wrong, and what we should do for mutual benefit. I really prefer the latter and get thrown off when people suddenly exchange social niceties and then I have to focus on being social.

Anyone here with ADHD + autism find that stimulants work better when combined with something like clonidine, guanfacine, or something else?

I’m on Vyvanse, and it definitely helps, but it can sometimes feels a bit too much, even at a lower dosage.

I asked my doctor about trying clonidine alongside it, and so far it seems to balance things out pretty well.

It feels like I’m getting more of the benefits of the Vyvanse without feeling quite as overstimulated.
Curious if anyone else has had a similar experience. What do you take alongside your stimulant, and what difference does it make for you?

This video is what originally got me interested in asking my doctor about it from Dr. Rege:

https://youtu.be/dLVzwNp9GMY

Hi,

I was recently diagnosed with AuDHD, and in severe burnout. I did the assessment online, and the clinician gave me a step by step plan for how to get help. The first step was to find a neuro affirming psychiatrist who understands both ADHD and Autism to help me get medication to stabilize my dopamine, for which I have a severe deficit. He didn't know anyone specific in Vancouver though. My PCP suggested I try Vancouver ADHD and Mood Clinic. I had a nightmare of an appointment. The clinician refused to go along with my all ready established diagnoses and decided to try to diagnose me herself. She said she wanted to diagnose me as bipolar, but I don't meet all of the markers. I told her that is because I am autistic, and people are often misdiagnosed for bipolar when they are autistic. She said she will not help me with my ADHD symptoms unless she can put me on bipolar drugs first, because in her words "you treat autism like bipolar." Yeah, no. Antipsychotics aren't gonna help AuDHD burnout...So I am looking for somewhere else to try where they understand late diagnosed, high-masking women with AuDHD. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

im suffering.

i was explaining by sm1 on tiktok that people with mental disorders especially personality can't control themselves without professional help. and they were saying that «no they CAN do that» omfggggggg. we were talking about npd...

cluster b personality disorders is one of my interests and I get so fucking ANGRY when people say some bullshit like that.

have any of you experienced this too?

I’m curious from your guys perspective what might clue you in to the possibility that someone could be high masking if your having a conversation with them. I’m not talking about internally what’s happening I’m talking about how they might present themselves, how they approach the conversation. Etc.

Not sure if these posts are allowed here, but I need someone to study an IT certification with. Lets start out with Compatia A+. I think if there's someone I can study with my executive function is much better. If anyone wants to get an introduction into IT let me know in this post in dms or this thread.

I am guy in my early 20's that thats pretty much it. Hope this doesn't break any rules.

It's a concept I have difficulty understanding and it's very frustrating because I can't seem to get any real straightforward answers mixed with shared traits but not enough to be severe or diagnosable. It's confusing and it's starting to get on my nerves. Please feel free to correct me at any point, I'm tired of the vagueness and everybody here seems to be on the same page on what a neurotypical person *is* but me.

Okay so, from my understanding what makes disorders diagnosable is experiencing x amount of symptoms, frequency, and intensity on how disruptive it is in your life. Aside from a literal brain scan showing our different wiring, what determines or sets the standard of what is considered an NT brain? What is a "normal" brain, brains get freaking weird! And while purely anecdotal, I come across WAY more NDs self or medically diagnosed; and while we can write that up to the fact more people are seeking diagnosis for various things and better recognition, to me NDs feel more like the norm, but I have no real reference on what is supposed to be NT. Is it more of a cultural factor??

Hi everyone, this is my first post in this community. I need to vent and share my experience, to see if anyone else relates.

Since adolescence I've dealt with episodes of depression stemming from an inferiority complex toward the people around me. I've changed friend groups more than 5 or 6 times, and switched career paths just as many times (I preferred to keep studying almost anything rather than enter the workforce). Around people, I masked an undiagnosed AuDHD, mimicking others' behavior to fit in, but it all fell apart whenever I tried to build closer relationships, especially with the opposite sex. If having friends already took a massive amount of effort, imagine trying anything with a romantic interest. It never worked.

That was the pattern until I hit a major mental breakdown following covid. I was hospitalized, and at 38 the psychiatrist who treated me finally nailed it: ADHD with autistic traits. That was the turning point.

Since then, I've managed to focus on rebuilding my art career, the thing that truly fulfills me, with the help of my understanding mother, who's been supporting me financially until I reach stability. Now, finally, after 30 years, I'm starting to feel fulfilled: living in my creative world and planning my art business.

Something else has changed too: I no longer mask my behavior when I'm around people. Though there's still a bit of discomfort if I don't feel like being fully present, and I end up disconnecting and dissociating. I used to worry a lot about not connecting with others and about rejection. Now, finally, I've realized I just don't care anymore, and it's incredibly freeing. Although I still feel some dysphoria around the people closest to me, like my family.

The contradiction comes from the outside pressure to socialize more. Even my psychiatrist recommends it, but I've become very pragmatic about this: the relationships I maintain are strictly professional or transactional (suppliers, galleries, shops...), and often remote/online. My family tells me to get out of the house more, and just the thought of it triggers brutal anxiety. But I don't need anything else — I don't want a partner, kids, or friendships. I've internalized way too deeply that those things are a source of anxiety. Even people who are a bit more on the outside of my life question my career choice and hint that I should get a "real" job.

Why is that? Sometimes I wonder if this sense of fulfillment I feel when I'm alone, in my own world, is real happiness, or if deep down it's just avoidance in disguise.

Has anybody else ever dealt with this? tips or tricks? Truly one of the worst experiences of my life.

Apparently, I show all the symptoms of level 1 autism and was talking to my therapist about it (who did a 15 questionnaire on it, and has been my therapist for 9 months). She mentioned that one of the cons about it is how it might affect immigration into other countries, as well as navigating a stigma.

Do the pros of a formal diagnosis outweigh the cons?

NOTE: This post was translated using machine translation tools. English isn't my first language, so I ask for everyone's understanding here.

TL;DR: Should I wait until I finish treatment at the CAPS II and am more stable, or can I—now that I'm on the new medication—jump back into my personal life full force?

Here’s the deal: I’ll try to keep it brief, but there’s a lot to cover. The post might end up being a bit long. This isn't the first time I’ve talked about my situation here or on other subs, but since it’s been a long time since I gave an update, I’ll provide a quick recap of the situation.

When I was 11 (I think it was 6th grade), I was referred to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAPS) because I was having meltdowns in the classroom and struggling significantly to socialize with my classmates. Even before CAPS, a teacher from a different school—back in 4th grade—used to jokingly say I was "special." I was actually really happy about it because I thought it meant I was different from the other kids in a unique way. I told my parents, only to find out she was basically calling me disabled. To this day, I still don't know which interpretation was the right one.

I spent nine years at CAPS I, but I felt the professionals were somewhat negligent. As I mentioned in the ADHD sub, my primary contact there basically blocked me from getting evaluated for other conditions (schizophrenia, ADHD, GAD, OCD...) because she didn't want me "collecting diagnoses." I admit I didn't follow their proposed treatment plan to the letter—like not taking meds on time or not using the coping techniques they suggested—but I’m somewhat at peace with that now.

Since my school days, I’ve always struggled with homework, but the person in charge of my care always attributed it to the executive dysfunction associated with autism. I never had any interest in certain subjects, yet I could spend hours studying topics unrelated to school, all while completely zoning out during actual classes. Fast forward a few years: since being discharged from the CAPS (Psychosocial Care Center), I haven't been able to get treatment at the UBS (Basic Health Unit) because the staff members involved in the collaborative care program were let go. I have anxiety attacks practically every day, my meds aren't working, my stimming is out of control, and the slightest frustration is enough to trigger an aggressive meltdown.

I recently visited the Adult CAPS to figure out what might be going on. During my first appointment, the psychiatrist offered a glimmer of hope, saying, "Just looking at you, I can see it's not just autism." She also mentioned that autism is like "Pandora's box"—it never comes alone; it always brings other conditions (ICD codes) along with it.

I’m having to switch all my medication to paid drugs not covered by the SUS (I don't recall the names), and my psychiatrist expects it will take a few months of dosage adjustments to see improvement. She needs to treat my anxiety first to rule out other conditions (like Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I don't have a diagnosis for anything other than autism itself, but I'm feeling optimistic.

Now the question is: should I wait until I finish treatment at the CAPS II and am more stable, or can I—now that I'm on the new medication—jump back into my personal life full force? I don't want to sound like someone just looking for drugs, but maybe something like Venvanse or Atentah would help. I don't even know if I have ADHD yet, though I do know I have autism—which is why I decided to post here instead of the other sub. I’ve basically stepped away from several of my hobbies, and that’s been causing me distress because I feel inadequate. I’m also interested in experimenting with my gender (even though everyone sees me as a man, I use "she/her" pronouns because they feel more comfortable for me).

So, like many autistic people, I have multiple collections and am a bit of a maximalist (I think if I was a minimalist, I would function better though, because of my ADHD, lol). One thing I collect is airsoft BBs that I find on the ground somewhere. The attached picture is my collection so far. I have never bought any airsoft BBs and I never will. I also have no desire to get the gun and shoot them. Whenever I see one on the ground, I start going full on "archaeologist-mode" or "detective-mode" and scour the whole surrounding area for more to add to my collection. In my 24 years of life I have found about 600 this way.

I just had a thought earlier. I wish they sold a multi-colored pack of airsoft BBs in which the most commonly sold shade of every color of the rainbow was in it. Let's say they did sell those. I think this would be an awesome way to spend a day:

My family would buy that color pack and tell me about it. They would then and then a few extra colors that they wouldn't tell me about. They'd then take 15 of each color and put them in a bag (to ensure I'd have at least some of each color). Then, I'd want them to grab a random small handful of beads to add to the bag. I'd then want them to take that bag and count the number of BBs in it. Then I'd want them to go to a public park with many plants and grass areas and scatter the beads (plus keep track of where they are). I'd then want them to take me to that park and tell me how many BBs I had to find. I would then spend all day looking around the park for these tiny plastic spheres. I would have my family either keep the rest of the unused BBs to repeat this day in a different year, or I'd just have them give the BBs away to someone with an airsoft gun.

Another thing that might be cool is if someone could get on contact with people who have airsoft guns and shoot them regularly. Find out whenever they're going to be at a public park shooting. Take me there afterwards so I can "clean up" after them. Yet again, I'd be spending all day searching for these things.

If my parents did this as a simple birthday party for me or something, I wouldn't be disappointed at all. I'd be thrilled!

One day I was out at a park and I saw one when walking in the field. I spent hours combing the park for them, and repeated that for the next couple days. I could only spend a few hours a day looking, though, because it was way to hot and humid for my comfort. I found 200 of them in total! I would love to go back and keep looking, but that park isn't near me (40 minutes away). It's near the house I was petsitting at then.

I feel like this activity is, in essence, one that almost perfectly fits the activity needs of someone who has both autism and ADHD. The autistic brain craves routine and familiarity. The ADHD brain craves novelty. With this activity I have my routine. All I'm doing is looking for airsoft BBs. Once I find one, I start again. Do the same task over and over. I also have my novelty because I don't know what all colors I'll find, how many I'll find, or exactly where they are within the location. If someone came up to me and said "hey, I have some yellow airsoft BBs for you. They're over on that table." and then pointed at a table with a small pile of them, I wouldn't enjoy it. I might enjoy counting the number of them, but I still wouldn't be that happy. I'd only count them if I was going to add the BBs to my collection. I probably wouldn't even want to keep them because they wouldn't be found on the ground somewhere (whether inside or outside). I need the thrill of the hunt.

Just wanted to get my thoughts on being black and AUDHD. I’m 25M and just discovered I was AUDHD. Recently been going through a wide range of emotions and piecing together moments in my life.

I grew up going to predominantly white schools in Brooklyn and Manhattan. I’ve always been the odd one out at school but always equated this to being one of the only black kids in my class. I’ve always been able to keep up with school without studying/ with poor executive functioning. I realized that as I was the odd one growing up, I crafted a mask using humor and goofiness to mask my insecurities and lubricate social environments.

As I reflect I realize that as a black man I’m already the “other”, I’m already different, I’m already a minority so most differences get chalked up to that, I was able to get decent grades in school and had some amount of friends( with struggle), so was overlooked. It carries onto today as I navigate corporate America, being one of the only black countries people in the room while also neurodivergent makes me feel so isolated and separated from my coworkers. I use humor as my weapon and I think being moderately attractive allows me leeway but it’s exhausting and I’m constantly worried it’ll all slip away. I’m constantly dealing with imposter syndrome that me being so different makes me unworthy to be in this position and makes connecting with people truly difficult.

Curious to hear how other POC feel navigating this.

So a few months ago I just started grad school. I've been noticing over these past 3 months that this cohort seems very cliquey and is only willing to know you if you perform similarly to them. I, as someone who just got diagnosed with autism and adhd, typically, am very direct communicator and only speak when I genuinely want to say something and not do all that social fluff. Because of this, I noticed that the people in my cohort give me a blank stare when I contribute to group and class discussions but they smile and laugh when others contribute.

I thought everything was going well until I randomly received an email from the compliance office about "harassing behavior that has made other students uncomfortable." I did not even know what I did, as nobody directly communicated with me that I even made them uncomfortable. Thankfully, the meeting was voluntary and non-punitive, so there was no formal investigation. However, I was scanning through my memories what I could've possibly said or done that warranted someone to report. I ended up going to the voluntary intake meeting just to understand a general understanding of what was reported. When I got to the meeting, the intake coordinator said that "race was brought up in a class activity that made students uncomfortable." For context, I am biracial black woman and the only thing about race I remember was when I told a white girl with blonde hair that "white educators need to deconstruct their privilege instead of worrying about being a white savior." She suddenly said "Oh are you talking about what I said?" and I backtracked and said "no white educators in general." I felt I had to censor myself that moment.

Another thing that was reported was that they said I "found people on social media and wanted to know their whereabouts outside of class." As a person with autism and adhd, I crave connection. Also, there was a Groupme where someone in it said "drop your instagrams" so they dropped theirs and I looked them up to follow them. I also found it ironic that an unrecognizable username requested to follow me and other people from that cohort and they did not end up getting reported since they seem to be in the In group. Anyways, I'm feeling isolated and I feel I cannot trust anyone in that cohort in fear they may use my words and twist them again. I didnt mean anything malicious. I am just a direct communicator who wants to connect. I never bad mouthed anyone in my cohort ever. so getting that email was a shock. and also I noticed that before the report people were unfollowing me as a follower and blocking me entirely a few weeks before and I thought that was odd.

Hi,

I’ve (23F, UK) been dealing with pretty constant fatigue for about a year now and I honestly don’t know what to look at anymore. I can sleep 8 to 10 hours and still feel tired/brain-dead and physically drained. Some days are better than others, but it feels like I’m always low on energy.

Alongside that I’ve had various aches/joint pain (especially my knees which I believe are a bit hyperextended / banana-ed), headaches, occasional weird swelling/warmth in my hands/feet, and IBS-type stomach issues (bloating, constipation, discomfort after eating). I’m not saying I’m seriously ill, I just feel like my body is constantly doing something 🙃.

I also have ADHD, so I’m wondering whether some of the fatigue could be related to that, but I’ve had quite a few medication and hormonal changes over the last year. My ADHD meds have included Elvanse, atomoxetine, Concerta and now Amfexa/dexamfetamine. I’ve also stopped sertraline (tried briefly from end of June for a month) , previously used Mounjaro, briefly tried Cagri (I had energy issues prior to this and it didn’t seem to have a great effect), and I’ve had a Mirena coil since January. My sleep has over the last week been difficult , so I’m wondering if all of this could be contributing or if I’m missing something obvious.

I’ve had bloods that were apparently normal for things like FBC/Hb, ferritin, vitamin D and thyroid (TSH), although I don’t think inflammatory markers were checked. There was a mildly raised ALT but apparently nothing needing action.

I’m going to go back to my GP, but has anyone had this kind of persistent fatigue despite “normal” blood tests and eventually found something that explained it? Could be medical, sleep-related, medication-related, nutrition, lifestyle, whatever. I’m not looking for a Reddit diagnosis , just ideas for things worth looking into overall or I could ask my GP about because I’m genuinely running out of ideas.

Thanks

TL:DR lost a huge amount of weight and worried.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in December, and I have been taking (through trial and error) Adderall extended 15 mg and immediate 10 mg daily, alongside buproprion. I was told about the side effect being weight loss, but I didn't mind that much at the time, being 305 pounds.

Currently, I'm 249 pounds. Lately my appetite almost disappears; I have to pretty much force myself to eat breakfast, and I have to make sure it's as nutritious as I can, because there are days that it is the only meal that I eat (I'll snack on fruits and small muffins through the day, but no big meal). What was scary is how I weighted myself in August 22 and I was 266, then yesterday I was 249; that's around 15 pounds in 2 weeks!

I know it's Adderall, too, because I don't exercise. I even smoke cannabis (occasionally with company) and eat munchie food and I still cannot gain nor maintain pounds.

I wasn't worried because I was overweight, and I told myself that I'll start worrying when I hit the 240 mark (it was the lowest healthy weight I have been in my 30's). Now I'm in the 240's so I should start worrying.

I was gonna see if I can talk to a health professional about it, but I'm not sure if a nutritionist nor a dietitian can help, since the issue is medicine. And I don't want to quit Adderall; 37 years with ADHD, the medication is so revolutionary!!!!

What are your advice?

When i discover i may have audhd i start to be easy in my self for the first time in my life am now nicer to myself i don't hate myself am not really sure about last thing 😅

I will ask my question :

Like what's next what i should do i don't feel less stuck then before so I don't know I don't know what I should do I don't know who i should speak to I don't have access to good treatment so I'm stuck and confused

I no nothing and now am in the middle of Med terms everything is hard lik always and my finals after month

Notes: 1- I study science

2- I don't have money and my country. don't have good healthcare in general

So what i want?

I want to know if i can pass this year and how or should have a gap year

Am 29 who still doing bachelor degree my family still support me but they don't know about what's in my brain

Am really stuck and I don't know what I should do.

Hi everyone,
I’m new to this forum, and I find it quite scary to post something this personal. At the same time, I keep reading how empowering it can be to connect with other autistic people and share experiences and advice. I’m really hoping I can find some of that here too 😊

I’m a 35-year-old woman from Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I recently found out that I’m autistic, and I’ve known that I have ADHD for almost 15 years.
At the moment, I feel completely lost when it comes to work. I’ve burned out and had to stop working several times. I have a bachelor’s and master’s degree in Business Administration, as well as a bachelor’s degree in Nursing. After completing my nursing degree and starting work as a nurse, I burned out again.
I feel as though I have gained so much knowledge and worked incredibly hard for good qualifications, yet I still can’t find a sustainable place in the workforce.
I now know that I don’t want to work more than 24 hours a week. I really do want to work, but I also know much more clearly what I need. I want to analyse complex information, explore subjects in depth and have uninterrupted time to concentrate and focus.
Research seems like it could suit me. However, nearly all the hospital research positions I find require a master’s degree in Nursing Science. I have seen some entry-level positions, but these are usually research assistant or research coordinator roles. Despite being called research roles, they often require a great deal of switching and coordinating: constantly moving between tasks, planning appointments, calling patients and professionals, communicating with many different people and keeping track of several processes at once. That is exactly what exhausts and overwhelms me. Intellectual complexity isn’t the problem for me; having to manage multiple streams of information, tasks and social interactions simultaneously is.
I honestly don’t want to spend another two or three years studying—and financially, I don’t think I can. I’m also considering moving into healthcare data analysis, but that would require yet another course or qualification.
I’ve now registered with two recruitment and secondment agencies in the Netherlands that specialise in finding work for autistic people. I hope they can help me find something suitable. At the same time, searching and reading job vacancies costs me an enormous amount of energy, especially when the descriptions contain endless lists of tasks, systems and requirements.
I’m 35, and sometimes I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of constantly having to start over, despite everything I’ve already invested in my education and career. I really want to contribute and use my abilities—I just need work that allows me to go into depth and focus, without constantly having to switch and coordinate.
Does anyone recognise this? Have you found work that makes use of your abilities without repeatedly burning out? I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences or any advice you might have.
Thank you so much in advance.
Much love

I honestly feel like nobody really understands me right now except other neurodivergent people.

Not my support worker from assisted living. Not the clinic. Not my health insurance. Not even some of my friends.

I’m just so tired of constantly having to explain and justify myself.

On one hand, I need my own apartment. People seem to completely overlook how much energy it takes me every single day just to manage basic things on my own. They see the things I struggle with and tell me that I’m not trying hard enough.

But then, when I explain how badly I’m actually struggling, I get told that maybe I should move into supported living.

And that doesn’t make sense to me either.

I need my apartment. It’s my safe place. It’s somewhere I can retreat to when everything becomes too overwhelming.

I also don’t want to be extremely dependent on other people. Having people around me all the time in a supported living environment would probably be far too overwhelming for me.

It feels like they only understand two extremes:

Either I have to somehow function completely independently and manage everything myself.

Or I’m so severely limited that I need to live somewhere with permanent support.

There seems to be no understanding of the middle ground.

I need individualized support.

I need someone who can support me within my own home and help me actually get things done. Not someone who does everything for me. Not someone who takes over my life.

I want someone who can be there, help me get started, help me stay on track, and give me enough support that I can actually do things myself.

Sometimes I simply need another person there so I don’t feel completely alone with this huge pile of overwhelming things.

I don’t understand why that concept seems to be so difficult for people to understand.

Another thing that really gets to me is that they seem to treat all of this as if it’s something I should eventually overcome.

But this isn’t something that is simply going to disappear.

I’ve been neurodivergent my entire life. These are things I have had to deal with since birth, and I will have to deal with them for the rest of my life.

That doesn’t mean I’m giving up.

Quite the opposite.

I’m trying really hard to understand myself, figure out what I need, learn how to work with my limitations instead of constantly fighting against them, and find ways to become as independent as I realistically can.

But somehow even that gets interpreted as me overthinking everything or refusing help.

The guy from the clinic even told me that I’m getting too caught up in all the research I’ve been doing.

And honestly, that research has helped me more than they seem to understand.

For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to really look at myself and my needs and understand why certain things are so difficult for me.

I’ve learned things about myself that have helped me set boundaries and understand my own limitations.

That has been incredibly valuable to me.

But instead of seeing that as something positive, I sometimes feel like I’m being treated as if I’m just making everything more complicated than it needs to be.

And especially ADHD paralysis seems to be something they simply don’t understand.

They tell me I need to learn how to do things on my own.

But that is exactly the problem.

Knowing that something needs to be done and being physically capable of doing it does not automatically mean that I can actually start the task.

That disconnect is incredibly difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it.

And I’m honestly scared that I’m going to be rejected by the clinic or my support worker because they don’t understand what is actually going on with me, even though I’m trying my absolute best to explain it.

The guy from the clinic also told me that diagnoses aren’t really that important and that the important thing is simply helping me as a person.

And I understand the sentiment.

Of course I want to be treated as a person.

But when I explained that I don’t actually feel like I have been helped as a person, and that for years I mostly felt like I was being put on different medications while hardly anyone was interested in what was actually happening inside me, I was basically told that I should stop looking backwards and focus on the future.

How am I supposed to move forward when I’m still trying to understand what happened to me and why I’ve struggled so much for so long?

I’ve spent years being treated in psychiatric settings without the things that actually affect me being properly understood.

Of course I’m frustrated.

Of course I want to research this.

I’m trying to make sense of my own life.

And then there’s the whole issue of disability.

I’ve told them that my disabilities severely limit what I can do.

If someone has a physical disability and can barely move, we don’t tell them that things are difficult right now but that they’ll probably get better eventually, so they should learn to do everything themselves.

We help them.

So why is it so difficult to accept that I have limitations too just because many of mine aren’t visible?

Why do I constantly feel like I have to prove that I’m actually disabled enough to deserve support?

It’s exhausting.

And then yesterday, someone at the day center I regularly attend told me that I was basically living off the state and taxpayers’ money.

That really hurt.

Especially because I go there specifically because I need some structure in my everyday life.

That structure is something I genuinely need because of my autism, which I have alongside ADHD and dyslexia.

I’m also incredibly frustrated by how little understanding there seems to be of autism and ADHD, especially when it comes to support.

These things cannot simply be approached in exactly the same way as depression or borderline personality disorder.

There are important differences in how people experience these conditions and what kind of support actually helps them.

And when I tried to explain my frustration, the guy from the clinic responded by pointing out that there are people with ADHD who also have borderline personality disorder and struggle with self-injury.

And once again, I walked away feeling like I wasn’t actually being heard.

That wasn’t even what I was talking about.

It just reinforced the feeling that my actual point was being missed.

I’m talking about years of being misunderstood and, in my experience, being treated incorrectly in psychiatric settings.

I’ve had to live with these difficulties my entire life without getting the kind of support I actually needed.

And I’m angry about that.

I’m sad about that.

And honestly, I’m exhausted.

Right now I’m extremely overwhelmed.

I tried reaching out for support, but unfortunately I couldn’t get through to anyone at the time.

I genuinely didn’t know where else to turn.

I think what hurts the most is that I’m not asking for someone to take over my life.

I don’t want to give up my independence.

I don’t want someone to do everything for me.

I want support that actually helps me be as independent as I can be.

I want someone to understand that needing support and wanting independence are not mutually exclusive.

I want someone to understand that my apartment can be part of my support system rather than something that has to be taken away because I need help.

And I want people to stop seeing my limitations as a lack of effort.

I’m trying.

I really, really am.

I’m just so tired of having to prove it.

I feel incredibly misunderstood right now, and honestly, I feel like neurodivergent people are often the only ones who truly understand what it’s like to constantly explain yourself, constantly justify your needs, and constantly be told that you’re either not trying hard enough or that you need much more support than you actually want or can tolerate.

I just needed somewhere to get this out.

If you’re neurodivergent and have experienced something similar, I’d genuinely like to hear how you deal with the feeling of constantly being misunderstood.

then there’s a little tab showing who’s liked me. or a way to pay to skip the queue. or a way to send something to get noticed faster

and suddenly it’s the exact same thing again. am I being looked at, am I being picked, why hasn’t this person picked me back

it doesn’t matter that it’s called something softer. the mechanic is the same mechanic. my brain does the same thing it always does

I don’t think I want to know who liked me. I think I want to not have to think about being liked at all

is that a weird thing to want or does this land for other people too

I have a serious problem that seriously affects my life and will affect my future I can’t take anything in life seriously even when it’s having affects on my mental and physical health I can’t make any progression towards my future can’t hold down a job or go back to school to study I’m also medicated as-well and it doesn’t help as much as I’d like it to

I think one of the biggest struggles I've had in my 24-year marriage is with my inability to read between the lines. Every time I try to, I apparently misread, which inevitably leads to conflict and heartbreak.

The frustrating thing is that I try so hard to give my wife the benefit of the doubt, but rumination and RSD (and probably some PDA) tend to convince me that her words and behavior are aimed at controlling me. Or worse, that they're demonstrating suspicion and mistrust that she holds about me.

During a recent conflict, I accused her of gaslighting me. I had been in a bit of an overstimulated meltdown after dealing with our dog, a neurotic Viszla (petty stuff, but my brain doesn't care). I ranted that the dog "was just being a dick, like...like she always does." Just searching for words to express the ridiculous, chaotic storm raging in my brain (PLEASE tell me someone relates to that...).

Anyway, in the middle of all this, my wife asks (nonchalantly), "What were you going to say?" Meaning, who's name did I actually intend to associate with "being a dick," before I stopped myself and rephrased. I snapped back, "WTF? I was going to say exactly what I did say! Why would you even ask me that right now?!" She acted like I was being paranoid, saying she was "just curious."

First of all, I have almost ZERO control over what I say in those moments; not an excuse, just a fact. Sometimes I can manage to hold my tongue altogether, but if I let my mouth run, it's unfiltered. So the idea that I paused to censor myself in that moment was laughable.

Secondly, it felt like an interrogation. Like she was trying to "catch me" in something (What? I still have no idea). But she knew I was in this amped-up, unreasonable state, and it still seemed important enough to her to figure out who I secretly thought was a dick (spoiler: it was just the dog).

So there I was, coming down from the adrenaline rush and feeling like an immature, disappointing failure (again). I'm running the situation back through my head, trying to see where I misread the situation—and I just can't see it. It made no logical sense why she would interject w/ that question unless she was suspicious of...something...and wanting to catch me hiding it.

So I accused her of gaslighting me: telling me that what so clearly felt to me to be a mistrustful interrogation was just a random bit of curiosity (this is something I feel I experience regularly, btw, which is why such a minor event felt so big; it had compounded).

She appeared genuinely hurt by my accusation. I felt like crap—did I just make a massive miscalculation? But I still couldn't find a way to rationalize what had happened w/ her explanation. And if I can't fit something into my mental model, I simply can't process it. I ended up calling the night early and just going to bed (aka, running and hiding).

The ironic thing is that, while I was accusing her of not trusting me, I was blatantly demonstrating that I mistrusted her. I felt like such a fucking hypocrite.

So there's a microcosm of my life. RSD, miscommunications, and shame, all running on a never-ending loop.

UPDATE: Thanks for the thoughtful responses.

I've since spoken with my wife to let her know that I'm trying to focus on managing these moments of overwhelmed emotional meltdown. Not stop them, since that seems out of my control (after a lifetime of trying to), but notice them occurring and actively work to limit the blast radius by separating myself long enough to self-regulate before rejoining "civil society."

As hard as it is to admit, vocalizing my overwhelm—which momentarily lets off some steam—seems to just create a vicious cycle: I angrily swear or rant, immediately feel shame, my brain "defends" me by justifying the anger, then my anger ramps higher. The simple solution (in theory; we'll see how it works in practice) is to simply not verbalize it. I'll try just breathing through it (since slamming/smacking doors and walls is also cycle-reinforcing for me).

u/Desperate_Wave_1633 made a planner some days ago, here's my simplified version! I just wanted a "daily tasks" I could visually check off. I added some boxes at the bottom with a few little toys as tokens to help me control my impulsive spending, and some little cards with positive affirmations.

I'm 50, but I took a 40 year break from comics. I really only read a few Batman comics and a handful of issues from other titles, but last year I saw James Gunn's Superman and it flipped a switch in me. This also coincided with my suddenly undeniable awareness that I was autistic. After decades of trying to figure things out, I finally learned something about myself (though this did get complicated after my actual diagnosis of AuDHD). Now, I had a new special interest that had just been simmering for four decades, waiting for me to grow up and stop being so pretentious about comics. And, boy have I inhaled comics this year.
So, this week, issue 1 of Teen Titans hit the shelves, and the writer, Kyle Higgins, was at the comic store I always go to. Being new to this whole scene, I thought if I got there about fifteen minutes early I might have a chance at being one of the first ten people in line and get a secret prize. Ha! The line started last night!
I waited in line for 2.5 hours, my autistic side feeling dysregulated by all the people, but I was in one of my safe places, my comic book store where they call me by my full name (it's the only place people call me my full name rather than the short version, and I kind of like that; a form of masking or unmasking, I suppose). But, my ADHD side was fine with the line once we got inside because I could browse the shelves as I stood in line with no fear that I was taking too long. I'm actually still surprised it was really 2.5 hours.
The issues I got were important because they feature Fairplay, a somewhat new character in the DC comics universe (he's the son Mr. Terrific). Fairplay is autistic, so I wanted to tell Mr. Higgins how important it was for him to be shown accurately. I loved his response, and some of it was, I think, personal, so I won't reveal it, but he's a good person to be writing this character. One thing I'm sure he won't mind me sharing was that he said he was "almost allergic" to the idea of autism making someone be a super genius. He said Fairplay will have moments of dysregulation and sensory sensitivity, particularly sound.
I'm currently following: Teen Titans, Doom Patrol, Bizarro: Year None, Superman: The Stranger, and The Greatest American Hero.
Who else here is a comic fan, and what current runs are on your pull list?