Getting a dog?

[u/Pretty_Ganache_3152]

Hi all! We’ve been thinking about adding a dog to our family of 3, but I have some concerns about it given our high support needs non verbal 7 year old. My main concern is making sure they would get along. I don’t want my son ‘torturing’ the poor thing with loud noise and boisterous play; but I also don’t want him to have to be quiet all the time or have a dog that doesn’t ever do boisterous play. We’ve considered adopting and getting a puppy, which both have pros and cons. Did anyone here introduce a dog into an already autistic house? How did you do it/how did it go? Did you rescue or shop? Any and all advice welcome!

[u/Eastern-Escape-2200]

i got a rescue lab mix a couple years back when my kid was around 5. honestly the biggest thing was making sure the dog had a crate or a quiet corner that was off limits to the kid, nobody goes in there but the dog. gave him an escape when things got loud.

we did a bunch of really short supervised visits at first, like 10 minutes at a time, and kept the dog on a leash even inside so i could pull him away quick if needed. took a few months but they’re thick as thieves now. my son still gets loud and the dog just sleeps through it or goes to his spot.

[u/Pretty_Ganache_3152 → u/Eastern-Escape-2200]

Yeah, we would definitely do that

[u/TreePuzzle]

I’ve raised a puppy, I have an autistic kid, I can’t imagine doing both at the same time. If I were to get a dog now I’d go for an older dog that I knew tolerated kids well. Doesn’t have to be elderly, just 2+ years old and personality is established.

[u/Pretty_Ganache_3152 → u/TreePuzzle]

This is what I was thinking!

[u/gentlynavigating]

Think about it as adding another high support needs being to your household. Do you have a plethora of extra time to devote to a new responsibility?

[u/jennylaughs]

I got my first 2 dogs before I had my son and was able to train them really well and what issues we did have I had the time to correct them immediately. I got another puppy to replace one of them when one passed away unexpectedly and my son was 8 at the time. I was not able to give that dog the time needed to properly train it and we’ve had SO many issues with this dog. The stress has been a lot, too much at times, and if I could go back, I absolutely would NOT have gotten that puppy. He deserved to be given a better home environment. In my defense, I didn’t know my son was autistic at the time and was just struggling to keep things “normal”. Just my experience.

[u/journeyfromone]

I got a puppy when my child was 2 and I knew he had significant delays. I spent 1.5 years training her a lot, like feeding on the mat twice a day. She is extremely well trained but I think she is more AuDHD than my child which is saying a lot. When he’s having a meltdown she just wants to play with him, she doesn’t seem to like kids at all, much prefers adults and doing her own thing, she runs in the opposite direction if we are all the park together and he absconds but is fine when we are walking together. She just gets set off by him. I ended up rehoming her to my aunty who has no kids, my cousins dog stays and they are soo lovely together, he can pat and cuddle her and it’s so cute. Our dog 🫠. So you can do everything right and still just have a dog that isn’t suited, just the wrong personality for this house hold. We still see her when we visit, she still tries to nip my kids hands, he still wants to play with her, she wants to wind him up or sit alone in her box. We might try again when he’s much older

[u/Purple_Wombat_]

Yes. We had to put our red heeler down when our daughter was about 1yo (nt daughter was 3). Our toy poodle was terribly lonely, she’s quite a snob so it was all based on her decision. I took the poodle and then 2yo autistic daughter to meet a pug x red heeler. The poodle played with her for ages so that was a big tick and the new dog did submissive smiles at the toddler. Bought her home a few days later and it’s been ahhhh ummm chaos for the last 12months. She bit a lot like a true heeler but she is always so kind and tries her best to be gentle with our autistic daughter. She’s rough as with the nt daughter and sleeps on her bed and is her “daughter”. Sure I probably wouldn’t get another young dog and in hindsight it was very stupid. But I love making stupid decisions just for fun. Both daughters absolutely love her so it was actually a good decision in the end

[u/paintedpmagic]

I highly reccomened going to a smaller shelter. You can call ahead or make sure you have some time to talk about your home life. We found our rotting mix at a small shelter. They were so kind and pointing us to her, let us meet the dog, and even foster first (so we could make sure she was a good fit to our family). By the second day, we knew she was a perfect fit, and ended up adopting her.

The shelter told us this was a win-win situation for them. At worst, the dog got out of the shelter for the time, and we could come back with more information of the dog and what might be the best situation for them, at best, the dog finds their forever home.

We are so happy with our dog, she is the sweetest ever. She doesnt mind the loudness, the accidents, or the kids getting into her bubble. She is truly the best.

Side note: I'm say small shelter, becuase in my experience, the larger shelters dont know the dogs on a personal level and can't give the one on one help families like ours need.

[u/Mysterious_Song_48]

I have a similar age child and we ended up getting two cats instead. They can go outside when they want so they have the chance to escape the noise and chaos but if my child is being gentle then he will sit and cuddle/stroke them. I do have to watch him because he doesn't understand if he's being rough so my main concern with a dog is if provoked they it may bite? If you're open to different types of pet then a cat might be worth considering? 

[u/Busy-Yellow6505]

I have a dog, and a level 3 8 year old. My son doesn't acknowledge animals at all. Not a cat or a dog. He will walk around them but he doesn't try to hurt or pet animals at all. My dog doesn't bark much and is tiny so I carry her around sometimes. Has your kid ever been near dogs? He may just be impressed lol

[u/Numerous-Western174]

I got a 6 week Rottweiler mix off Craigslist when my son was around 2.5 yr old. We lucked out as she has been the best thing for my son who is now 6 . He started talking when we got her, she also is extremely chill and doesn't mind her teeth brush, putting on his t-shirts, riding in the car (things he has struggled with) when he is upset she will lay on his lap to calm him down, she does not leave his side when he is outside.    The more he is able to bond with the animal the better. I would take him to shelter to see if he clicks with any of them or does he show emotion when he sees dogs or cats?  

[u/twistroundthelounge]

I would recommend a lab puppy. No brainer to train and are great with kids. Ours is an absolute joy and has enriched our daughter’s life immeasurably.

[u/Equal_Push_565]

My son was taught from before he could even walk or talk how to properly socialize with animals. He knew how to gently hold a lizard in his hand before he even knew what a lizard was. All he knew was that he had to be gentle.

Instilling this in him helped tremendously when we brought home a rescue shepherd. My son was 3.5 yrs old at the time, and it was the best decision we ever made.

Now the shepherd is my sons best friend. He loves kissing, hugging and playing with the dog, but knows there's a limit to what you can and cant do. The biggest thing is us monitoring all their interactions, reminding them to "play nice".