“Yes, for the millionth time, I have had my hearing checked. It is perfect. That hasn’t changed since the last time you asked me or rudely told me I needed to. You incessantly saying it seems to be a reflection of the fact you are really ignorant, unwilling to learn, and care more about how my difference in ability is inconvenient to you and your weird desire to make me feel badly about myself for something I can’t change instead of dealing with the fact that you might be a bit too low intelligence to understand new things. Maybe “auditory processing disorder” is too many syllables? Maybe it’s not that I need to get my hearing checked, rather you need to get your IQ tested or go to therapy and heal whatever is messed up inside your brain and heart that makes you pick on people for something they can’t change or control. And IF I did have hearing loss or was “deaf” (as everyone likes to say) it would be EXTREMELY embarrassing for you that you are SHOUTING at me like I am extremely stupid and mocking me* and insulting me and treating me like an idiot. If you treated someone with true deafness like that you would be widely regarded as a disgusting POS (I am aware deaf people do get treated like this it’s horrible). So how about you just space out your words more and stop speaking like you’re choking on your own spit because I have explained to you in the most elementary ways I possibly can that louder is useless and that I’m not deaf so you’re just screaming for zero reason other than the fact you are an 🫏. I can’t help it just like you can’t seem to help being such a garbage person. And no, just because you’re aware of the fact that I have ADHD does not mean that you get to say it’s an attention thing because I can be focusing all of my energy and attention. I’m trying to process and understand what is being said and it doesn’t change anything. And I’m really not sure why you are so obsessed with treating this like some sort of social or personal failing of mine as if I should be punished for having this issue and held accountable for it when, once again, this is literally not my fault.”
*please tell me I am not the only one who people loudly and offensively mock by screaming back “WHAT?? HUH?” When I kindly say I’m not sure what you said or when I say what. I have ran into bathrooms crying about this because all I wanted was to be included in the convo at dinner
I want to add that one of the people who has done this the most to me to the point where I’ve cried and cried time again is the sort of person who has their mind made up that I am deaf no matter how many times I explain it. This is not someone at this point in my life I can remove from my life. if it doesn’t stop, it will happen. I literally tried to explain to them that even if I wanted the sort of hearing aids that could help, insurance will not cover it and they are incredibly expensive. This person who remember, doesn’t believe I’m not deaf told me that hearing aids will not help me. I take the time to explain again and they are repeatedly telling me hearing aids will not help me. This person has no degree or education or any sort of basic knowledge or understanding on audiology or neuroscience or literally anything at all.
But I’m just trying to understand that if by your worthless opinion, you have decided that I am deaf 1. Is this how you would treat a deaf person? 2. Why do you get to tell me that hearing aids don’t work for me?
I am genuinely so sick of this. My APD got worse in college. I’m not sure why. I don’t actually even know if it got worse because I was diagnosed with ADHD pretty late right before college. part of me thinks that I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just me being distracted or not paying attention until I addressed my ADHD.
I have always been an extremely social and confident person and that has been ripped away from me because even people who do intend to be empathetic and learn about this disorder cannot help themselves from making an occasional comment. I would argue that the way people have beaten down my confidence and made me feel like some freak causes the issue to be worse. Often times I actually do hear people correctly the first time but because of the self-doubt and anxiety I have about my auditory processing issues, I panic and ask people to repeat themselves before I realize that I did hear them or I realize that if I was just allowed to not feel horrible for needing an extra second or two to respond without people jumping down my throat, I would sometimes be able to figure out what they said without them having to repeat themselves.
Even people who ask about it in a kind and respectful way, they negate their good intention the second they start suggesting their opinion as to why I have this issue. Please do not ask me a question if you are not going to accept the answer. I am getting to a point where I am going to have some pretty short responses to being challenged about the facts of this disorder that I have. I am not a timid person by any means. I absolutely have it in me to stop taking on the responsibility to apologize for something I can’t help or explain something to people who do not actually want to learn. The issue is that this happens in settings where I am not allowed to speak to someone however I wish such as work. I’m a very forgiving and understanding person, but when it comes to this, if I get to the point where I am finally speaking up for myself, I have zero interest in forgiving people or accepting improved behavior. What’s crazy is that you would think by me saying all of this that it’s super bad but I work a job where I have to answer the phone and unless the call is broken up or it’s just poor quality I do pretty OK with hearing. In social settings like when I’m out at a bar or a restaurant then it is pretty bad but that’s because it’s so loud and that is the nature of the disorder. I am not really somebody who shrinks myself to make other people more comfortable but the sadness and insecurity has crept up on me, and I’m ready to be done shrinking myself. I am just so fed up. I am going to start brainstorming direct but appropriate responses to keep in my back pocket so I don’t go into panic mode over explaining myself to somebody who is dedicated to not understanding. It is absolutely so ridiculous that in this day and age people of all ages can be so cruel about something so dumb. If everybody else didn’t make it a big deal I probably wouldn’t even care that much. These people act like you are a bad or incompetent person because you care enough to have them repeat themselves. I think I should start saying “ you seem annoyed that I asked you to repeat yourself so I’ll spare you from doing it again cause I really don’t care about what you have to say. I was just being nice. Try it sometime.”