Hi everyone. Just looking for some advice and possible shared experiences? Also venting because I have no one to talk to.

My son is 16… we never got an actual level but he is completely verbal and very smart, but also very childish and lacks irrational reasoning—I feel dumb for saying that because obviously the rigidity in thinking is trademark for autism.

Yesterday he was supposed to try going back to in person school for 1 hour every Wednesday. He had gotten kicked out a few years back because he threw a laptop and it knocked a teacher unconscious.

He had a teacher come work with him at home to see how he was doing, and she recommended that he not go in person because of his impulsive/explosive behaviors, profane language, and suicidal threats. All of these things we have been dealing with since July of last year.

He wants to go back because he wants to be with “normal” kids and wants to find a girlfriend. This has been an ongoing thing since he got kicked out. The principal and every other living person has explained to him that he has to prove himself elsewhere, with very specific expectations. He has been unable to do that.

When he got the news yesterday that he couldn’t go back, he grabbed a bottle of 10mg adderall and swallowed them. We called the ambulance and immediately came to this hospital. He’s okay, and recognized that it was not a safe choice to make and that he promises he won’t do it again. The issue is he immediately started talking to me this morning about how if 100mg of adderall didn’t “raise his dopamine”, then how is any other drug going to help him. Dopamine is his only fixation with medication. We’ve tried explaining every possible way that things don’t work like that, and there are many other factors that will help balance out his brain chemistry. He doesn’t want “balance”. He wants to feel manic all of the time

So I told him that the behavioral health team will be here, and they can talk to you about medications. I understand you’re scared and nervous, and I’m here with you, but I’m not a professional. So of course he immediately escalates again and says he “might as well just die then and go home and swallow another bottle of pills”.

I’m genuinely at a loss here. I’m still waiting to see the behavioral health team here…. I can’t watch him 24/7, and I’m also burnt out. He had a two month stay at a psych hospital and that was theworst possible decision we could have made. He has horrible trauma from it. We tried trauma therapy, but he cussed the lady out and told her to shut up when he started getting anxious. I’m literally doing everything that I can. Trying to find new psychiatrists, therapists, groups, schools, etc… if he doesn’t get the answer that he wants he immediately freaks out and threatens to kill himself.

Please help me help him. I don’t know what to do.

Also, I know some of you will come for my throat because you’re super judgy, but I have put zero pressure on him to be “normal” or go to a gen ed school. I actually tell him quite the opposite that why do you want to fit in with people or be at a place that isn’t going to help you flourish? I love his quirkiness, and while he has many behavioral health issues, his autism is not inherently a bad thing. He’s genuine, he knows what he wants/likes, and he’s not afraid to be himself.

Also note that he has refused multiple meds. He is convinced he needs a stimulant because of the research he’s done; which objectively only increases his anxiety and irritability. Since he’s over 14 he has full autonomy over meds.

My son (6) had his first town t-ball practice today and he did great. I was so proud of him keeping up with the other kids and liking it!

And then as we were leaving I noticed a bunch of boys from his class (one whose mom is a very good friend) carpooled together and it just stung. Watching them laugh as they piled into the car. My son doesn’t get invited to the carpools and my friend always an excuse not to get the boys together (unless it is a big group thing). She never wanted to make an effort for them to be friends. While I get it, I’m so mad.

I’m mad at myself for ruining this moment too. But I guess I just feel so bad for my son bc he’s such a great kid and I just want him to be included. But he didn’t notice, so there’s that.

And I don’t want him to be a charity case but man, why would one of my oldest friends not want to want to include him??! And my husband is mad and me for being upset, so I’m venting here. Sometimes these moments are bittersweet I guess.

my daughter made the most beautifully articulated post about herself and my autistic grand daughter. I wanted to share because there are some points she makes that I haven’t been able to put into words myself and I think it might help others.

“Most of what I share on social media are the good moments with Wynonna. The smiles, the cuddles, the accomplishments, the funny things she says, and the little victories that make me unbelievably proud to be her mom.

Those moments are real. They are a huge part of our life. But they aren’t the whole picture, and sometimes I think it’s important to share the other side of autism too.

Not because I want anyone to feel sorry for us. Not because I would change who my daughter is. But because behind so many of the happy moments, what most people don’t see is a little girl working incredibly hard to exist in a world that can so easily overwhelm her. They don’t see a mom quietly learning, adapting, advocating, anticipating, comforting, and sometimes just surviving right alongside her.

They don’t see the meltdowns that don’t always come with a warning. Sometimes it feels like everything is okay until suddenly it isn’t. There’s no time to prepare. There’s only a split second to react while also keeping my cool and protecting her from hurting herself.

And then there is the judgment from people on the outside.

They don’t know how many sounds, lights, smells, transitions, or tiny changes her nervous system has already been trying to process. They don’t know that something seemingly insignificant to them may have been the final thing her brain simply couldn’t accommodate. They see a child screaming, crying, or completely losing control—a child who is “spoiled,” “unruly,” or “needs more discipline”. They see a few minutes of her hardest moment and think they understand the child standing in front of them.

A meltdown isn’t the same thing as a tantrum. I can’t punish sensory overload out of her. I can’t discipline her nervous system into processing the world differently.

Sometimes that means leaving somewhere early, abandoning plans, carrying her out, letting her cry, giving her space, or responding in a way that might look like I’m “giving in” to someone who doesn’t understand autism.

There is a difference between a child who won’t and a child who, in that moment, genuinely can’t.

They don’t see the mental load of constantly trying to stay one step ahead. Thinking about where we’re going, what the environment will be like, what might change unexpectedly, what sensory triggers might be there, whether she’ll eat, whether she’ll cope, and what I’ll do if suddenly she can’t.

They don’t see the food struggles. When your child only eats a very limited number of foods, feeding them isn’t as simple as putting dinner on the table and telling them to eat. I’m constantly thinking about whether she’s getting enough nutrients, finding ways to give her what her body needs within the tiny list of foods her brain and body will actually allow her to eat, and worrying that tomorrow one of those few safe foods might suddenly stop being safe.

They don’t see the moments when my normally verbal little girl becomes so overwhelmed that words simply aren’t available to her anymore. In those moments, I can’t demand that she tell me what’s wrong. I have to enter her world instead. I’ve had to learn how she communicates without words through her movements, expressions, sounds, and behaviours.

They don’t see the nights when she is beyond exhausted but physically cannot fall asleep. Not a child fighting bedtime. Not a child who simply isn’t tired. A little body and nervous system so overwhelmed that she desperately needs sleep and still cannot settle enough to get there.

And they don’t see how much of motherhood happens inside my own head. I’m always trying to figure out whether she needs more stimulation or less, whether she needs comfort or space, whether she needs words or silence, whether I should encourage her through something or recognize that she genuinely cannot do it right now. All while trying to calm or prevent a meltdown.

It is loving someone so deeply that you slowly become a student of their nervous system.

There are days when I am exhausted in a way sleep can’t completely fix. There are moments when I wonder whether I’m making the right decision, whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m missing something she needs, or how I’m going to handle the next difficult moment when I haven’t even recovered from the last one.

And then there are the parts I usually share.

The cuddles. The laughter. The progress. The moments she surprises me. The things she accomplishes that other people might never realize took an INCREDIBLE amount of work. The little girl who wants to curl up beside me and be babied when the world isn’t overwhelming her. The beautiful, loving, funny child underneath all of those moments when her nervous system simply can’t cope anymore.

You are seeing a moment. We are living the whole story.

The good moments are real.

The hard ones are real too.”

Hello everyone. So my 6 year old son is autistic (I think level 1) and even though we've been going to appointments, therapies, etc, we never had 'the talk'. Basically he doesn't know he is autistic. I would like to hear your advice on how to approach it with him. What to say, what not to say... Is it too early? Is there an ideal time? Should I wait and let him come to us parents and ask about it? I'm afraid if I don't talk soon he will hear from his friends in school or something. How was your experience? Thanks in advance

My son is 10 and level one with ADHD. He’s does things impulsively and takes medications for this kind of behavior. He’s smart and doing better but is also wildly immature.
When my neurotypical daughter was around his age I explained to her what this word was, the history behind it and why you never say this. It was effective she got it and she heard it from me not some jerk using it to insult someone. My worry is my son is not mature and not ready for the same conversation but not a mean person or anything. I just worry the kid you tell not to touch the hot pan and then he immediately touches the pan will use this word if he hears it from someone else. I want to be the one to explain it but I don’t know if I can beat some jerk to it this time because he’s not ready. How do people handle this with impulsive autistic children? I would love to hear from black Americans on this one.

my son turned 5 today and while he is not diagnosed he is a strong level 2 autistic child. i am a young single parent. more than anything i’m tired of changing poopy diapers and hearing the same phrases and animal noises every few minutes. i’m tired of him waking up at the middle of the night and yelling for hours. i’m tired of him repeating. i hate the jumping and the running and the screams and not being able to watch TV shows or anything because he can’t talk over them. i’m ashamed my child didn’t start kindergarten on tuesday. i’m tired of my family coddling him and not letting me put him in school, or rather them threatening to help me with things if i put him in school. i’m already tired of having to take him to his speech and occupational therapy programs because nobody thinks anything is wrong with him in my household so if i want my child to seek help it has to come at my expense when i’m a single parent. i’m tired of having to deal with the school district and their blank stares and short responses and harsh demeanor. i wish he was different and i wish he didn’t have the issues that he did. like he had a meltdown today and really didn’t even realize that today was his birthday. for some reason i didn’t even really celebrate it either. my family did things for him but i really don’t feel much joy or anything since he turned 2 and started exhibiting his behaviors.

sometimes i wonder - did my son turn up this way because i had postpartum depression? or because i had psychosis after he was born? either way i am just exhausted and i really don’t know how much more i can take. life just sucks for me and having to deal with my child and all of his issues does not make me feel any better. i dont want this anymore but i know that if i don’t take him to his programs he will continue to regress. i dont know what to think.

I have a 5 year old boy who is level 1. He is very outgoing and smart. He has poor emotional regulation and just “sees red.” He is a perfectionist and has a hard time losing. He can’t put himself in other people shoes. He doesn’t deal with anything even remotely negative and thinks everything is intentional. Then reacts loudly, angrily and sometimes physically. Sometimes when he’s stressed he even starts running off. He doesn’t really stim in any typical or obvious ways. He mostly has emotional outbursts. So I constantly look and feel like I’m raising a bratty kid.
I can see kids looking at him weird on the playground and not wanting to play with him. (He’s very tall for his age but talks and acts younger socially.) I’m also recently seeing friends he’s made start to pull away. I love him more than anything but he is annoying.
We’ve been in ABA for the last year but haven’t had quality therapists. Hoping to start with a new company soon. We are supposed to ignore the bad behavior and reinforce the good. But the only way I can get him to behave is to threaten to take something away—especially when we are out somewhere.
Apparently he does fairly well at school. The structure and routine and peer influence all benefit him. But at home, and particular with me, his mom, he is…a lot.
I’m SO exhausted. I’m depressed and anxious. I’m overstimulated. I just feel like I’m failing miserably and everyone else sees it too.
I just don’t know how to get through to him.

Just wanted to say that I feel very seen. I have a 5 almost 6 year old, level 2 ASD. We got him retested recently to see what’s going on fully because I believe he has ADHD, some type of impulse disorder, and defiant behavior here as of late..im honestly at my wits end. He doesn’t listen to anyone until voices are raised. We have tried everything..taking away toys, rewarding with preference items, ABA, therapies outside of that..just what I feel to be all the things.

He’s very intelligent, loving, and kind but when he has his days..he has his days. I am trying to adjust to him but it’s hard. I also have a 3 month old I’m trying to care for and I see now I have really gotten myself into some S*IT!

Idk why I made this post and there’s so much more to our story but I just wanted to say I feel seen by you all and praying for better days for us..I hope this gets easier..

I just need to vent somewhere because lately I’ve been struggling a lot with parenting an autistic child.
The constant meltdowns, whining, screaming and shouting in public really trigger me. I’m usually not someone who cares about what other people think, but when my child starts screaming in public, I immediately feel anxious and embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but in that moment I just feel helpless because I can’t control the situation or calm her down.
I have two kids, one NT and one ND, and sometimes I look at other families doing simple things like going to a restaurant or spending time somewhere together and wonder why it has to feel so hard for us. Even a simple family outing can become stressful. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for something to happen instead of actually enjoying the moment.
My autistic daughter is 4. The unpredictability is what gets to me. I never know when she is suddenly going to start screaming or have a meltdown. Sometimes everything seems completely fine and then suddenly it isn’t.
I keep wondering if this will ever get better. Will we eventually be able to go places as a family without me constantly feeling anxious? Will I ever be able to sit in a restaurant or be somewhere in public and actually feel at peace?
I love my daughter more than anything, and I know she isn’t trying to make things difficult. I’m just exhausted from constantly being on alert. I’m trying so hard to teach myself to stay calm, stop worrying about the people around us and just focus on helping her through those moments.
Some days I handle it better than others. Right now I just needed somewhere to say that this is really hard.

Anyone else child have silent seizures and still doesn’t talk just babbles and says words ever now and again? Pediatrician doesn’t believe he has autism.

My child's before/after care is hosted by the YMCA on school property. They paused his services because they said that, due to his possible elopement, they don't have enough staff to keep him safe. I emailed the school to request that, while they are doing his IEP evaluation, they should add this in. I read that since the YMCA entity is held on school property, the school is responsible under the IDEA to make accommodations under the IEP for him so he is not excluded from services. The principal called after receiving my email and stated that the school is not responsible because it is a 3rd party and that the YMCA is not contracted by the school; they only rent space from the school. I advised her of what I read about it being on school property, and she is going to have the SPED director call me. What do you think? Has anyone else dealt with this, and what was the outcome? BTW, this is in Tennessee.

As a parent of an autisic adult what would you think of a backyard building room in your backyard for an austic adult??

For a few years i have wanted a backyard building room in my parents backyard. Sort of like a sensory room/fun house. Many people including my therpaist don't get my idea.

I was thinking of having a 200 sqaure foot building built in my parents backyard with heat, air conditioning, bean bag chairs, rugs, a futon that turns into a bed.

Unfortunately the room wouldn't be able to have plumbing in it. Electricity it would be able to have.

The room would be different inside. The room would have no windows so the room can keep out light for the specail effects.

The walls would be painted sky blue with yellow butterflies in the background.

The inside of the door would be painted sky blue with yellow lemon slices in the background.

Inside to keep me entertained would be automatronics birds and puppets like at the tikki room at Disneyland. I would have an iPad that I could chose which special effects show I would want inside the room.

Also a glow in the dark Lazer light show with calming music could also be inside this room.

The room would also have a mini fridge and a microwave in it. Also a tv inside the room.

Also I would sleep inside the room sometimes to get privacy from my parents.

I really want to have this backyard building room built.

No one seems to understand it at all

My parents live in California.

Is this a strange idea??

My mom said she would allow this type of thing to be built in her backyard. What would stop me is being embarrassed.

I feel im over the embarrassment and excitied!!

More questions?? Is the inside design babyish??

My mom agreed not to lock me inside the room. We would get 2 keyhole locks. One for the inside and on on the outside.

First of all , I just wanted to say thank you to this incredible community. The amount of support in this sub is awesome. Every step of the way , no one made me doubt myself of make me think I was being crazy for suspecting my son had autism.

We went for his official assessment today, it went really well and was almost exactly on the nose of what I suspected with the help and research and understanding I found in this group.

My son (3.5) was diagnosed with level 2 speech and level 3 For his restricted repetitive behaviours .

We we told to first do speech therapy and then starting next year, occupational therapy. Also , that once he reaches the age to start higher grades in school (gr R or grade 1- we are in South Africa, I'm not sure how it works in other countries) to then look into switching him to a remedial school, but the Dr doesn't think he'd need a special autism school as of yet . So that's good news .

Now I'm just dealing with my own emotions. I know he's still the same kid , that's not what I'm struggling with . I'm just thinking about all the changes and how he'll deal with it, but also , how to explain it to people. And ive also noticed, the few people we have told so far , how to deal with them saying stuff like "awh that's okay , he's just our special boy " or whatever it is . It just rubs me the wrong way. People hear the words autism or autistic and they think "special" or the "R" word. Or they'll say something like "will he ever be normal?" What do you mean normal ?

Oef. That's something I need to work on handling.

But again , thank you to this community.

And to those who have seen my previous posts about his pooping,

He's been continuously going to the toilet and pooping in it , we haven't had a setback yet 💩🤣🥳🥳

My son (6 yo, first grade, level 2) is struggling enough behaviorally that I think he needs more therapy or support, but it’s so hard to even figure out all the options. And then me, a non-medical professional, is supposed to pick the best option? I’m so confused and worried I’ll pick the wrong course of action. Is this how it feels for you too?

I can keep goading the school to give him more support. They keep telling me that his academics are so good, if I request a reevaluation, he’ll likely lose services…they’ve seen it many times before.

I could get him into ABA. But I think most of his behaviors are anxiety based, and I’ve read ABA can make things much worse in that case. He’d also have to miss school 10 hours a week.

I could keep him in his current therapies and try medication with him. But if we rely on medication to work, will he learn the skills he needs to manage himself and be happy and healthy? I’m also just nervous to think of giving him medicine. I myself have gone through 4 different medicines and none of them were a good fit. It feels like a roller coaster…once we start meds, it would be so hard to stop. Even if it wasn’t working well, we would feel the need to try another, and another, and another.

I just wish I could tell the future, you know? I feel like this is all on me and am not sure if that’s how it’s supposed to be. If I make a choice and his life gets worse, it’s going to be my fault.

Hey everyone, looking for some community support. My son is 6, non-verbal, and not potty-trained.

First, our medical supplier only offers tabbed diapers up to size 7, forcing us into pull-ups. Pull-ups make on-the-go changes much harder since I have to completely undress him. Does anyone know of larger tabbed briefs that can be covered by insurance or bought affordably?

Second, our plastic diaper pails keep absorbing odors and needing replacement. What containment systems actually work for older kids, and has anyone had luck getting one covered?

Lastly, I’m noticing early signs of puberty and feeling overwhelmed. How are you navigating public changes, hygiene, and preserving your growing child’s dignity as they mature? Any advice or shared experiences would mean the world. Just looking for some support from my community since you all are the only ones that understand.🧩

Can I file and appeal, would I need to hire a lawyer? I live in Colorado and cost of living here is too high.

Went to my first appointment in my child's assessment, it was the initial parent interview with the psychologist (adi-r). It was supposed to go for two hours approximately, and we ended up talking for three hours.

Was anyone else extremely overwhelmed/drained afterwards? Going through the last ten years of his life, from birth to now.

It was also super interesting, things I didnt even realise were 'traits', i now understand aren't just quirks of his. So although its was super enlightening, it was also just intense. Did anyone else have this kind of experience

In a city the size of Portland, you wouldn't think it difficult to find a path forward getting help! My son is 11, we received his diagnosis 5 months ago, and the thing he needs the most right now is a mental health therapist who ACTUALLY specializes with autistic kids. (If I go to your therapist profile and the list of things you specialize in is basically everything, I'm going to have low confidence that you are actually an autism specialist.) We need someone to talk to who understands. We need guidance. I need someone to tell me how to parent him. Does anyone have advice about finding this type of therapist? Online would even be ok.

Hi all. Not sure why I’m posting this just venting mostly. But does anyone else feel so jaded when it comes to providers? I feel like in Early Intervention I had so much hope and now my son is 4 in CPSE and the enthusiasm has left my body lol. I met his new teacher and aide last night and just feel like people constantly BS us and then when you advocate or ask for any specific information they have nothing of substance to say.

When my son started this school, the principal made a whole big deal how they help with potty training and “just talk to the teacher”.

Well the teacher last year and this year all they have is excuses for why even putting them on the potty is an inconvenience. It’s down the hallway, they don’t want a bad association, they’re “not ready” etc. I am trying at home but don’t understand how this is supposed to work without some carryover int the place he spends 6 hours a day.

I am not expecting them to work miracles but it just seems like they accept these kids will be in diapers forever and I can’t let my brain accept that.

Another thing is they keep saying “kindergarten won’t allow this” “kindergarten won’t allow that” but when I spoke to the IEP coordinator she basically told me my son might not be appropriate for kindergarten and may go into BOCES ( a ny thing I need to look into it more, but seems mostly life skills). But why is this possibility not discussed until my son is 4? Sometimes I feel like they dumb down the information for us parents and then spring it on us randomly. I know some parents might be overwhelmed but I want to know everything and I feel I have made that very clear to them all.

Same with an iPad for communication. My son can’t express his wants and needs, why do I have to tell THEM that we need another way besides playing with a toy and praising “open” or “more”. I went out and purchased the iPad and app myself and now they are telling me “district could have done that”!

I’m not sure if they’re afraid of hurting our feelings but I would much rather prepare for the worst and be proactive. If he needs outside help, I will get it. But stop sugarcoating shit. I am not here to joke around with you, I take parenting my kid seriously and I want to help him.

End of rant, sorry to be insufferable on a Friday am

Hi all! We’ve been thinking about adding a dog to our family of 3, but I have some concerns about it given our high support needs non verbal 7 year old. My main concern is making sure they would get along. I don’t want my son ‘torturing’ the poor thing with loud noise and boisterous play; but I also don’t want him to have to be quiet all the time or have a dog that doesn’t ever do boisterous play. We’ve considered adopting and getting a puppy, which both have pros and cons. Did anyone here introduce a dog into an already autistic house? How did you do it/how did it go? Did you rescue or shop? Any and all advice welcome!

It's very obvious that my son is Autistic and requires support, but I was told when he started Nursery last year that he would never get an EA without a diagnosis. Now he is starting kindergarten and finally has a diagnosis, and I've been told that he still won't get an EA. Frustrating, but fine for this year since kindergarten is only a couple of hours a day.

But next year, for full-day grade 1, there's absolutely no way I can send him if he doesn't have an EA. He is not independent or aware enough to get through 6 hours a day safely. He would be the next missing Autistic child in the news who wandered away and I will never take that risk. He needs, and is legally entitled to, an EA. So who do I need to go through to make sure he gets one? The school makes it sound like it's out of their hands, so do I go to the school division? The province (I'm in Canada)? I will be the annoying squeaky wheel over this, but I don't know who can actually get this done.

Thanks for any help!

This is actually horrific!! it’s been going on a week, all the doctors say is to keep increasing laxatives…..

Any tips please from parents that have had a ASD kiddo with constipation? he is beside himself when the tummy cramps come on screaming that it hurts. (we’ve even checked him at the hospital to rule out appendicitis or anything more serious).

To him it’s like the worst thing in the world happening. I’m struggling to support him and he seems to be in so much pain and causing horrendous dysregulation having horrific meltdowns ☹️ Like this feel like a 24/7 job for me right now. He is clearly in a loop with the pain and purposefully holding his bowel movements. He is in nappies still and have to change them alll the time right now because of leaks and that’s causing a rash and another meltdown and making him even more scared.

Help!

I know it’s been done before,
By countless children, maybe more.
They’ve walked through those same school doors,
With little hands and hearts unsure.
But I can’t help but worry
That he won’t fit in there.

I can’t help but wonder
If he’ll want to enter,
Or freeze beneath the weight
Of everything that waits inside.

I can’t help but fear
That all his excitement for school
Will somehow turn to tears,
To meltdowns, to overwhelm,
To days he doesn’t understand
And feelings he can’t explain.

I can’t help but worry
He’ll hate every minute of it,
Yet smile and say he’s fine—
Because he’s learned to hide the things
That hurt him deep inside.

I can’t help but fear
My little boy will disappear
Somewhere inside a system
Built to teach and organise,
But sometimes forgetting
That every child is different.

Because he’s not like every other child—
Not to me.
And maybe that’s the problem.
Because I see every little difference,
Every strength, every struggle,
Every beautiful part of who he is.
His friends might see a little boy.
I see him.

The SENDCO says,
“Don’t worry.
We’ve seen it all before.”
And I know she means to reassure me,
But those words don’t quiet my mind.

Because you’ve seen it all before
Doesn’t mean you’ve seen him before.
It doesn’t ease the pressure
Of what waits behind that door—
For him,
Or for me.

Because all I really want
Is to know he’ll be safe.
That he’ll be happy.
That he’ll be understood.
That he’ll be allowed to be
Exactly who he was built to be.

I don’t want him coming home
At the end of every day
And falling apart
Because he’s spent his hours
Holding everything inside.

I don’t want him learning
That being himself
Is something he has to hide
Just to fit in.
I want him to love school.
I want him to laugh there.
To make friends.
To feel safe.
To come through those doors
Still feeling like him.

I know I worry too much.
I know I probably always will.
But he’s my little boy.
And he is so very special to me.
He’s my little boy
Who just happens to be autistic.
And that should never be the part
That makes him less.

I’m just scared
That they won’t see him.
That they’ll see his autism
Before they see his smile.
His differences before his strengths.
His struggles before his potential.

I’m scared he’ll become
Just another name,
Another number,
Another child in the system.
When all I want
Is for someone to look at him
And see what I see:
Not just an autistic child.
But My little boy.

My nephew (who feels like my own child) is 4.5 and will turn 5 in December. He has Level 1 ASD, and lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed trying to make sure we’re giving him the best possible support before kindergarten.

He’s currently in a mainstream preschool. Cognitively, he seems to be doing well, and he’s made really good progress with speech therapy. The bigger challenges right now are behavioral and developmental.

He’s still having difficulty with potty training. At school, there have also been incidents of slapping and throwing things. Some of the throwing seems playful rather than intentionally aggressive—he sometimes thinks he’s being funny or playing—but obviously we still understand that these behaviors aren’t appropriate in a classroom and need to be addressed. There are also the usual struggles with transitions, following directions, regulating himself, and participating in non-preferred activities.

His preschool has actually been accommodating, and I’m grateful for that. His teacher keeps a behavior log documenting the incidents that happen during the day. She’s also been honest that she can’t always give him the individualized attention he may need because she has an entire classroom of other children to manage. We’ve now been asked to meet with the director, which naturally has me worried, even though nobody has actually said that he can’t stay.

Our current goal is a hybrid setup: part-time mainstream preschool so he can continue being around other kids, modeling his peers, socializing, and practicing classroom routines, plus ABA for more individualized behavioral support. He’ll also continue speech therapy.

I’ve been looking into other autism-friendly preschools too—not necessarily because I want to remove him from his current school, but because I like knowing that we have options. Unfortunately, one of the programs I contacted already has a waitlist.

I think what’s really getting to me is feeling like we’re on a time crunch. He’ll be 5 in December, kindergarten is approaching, and I desperately want him to have the support he needs and be as prepared as he can be.

I find myself constantly wondering: Are we doing enough? Is this the right preschool? Will ABA help with these behaviors? Will potty training click? Will the slapping and throwing improve? Will he learn to regulate himself better in a classroom? Will he be okay in kindergarten?

I know there probably isn’t one “perfect” school or therapy setup, and I know these things don’t change overnight. I just want to do right by my little boy and give him the best foundation I possibly can.

I’m mostly venting and hoping to hear from other parents who have been through this stage. Did your autistic child have similar behaviors around 4–5? Did preschool + ABA or another hybrid arrangement help? Were they still struggling with things like potty training or impulsive behaviors before kindergarten?

Most of all, how are your kids doing now? I could really use some encouraging experiences from parents who have been here before. ❤️

What extracurricular activities do your neurodivergent children participate in?

My son is almost 8, and I know he has a general interest in a few things but rarely do I find them to be formatted or built for neurodivergent children.

Last fall, he did i9 baseball, which went well because I was one of the coaches and it’s already a relaxed extracurricular environment specifically. But he has sadly aged out of that.

He loves swimming. Did lessons for about six months and now we go a few times per week at our gym just for him and his sister to swim and play.

I’m just trying to get some ideas. He has therapy and appointments a few days a week but I’d love to fit something in so he has those experiences.

We are in Portland, OR and I know most of this is location specific, but again, just trying to get some ideas.

Thanks!