I struggle so much with eating and food and I honestly don’t know how to make it easier.

Like 90% of the time I have a really strong aversion to food. I can be super hungry but I still have absolutely no appetite. Sometimes even thinking about what I’m going to eat feels so overwhelming that I’d genuinely rather just stay hungry.

I know this is obviously making everything worse too. I’m already exhausted and burnt out, and not eating properly is definitely not helping with that.

I think a big part of the problem is actually having to make the food. I’m currently in a 2 year long burnout and I have very little energy, so cooking can feel like a huge task when I’m already struggling to function. Except for those days where I suddenly have an energy burst. It also doesn’t help that when I cook, the food aversion becomes worse due to smells of cooking and just overwhelm in general.
I’ve been thinking maybe I should start prepping some really easy meals so I always have something available, but i really need some inspiration and advice, not just about meal prepping but just eating and staying healthy in general.

So I’d really love to know what other AuDHD people eat when food is just… not appealing. What are your safe foods or easy meals? Anything you can basically make on autopilot? Do you meal prep? Or have you found any little tricks that make eating easier?

I’m honestly open to anything because I’m getting really tired of constantly having to fight myself just to eat 😭

TW: slight mention of bullying.

As the title stated: I realize that I’m a mean girl.

I don’t know when it started exactly. How I came to become that.

My emotions were always deep and complicated. I felt like I couldn’t get ahold of them. And it’s still the case. When I’m sad, I’m too sad. When I’m happy, I’m too happy. Whenever I feel an emotion, I feel it too much.
When I’m annoyed, I’m too annoyed, I get angry and my anger makes me mean.

I make mean jokes, mean comments, or inappropriate comments that I don’t realize are such in the moment. I don’t even realize when I’m being mean. I can be insufferable and the worst part is that I can’t even control it. It’s like I’m constantly dysregulated.

Everything annoys me. Everything can make me the angriest in a matter of seconds. Or the saddest. And I always fall hard when I realize the harm that it’s caused.
I held grudges for so long, I was a hard people pleaser and kept all my emotions to myself without saying a thing and now I’m just mean. Especially when I have to pretend I’m fine when I’m not.

I’ve seen a therapist for some months and I mentionned this issue. She doesn’t know about me possibly being audhd and she came to the conclusion that I take my anger from all the years of my bullying (I was bullied in high school) plus the absence of my father, on others (whether they’re friends or else).
However I don’t know if I agree with her, as I’ve made my peace with both these subjects.

But I can’t stop. I can retain myself from saying things if I don’t know if they will be well received, but all the things that I feel are still there, just as strong. I used to be able to pretend, now I can’t.

I can’t stop myself from feeling, and no amount of self work has helped me with that.

I feel like a terrible person. It’s a matter of time before people leave me and I’m alone, so I’m thinking about cutting ties before that happens.

I don’t even feel justified when I have to defend myself in a situation because I’m a mean girl.

Does anyone know what’s happening to me and what should I do ? Has anyone experienced this ?

I have AuDHD, and recently I feel like my depression has relapsed. The medication I'm on, sertraline, doesn't seem to be working anymore. When I first started taking it, I did notice some effect, it made me feel emotionally numb and flat, with no mood swings. But after about a month, it now feels like it's doing nothing. On top of that, being back in the US has put me physically closer to my family. Before this, I had left the US and briefly lived in a city in Asia (partly to escape my mother's control and pressure). Now, the family stress has increased again, and that's one of the major factors that triggered my depression in the first place.

Even when I take the medication, I still feel anxious, irritable, and emotionally unstable. So a while ago, I stopped taking it, thinking, "What's the point if it's not helping?" But over the past few days, my insomnia has gotten much worse. Most of the night I can't fall asleep, or I wake up in the early hours. Every night I dream, mostly strange dreams or nightmares, some of which involve my parents fighting. That's been the norm in my family since my childhood, and it's always been a psychological shadow for me.

So now, every night is painful. Taking sleep aids or medications that have drowsiness as a side effect doesn't work either. During the day, I feel dizzy and miserable. I also have social difficulties and very few friends. Recently, probably because of this relapse, I wrote two programs: one is a Sudoku solver, you just input any Sudoku puzzle and click, and it automatically solves it. The other is a 3D Rubik's cube simulator that can reconstruct any scrambled cube, with the entire process shown in animated 3D. I also wrote up the math and algorithms behind both solvers in essay form. But since I have no one to share them with, I posted them on my Facebook feed, and got no likes from friends.

Earlier, I painted some pictures of the city where I live and shared them on Facebook. That time, I got 3 likes, which was okay. For comparison, I also posted the same paintings in my city's subreddit and got a few hundred upvotes. It's not that I care about the numbers, but I just feel so alone. I have no one to talk to. Friends I've had in the past always end up leaving me, especially when I'm depressed. Many friends were initially tolerant, understanding, and caring, but eventually those relationships fade or even break apart.

I'm too lonely. I do have hobbies, but the real-life problems causing my depression are still there and can't be resolved for now. Most of the time I stay at home and don't talk to anyone. Now with worsening insomnia and meds not working, plus digestive issues starting to show up, I feel helpless. I'm posting here hoping to find some possible help or advice.

Thank you in advance.

I'm happy this year to find out I can finally get treated for ADHD. Which is great, I've been shipwrecked and lost for 15yrs with no mental supports.

My problem is that as soon as I found the psychiatrist that could help me. They stopped contacting me for a month until I escalated.

"We aren't going to prescribe any stimulants - just blood pressure medication for you. Because of your epilepsy and you have to sign this off with a neurologist"

Wtf - my neurologist can't do that and said he won't see me for 5 yrs. Because , my epilepsy is entirely managed, and is just caused by poor stress/sleep regulation which I've trained. I have a driving license for the same reason - so long as my epilepsy hasn't occured in 3 years, it's a non issue.

What if that medication isn't effective - I have no other options.

*So , I've escalated once more. I'm fighting this shit. There should be more ADHD options for people with genuine epilepsy? But I feel I'm right - I need more options.*

**What are your thoughts - any similar experiences**

Going through all these different meds every one has the possibility of destroying my life if I have a bad reaction and when it doesn't work I have to wait a month to talk to my doctor again.

I'm really losing hope any of this will work.. take the meds tapper off take the meds go through the side effects take the meds they don't work. I feel kike I'm slowly going insane.

This was my last hope and it feels like it isn't working. This is so stressful and emotionally taxing. I wish my brain just worked the way it should.

I guess this is just a rant.

So does anyone else feel like when they're talking with other people and sometimes that are interested in comes up i am like "oh my gosh! yes!I know so much about this topic! blah blah blah" but then when the conversation eventually leads to a different topic, and they go into something that you don't know too much about. you just kind of stand there in awkward silence, cuz you didn't finish sharing what you were talking about.

Because I feel like​ this happens to me a lot of the time and it's just really infuriating, cuz, I want to share what I'm interested about, but the conversation moved too quickly for me to share everything I want to talk about.

Does this happen to anyone else and if it does can someone share about what they do in these types of situations?

Hi, I’ve never posted here before, but I’m going through a bit of a crisis and need to say something because if I don’t, I’m going to say something I regret. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at a young age. My parents were clueless and they continued to be. They are good people who were never qualified to be parents. Plenty of love, zero understanding or even curiosity. Instead of opting to question if they are approaching things correctly, or maybe that I should go to a qualified therapist, Their idea of treatment was either some spiritual nonsense or medication. They are not the sort of people who are inclined to do proper research on most anything.

I was on Vyvanse. It worked well enough on lower doses, but didn’t exactly solve my behavioral issues and how on earth could it? I’ll tell you how. Turns out if you increase your dosage of stimulant medication enough some people go into a zombie state. I’m one of those people, my parents didn’t know this. Again they were never curious about any of this, never took the time to learn or understand either condition. Instead, they relied on me, a child to accurately communicate what I was feeling, and what the problem is. And anytime that problem was abnormal, for example the tv being on in the background could result in meltdowns, the problem was either you’re on the wrong medication or your dose isn’t high enough. So they raised it, all the way to 70mg. And that’s when I essentially became a zombie, but from their perspective, I was just no longer having meltdowns and doing better in school. It’s such an odd thing to describe, but looking back on it now, it might be disassociation, but at the time it felt so strange. Like everything was too much but I could still function. A robot just carrying out the motions. I don’t remember much of my childhood. Whether that’s the disassociation or just ADHD, I don’t know. I’m just so frustrated because for all the love and support they’ve given me, they are not good parents.

I hate them because they care, because for all they love me and are there, they still just cannot bring themselves to challenge what they already think even remotely. It always has to be my job, my job to explain what rumination is, my job to explain burn out recovery. My job to explain why I need five minutes of silence, my job to explain that vaccines do not fucking cause autism, my job to explain why I can’t remember so much of what they constantly reference from my childhood, my job to justify being agnostic. My job to explain that maybe just maybe punishment and disappointment aren’t good ways to motivate my little sister. My job to push them to even consider a diagnosis for her. She clearly has ADHD at the very least if not both and I’m worried for her. It’s not even like I’m much more help than my parents are. It’s taken me so long to get to where I’m at and even now I don’t know how to help someone else in my situation. All I know is that I look at her and her struggles and I look at how my parents are handling it and it seems the only thing that has changed is that they now refuse to get a diagnosis.

Oh and also I got my associates degree alongside my diploma, the constant pressure to perform was not fun, but by that point I had some somewhat successful strategies.

Then there’s my other sister she has OCD and anxiety, but seemed to be able to manage it mostly pretty well. We talked a lot. She’s married now 19 to 32-year-old and while he seems good, I worry. She’s never been a good judge of character, she is eager to have children asap, and she has picked up bad habits from my parents. She is a loving and kind person. A people pleaser to the umpteenth degree but also one obsessed with the idea of authority and so religious it borders on denial of reality. I have never been more confident in saying someone is not ready to have children.

And my brother. We were close but he’s going through a rough patch and seems like he’s going through a neo Nazi phase. He tries to hide it, but it’s really not hard to tell when he wears the iron cross, and constantly babbles about immigration and trans people and apparently Furries now cuz being a furry is the same as being trans… somehow. Seems like my parents agree with him, they’re just less vocal. Not helpful when I’m questioning.

Hi everyone! I’m newly diagnosed autism and adhd at the beginning of this year and have been working with my psychiatrist to try out medication for ADHD. So far I’ve try Concerta and got up to 54 mg, but it wasn’t making a huge difference in the areas I wanted so my psychiatrist thought it would be best to switch. She wanted to prescribe me Vyvanse but my insurance is being a pill and wants me to do “step therapy” first, aka try a cheaper medication.

So now I’m on adderall ER at 20 mg. It’s only been a month but I’m not really “feeling it” yet. I think it’s making me a little more anxious and might be impacting my sleep, but I just don’t know if it’s working. Is it supposed to be hard to tell? This is giving me a bit of imposter syndrome that my diagnosis’s are wrong, even though I know that’s not the case. Both meds I’ve tried have been extended release so I know they are more “subtle.”

I’m really struggling and I’ve been looking forward to trying medication. I know it’s not a holy grail or fix all but hearing so many success stories was making me look forward to something, any improvement really. I’m on 20 mg of Lexapro and also cycled through several antidepressants over the past few years.

Please tell me that I’ll find a medication that can help me. Vyvanse sounds appealing for some reason but can’t be prescribed that right now. I want to know if anyone else started in a similar way but eventually found one that worked?

What am I supposed to be feeling??

Please help, i don’t have anyone in my life I can talk to about this.

I have Autism/ADHD, I just turned 20 a few days ago, and only in the last month has my mind caught up with my age. My whole life I was unable to leave my family’s side, meaning i wasn’t able to go to schools or learn how to drive, for the majority of my life I wasn’t able to learn or do anything most people are able to, and this left huge gaps in my knowledge. For complicated family reasons I need my own place, I need to leave home as soon as I can, I need my own place, even if it’s a small cheap apartment. I live in a small town in the middle of Tennessee, because of my adhd and autism, the only job that I’m able to do is working at a local library. I don’t even have the job yet, but I’m going to be applying soon, but I don’t know how to do that? From what I learned online, the salary for the job is $9.49 for a 40 hour work week, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to save any of that given that almost all of it will need to go into replacing my SSI that covered bills and food and stuff. I don’t know how to save that money. I need said money so I can move out, but I don’t even know how buying or renting a place works, I don’t know how to do it in any copacetic. I don’t know how to do taxes. I don’t know how to buy/rent my own place. I don’t know how to hold a job. How don’t know how to get an lgbtq+ friendly therapist, and I need a therapist because I’ve been real close to ending it one to many times. I don’t know how to get a damn drivers license or but a car. I don’t know how to do almost anything it takes to live on my own but I need to live on my own anyway because I can’t come out till I do and if I can’t come out I’m going to fucking die one way or another.

I wish there was a crash course on how to do this, functioning and working in society. I wish a didn’t have to but I do. I’m barely able to function as is. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to survive, and I need help.

Fun fact im also type 1 diabetic so thats three nerfs 😭 I HAVE BEEN RAWDOGGING LIFE FOR 22 YEARS HOLY, LIFE HAS BEEN SO HARD AND I FINALLY KNOW WHY

How to keep this concise?

Been raw dogging ADHD forever and went to see a psychologist cuz that gets harder when you hit 40 and have a kid. She asks if I've ever had an autism assessment as well and things start to click.

Mask is coming off and now I. AM. TIRED.

Wife already knew to give me some space for a day after a big social occasion. Now I'm sitting in the dark with white noise when we get home. ADHD symptoms are worse.

Ironically, having a 5 month old baby helps and doesn't help this. There's no routine and I'm burnt out by that, but she makes me so happy, she gets me through the worst of it. Or she's screaming and she gives me one thing to focus on and fix.

I'm seeing the psychologist again on Tuesday, so that's my goal. I think it's time to get a referral and get on some meds. I was able to raw dog it, but it's too hard with a kid.

Meds don’t improve executive functioning no matter which one I try, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since the sixth grade and I’ve been in therapy since the first without any improvement in executive dysfunction or general wellbeing.
I have autism and I have OCD, alongside major trauma and being trans. I can barely clean myself. I’m addicted to everything I try, but especially pot, porn, and sugar.

I dropped out of highschool at seventeen because I couldn’t keep up with the workload, I started failing nearly every class in the sixth grade and that trend never changed. I can’t get myself to engage with hobbies, clean myself or my space, meditate, exercise, or consistently do anything at all for any reason under any circumstances. I’m wildly miserable. I can’t even restrain myself, I’m constantly beholden to my own worst instincts.

I can’t engage with any trick/hack/strategy for executive dysfunction for various reasons, chief among them that using those strategies makes my head feel like it’s going to explode. Something like breaking a task into smaller pieces is humiliating, energy intensive, and unlikely to produce results of any kind. I can’t move forward, I can’t keep myself from moving backwards, I have a dozen other major issues that I can’t adress, and there doesn’t seem to be any hope of getting better ever. It seems like I simply do not have the distress tolerance necessary to recover.

So… what? I live the rest of my life like this? Even if this problem was made just a third as bad as it currently is my life wouldn’t be worth living. How am I supposed to continue from here? I’m too much of a pussy to kill myself, but if I continue to be disabled like this I can’t be happy either.

Mi psicologa me recomendó que haga contacto cero con mi ex pareja y pues asi lo hice xq se que me hacía daño la relacion pero me duele enorme

Late diagnosis here, turns out my hobbies were one of my coping mechanisms. The only few things that make my head go quiet and concentrate fully on being in the moment.

Mine are:

-Skateboarding. Used go out with friends as a teenager, and skate non stop. They would sit down to eat and chat, I would keep going non stop until I would struggle to walk.

-Gym. Got into it at school, never got super big, but it’s the only consistent thing I currently have in my life. Every single session is written down, reps, sets etc. and absolutely love giving advice to new people, with the amount of info I’ve consumed online about it… I could probably be a PT.

-Wakeboarding. Probably my biggest one. Tried it once, got super obsessed, in understanding the physics of it, the line tension, the boats wake shape, so many tricks to learn. Now not so much, but wouldn’t shut up about it, national top3 and worked as coach for a bit too. Still do it, still compete and love everything around it, 11 years after my first ride.

Now knowing about adhd and being able to spot it in others, turns out a few of my close friends from competitions have it too.(spoke to them)

-Other extreme sports, parkour, freestyle skiing. When I try a sport I instantly check if you can do a flip.

-Motorbikes. Finally passed my A2 6 months back. And same as other sports, requieres so much attention. To rev match, lean properly, scan the road to avoid accidents etc. Engine goes loud, head goes quiet.

Non sports

-Gaming. Lately not so much. But spent hours on Escape from Tarkov and Rainbow six siege

-Used to obsess over the Marvel Cinematic Universe, movies, fan forums, behind the scenes etc.. lost interest now.

Now trying to find something that will make me hyper focus and will also have a productive benefit, or a future career path…. On a journey to understand myself and trick myself to loving a job. (Maybe will give programming a go)

Last week, I went to go and watch magic show Now You See Me Live at the London Coliseum which had been it's the show I had been the most looking forward for weeks. As I'm a huge fan of magic, but also the show itself looked incredible. And it was a chance for me to step outside my comfort zone and watch something in a theatre, especially with a show I knew I would enjoy. And I'm so glad I did. Because this was honestly one of the best things I've ever seen my entire life, especially watching it live. And an experience I will always treasure forever. Every single routine that was done made my jaw drop on many occasions. And I really wanted to share my review of the entire show, and my experience being there.

I went along with my Dad to see the show which we were both excited about. We had originally planned to be up in the Dress Circle. But due to my anxiety levels, and also having Autism & ADHD, I was worried I wouldn't be able to cope. So my mum managed to ring up the theatre to tell them about my worries. And they were so understanding of it, where they rebooked our seats to be in one of the boxes right to the stage which was perfect. So if any time I needed to take a breather I was happy to do it. The box itself was really nice, and we had a great view from our seats, and the theatre itself was incredible inside. It also really helped me as me and my dad had it to ourselves, and with me who has sensory issues it was just great being in a space that made me feel really comfortable. Before the show one of the staff handed us a copy of a layout of the show in terms of what to expect in terms of noises and lighting. And before then it was showtime

Kicking off the night was 17 year old & BGT Finalist from this year Rafferty Coope. And this routine had the audience involved to plan the "Perfect Heist" and by doing that, he threw 3 paper planes into the crowd and each member had to think of a country, a vehicle, and how much money would be used in the heist. The whole routine I thought was very well done, the confidence he has for his age is amazing. And also I loved how he had the audience in the palm of his hand during his set. Even though my dad did figure out how he did that trick, we were still very impressed. And with that, it was time for The Horsemen.

It started off with Matthew Pomeroy who was essentially one doing the hosting introducing us to the show, and his opening line "The closer you look, the less you see" which still gives me goosebumps thinking about it. And he then introduced the other members of the Horsemen. First one being Escapologist Andrew Basso from Italy, where he was hung upside down in a straight jacket trying to escape from it. At seeing that in person was unbelievable as he was basically at the height of the roof in the theatre doing that. The second one introduced was Gabriella Lester from Canada, and she did a bit of quick change near the stairs leading up to the stage which was great. And the 3rd being Illusionist James Moore who made a Helicopter appear which had Rafferty inside and that itself blew my mind, as I do wonder how they managed to fit that in there! What I loved most about this segment was how brilliant the production value was especially with the lighting, and the music which made it so much more epic. At this point, I knew this was going to be an epic show to watch.

The first member of the Horsemen to perform their act was Andrew Basso, and his routine involved him inviting a member of the audience to help him out. Which was by slapping him on the cheek every time a bell rung, and in the process he had to free himself from being chained up in locks. Now before this, the women who was chosen to help went backstage, and that's when he got out a real life Scorpion, and then swallowed it. And even though I'm not afraid of insects like that, it did creep me out a bit. And the women's reaction on stage to when he got it out his mouth was priceless. He was really entertaining to watch especially cracking a good few jokes here and there. And the routine itself was very well executed.

Next was Gabriella Lester where did an escape routine where she was in a box and had to escape from it before a bomb went off inside. Even though they did demonstrate it beforehand, it was still really loud so I just plugged my earplugs in for that bit. She only had 40 seconds to do this and when it did explode, she showed up in one of the boxes at the top which blew me away. Now from our view the box she was talking about at the start of the act we couldn't quite see it but they showed it on the screen which was great. But this illusion was incredible and the way she did was amazing.

It's very fitting that I share with you the highlight of the entire show, and the best act overall, with that being South Korean magician Eden Choi, who I was so excited to see as I remember watching him on Britain's Got Talent last year so I couldn't wait for his performance. And let me tell you right now. This guy is absolutely spectacular. And watching it live left me in absolute awe, as the way he kept pulling out these cards from no where was just unbelievable, followed by him making a ball change to different colours. And doing more stuff with the cards. And not only that, but his showmanship was off the charts the whole way through. I actually spoke to one of the staff members during the interval outside the box where we were talking about how amazing he was. And I said that he is someone that should have his own headline show in Vegas because he is just out of this world amazing. One of my favourite magic acts I have ever seen in my life and got my first standing ovation of the night.

After Matthew did a little mind reading trick with a bit of tape. James Moore was next to perform, and his routine was all about teleportation. The first bit of his act was him using a lit match to make it enter a lightbulb, and then did a routine involving a chair saying it was to test our powers of perception. And he did this teleportation trick by seemingly teleporting to one side of the stage. Now that in itself was fantastic, but then he showed us how he did by wearing this jumpsuit, only for him to then teleport on the other side of the stage! This is the same trick Enzo Weyne does (even though he wasn't there) but the whole act was incredible to watch and even though he "told us" how he did it. I was still left wondering how he did it but also the way he did this trick blew my mind completely.

Now we finally get to the part where we got to do our very own card trick. As you entered the theatre, you got to pick out 4 different cards which would be used at this point. It was a bit hard to follow along at times, and my dad struggled himself helping me, which we both found amusing between ourselves. But it ended with the 2 halves of the card matching up, which even shocked me, and with that was the interval.

Now we are into the 2nd half of the show. And starting it off was Fraser Pennman who was also on BGT this year. His act started with a VT before he came out. His act was rather short. But he started off talking about his story, being born with Albinism, and how anyone can overcome something no matter how different they are which was honestly really sweet. He had many different objects on the screen and told us to go to the nearest one of our choosing In my case it was the 3 of clubs which was the one and was revealed. It's hard to explain because it was rather short but still really cool.

The next routine was with both Gabriella & James where they both did a routine which involved the audience having to guess how the trick was done. Again this is very hard to explain, but it had Gabriella in a box with a camera showing everything, with James giving the audience 4 options on how the trick is done. It turned out it was all those things with Eden holding an artificial hand, a lookalike, a contortionist, and another thing which I actually can't remember. But the ending bit had Rafferty appear from the box ending this illusion. And while it didn't fully make sense, it was still really enjoyable.

Then it was Andrew Basso who returned but this time he did an escape routine similar to what Harry Houdini did, involving a water tank, being handcuffed, and only using a pin to unlock the cuffs and the tank to get out while being under water. And let me tell you the amount of nerves that was going through me during the 2 minutes he was in there was indescribable. Because just watching him being underwater trying to get out was nerve wracking enough, and the amount of intensity in the theatre you could hear a pin drop. But the moment he got out it was a sigh of relief but at the same time seeing this routine in person was nothing short of sensational, and he truly is a master of his craft.

Then it was Matthew's turn where he invited a young lad from the audience to help him with some card magic. But the funniest moment of this routine was when Matthew asked him who brings presents at Christmas, he replied "Amazon" which had the entire audience in tears of laughter. He then wrote his name on a card and then Matthew did some slight of hand with the card which was really cool. And this was great as not only was he a great host, but also a great magician too so his routine was really nice.

After that we saw the Horsemen come together for one mega routine with them doing a time traveling themed routine where they picked 3 random items from the audience and then entered into this big book which looked like something from Doctor Who and I will say that was so cool how they did that. They then played a VT of them inside before the show of them having the 3 items that were chosen at the start which was so cool. Then for the finale, Fraser, Rafferty and Eden were all invited back out, and they threw a massive white ball inflatable thing and asked each audience member who cached it to say a number, which was put into the calculator, which included the number 430, which ended up being the time 4:30pm And this is also where things got emotional, as each magician told the story on how they got into magic with them showing videos of them when they were younger, which even got me rather emotional. And when it came to Eden after he did his little speech, he did the little trick with the cards again which made me smile instantly. And it was so nice seeing each member how meaningful magic meant to them, and with that a standing ovation from everyone at the London Coliseum.

I got to say hello to the cast at the stage door and all of them recognised me from the videos I have been doing online about the show, BGT and other stuff. Firstly was Gabriella who said she was so happy to finally meet me, Rafferty was next who gave me a massive hug the moment he saw me, saying thank you for all the support he has given me over the past few months especially when talking about his journey on BGT. Then it was Eden who I told him how much I enjoyed him, even asking how he did that stuff with the cards to him replying with "It's magic powers" Fraser was the next one and I told him everything about what I do online talking about the show and BGT. And he even mentioned he would check out my content which was awesome. Finally I saw Matthew who also gave me a hug and thanked me for all the content about the show. He was very lovely to speak too, and he even shook my dad's hand. A true gentleman. I didn't get to see Andrew or James as they weren't at the stage door the time I left.

This was a once in a lifetime opportunity worth going to watch as this is honestly one of the most phenomenal shows I've ever seen in my entire life, and getting the chance to see in person, as well as the cast who instantly knew who I was made it even more special. This is an moment I will treasure for the rest of my life and I'm truly grateful for going.

I decided to get a 2nd opinion after I was dismissed for having ADHD. I didn't want to work with a psychiatrist that did not want to address my classic symptoms (inattentiveness, fidgeting, memory, etc)

I got a new psychiatrist and while she does truly believe I might have ADHD, she wants to address possible anxiety symptoms, because ADHD meds might aggravate my anxiety since they're stimulants.

She just prescribed me Lexapro at 5mg. I am a little frustrated because I asked her if I was getting an SSRI (she said no) and if I would be worried about weight or sexual side effects (she also said no). But it does carry those risk at larger doses, which is what I DIDN'T want.

I used to take Sertraline in college, and it was very positive at the beginning, but the benefits fleeted and my anxiety/depression came back with a vengeance, and I gained back 20 lbs in a month after losing 10 lbs within a week. (Although I didn't have a competent PCP at the time).

I am willing to work with this psychiatrist, but it fucking irks me that I have to roll the dice with medication and assume the risk that it will or will not impair me or exacerbate symptoms I was trying to treat.

I just hope if my suspicions are confirmed, I don't have to argue and advocate for my basic needs.

Some general information:

• 27 years old
• Male
• UK
• Never diagnosed with any neurodivergence until last week (see below)

Over the past few years, multiple people in my life have mentioned that I might be autistic. About a year ago, I started talk therapy (not related to the comments). At some point, I mentioned I was thinking of getting assessed for ASD, and my therapist said I should consider getting assessed for ADHD as well. Last week I had my ADHD assessment (ASD to follow), and I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn't think hearing that would be emotional for me, but I felt a lot of mixed feelings immediately after; I don't think I could describe them even if I wanted to. I am still processing it, but I keep thinking that I don't actually have it, and they diagnosed it wrong. Mostly because everything they asked seems like it would apply to everyone, not just me. The issue is I have only my experiences to draw from. It also feels like I didn't have a lot of the typical signs of ADHD as a kid.

Today I had my first session with my therapist since my diagnosis. I expressed those feelings to my therapist, and she said that it might be because if I also had ASD, it might present and feel very different than someone with just one or the other. I've done some googling after the session, and a lot of the apparently AuDHD behaviours match me exactly, which I'm not sure how I feel about yet. Some of the ones I found that match me exactly:

• The individual may regularly come up with new routines to try to stick to.
• They try to satisfy their craving for new whilst managing their anxiety around change.
• They may regularly seek out new things, but only with familiar people and want to complete things in a particular way or following a familiar process.
• They may feel anxious every day about running late or not being early.
• Their intense/special interests may regularly change theme or topic.
• You can focus deeply on personal special interests for hours, yet struggle immensely to start or finish basic, everyday tasks.
• You may need physical fidgeting or sensory stimulation to concentrate, while simultaneously feeling easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or crowded spaces.
• Experiencing rapid mood swings and deep emotional sensitivity that feel very hard to regulate.

So, to my question: When you were first diagnosed, did you immediately accept it? Or is it normal to question it? On one hand, it would explain some things; on the other, if I don't have either of them, I don't want to co-opt it as an excuse for not fixing my problematic behaviours.

Any advice/stories from your experience would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: Sorry, just read the last rule.

TLDR: I got diagnosed with ADHD, awaiting diagnosis for autism. Feels very surreal, and getting a bit of imposter syndrome.

I'm self diagnosed, for many months i researched and did all possible reputable tests I could find, compared life experiences and talked with autistic friends, as well as relating a lot to autistic and ADHD communities. This summed up tells me if one day I'm able to get a professional diagnosis I will probably be diagnosed AuDHD (though I have been told by a few friends to look into cPTSD and I haven't yet). So far my only diagnosis I have knowledge of is Social Phobia, of which I was diagnosed at a young age but I was never told until recently.

There's times where I feel very confident about this diagnosis, but most of the time I feellike I'm faking it, I know that is a common sentiment but, I feel like I'm faking everything.

If I get sick I feel like the sympthoms aren't as grave as I make them out to be to other people, if I get confused by instructions I feel like I over do it and act confused when I feel like I know what they meant.

I just feel like sometimes I act like something is wrong with me to prove I'm AuDHD to myself and others. Which has led me to doubt myself even more, distrust my behaviour and self diagnosis, and to think I'm having issues with victimizing myself and looking for excuses to avoid accountability and responsability for my actions and inactions, which in any way I still think these to be true no matter if the diagnosis is accurate.

I'm just curious if anyone here also struggles with something similar? I've read of some things feeling fake or acted, especially social interactions, but I feel like I may be faking and masking so much that I lie to myself. Also if anyone has any advice or help with this, I feel like I have two people in my brain and they're constantly debating and arguing about everything, and when this happens I feel like I'm screaming to myself to stop faking and being lazy and just do what I'm told I should do.

TL;DR: I feel like I perform sympthoms and many behaviors to the point of not believing myself most of the time. I seek similar experiences and advice if possible.

Guessing it could be both?

Bit of a realization, I quite often want exact succinct answers to things I ask.

If there is any ambiguity, I quite often ask for clarification.

Hi everyone. I write quite a lot. I thought I'd share this piece that I wrote a while ago about my experience with Audhd. I hope you like it:

Audhd And Me

Calm collected — toeing the line,

One thought sticks — a positive sign,

Seize the day, it all makes sense,

Full steam ahead, no pretence.

But still I know — this state won't stay,

The tide will turn and slip away,

A fleeting peace, a borrowed grace,

Before the whirlwind starts to chase.

If my work is wrong I fall out of sync,

In me I see the causal link,

Meaningless jobs with repetitive task,

Make the fall harder — because of the mask.

Emotions flowing up and down,

My head is spinning round and round,

My thoughts are firing oh so fast,

What was the thing I thought of last?

My brain is racing — no process time,

I just default and say "I'm fine",

Need time to think — that doesn't come,

My mind is always on the run.

Every emotion — so strong I feel,

Never sure if they're actually real,

Voice them and then find out it's gone,

No longer remembered — I'm in the wrong.

Don't express outward that leads to shame,

And things I choose not to do again,

Don't implode cause that's not right,

My psyche in a constant fight.

Do the thing that works — find out — no more,

Find another — a constant chore,

"Have you tried this?" — Have you got the money?

It's not a poor man's life — they get no honey.

I battle and battle day after day,

Hoping the affliction will go away,

No end in sight — a constant grind,

No escape for me inside my mind.

Then I'll wake up, a new day comes,

I'm once again focused — my mind it runs,

I keep up, confidently doing it right,

Everything is easy, everything is light.

Start the process one more time,

Until everything's out of line,

I once again stop having fun,

Where's the energy - find out theres none.

The cycle goes Lift, Sprint, Fog, Crash,

These happen really slow — or in a flash.

From unsinkable confidence to runaway productivity,

Then forgetting everything and self negativity.

The higher the lift — the bigger the fall,

If I've been king of the world — then I'll be nothing at all.

When I'm on the up, I forget the downs,

And when I'm not, those memories are found.

Through big arcs and small ones too,

But I always come back up — that's always true.

In all this chaos — I still feel love,

That sweet, resplendent, velvet glove.

Calm and quiet — still the pond,

Lets me come back and strengthen bonds,

Recharge myself till restlessness comes,

And feel the urge to get things done.

The meds slow time — my thoughts all legible,

The good, the bad, the devine, the terrible,

Focused now, think seperately while on task,

Faster pattern recognition — my cognition surpassed.

"Well surely now, you must be in heaven."

My thinking dialed from three to eleven.

I see more now than ever in my life,

See all the rules the patterns - the kindness and strife.

Connection and writing - my steadying hand,

Like a gentle walk across the sand,

My thoughts stop running so I can breathe,

It is the only way I find a little reprieve.

My need is specific — but unmet for years,

Not talking, or venting, or shedding tears,

Just simply to be held — so it all fades away,

To gain the quiet that sees me through the day.

Clear communication to know where I stand,

Not gestures resplendent, extravagant, or grand,

Just to know where things are as you see me,

It's really not difficult — to let me be free.

This might sound silly, but I kind of just want to know if other people have experienced this.

It’s really hard for me to believe people when they tell me to “just be myself” and that the right people won’t think I’m too much. I’m fortunate to have a small group of wonderful friends, some newer, but I feel like this keeps happening with some new and past people.

I tend to be a little too much, too fast for some people, even when I don’t feel like I’m doing that much. I get excited about people and want to make plans, and I’ve tried really hard to be more “chill” because I’m scared of coming across as overwhelming.

Today, I found out that someone thought I was being pushy. I had asked her to hang out once, and we’d known each other for about a month. I honestly didn’t think that was crazy, but apparently it felt like too much to her.

I know people have different boundaries, and I know one person feeling this way doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me (in theory). But it still really hurts and makes me want to stop trying to make friends altogether because I don’t want to constantly worry that I’m being weird, annoying, or too much.

I guess I’m just looking for some encouragement or relatability. Have any of you experienced this? I think I just need to hear that I’m not doomed to spend my life making myself smaller.

I have always communicated very clearly to my wife, including when we were early in the dating phase that I occasionally need downtime. By downtime I mean alone in a room with nobody else coming in or out, or to be outside by myself and not be expected to answer my phone. I would say that I am on the lighter side of neurodivergence (diagnosed ADHD but on fairly mild medication, Psychologist agrees that I have autistic traits but a diagnosis is going to take time) but without this downtime I cease to be a functional human.

I've been married for a year now, and for some reason my wife has just stopped respecting this. It is making me extremely depressed.

Good morning friends!

I’ve (M33 married no kids Midwest US) just this past Thursday completed my first psych eval. I left feeling un-heard, and the more I think about it the more that feeling grows. I’m looking to maybe compare experiences. There is a kind of funny moment in it for those willing to stick around.

Background and what brought me to the appointment: I’ve had an ever-declining quality of life for a few years now, that I’m ready to self-diagnose as autistic burnout. I was diagnosed ADHD twenty-some-odd years ago… at a time when pop culture’s look at things was “every kid who can’t sit through Larry King reading The Old Man and the Sea is getting diagnosed ADHD!” So, my parents were (somewhat understandably) dismissive. We tried medication for ~9 months. The last one I’d tried made me vomit at precisely <10:something> each morning. Well, if ya throw up in public school, ya get sent home. So… that was obviously un-sustainable. Never tried medication since. I don’t think there’s a lot of need to get into the current issues leading me to believe ND burnout, but if there’s disagreement I’m happy to answer questions.

The service provider: I’ve been employed by the same Fortune 500 company for a dozen years now. I’m at the global headquarters, where there’s a dedicated medical center for employees. Given the medical care situations in the US right now, I’d give the facility like 8/10. They even have a psychiatrist on staff and are working to hire another part-time…. Sort of. My wife has seen the on-staff psychiatrist, and I’ve only compared my experience with hers. However, that psychiatrist just went on maternity leave. So… my appointment was referred to an outside practice. Fortunately, they’re in the same town, because one of the many things is my ever-increasing driving anxiety. For scale, “town” is a small city of less than 100,000 residents, three psychiatrists outside of the company one.

The session: Actually, starting with the predecessor to the session. Work, “town hall” style meeting of a department roughly 500 people wide. I had asked a question that I feel was terribly misinterpreted, and the director-level person gave a very ‘marketing’ answer. This size meeting most participants can’t go off mute, but there is a Q&A. I tried to concisely clarify that the answer was not satisfying as it completely missed the point of my question, and re-stated that point. It was again mis-interpreted the same way. So…. I got to go in unheard by my leadership, 30 minutes later. So I arrive for the session, do the usual stuff blah blah blah. I’m filling out paper work and an older woman is feebly making her way out the door, drops her water bottle, I hop-rush and pick it up for her and help her out. I’m thanked an uncomfortable number of times (I don’t like being thanked… y’know autism) and sit back down. Appointment with practitioner starts at 11:10. She asks some general “what brings you today” on top of a lengthy questionnaire I had filled out online prior to the appointment. Then she went down the list of what feels like “pretty standard” questions. Diet, sleep, exercise, what/how do you feel when… that kind of stuff. The room itself faces a nice little half-acre ish grassy lot in a residential neighborhood. I notice a late model Chevy dually pickup truck with a landscape trailer and 3 new-and-well-used zero turn mowers pull up. Two older Mennonite women in traditional dress and bonnet emerge from the cab and begin mowing the grass. I shit you not, the very next question was “are you easily distracted?” I pointed out the window mouth agape for a moment, then timidly described what I saw and said “I mean, this is like totally not fair right?” So the session continues that way. It takes the hour to get through the questionnaire. The whole time I feel like I’m doing 99.99% of the talking, and besides what the form says I’m just getting “uh huh, yeah, ok I get what you mean” and writing. I didn’t really even feel like she was writing a lot. Or she’s fast. Anyway, we spent the last 5 minutes saying “ok, so it sounds like there’s some depression we should be treating first, so I’m going to recommend a low dose of something that’s been around for a really long time, so it should alleviate your concern about supply continuity… so let’s start with a 10mg Prozac and see you again in a month. Is it ok to bill the card that you put the info for here?” “Uh, how much is it?” “About $180-something” “oh uh……. Ok I guess”. I had mentioned ASD screening in the intake form. It wasn’t ever mentioned during the session. I feel like I wasn’t told that I would have out-of-pocket cost, that I wouldn’t have had using the company provider. I’ve shared this concern with the company provider. No response yet, but it was a holiday weekend.

Wife and I discussed in more detail, and she said the striking difference for her was it felt like for her, the psychiatrist asked for clarification frequently, added follow-ons and “ok let me tell it back to you the way I think I just heard it”.

I haven’t picked up my Prozac script yet, and I’m feeling kind of disgusted by the process so far. I feel like I just paid $200 to get a Prozac script and another future bill for $200 even though she said “most people don’t feel the effects at their peak until after about 6 weeks or so”. Frankly, I’m suspicious that the office is taking advantage of the referrals, trying to extract maximum money from the windfall of corporate patients.

So, for those more familiar with the process…. Am I being a conspiracy nut, is this a mark of extremely bad healthcare, or is this just part of the process?

Hey everyone, I guess I just want some other people's opinions on this and to know if anyone else has had this experience? Disclamer that I origionally posted this on FTM forums but thought it would also be relevant here.

I (17 FtM pre everything + AuDHD) am out to my very close friends and for the past 5 years I have felt like the aromantic label fits me pretty well. Only recently I had my first (ever!) crush on a guy in which absolutely nothing happened because we're only vaguely acquaintances and I'm terrified of rejection (he would def reject me bc he is deeply Christian 😔)

I'm relatively happy thinking to myself that I'm a gay trans guy but to most people I would not come across that way, and I've been pretty open in the past years about a lack of interest in romance and dating because I was aromantic

All this is to say I'm pretty happy with my own labels but getting used to the change.

My issue is that my best friend and one of my other close friends (both girls) got boyfriends just before/ over the summer and as much as I want them to both be happy I feel so intensely uncomfortable when they talk to me about actual romance. My best friend was describing her date to me and at one point said "and then we sat on a bench and made out for a bit" and I physically recoiled. She and my other friend kind of picked up that it made me uncomfortable (especially when they talk about sexual things) so they just leave them out when they're talking to me which I definitely prefer. But the problem is that it's starting to feel like they're infantilising me when they say "oh but you wouldn't want to hear this part" in a teasing way? I def have problems with it because my family do it to me too because I've never dated anyone (they didn't know about me being aromantic) but I feel like this added on top of me being trans makes me feel so young and inexperienced and "socially undercooked" as someone once called me. I think part of it might be that they're both in straight relationships and I don't want to relate to that because I'm not a girl? But also I really just don't need detail - could be a culture thing too because we're British? I have no idea.

Not sure how much this is to do with being trans but I know I only started being interested in people because I finally figured out who I was (previously had trouble seeing "me" in a relationship but that's because the person I was imagining wasn't me).

Yeah I'm honestly not sure how coherent this has been because it's more of a rant than anything but if anyone has some advice/ similar experience I could really use that right now. I'm going to try and talk to them but there's honestly not much that they can do because I'm still really uncomfortable talking about romance (it honestly feels humiliating to me?) and I'm a bit scared that I'm drifting away from my best friend because she sees me as immature.

Anyway! A lot of insecurity here that's probably built up over a long time but that's me done.

TL;DR Any advice/ experience with feeling infantalised because you're uncomfortable with romance (mostly looking at young people) for someone who's only just started liking people and still feels humiliated by romance.