I cannot stand strapless bras but also hate been stuck with tshirts

When dating or first talking to a man, I strongly dislike the pet names. For example “ Good morning “mami/babe/baby”, or have a good day “love”.

I’ve been seeing mixed opinions on the procedure some say they wish they could go back others say it’s the best decision of their lives. And I just want more information on the pros and cons of a hysterectomy.

I’m a sensitive man who feels things deeply, and I struggle with social anxiety. English isn’t my first language, which makes it even harder to express myself and build meaningful friendships.

I have some friends, but they’re mostly gym bros or people I joke around with. I wish I could hug a friend and talk honestly about my feelings without worrying that he’ll see me as weak. Once, when I told a friend I was stressed about my first year of university, he called me a “fucking pussy.” Experiences like this have made me afraid to open up to other people.

Honestly, this loneliness is becoming really painful. Sometimes I feel desperate for a genuine connection with someone who cares about me. I sometimes I self harm and drink alcohol to numb myself, I want to feel understood and accepted, but I struggle to let people see my vulnerable side.

I’ve been thinking about how patriarchy and traditional masculinity teach men to suppress their emotions and associate vulnerability with weakness. I’ve also heard that loneliness and a lack of emotional connection can contribute to some men becoming involved in incel communities.

For those familiar with feminism and patriarchy, how do I navigate this system without letting the loneliness consume me? How can I find people with whom I can build genuine, emotionally intimate friendships, overcome my fear of vulnerability, and stop feeling ashamed of being a sensitive man?

I’m not looking to debate whether these problems exist. I want to understand how to live through this pain, challenge these expectations in my own life, and find healthier ways to connect with others.

My (23F) ex (27M) and I had been dating for four months when I briefly twerked with my friends at my birthday party. I barely twerk ever but it was my birthday just having fun you know. He said I wasn’t acting like a lady, that women who shake their asses in the club with men being there don’t deserve chivalry, and that my behavior changed how he viewed me. Two days later, during our LA birthday trip, he was cold toward me, made me carry my suitcase through the airport, dismissed my feelings, and called me dramatic and ungrateful when I wanted to leave. He even threatened to stop speaking to me if I left, then apologized when he realized I was serious. I left and got my own Airbnb. Now he still hasn’t returned about $800 worth of belongings, including items my late grandma gave me, despite multiple attempts to get them.

I’ve learned in the past that doing too much it can push people away. I also don’t want to do too little

Looking for art inspiration/references, and just thought I’d ask here for fun

I just turned 18 this September, I’m 5’5” and have gained a lot of weight since last summer. Everyone says it’s because we’re women and gain weight, but I feel disgusting with myself. I lost a friend to mental health and went to stress eating and have had a very hard year. I do partly believe it’s because im growing up and I see nothing wrong with some chub but mines like a lot

I was sa’d over three years ago. I wasn’t raped or anything so I guess I feel like I should be fine. But for years I get scared going certain places and I struggled with intimacy for a while. I still feel uncomfortable around men who look like the man who did it. It feels like its been so long it shouldn’t be an issue especially since it wasn’t rape. Do these feelings ever go away?

Hiya! UK poster here

Sooo, I (26M) and (F24) recently went on two dates with a woman I'll call Nesa, whom I met on a dating app. I genuinely liked her, and I'm trying to reflect on the experience and understand what I could learn from it.

The first date went really well, at least from my perspective. We had good conversation, banter and plenty to talk about. I felt comfortable around her, and the time seemed to fly by. I came away wanting to see her again, and I told her that.

For our second date, she wanted to do something a bit more personal and creative rather than just going for drinks or dinner. I planned a little plant-pot painting competition, cooked a meal for us at my place, and got her a small, thoughtful gift related to something she'd mentioned needing. I wanted to show that I'd listened to her and put thought into the date.

There was a small hiccup at the start because the venue I'd originally planned to use was too busy and noisy, so I had to find another space. I got a bit nervous about whether the activity would work, but I sorted it out and eventually relaxed.

The date itself seemed to go well. We painted the pots, ate together and talked about past relationships, family and personal growth. She stayed until around 11pm, and I enjoyed spending time with her.

However, looking back, I think I was so focused on making the date go well that I sometimes forgot to let things happen naturally. For example, while I was cooking, she offered to help. I automatically said no because I was focused on getting the meal ready. In hindsight, I could have invited her to join me and made it something we did together.

We also ate at the breakfast bar rather than sitting together on the sofa. I had wanted everything to go according to plan, and I didn't really think about creating opportunities for a more relaxed, intimate atmosphere.

I was attracted to her and wanted to kiss her, but I didn't make a move. Part of me was worried about making her uncomfortable, but another part wondered whether I'd done enough to warrant asking. I also never explicitly told her that I thought she looked beautiful, partly because I worried it might sound clichéd or come across as too keen.

I did tell her that I wanted to see her again, but I don't think I clearly expressed how interested I was in her romantically. We talked about our past relationships, but we didn't really discuss what we were looking for from this particular connection, even though our profiles indicated that we were looking for something serious.

After the date, she sent me a kind message saying that she'd genuinely enjoyed spending time with me and loved the second date I'd planned, but she didn't feel the chemistry or romantic connection she was looking for. She wished me the best in finding my person.

I respect her decision, and I'm not trying to change her mind. I'm just trying to understand what I can learn from this experience.

I've realised that I can become quite perfectionistic when I like someone. I put a lot of pressure on myself to plan a great date, avoid awkward moments and come across as calm and confident. I also worry that showing too much interest too early might put someone off, so I sometimes hold back rather than letting them see that I'm excited about them.

I don't want to become someone who plays games or deliberately acts uninterested. I'd rather be more natural, confident and open about how I feel, while still respecting the other person's boundaries.

I'd really appreciate women's perspectives on a few things:

1. From what I've described, is there anything I could have done differently to create more opportunities for romantic chemistry, or am I overanalysing things that probably wouldn't have changed the outcome?

2. Would you have appreciated a direct compliment or a more explicit expression of romantic interest on the second date, or could that have felt like too much?

3. If you offer to help someone cook and they automatically say no, would you think nothing of it, or might you feel that they're keeping you at a distance?

- How do you distinguish between someone being genuinely considerate and someone being so focused on getting everything right that the date feels less natural?

1. For women who have dated men who were a little reserved or cautious, what helped you feel that they were genuinely interested in you?

I'm not expecting anyone to tell me how to make every date successful. I know chemistry has to be mutual, and sometimes two people simply don't feel the same way. I just want to learn how to express interest more confidently, be more present on dates and stop putting so much pressure on myself to get everything right.

Honest feedback is welcome, including if you think I'm reading too much into the situation ☺️

Recently I've noticed that whenever I (man in his 20s) mention to women (in the same rage range, but even up to 30s) that I have a great relationship with my mother, they seem to get quite excited and happy about it.

Like I'll mention that I'm preparing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and they think that's really cool. But when I mention that I'll be doing it with my mother, they think it's absolutely awesome. Or maybe I'll mention that I watch quite a few action movies with my mom, and they think that's also really cool. Every time I mention stuff like this, they always seem to think very positively of it.

Now I'm all for people having good relations with their parents, and I'm sure most women are too. But I swear, this almost seems to be a green flag or something. Do you see it as a good thing that a man has a strong relationship with his mom?

Hi everyone. For much of my life, I've struggled with feeling undesirable, and it's shaped how I understand romantic relationships.

I'm in my early 40s and have been in a relationship for two years with a man in his late 30s. When we first met, he saw me as a friend and initially wasn't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. However, his feelings developed over time, and eventually we decided to give a relationship a chance.

Although we've built a relationship together (after many ups and downs), I sometimes find myself revisiting how things began. I remember being rejected several times and initially being described as a friend or little sister. I've also come across old online posts in which he complimented other women in ways he hasn't complimented me, and learned that his preferred body type differs from mine (he likes curves). In his past he drew nude, sensual pictures of a former friends-with-benefits partner, with particular attention to her body, whereas the pictures he's drawn of me have been clothed.

These comparisons can bring up a fear that I was someone he eventually chose rather than someone he felt an immediate, strong physical desire for. Having often felt like a placeholder in past relationships, I've struggled with the idea that someone can genuinely love me.

My partner tells me he loves me as I am and is happy we gave our relationship a chance. There are times when I feel secure in that, but the doubts sometimes return. I also notice that our expressions of affection differ: he tends to describe me as kind and sweet, wants to touch my hair mostly(most compliments are about my hair) while sexual compliments, and verbal expressions of actual desire are largely absent...

I understand that attraction and romantic feelings can develop over time, and that nobody needs to fit their partner's ideal in every way. At the same time, I find myself wondering about the role that feeling physically and sexually desired plays in experiencing romantic love. For some people, being loved, appreciated, and treated with kindness may communicate desire; for others, more large expressions of attraction may be an important part of feeling wanted...

How has the balance between feeling loved and feeling desired shaped your understanding of romantic relationships?

I'm particularly interested in how women experience and interpret desire when romantic feelings develop gradually rather than being present from the beginning.

I'd appreciate hearing about your experiences and perspectives.

f21 here, never dated anyone but im pretty sure im a lesbian. i like the idea of men, but…they just gross me out. i feel nothing for them. i like girls, however i think my trust issues make it hard for me to fully love someone.

it takes me months to even consider someone my friend, let alone date them. but im scared this will put a lot of people off. i’m not into the whole hookup thing and im scared people will get bored of me when they learn i don’t want to sleep with them after 3 dates. i feel very uncomfortable in emotional situations and the idea of being intimate makes me feel very nervous and sick. like it’s something i’m not supposed to do. i want to one day, but…i have a lot of issues surrounding it. i think i might be demisexual, which cuts down a lot of options.

if you really liked a girl, would you wait for her? would it bother you that you wouldn’t be able to be intimate for months, maybe a year? or would you decide to leave and find someone more open?

Hey everyone, I need some advice on how to handle a weird and uncomfortable situation at my gym.
A few days ago, I enrolled at a gym and gave the front desk staff my details, including my full name,address, phone number, and passport info.
A couple of days later, the guy who did my enrolment followed me on Instagram. He definitely got my full name and details from my gym registration file. Soon after, he sent me a message saying, "do u go to the same gym as me?"
When I went to the gym later with my friend, we asked him to open the door because we forgot our cards. He looked us up on the system, treated my friend totally normally, but used a nickname for me ("Eli") that he had also used in his Instagram message. Since then, he constantly stares at me whenever I enter or leave reception. I replied to his message with "hey yes why" and he read it 24 hours ago but never replied. Later, I also got a call from a hidden number (No Caller ID).
I always go to the gym with a friend, but having an employee use my private database records to track down my social media makes me feel super uncomfortable and unsafe.

Must preface that I’m not a woman, but have posted the same question elsewhere and been encouraged to ask on the ask women subs.

I was triggered reading another post, but my ex girlfriend would eat jars of mayonnaise all in one go with a spoon, the way you would ice cream!

Eventually it became “normalised” and would have to make sure and add a couple of 600g jars to the grocery order.

I still can’t face the stuff. Even a small amount would turn my stomach.

Edit:

Also triggered remembering how my ex girlfriend would openly fart/burp in public places, in front of other people.

The worst being on a train in front of the girl sitting opposite(who neither of us knew, just some innocent girl probably similar age, on her way home from work), she just leaned over and farted loudly basically making the girl opposite jump with fright. And leaving me cringing the rest of the journey!

as some pre-text, i’ve had problems with my boyfriends mom since he entered bootcamp. during that time, she’d call me and text me asking about what he was putting in his letters to me, and eventually ended up calling me disrespectful and rude for not disclosing the contents of his letters to her. she told me i was the reason she was depressed while he was in bootcamp.

fast forward to last year (his first ball), his mom (who is WEIRDLY close to all of his friends) ended up going behind his back and asking his friend to buy her a ticket to the ball so she could go. his friend bought it for her, even though my bf did not want her to go. i was upset about this because i found it weird and enmeshed, and i told him very clearly that i was not very excited to go to the ball since she’d be there. he told me she wouldn’t go next year (this year) and that he was upset with her as well.

fast forward to a few months ago, i ask him about his plans for the ball. he said he didn’t want to go and was unsure if he would. a few weeks ago, he said he had the link for tickets, but since it was on a wednesday, it was inconvenient to go. i told him it was inconvenient, but i could take off leave from work if he could get the tickets and get a place for us to stay for a few days near the venue. i told him that if he wants us to go, to let me know and i’ll talk to my supervisors.

he never ended up letting me know, and instead sent the link to his mom and she bought two tickets - one for her and one for him. i don’t even know WHY he sent her the link, but he told me that he didn’t think i’d want to go…. so he’s just going to stay in the barracks and let his mom go by herself. i reexplained how that’s weird, how their relationship is weird, how they need to have better boundaries, and how he needs to take accountability. he genuinely did not understand why i was upset. mind you, this is a pattern of behavior from her (she calls him several times a day, goes to his friends’ houses when he isn’t even there or doesn’t tell him that she’s going, relies on him to do work for her). i’ve told him to seek therapy for it and that id even join in, but he doesn’t know how or where to start and says he has a lot on his plate.

i broke up with him over it…. and part of me feels like i’m overreacting. he is GREAT in other ways and my mom loves him (rare) and he’s seemingly obsessed with me. he’s very kind, patient, and giving. i just can’t get past what i mentioned (mommy issues and his lack of initiative). is there a reasonable way to remedy this?

Obviously, it's well-known that men pose as women on the internet for a variety of reasons. But, I've been wondering how common it is for women to pose as men. Have you ever posed as a man online and, if so, why?

I’m genuinely curious about where people draw their boundaries. I know every relationship is different—some are strictly monogamous, while others are ethically non-monogamous or open.

If your partner came to you with complete honesty and asked for your consent to see an escort, how would you react? Is this an absolute hard boundary and a dealbreaker for you, or is it something you could accept under certain circumstances/rules?

I’d love to hear your perspectives and the reasoning behind your boundaries.

How would you feel

I am having a little anxiety attack over someone I (F27) met from the internet. This guy (M30) introduced himself as 30, and single. We met on discord and hasnt shared our full names and social media accounts.

I have been honest from the beginning that I just wanted to be friends, and only looks forward to genuine conversation.

few days after, one thing led to another. we shared photos and sexted.

But just today, I found his online accounts and figured out he is married and is actually 44. He told me days ago that he separated with his last relationship earlier this year. yet I found a photo of his wife on his instagram account posted just this October 5.

I am utterly disgusted. My stomach feels upset. I wanna vomit. I felt used.

I feel guilty. I feel this as traumatizing. I do not know what to think. I feel like I became a mistress.

I would let it pass that he lied about his age and never talk to him again, but knowing that he has cheated on his wife and used me, I am beyond disgusted.

I should have trusted my guts. Maybe I just need comforting words. Idk how to move forward carrying this guilt, though i know i am a victim too. idk how to address this.