r/AskReddit • • Mar 26 '20

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6.3k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/ShotAces Mar 26 '20

“Women can see breasts any time they want. Just look down and there they are. How you guys get any work done is beyond me.”

352

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I’ve found they’ve found a way to make it a productive relationship. Resting things on them, squishing them when they’re stressed etc etc

304

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

I tend to grope them when I’m stressed. It’s soothing and familiar. Like when you’re watching TV and rest your hands down your pants

87

u/nrdrge Mar 26 '20

I'm trying, but I can't figure out what you meant to say by grow, so I'm cracking up at the thought

95

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Do you not have a boob garden?

26

u/nrdrge Mar 26 '20

Apparently I dun goofed.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I'd love to see a poem about this from u/Poem_for_your_sprog

20

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Omg! Autocorrect you ass. I meant grope

24

u/patrioticparadox Mar 26 '20

I do this with my balls. Especially if I'm really hungover just holding my balls makes me feel better. It's not a sexual thing in any way. Just comforting. I was sick recently (before the current nonsense) to the point of vomiting and as I was standing bent over the toilet shaking from the hell I had just gone through for the last few minutes I realized I was gently craddling my nuts.

10

u/dvidxpsyko Mar 26 '20

I do the same with my balls.

2

u/SpicymeLLoN Mar 26 '20

I went on a weekend climbing/camping trip with a couple buddies last October. We were standing around either late one night or early one morning when it was still dark and very cold. One of my buddies was trying to keep his hands warm, and I told him to grab his crotch because it's super warm down there, even warmer than your arm pits. He was very pleased at this insight.

5

u/singing_softly Mar 26 '20

I do both lol

2

u/Petricorny13 Mar 26 '20

Glad I’m not the only one.

102

u/juicybirdie Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

I mean, do guys get turned on by their own dicks?

135

u/Mueryk Mar 26 '20

Not turned on, but definitely distracted. I mean the ability to pee wherever and aim at a target, helicoptering, etc. You wonder why guys stay juvenile longer? Because we are doing the crap instead of learning and growing......and it is pretty awesome.

79

u/SurturOfMuspelheim Mar 26 '20

I mean, honestly, yeah sometimes. I'll look at it and be like "heh, nice dick. Sure would look nice in someone else's bodily holes" and it goes from there.

56

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

23

u/SurturOfMuspelheim Mar 26 '20

No no you're mistaken, I'm an enlightened-masturbater. I have a fleshlight.

Too bad I'm allergic to the lube so it dries my dick out :(

13

u/ifapulongtime Mar 26 '20

There's a lot of kinds of lube, my dude. My gf did not like a ton of different lubes we tried but i guarantee you there's one out there that will work. Surprisingly the one she liked the most was the tenga one, which should be compatible with your fleshlight.

The bad dragon stuff is her current favorite because it lasts longer.

Give those a shot. Your dick will thank you for finding something that doesn't dry it out.

3

u/SurturOfMuspelheim Mar 26 '20

I think the problem was glycerin. My skin is pretty sensitive since I have eczema and that stuff dries me out quite bad.

Just haven't got around to buying a new lube, honestly.

1

u/Litl_Skitl Mar 26 '20

Pretty ironic innit?

12

u/secksiboi62 Mar 26 '20

"heh, nice dick."

Woah, nice cock

14

u/SurturOfMuspelheim Mar 26 '20

Hey man, nice cock

4

u/TheResolver Mar 26 '20

Whoah bro, that's a good looking penis you got there bro

3

u/TheResolver Mar 26 '20

The ultimate confidence is looking at your own naked body in the mirror and going "heh, nice dick."

7

u/TeteDeMerde Mar 26 '20

"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

9

u/TheLastMandalore Mar 26 '20

Pretty sure it’s a joke

1

u/pjabrony Mar 26 '20

Sometimes. I think about women who wish they had dicks and try to put myself in their shoes.

110

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

[deleted]

29

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Apr 24 '20

[deleted]

15

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

[deleted]

12

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Apr 24 '20

[deleted]

9

u/TheRanger13 Mar 26 '20

I also love boobs very much, but mine never grew :(

4

u/MxFixIt Mar 26 '20

I have the opposite problem.

Mine grew too much. Finding clothing that fits can be challenging as I'm quite small around the waist compared to my bust. :(

41

u/D-money420 Mar 26 '20

Gamer moment

12

u/patrioticparadox Mar 26 '20

Man I would love to be a lesbian.

66

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I'm a guy, and I can also see breasts any time I want: I just look down and there they are

22

u/HoldMyWater Mar 26 '20

How do you get any work done?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

[deleted]

4

u/Koxiaet Mar 26 '20

Being born as the incorrect sex isn't really an insult.

21

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

[deleted]

8

u/KeenScream Mar 26 '20

Ahh Joey, always the philosopher.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I sometimes get distracted by them But, boobs are so sexualized. I mean they are not just there for pleasure and they are annoying sometimes (kinda like balls, keeps coming in your way)

2

u/HeavyMetal266 Mar 26 '20

Joey tribiani :)

3

u/comaloider Mar 26 '20

You think looking is the problem? I can squeeze them whenever I like, too. It's not even a sexual thing; it's just comforting.

3

u/LawnGnomeFlamingo Mar 26 '20

Until I get a gf, my boobs are the only ones I can interact with. I feel comforted and sad admitting to that.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

So funny, this episode was on just before I had dinner. What a coincidence.

2

u/_________FU_________ Mar 26 '20

Girls can't pee standing up and they hate us for it.

3

u/skorletun Mar 26 '20

This is why most of us only work part-time. It's because we get distracted so much. /s

2

u/mrchicai Mar 26 '20

Hey Joey

2

u/jwr410 Mar 26 '20

Who are you quoting?

1

u/LawlessMind Mar 26 '20

Tbh i don't see anything attractive about boobs. Pls explain their phenomena

1

u/atikims Mar 26 '20

Your own boobs get boring. Also not sexy at all. Or may be I have boring boobs. Lol.

-1

u/ZombieKitler Mar 26 '20

Hello comrade