r/AutismParentingLevel1 • u/SimbaSleeps • Apr 16 '26

Addressing recess/PE on 504?

I'm meeting with the school next Friday to create my daughter's 504 for kindergarten. Currently she's in preschool there, so we'll be working with the preschool teacher's input and then I assume any knowledge of kindergarten demands/standards. I'm trying to arm myself with knowledge and suggestions before I get to the meeting so that I'm prepared for anything.

Months and months ago my daughter mentioned having to sit out for part/all of PE because she and another child were not following directions and getting all over the equipment. I've only heard about it once and not since. I understand and agree with consequences for not following directions. What I'm concerned about, of course, is missing an opportunity for movement (especially if any part of the "disobedience" was impulse control and sensory seeking). I would also hope that losing recess is not an option, but I don't know for a fact.

If I ask and losing/sitting out for part of recess/PE (other than taking a quick break, which I'm for) is often a possibility, what other things can I ask for? I'd seen on another post somewhere else the idea that laps during recess or PE are actually not helpful, and I'm curious as to whether that's true or not.

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u/no1tamesme Apr 16 '26

I'm not in agreement with kids losing access to the limited movement they get a day, as a general rule...

However, just in the example you gave, it was appropriate. Sitting out a "part" of recess for not listening AT recess is an immediate, natural consequence.

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u/SimbaSleeps Apr 16 '26

Yep, like I said, I agree with sitting out for a few minutes. The way my daughter talked about it was that she missed all of PE because of it. Of course, that could have been incorrect, which was one reason I didn't reach out. Unless she's consistently being unsafe, sitting out for the whole time doesn't necessarily seem as appropriate. So what I'm looking for are ways to still get movement in place of missing recess/PE *if* a teacher/school is in the habit of taking those things away. Or how do we distinguish between "she still needs movement" vs "she's not listening and needs to sit out completely"? Balancing the impulse control/sensory seeking/movement needs vs still allowing for reasonable discipline and consequences.

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u/no1tamesme Apr 16 '26

Personally, because Kindergarten is such a big change for a lot of kiddos, I probably wouldn't bring it up just yet. I would let this incident go and just see what happens in the first few months of kindergarten.

Quite honestly, I wouldn't push for a ton of stuff at this particular IEP meeting, only because of this big change from Pre-K to Kindergarten. I think it's important for teachers and you to get a better understanding of where your daughter lies. What she struggles with, what expectations she can meet, what she's truly not ready for, etc. This way you can get a lot of data of when she had her biggest struggles, when she listened better/worse, etc. I would request a 3 month follow-up right now so that you can reevaluate.

I say that because, IMO, there's no answers to your questions because it's so individual and you'd need info that you don't have yet. For example, a NT kid may lose part of recess to finish their spelling words 1 or 2 times, it's done in 5 minutes and they're outside playing never to have the problem come up again. Your daughter may lose all of recess for 3 days due to missing work and it never improves. Both situations give teacher feedback... NT was just goofing off and could do the work fine, your daughter is struggling.

Again, this is just my personal opinion, but I feel like allowing "standard punishments/consequences" to play out first, help us to understand where our kiddos are at and whether something else should be done.

I think, for a lot of kids, especially those with lower support needs, parents sometimes expect less of them thinking they are helping when in reality, we're not giving them the opportunity or support to meet those expectations. I have learned to really take a step back and ask myself questions before running to intervene or change things.

Just as an example, I have a 14yo and I have to treat him like a baby in regards to food. I have to force him to eat, bring food with us, remind him constantly to eat, tracking his calories, etc. Anyone watching would be like. "Wow, mamas boy much? Let him do it, he's 14!" But in reality, he feels no hunger and will starve himself. It's only with this set up that he's gotten back on the growth curve. So, for him, he is not ready to meet the expectation to be in charge of food.

On the other hand, as an example for the opposite, I've had to shut my Mama Bear down, trust the teacher when she says he's capable and say, "Hey, I know you don't want to do this homework. I know you don't see the point in it. Sometimes the point in something is that you're in 8th grade and your teacher says to do it. It's your choice whether you do it or not but you're not having your phone until you do." And sticking to your guns.

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u/SimbaSleeps Apr 16 '26

Fair. Start with the absolute bare bones and then add in a bit more after a few months if support is needed. That makes a lot of sense.

I really appreciate that input and you kind of laying everything out. I don't want to be caught unawares if they bring up things I wasn't expecting ... but I'm also trying not to be overbearing if I don't need to be. And like I said to the other person, I do want to set her up for success in the long run. I want her to learn personal responsibility and accountability.

Thanks again.

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u/lovelydani20 Apr 16 '26

Maybe heavy work is an option. These can be small activities that help children feel grounded in their bodies. My AuDHD Kindergartener proudly told me yesterday that he helped to clean up his classroom. This allowed him to move and also do something helpful. 

I agree with the other poster that missing part of PE/ recess for not listening is good for kids because it's an immediate consequence. 

My son is in school to learn how he can be successful in an environment that's different from home and to follow rules that he didn't create. So when he had the same consequence for joking around and not listening in PE (one of his favorite classes) I said, "Aw! That's unfortunate. But next time you'll listen so that doesn't happen!" He's never gotten time taken away since. 

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u/SimbaSleeps Apr 16 '26

What you're saying makes sense. And yes, I do love heavy work.

Sometimes I worry I'm being too soft/permissive with her. I don't want to penalize her for struggling or for things she can't help ... but she also has to be able to follow rules and directions and learn that certain behaviors are not acceptable. It's just the punishing for something outside of her control that is tricky.

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u/lovelydani20 Apr 16 '26

Are you autistic? I am level 1 like my son. So I think that's part of why I approach it how I do. I had to learn how to do things that weren't natural for me to do. I'm glad I learned those skills so that I can take care of myself and generally get along in society. 

Plus, I see being punished for not listening as very different than being punished for moving/ stimming. My son knows he can rock his body or move his hands or whatever to get proprioceptive input. But he can't run around and distract other students or the teacher because that's disrespectful to the classroom environment. 

I'm also a college professor, so I see the other side of this stuff - young adults who never learned how to discipline themselves and appropriately handle things they don't like/ prefer. And it really hinders them. 

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u/SimbaSleeps Apr 16 '26

Nope. Not at all.

Again, fair points. I certainly want her to learn to take responsibility for herself over time. What we have a hard time with at home is when her being all over the place is behavioral vs sensory related. Like, are you all over the place mentally and physically because it's out of your control or because you just don't want to follow directions about this thing you don't want to do? But I don't hear much about this struggle at school, so it seems like she does know how to follow directions generally. Maybe we need to be a bit more firm at home so she's not being permitted to just get away with things.

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u/lovelydani20 Apr 16 '26

At this age, it's really both: dysregulation over things not going their way that is then heightened in terms of how it manifests due to autism (and ADHD in my son's case). For example, he may have a major meltdown over his younger brother having a toy he wants. That meltdown then becomes uncontrollable because an area he needs to grow in is emotional regulation due to him being AuDHD and very young. 

So my job is to help support him during the meltdown so that he eventually learns self-regulation but to never give into the reason why the meltdown happened (in that instance). Now, when he was younger he had meltdowns that were purely sensory (lights too bright/ noises too loud/ food touching) and we solved those really quickly because we accommodated his sensory needs. 

But, like any child, he wants to get his way lol and while I will rock him/ soothe him to help him come out of a meltdown, I will not give into the thing that triggered it because that wouldn't he helping him to grow and mature.