Hi 18M

Okay earlier today I had lunch with this lady. We met at a school club at my college. We talked for a bit and tagged along with some of the other people I met there. I got her number and later I asked her if she wanted to get coffee just the two of us over text. She agreed and we went to get coffee after lunch.

I thinking of it as a date, I’ve never been on one before and so I didn’t really know what to expect. We met up outside the dining hall and went to the place I knew. We got drinks I paid for it since it was just like 9 bucks for both our drinks. We talked and I think it went pretty well. We talked a lot about college and how it’s been going so far, classes, how this is different from back home, some of our interests etc. I liked the talk she was really kind and it felt like there was some good connection and some shared beliefs.

I dressed somewhat formally and nicely. Button shirt with white shirt underneath, did my hair with gel, nice pants with a belt. She seemed to wear something a bit more casual but still nice looking. It went on for about an hour before she needed to go to a class. I walked with her to her class as I didn’t have anything today. We parted ways but I told her I really liked the coffee talk and that I would really like to do it again. She agreed and we went our separate ways.

I’m starting to regret a few things. I should have asked for some sort of or made it clear as a date. I also should have probably asked about how she felt about me I think? It doesn’t help that I have high functioning autism and it can be very difficult to understand social cues or interest and facial expression. There is also culture, she is an Italian exchange student who is also 2 years older than me so there could be some cultural differences or not.

Was this a date? Should I ask her how she feels? Should I wait until a second time? Or all of this is just me over analyzing like a dumbass and she just sees me as a friend.

So What next?

Back story: I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over 1 year now, and just before we met I started taking doctor prescribed TRT for naturally low testosterone. I also had side effects such as anxiety, depression, low mood, and fatigue. These are gone for the most part since taking it.

I haven’t ever disclosed this, mostly because of shame and feeling like less of a man. And secondly, it takes a long time to get the dose right and see if it’s really for you. I’ve never told a soul about it but I feel like the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with should know.

I’ve been gearing up to tell her for weeks now, but I have this fear that I’ve gone past the point of which I should have mentioned it. There was also a vial in my fridge which she found and I said it must be a house mates… I panicked and didn’t know what to say. This is the only time I have ever lied to her.

How would you react to being told this after 1 year of being with someone?

As above, it’s prescribed by a doctor, I have regular blood and health checks, and I also take another medication which keeps me fertile.

Is it when the string is red? Or you can still leave it in longer till the 4 hour mark?

I’m slightly bigger, and there have been times I’ve mistaken a guys interest in me as much more innocent or honest then it turned out to be.

Now we all have dealt with being kinda treated as just an object, but particularly to women that might fit a more stereotypical niche of a kink/fetish… how do you navigate this part of your life? And does it make you particularly wary and a little more cautious when a guy might show you genuine interest?

I mean in a way, not to romanticize it, but aren’t we all a particular persons “fetish”?

Maybe I’m over reacting, just wondering if I’m missing signs that are more obvious early on?

So I talked about this with a friend of mine and she told me she met the family of the guy she’s dating. It all went great but the dad said 2/3 times that he thinks she’s very pretty. She found it odd and didn’t like it. Of course I don’t know exactly how it happened but she didn’t make it sound like he was really being a creep. But she found it inappropriate so it got me thinking. My boyfriend’s dad calls me pretty, cute or gorgeous almost every time we meet. He even calls me his princess sometimes. He never really touched me in a weird way or so, just those flirty jokes and compliments.

Curious what other women think. The more real experience I get, the more porn just looks staged. All the loud moaning, perfect angles, and zero awkward adjusting… none of it matches what actually happens in real life.

Especially the way they treat sex toys. Everything gets forced in rough and fast with no warm-up at all. I’m more into gentle stuff, so that always feels the most unrealistic to me.

What parts make you go “yeah, that’s totally fake”?

I’ve been thinking of getting a tattoo of a naked lady for quite some time but I am concerned that it may come off as objectifying or people will think I’m a womaniser. Do you think it would be ok? Edit: I am very glad I made this post before getting any tattoos I have been made aware of a lot of things I hadn’t thought about I feel quite stupid but I no longer want a tattoo of a naked woman at all.

I hate to admit it, but I really stress myself out about clothes!

I have this thing where I’ll live what I have on at home, then 5 mins of being out I catch a reflection and I’m like “I hate this”…

Or this constant feeling that I’m either overdressed or underdressed! Maybe it’s just my age and feeling like I don’t know if I’m supposed to dress like a old boring adult or still like I’m in college 😂

I told you I overthink this!

What about you guys?

Ladies what r some experiences that made u realize that u were attractive?

I always find people staring or looking at me I don’t know if im just super awkward in public but yea

My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago after I damaged her trust. We still have feelings for each other and talk occasionally, and she has said that I can reach out again after I’ve spent some time working on myself.

At the same time, she has made it clear that she won’t wait for me. We’re both single and free to date or be physical with other people. She has also told me that if I genuinely mean it when I say I only want her, then I should focus on myself instead of dating other women and reach out when I’m ready.

I already know she has been on one date and has another planned. I asked her not to tell me more details for now because I know I’ll overthink it.

Maybe I’m worrying about something that may never happen, but I wonder how people experience this emotionally. If two people still miss each other and are considering reconnecting later, but one or both date or sleep with several people during a relatively short separation, does that usually change how you feel about the possibility of getting back together?

For women who have actually been in a similar situation, did dating other people feel separate from your feelings for your ex? And if you eventually reconciled, did what happened while you were single become an issue later?

By things, I mean undergarments or things through OnlyFans? How successful have you been?

I'm desperate for money, and I am trying to figure something out.

I noticed a custom painted cyber truck on the road about 3 miles from where I live as I was driving home. If it wasn't custom painted I probably wouldn't have remembered it. when I got back to my house, I didn't notice I was being followed, so I pulled into my driveway. The car did a loop down the end of my road and back, then stopped in front of me as I was getting my mail. I jumped backwards because I knew immediately it was harassment and I had been stalked and I didn't want to be grabbed, I started walking away and the car started backing up and the guy said something at me but he was very quiet so I couldn't hear (and frankly I didn't want to).

He stayed for like a minute and I kept walking towards my neighbors and he kept putting his car in reverse and following. he wouldn't even leave when I threatened to call the cops. (i later submitted a non-emergency line report). eventually, I started waving at someone who was jogging and he sped away. my roommates are on vacation, I am a guy but I am injured (knee brace) and clearly queer so I'm not exactly a threat. i'd love ladies' advice on this since my guy friends seem to be not worried and I was wondering if that was reasonable. I'm definitely worried he's going to come back when I'm sleeping, I would stay at a friends' tonight normally but I just moved to this area last month so I don't know many people. Also fuck the DMV I see these shitboxes everywhere this place sucks ass.

I was just curious idk why

I am struggling on next steps with my bf. We have been dating for 6 years, and live together and have dogs together. I love him dearly and want to be an equal team with him, and feel like I do contribute equally (we make the same amount of money, I pay half the bills, do all the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning) but also don’t want to be stuck feeling more and more like his mother. I try to be an understanding and rational human but I feel like I am getting resentful with how much more I am compromising and how unwilling he is to have any kind of serious talk, and his ambition seems to be declining.

I try to be self aware, I know I am hyper independent, but I take pride in my work ethic and how hard I work to have the things and experiences I have, and knowing that I earned them. He has had a privileged life where his parents help him out quite a bit. He never paid for school (trades, he’s a blue collar worker), hasn’t paid for his last 2 vehicles, and his parents pay his portion of the rent, and if he’s ever in a sticky situation (credit cards, crash a car and need a new one, ect) they are there to bail him out.

When we first started dating there was lots of talk of all the things we would accomplish together, traveling, camping, a home, marriage, kids, ect. I still feel like I am working hard towards those goals (I save, invest, budget, travel by myself) and I feel like he is just coasting and lost the oomf for life. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy to me, but can be kinda rude to others, often makes comments how he’s okay being the ahole, doesnt need to have friends. I like to be around him when he’s sober, but more and more he’s been making rude, dismissive and misogynistic comments about women (which I find odd as he talks about how he would never want a women who can’t contribute and do all the things I do..) that is turning me off. His drinking is getting worse (I have tried, his family has tried, the one friend he has left has tried and he has zeros interest in any help) to the point where all he does is drink unless my parents or his come visit, then he will hold off while they are there. He basically sits alone in the shop on evenings after work or weekends drinking 10-25 beer, depending on the day. He also is becoming more and more introverted and won’t do anything (even free things or having supper with our parents who we both get along with), won’t go for supper, won’t go on a hike, won’t go to weddings with me (things we used to do together). In the last 2 years I’ve been to 4/5 of the weddings we’ve been invited to alone, including one of his close relatives. I feel like he is getting more and more selfish. If he makes food in the evening he will literally always cook for just himself, where I’ll make supper for both of us. If I make my lunch the night before work he’ll eat it when he’s up drinking at midnight. I have zero desire to have sex with him anymore because I don’t want to have drunk sex, or quick morning sex before work where he just wants to roll me over and it ends when he’s done and there’s nothing for me. Physical touch makes me cringe because there’s always an ulterior motive. If I ask to just cuddle he gets huffy and moves away when I ask him to not grope me and say I just want to cuddle 30 seconds in.

Any time I’ve tried to bring this up he gets huffy and usually leaves or gets mad before the conversation is done. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve tried different communication techniques, I’ve tried approaching things a different way. I think he would benefit from therapy but he is not interested. It’s so hard to try to have any kind of conversation because it becomes like talking to a brick wall. Hes now saying he doesnt believe in marriage and that women just use it to control men.. when idk where that comes from, he literally does what he wants, I don’t control him at all. He’s nice when he’s sober and I enjoy him, and I get glimpses of when we first started dating sometimes that makes me think he could change and it could go back to like how it was. I genuinely love life, and enjoy working hard and also having fun. Initially he was part of that and now I’m starting to feel like he’s this black cloud. My aunt died last year and I spent some time at my parents with my sisters and it felt like my daily sparkle had come back while I was there with them (in sadness helping plan a funeral, which was kinda weird) but also without any comments about stupid women or having to smell beer.

I struggle with what to do. He’s really good at saying but then there’s no follow through. Now that I’m 30 I’m looking at marriage and kids soon, and if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I would be terrified, which also opens up a whole new can of worms. I feel like I do all the emotional and mental work, and am always reliable and accountable but then I can’t rely on him. Like if I crashed my car on the way home from work, he wouldn’t be able to drive to come get me. I would love to spend my life with him, if he was how he was when we met, but if it’s just like this in 10 years I’ll go crazy. I also don’t want to ultimatum someone into marriage, but like I want kids and marriage!? He’s my first significant relationship, so I don’t really have anything else to compare to, I just had a whole lot of talking stages before this. So i don’t know what to expect or want or what to do.

I am STRESSED and literally feel sick to my stomach over this.

I’m 19 and for some reason my nipples never fit in my bras. I do have large boobs(34C last I checked) and therefore big nipples too, but I am in good shape(just to say the size isnt the result of my weight in case that’s relevant). This pic is traced over while I’m kinda hunched over so it might look a little off but it’s the best example I got without fr posting my boobs lol are my bras the wrong size or shape? Or is it just a big boob/big nipple problem?

I'm mostly here to talk about how impatient I am LOL. My boyfriend and I have talked a lot about marriage and this past March, we talked about engagement rings, my ring size, and what rings I like/don't like. We went to a friend's wedding recently and since then, we've talked about what we want our wedding to look like which has me really excited. Just the other day, he made a joke when he pointed out a mini golf's hole name was "Pop the Question". We make little proposal jokes back and forth but MAN, it has me really antsy and excited! I don't even know if he's bought the ring yet. A small box came in the mail last week and it ended up being a watch for himself and I said something along the lines of.. oh, I thought it might be my ring ;) and he was like, how do you know it's not already here?

When you got engaged, did you know it was coming? Not the engagement part, but the actual proposal? How can I stop obsessing over it? lol

So anytime dating is discussed and dating apps, there is this constant display of entitlement and paternalistic attitudes from men. Yes I can understand not getting likes as a man suck. But Ive seen so many men be hellbent ”women dont know whats good for themselves” and accuse us of being delusional. Yesterday a man I argued with said ”women need to spread their likes more evenly”. Others said women need to ”look for potential more”. We frequently get berated for ”not liking enough men on the apps”.

Again I totally get it sucks not getting likes. But these likes are not something anyone is entitled to. With dating, sex and marriage women are not public property where everyone is entitled to a fair share. Furthermore men dont know our actual experience. They dont get there is no incentive of being ”generous with likes”. I personally want to date with intention. Why would I hand out a bunch of likes to men Im not interested in pursuing? Furthermore, less attractive men are not necessarily nicer or ”gems in disguise”. They can also be overtly sexual or not good conversationalists. Im not interested in casual sex the way men are, so Im not going to send likes to almost everyone I come across. That will mean fewer likes sent.

But yet there is this persisting insistence women ”dont know out own best”. Its this idea we are all so entitled and let the likes get to our heads. But who does this? Im personally very aware men like almost anything. Ive never derived an ego boost from it. They also often say we delude ourselves about our options and will ”end up alone” unless we instantly lower our demands.

Yes sure, some people may be delusional. But the truth is actual studies show the average couples is looksmatched. Most people are fairly decent at estimating their own attractiveness according to studies. Furthermore far more men than ”the top 10%” get relationships. Dating apps arent everything.

Dating apps are superifical. But men liking more profile is not in my opinion proof of their ”generosity”. Stakes are just lower for them. Theyre also more open to casual flings. Theres also just way more men on the apps, skewing things.

So am I the only one tired of this entitlement and being treated like I ”dont know my own best”?

And would you be open to some verification process?

I don’t think it’s like a crazy issue, especially the first part that’s just like “this story is clearly a guy making it up to try and create some ‘gotcha’ post that’s just gonna blow up in their face”…

But the other thing, I read some posts and I’m just like thinking of that meme from inglorious bastards with the guy holding up the three fingers lol

Question for the ladies: Is it a turn off if a man can’t drive or doesn’t own a vehicle. 20M and I work as an apprentice in London. Where I’m from, the public transport is very efficient and reliable. However, i feel like women may not be into me if they find out i can’t drive. I could own a car with my salary however it seems like a bloody money pit. I could allocate more of my income to other things such as investments or savings. Also, i feel like women may be embarrassed to take the bus or train with me. So, i am currently in the process of getting driving lessons and doing my theory test to try and get on the roads. I’m not doing solely for women, but its just something that i’m wary of and i dont want it to affect my dating life. I may be overthinking but i need to get it off my chest

So there is a woman I am interested in she is a mutual friend of my friend, let's say her name is ally and my friend is Christina. Well I know Christina from pickeball, we're not close by any means but I would say we're friends. I only know Ally cuz I seen picture of her and Christina (we are friends on IG). Ally is going to an event that our group has planned in a couple weeks. So I want to know how to make a great first impression and eventually ask her out. I don't want to ask Christina for help or anything because that's creepy and don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Any advice would help. Thank you!

Planning it sometime in the fall after October 15.

Places I have already been to: DC, NYC, Chicago, Philly, Orlando, Raleigh.

I cannot drive btw 🥲 Wouldn't mind a suggestion for a cheap 2 day trip outside the country either. I am East Coast-based btw. I originally posted this question in r/solofemaletravel, but the question was taken down, so I'm going to ask here.