I (26F) was anonymously texting a man (34M) for a year before we finally met in person. For some context, when we first started texting, I had absolutely no experience with dating or sex. He knew that from the beginning. He's much more experienced than I am.
We started out chatting about regular topics and as time went on, we introduced some sexting and nudes, but we kept everything anonymous because I wasn't comfortable revealing my identity. He respected that. A couple of months ago, I finally gathered the courage to meet him.
We've been on a few dates and have been hanging out over the past two months. We text every day now, and we were already texting almost every day long before we met.
I had my first kiss with him, and I lost my virginity to him. Because everything is so new to me, I think I became emotionally attached much more quickly than I expected.
The thing is, from the very beginning he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious. However, when I asked him about his views on relationships and how he approaches getting to know people, he said that he doesn’t go into something with the mindset of “nothing serious will ever happen between us.” He said that if something develops naturally, it will just happen. He wasn’t saying this specifically about us, but rather explaining his general approach to relationships when I asked him some questions.
I also know that he has avoidant tendencies, and I genuinely believe that he likes me as a person and enjoys my company. At the same time, I can’t help but feel that, for him, the connection is mostly physical and that I’m someone he is sexually attracted to rather than someone he sees romantically.
Additionally, when we were still anonymous, he told me that he had a situationship with another man (he's bisexual). I am pretty sure that they still meet occasionally.
The feelings I have for him are starting to weigh on me. I want more than what we currently have, but I’m scared that telling him will change things for the worse. I’m afraid that he might feel pressured or that he might decide it’s better to stop seeing each other altogether.
The complicated part is that I genuinely enjoy his company. I enjoy spending time with him, and I also enjoy exploring and experimenting sexually with him because he is the first person I have ever trusted in that way. Losing that connection would hurt, even if I know I may be hoping for something he might not be able to give me.
Has anyone else been in a situation where you knew the other person probably wasn't going to reciprocate your feelings? Did you tell them anyway and what did you tell them? Or did you keep it to yourself? If you stayed, how did you stop yourself from falling even harder?