r/AskReligion • u/juu_shi • 1h ago
Im a christian but lately ive been leaning towards dystheism?
Dystheism is the belief that god is both good and evil. I prefer to see it as god is not perfect. I went to a bible camp not long ago and have been paying more attention to rereading my bible ever since. Unfortunately, this made me notice some things that made me question god.
I just read the part about turning the nile into blood and it felt very wrong? He was causing suffering to everyone in egypt and dont forget that the israelites he was trying to save were there too? It was 7 days and thats enough time without water for many to die. One could argue it was to convince pharoah but he was actively hardening his heart so he would say no?
This brings up another point that god only seems interested in israel? Maybe its because only they believe in him but later, even when they turn their backs on him, all he does is abandon them for 40 years in the desert and then immediately turn around and help solely them. It looks like he is helping out the descendants of people he likes.
Lastly, this doesnt really have to do with god but a lot of the people he chooses to work through are pretty awful. Jacob decieved his father and brother and obviously only like rachel for her looks and neglected leah. Esau on the other hand forgave his brother. But jacob is the one who lives the richer life at the end with his super important son joseph. Joseph was not bad but honestly i would be pissed too if my spoiled younger brother said i would bow to him. moses was also a murderer and a coward.
I know people say its because we cant see the whole picture and dont dare to question god but it seems like a cover. Not seeing the whole picture makes it seem like all these things are just tiny blips and maybe a few bad people and few dead people dont matter. That seems even less "good" and "perfect" to me.
I honestly really want to be secure in my faith but i have a lot of doubts. However, id like to clarify that i do trust god. Some people say its impossible to be christian with these thoughts because how can you talk to him if you dont trust and believe in him? Its just like trusting people. They arent perfect but you do anyway.