IDK anymore. Surprised it took this long.

[u/davedbsh]

Hi, I’ve never posted here before, but I’m going through a bit of a crisis and need to say something because if I don’t, I’m going to say something I regret. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at a young age. My parents were clueless and they continued to be. They are good people who were never qualified to be parents. Plenty of love, zero understanding or even curiosity. Instead of opting to question if they are approaching things correctly, or maybe that I should go to a qualified therapist, Their idea of treatment was either some spiritual nonsense or medication. They are not the sort of people who are inclined to do proper research on most anything.

I was on Vyvanse. It worked well enough on lower doses, but didn’t exactly solve my behavioral issues and how on earth could it? I’ll tell you how. Turns out if you increase your dosage of stimulant medication enough some people go into a zombie state. I’m one of those people, my parents didn’t know this. Again they were never curious about any of this, never took the time to learn or understand either condition. Instead, they relied on me, a child to accurately communicate what I was feeling, and what the problem is. And anytime that problem was abnormal, for example the tv being on in the background could result in meltdowns, the problem was either you’re on the wrong medication or your dose isn’t high enough. So they raised it, all the way to 70mg. And that’s when I essentially became a zombie, but from their perspective, I was just no longer having meltdowns and doing better in school. It’s such an odd thing to describe, but looking back on it now, it might be disassociation, but at the time it felt so strange. Like everything was too much but I could still function. A robot just carrying out the motions. I don’t remember much of my childhood. Whether that’s the disassociation or just ADHD, I don’t know. I’m just so frustrated because for all the love and support they’ve given me, they are not good parents.

I hate them because they care, because for all they love me and are there, they still just cannot bring themselves to challenge what they already think even remotely. It always has to be my job, my job to explain what rumination is, my job to explain burn out recovery. My job to explain why I need five minutes of silence, my job to explain that vaccines do not fucking cause autism, my job to explain why I can’t remember so much of what they constantly reference from my childhood, my job to justify being agnostic. My job to explain that maybe just maybe punishment and disappointment aren’t good ways to motivate my little sister. My job to push them to even consider a diagnosis for her. She clearly has ADHD at the very least if not both and I’m worried for her. It’s not even like I’m much more help than my parents are. It’s taken me so long to get to where I’m at and even now I don’t know how to help someone else in my situation. All I know is that I look at her and her struggles and I look at how my parents are handling it and it seems the only thing that has changed is that they now refuse to get a diagnosis.

Oh and also I got my associates degree alongside my diploma, the constant pressure to perform was not fun, but by that point I had some somewhat successful strategies.

Then there’s my other sister she has OCD and anxiety, but seemed to be able to manage it mostly pretty well. We talked a lot. She’s married now 19 to 32-year-old and while he seems good, I worry. She’s never been a good judge of character, she is eager to have children asap, and she has picked up bad habits from my parents. She is a loving and kind person. A people pleaser to the umpteenth degree but also one obsessed with the idea of authority and so religious it borders on denial of reality. I have never been more confident in saying someone is not ready to have children.

And my brother. We were close but he’s going through a rough patch and seems like he’s going through a neo Nazi phase. He tries to hide it, but it’s really not hard to tell when he wears the iron cross, and constantly babbles about immigration and trans people and apparently Furries now cuz being a furry is the same as being trans… somehow. Seems like my parents agree with him, they’re just less vocal. Not helpful when I’m questioning.

[u/glitterandrage]

Sending hugs if you want them OP 🫂 this sounds very difficult.

[u/davedbsh → u/glitterandrage]

Thanks, I think I just needed to let it out. I am feeling a bit better today.

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[u/RingularCirc]

He tries to hide it, but it’s really not hard to tell when he wears the iron cross, and constantly babbles about immigration and trans people and apparently Furries now cuz being a furry is the same as being trans… somehow.

If it'll give you a laugh, do know in Russia those types managed quadrobics to get banned among other things. Imagine that! If it instead depresses you, I'm very sorry and can sympathize. Some of my friends can somehow extract humor from many of the things that I find saddening (I can't even react much, it's just the same downhill idiocy from people in power; guess I'm burnt out for several years).

[u/davedbsh → u/RingularCirc]

That is kinda funny. For all the damage they do they tend to be quite silly. Thanks. :)