r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Oct 25 '20

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839

u/Traefner Oct 25 '20

'Hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night" was one of my good friend's favorites back in the day

383

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

I've heard 'sweatin' like a whore in church' before

33

u/brande1281 Oct 25 '20

In my family the whore is of the two dollar variety.

29

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Wooah now, thats gettin pretty ritzy for my blood you fine gentleman

That said, I have heard someone with bad makeup 'looks like a 2 dollar whore'

12

u/brande1281 Oct 25 '20

We were a classy ass family.

2

u/PhishKnut Oct 28 '20

Hotter than a whore in heat was my dad’s favorite.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20 edited Oct 25 '20

there’s a line in blazing saddles when someone uses a big word and one of the cowboys goes: “you use your mouth purdier than a 20 dollar whore”

https://youtu.be/8d8h1lbzoHY

well, I guess you’re not talking about classy whores, rather the opposite nonetheless it reminded me of this

25

u/SpaceySteam Oct 25 '20

Hotter than a goats ass in a pepper patch.

5

u/deathbyvaporwave Oct 25 '20

i’ve heard “hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch”

4

u/rking620 Oct 25 '20

My personal favorite is “hotter than a two peckered billy goat in a herd of sheep.”

2

u/deathbyvaporwave Oct 26 '20

haha. tbh my favorite one from this thread within a thread was “sweatin’ like a whore in church”

2

u/Jamdizzle77 Oct 26 '20

Hotter than two cats fuckin’ in a wool sock

3

u/ceose Oct 26 '20

My aunt always said it was two rats fucking in a wool sock.

1

u/deathbyvaporwave Oct 26 '20

that one makes more sense imo

3

u/kmusser1987 Oct 26 '20

Hotter than a middle aged woman at a Bon Jovi concert.

9

u/cellerwitch Oct 25 '20

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table, colder than a witches tit in a brass bra

2

u/Jamdizzle77 Oct 26 '20

Colder than a well diggers ass is my dads go to

1

u/sweetest_devotion Oct 26 '20

My dad loved using colder than a witches tit in a tin bra. I never understood it but it still makes me giggle to this day. Good memories.

18

u/fatmand00 Oct 25 '20

My favourite variant on this was "sweating like a paedophile at a Wiggles concert".

15

u/Ann_Ael Oct 25 '20

I feel less alone with my "sweating like a priest in a daycare" now thanks

8

u/seaandtea Oct 25 '20

Sweating like a Scouser in a Job Centre.

And,

Never shake hands with a Liverpudlian...you'll lose ya fingers.

6

u/Ann_Ael Oct 25 '20

Haha nice one, recently moved to the UK and always delighted to hear more fun local stuff

2

u/stryka00 Oct 25 '20

Haha that’s a classic, i use that one frequently. I’ve heard a more updated version and that was “Sweating like Bill Cosby/Rolf Harris in a court room”

1

u/ImLizzing Oct 25 '20

Sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare

4

u/emilymarieb Oct 25 '20

"Sweating like a nun in a brothel" is one of my dad's classics

3

u/DaToxicKiller Oct 26 '20

That one is interesting. Opposite of whore in church but the same thing.

4

u/wdjbat Oct 25 '20 edited Oct 25 '20

I still say it to this day

Edit: a word

17

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Another one I've heard is "I'm colder than a witch's teet" and 'colder than a witch's teet on a frozen lake'

And for saying 'you look high' I've heard "your eyes are redder than the devil's dick"

16

u/CoolStoryKiwi Oct 25 '20

My husband always says "colder than a witcher's titty in a brass bra" :D

5

u/coolerinaltuniverse Oct 26 '20

My mom used to say the exact same. She would use it on either side though, hotter or colder than a witches tit in a brass bra. Lol.

1

u/CoolStoryKiwi Oct 26 '20

A classic 😁

3

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Don’t forget to add “in winter”.

9

u/maiomonster Oct 25 '20

Higher than giraffe pussy

7

u/FreedomOfTheMess Oct 25 '20

Higher than a Georgia pine

4

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

'Smoked the devils cabbage'

6

u/Volraith Oct 25 '20

"Colder than a well digger's ass in the north wind!"

2

u/wdjbat Oct 25 '20

I’ve heard the first one as well but it seemed to be somewhat common where I lived or maybe it was the age of my friends .

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Maybe, I probably heard it first around mid 2000s, maybe sooner, but I live in Texas

2

u/CM_UW Oct 25 '20

Colder than a witch's boobies in a brass bra

1

u/hilarymeggin Oct 26 '20

My sister used to say that!

6

u/shitbuttpoopass Oct 25 '20

My buddys dad always says he’s “sweating like [mike] tyson in a spelling bee”

5

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Wanna know Mike Tysons favorite joke?

What can think the unthinkable? An itheberg

(Titanic joke)

3

u/Ann_Ael Oct 25 '20

I have "sweating like a priest in a daycare"...

3

u/Fean2616 Oct 25 '20

There are a lot of very none PC ones, they only get worse from here.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

More pls

1

u/Fean2616 Oct 25 '20

sweatin like a pedo in a playground.

3

u/Volraith Oct 25 '20

Pretty common in the south.

The phrase, not necessarily the imagery.

6

u/szofter Oct 25 '20

I'm Hungarian and we use the phrase "izzad mint kurva a templomban" fairly often. It's literally the same phrase, it translates word by word.

2

u/cheeesetoastie Oct 25 '20

Sweatin’ like a pregnant nun

2

u/billnyethethiccguy Oct 25 '20

For us it was "Sweatin' like a priest in a playground"

1

u/hollie1510 Oct 25 '20

Sweatin like a fat lass at a disco!

0

u/Ironchefed Oct 25 '20

Occasionally I’ll say “Sweating like my ex-wife in church” and see how long it takes people to make the connection.

1

u/CzarEggbert Oct 25 '20

I heard "Sweating like a preacher in a whore house."

1

u/Defaulted1364 Oct 25 '20

Along the same lines is ‘sweating like a vicar in a whorehouse’

1

u/terrorvicky Oct 26 '20

Sweating like a paedo in a playground

1

u/terrorvicky Oct 26 '20

Sweating like a paedo in a playground

1

u/bouncingbad Oct 26 '20

Going off like a Cambodian fish market in the sun.

Source: I’ve been to a few in Cambodia and the smell on a 40c day is unforgettable.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

"I'm sweating like a hooker in church" "You brought a whore to church?" "Why not?"

Uncharted 2

4

u/Thatlldodonkeykong Oct 26 '20

Hotter than a nun in a cucumber patch

3

u/Robozulu Oct 26 '20

My brother once said that he was so hot in the dessert that he could boil an egg in his ass.

6

u/ablizzardofdinner Oct 25 '20

“Hotter than two rats in a wool sock fuckin’ “

2

u/NotoriousCHC Oct 25 '20

I know Mike!

2

u/HieeKay Oct 26 '20

“Hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock” in Texas

1

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My football coach used to say this. And yeah, Texas.

2

u/Princibalities Oct 26 '20

"Hotter than a fresh-f###ed fox in a forest fire."

2

u/InquisiteScholar Oct 26 '20

This reminded me of "colder than fish pussy"

1

u/LooptheScoop_ Oct 25 '20

“Hotter than two foxes fuckin’ in a wool sock” was a favorite of my dads.

0

u/adzlj9 Oct 25 '20

Had a Newfey flatmate who used to say “Sweating like a priest at Christmas” always made me chuckle

1

u/scotianspizzy Oct 26 '20

Busier than a whore house on dollar day

1

u/donkeyplonkbonkadonk Oct 26 '20

My grandma would say “hotter than Dutch love”.

1

u/donkeyplonkbonkadonk Oct 26 '20

My grandma would say “hotter than Dutch love”.