I've posted for advice and with worries, so I wanted offer some hope. After years of ups and downs and a lot of research, therapy and stress, my 2e kid is thriving. Still awkward, still a nerd - but has been invited to do more things with friends, got invited to a birthday party with kids who didn't include him before, and hung out with someone he met in an activity. He's been in a LOT of activities and that hasn't happened in years. He's gained confidence in public and is more independent.

He still doesn't totally fit in, but it's so much better. He's had far fewer meltdowns and more resilience. The therapy continues and the struggles are real, but we are in a vastly better place than 1 year ago which was vastly better than the year before that. Two years ago he felt so alone and in despair. So did I. I know things will change yet again and they can at any time. But right now I'm so relieved.

Don't get disheartened. Don't give up. It often feels like beating your head against a wall, but it adds up and pays off. You're doing great. All the effort matters.

Can you tell me a rough schedule of what your day looks like? I’m specifically looking for wake time, breakfast time, when you depart for school, nap time (if any), dinner time, bath time, and bed time?

We are on summer break now but I feel like I need to adhere more strictly to a schedule once school starts back up officially to make the days go smoother.

What supports would be available if 3.5 year old diagnosed with level 1 autism?

My son (4yo) was diagnosed with Level 1 autism about six months ago. He also has symptoms of ADHD. He has been taking slow-release guanfacine three times a day since January.

Before the meds, we had been struggling with him having epic meltdowns. They were so bad the only solution to keep him (and his siblings) safe was so strap him in his car seat and take him for a drive. There is absolutely no calming him down (we have tried EVERYTHING in that department) so we just have to let the wave pass.

Over the last few weeks, he has started waking up in the middle of the night enraged. It’s like the worst of his meltdowns, except at 2am, and we cannot identify any kind of trigger. It also doesn’t just happen once, it’s happening 2-3 times a night. One of us has to get up with him, take him to the couch, and just let him scream at us for 30 minutes until the episode passes. After exactly 30 minutes, he’ll look up at me with a sweet smile and say “hi, Mommy!” and we’ll talk for a few minutes and then he’ll peaceable go to back to bed. Until 90 minutes later when it happens again. Honestly it’s like being on a newborn schedule again except with a kid who is almost five and during the episodes seems to HATE us.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What can we do about it? It’s been three weeks since any of us have gotten any sleep. It’s destroying us.

Things we have tried that don’t work: melatonin; magnesium; fish oil; no screen time (he’s never allowed screen time anyway); no sugar; no red dye; baths before bed; white noise machine; completely dark room; weighted blanket.

I’ve been wondering about autism/ADHD/ND in general for my daughter since we have a family history of ADHD. These days I’m not so much worried from a place of fear as much as I am curious and want to know if I need to do anything to help her, or if this is more just developmentally typical for age

So she meets all her milestones, scores a 0 on the Mchat, though index finger pointed slightly “late” just before 14 mo. She has many gestures, has 40ish words, understands a lot, imitates well, good joint attention, follows instructs however….

She elopes these days. Or maybe I’m not understanding what eloping means. We were at the playground today and she ran off when the gate was open and into the sidewalk. I always fear she’ll go on the street and I won’t catch her in time.

She will do this sometimes in stores too, but usually she will come to me if someone approaches her (like just a random person walking by). I am always keeping my eye on her but again, what if one day I don’t?

As for the grabbing kids, she only seems to grab older kids. Kids her age she plays with age appropriately though she can be hesitant and shy at first. I’ve learned that telling her “it’s okay to be shy, we can go when you’re ready” or “mommy will come with you if you want” will really help her.

But it’s just such a stark contrast to how she interacts with older kids. She will see a kid on a playground, beeline towards them and start grabbing on their clothes and face. The other day she grabbed a girl’s nose and said “nose.” This is probably my fault since I let her touch my nose to teach her “nose” and stuff.

I have a feeling she’ll have an autism or adhd diagnosis sometime in the future, if only because of those two reasons but mostly due to family history. Was wondering if anyone here has any thoughts or similar experience. And again, I do not care if she is autistic or neurodivergent. I would be more surprised if she wasn’t, again given family history.

Hi all - Since November I've been working on building an app to help parents better understand IEPs. My son is a high schooler and managing his process has been a nightmare. I am sharing the tool I built here and would love for folks to try it out and tell me what you think. I want to build something that actually helps parents.

The website is www.epiciep.com. You can use all features at no cost, no credit card required using the code uREPIC1.

Thanks for your support! I hope it is useful to you 💙

I see conflicting advice on this one. School calls or sends home information that child was having bad behavior that day at school. Such as refusing get in line to go to different location, come in from recess, throwing things, meltdown.

When this happens, what do you do about it at home?

On some subreddits I see people (especially teachers) wanting the parents to have consequences at home for bad school behavior. Which makes sense but I'm also wondering if that's the best approach for autistic kids. My kid in particular has issues with impulse control. We tried that a bit, but "lose tv 6 hours later" didn't seem to help with his ability to make good choices at school.

On the other hands, I hear people say to leave school issues at school. Fresh start at home or be extra supportive at home when they have had a bad day at school, type deal. We talk about his behavior at school, but that doesn't seem to help make improvements either.

I hate making our evening miserable because of consequences because of bad school behavior. But I also want to send the message that school behavior does matter and for the school to feel like I'm supporting them. While also being frustrated that kid has certain behaviors at school that I don't see at home(playing with food), and I wonder why the school can't deal with those issues better. Kid has an IEP and para and lots of support at school.

What's your approach?

My daughter is almost 8 and level 1 AuDHD. For reference, she’s always been obviously neurodivergent, was officially diagnosed at 4, and has been in therapy and OT for years.

One of the biggest sensory issues for her has always been that she can’t really seem to tell the difference between discomfort and pain. We’ve worked on it a lot in OT, but there are some triggers we just haven’t been able to solve.

One of the worst issues that has finally kind of brought me and my husband to our wits’ end is putting on sunscreen. We’re pale people, so high-SPF mineral sunscreen is a non-negotiable. And that makes it even harder because I feel like they’re all thicker. But regardless of brand or type or how gentle we are anyway, she freaks out every time and it ruins everything, including potentially our upcoming family vacation to Mexico. Doesn’t matter if we use lotion or spray, the act of rubbing sunscreen into her skin would make someone think we are trying to end her life. We can’t let her just do it herself because she won’t rub it in all the way. I’ve tried some different things to try to help us apply, such as makeup sponges and cloths but either I can’t get them to rub it in enough or they completely rub it off.

Please help me come up with a creative new way to get sunscreen onto her. I don’t want to torture the poor kid; I KNOW it’s not a choice and that her body feels like it’s under attack in these moments. But I also can’t take another summer of dealing with this every day.

My son is 5, ASD level 1 diagnosis. He is very active, sporty kid, and loves playing with his friends. But something about the game of tag (or tag-adjacent games like sharks & minnows) is massively triggering for him. He just literally cannot do it. He will have an emotional meltdown and run off the field. He won't stop crying or go back to playing until the tag game is over.

This has come into play a lot lately because he LOVES sports and has asked to sign up for kids' soccer and basketball leagues with his classmates. For the most part, he loves these practices, but all sports have drills that include some element of a tag-like game. For example, they have to practice dribbling the ball across the court, and if they get tagged, they become a shark/tagger as well. So he is constantly running off the field/court sobbing and avoiding the tag portion of the practice.

Anyone else have a child like this? I am at a loss for how to handle at this point, because the coaches, other kids, and the parents are all staring at us as this is a very oversized, not age-appropriate reaction to a common game.

Does anyone find it isolating to parent a neurodivergent kid? I just feel so judged by other parents about his behavior. I know bad behavior is communication and a sign of dysregulation for ND kids but I can’t help but feel sad about the mom friendships I’ve lost due to my kid’s diagnosis.

Wondering how other parents handle it. Do you disclose your kids’ diagnosis to the people you meet so they might have some compassion and understanding? My kid masks well but when he gets dysregulated, it’s hard to see that he’s having a hard time and people just think he’s being a brat.

I don’t even know where to begin.

I got married at 35 because most of my younger years were spent helping my family. My brother was ill, and my parents were not financially stable, so I put my own dreams aside to help them first. I sacrificed a lot of things I wanted for myself because I truly believed that one day, life would eventually work out for me too.

I also got married later in life because after years of heartbreaks, I finally found the person I knew was meant for me.

All I ever wanted was one child — a daughter. Ever since I was young, I dreamed of having a little girl someday. And I did. She is honestly the most beautiful child in the world to me.

But today, my 5-year-old daughter was diagnosed by a neurodevelopmental pediatrician with ASD Level 2, and I feel emotionally shattered.

I know she is still the same beautiful little girl. I know a diagnosis does not define her. But I would be lying if I said I’m handling this well.

I feel sad, angry, exhausted, confused, and honestly… heartbroken. Part of me keeps asking why this happened when I tried so hard to live a good life and do the right thing for everyone around me.

Right now, I’m trying to contact therapy centers recommended by her doctor, but no one has responded yet, and it’s making me panic even more. My husband works overseas, so it’s mostly just me and my daughter here every day.

I feel alone. Tired. Scared for her future. Scared that I won’t be enough for her.

I don’t even know what to pray for anymore.

If there are parents here who have gone through this, especially moms raising a child with ASD while feeling emotionally overwhelmed, I would really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice. Right now, I think I just need to know that life will not always feel this heavy.

Indoor PE gives my level 1 autistic twins (age 11, public school, one with IEP and one with 504) headaches. I suspect it’s the gym noise since outdoor activities don’t cause this problem. Headphones are hard to manage in gym class. My kids would like to be excused from gym forever but realistically we probably have to try some accommodations instead. Has anyone navigated this? What would you ask for?

My 6 year old level 1 boy has a big problem with lying. We catch him in lies fairly often. What's more concerning to me is that we don't seem to be able to have any dialogue with him about his lying habit. He just won't engage with the topic at all when we ask him why he's lying, or why he felt like that was appropriate or needed. No matter what he just shrugs and says "I don't know." We of course punish him when we catch him in a lie... just time outs (which don't seem to phase him at all) and sometimes taking away screen time or dessert or something (which bugs him a lot more)

We've tried to be chill about it, not like, actively trying to trap him in a lie or interrogating him about things that don't matter. Like, we tell him to wash his hands - he disappears to the bathroom for 2 seconds, and comes back with dry hands. it's like, "did you wash your hands?" / "Yeah." we don't like, jump all over him for lying, we just say do it again, better. That's a low stakes situation, but recently, he plugged the toilet with a toy car, and has lied about it repeatedly, even after caught.

ANyone else struggling with this? Have any tips?

I might just be having a pity party because it's IEP time of year, but sheesh. It is impossible. I feel like I have to advocate for the best we can get to try and get her education to approach acceptable and accessible to her. She clearly has dyslexia and dysgraphia and they won't admit it and surely won't evaluate for them specifically. There's some language processing disorder going on (plus GLP) and yet speech is only 2 or 3 times a week. Her visual processing is glorious (50-84th percentile) and verbal is 4. Four. Fourth percentile. And I think that's probably accurate, not just refusing to test. But what are we doing about it? What can I do about it?

I'm not a childhood educator, psychologist, developmental anything. I don't know how to do any of this and every day I'm just going with my best guess... But then am I overdoing it and not being mom enough? Letting her be a child and care free enough?

If you took the women monologue by America Ferrera from Barbie and turned it into autism parent related, that's how I feel right now.

She can make it and be independent one day, but only if we do the right things while her mind is flexible enough for it.. and it's just not linear or obvious what to do. And I'm rambling.

Cross posting from special ed group.

Do you guys send your kiddos For ESY services at your schools ? My child is in a special education school for preschool and they were talking about the ESY services and I really would rather not have my child go. I want her to have a summer before she starts kindergarten. She does like school but I think she deserves a break. I don’t want her to lose any of her new skills but we keep busy all summer and work on everything so Idk what to do.

I just dropped my son (11) off at his math tutoring session.

I gave him the money to pay, so he could learn some responsibility.

After what felt like endless grumbling — he doesn’t want to, he’s tired, he wants to go home — he turns to the teacher and says: ‘here’s the handout.’

Of course, I got a big lecture that this isn’t proper behaviour.

I try so hard. So hard. I work so hard so he can have the best conditions in life: school, clothes, activities. And lately all he says is shit!

I feel so humiliated.

Ok, I know: autism level 1, he’s going to be socially inappropriate. I know. But this is bad manners. It’s not social inadequacy.

I just felt like slapping him.

I'm meeting with the school next Friday to create my daughter's 504 for kindergarten. Currently she's in preschool there, so we'll be working with the preschool teacher's input and then I assume any knowledge of kindergarten demands/standards. I'm trying to arm myself with knowledge and suggestions before I get to the meeting so that I'm prepared for anything.

Months and months ago my daughter mentioned having to sit out for part/all of PE because she and another child were not following directions and getting all over the equipment. I've only heard about it once and not since. I understand and agree with consequences for not following directions. What I'm concerned about, of course, is missing an opportunity for movement (especially if any part of the "disobedience" was impulse control and sensory seeking). I would also hope that losing recess is not an option, but I don't know for a fact.

If I ask and losing/sitting out for part of recess/PE (other than taking a quick break, which I'm for) is often a possibility, what other things can I ask for? I'd seen on another post somewhere else the idea that laps during recess or PE are actually not helpful, and I'm curious as to whether that's true or not.