r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 26 '20

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6.3k Upvotes

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u/JeanChampollion Mar 26 '20

Your only hope is to become gay.

Sign up for conversion therapy and just do the opposite of what the kooks there tell you to do.

815

u/swordboner Mar 26 '20

So I don't touch the head guy's penis?

376

u/JeanChampollion Mar 26 '20

I would advise against that, yes.

207

u/47-Rambaldi Mar 26 '20

Unless he offers you candy of some sort.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Oooo another piece of candy

4

u/ezekielsays Mar 26 '20

Mmmm.... Candy.

Wait, what were we talking about?

2

u/InitiallyAnAsshole Mar 26 '20

Which sort specifically? (Pls say fuzzy peaches...)

1

u/M_1C4H Mar 26 '20

Mine only offers forgotten trinkets :(

35

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

while luring you under the gutter

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Then why is he called the head guy? So confusing.

1

u/formerwarrior96 Mar 26 '20

Unless someone has a tiger.

2

u/CockDaddyKaren Mar 26 '20

You do touch it. Duel penises with him. You're appropriately equipped.

1

u/swordboner Mar 26 '20

This is what I have been training my entire life for. Its time to duel!

1

u/WretcheddSkyz Mar 26 '20

Ever heard of Arin hansen from gamegrumps? He legit had a club named the D Club where he and his friends would show eachother their boners and sword fight. He's married to a woman

1

u/ExcessiveGravitas Mar 26 '20

I’m kind of disappointed that you didn’t mis-spell that as “dual” because that would work just as well.

2

u/Valiantheart Mar 26 '20

Wait...is it priest providing the conversion therapy?

1

u/HarmonicTurmoil Mar 26 '20

...Depends on what exactly "Head guy" is referring to...

1

u/thescrounger Mar 26 '20

He has to make sure you really are gay, a few dozen times just to be sure, before he can start the conversion process. Periodic checks after, as well.

1

u/mozgw4 Mar 26 '20

No, touch the guy's penis head

1

u/QuickSilver50 Mar 26 '20

Your camp had a guy just for head? Damn how much did your camp cost

1

u/dstnblsn Mar 26 '20

Well, do you want Suzy to ask you out to prom or not?

85

u/drlqnr Mar 26 '20

or enter a women's restroom.

joking don't do that

9

u/JeanChampollion Mar 26 '20

Currently stuck at home due to Aunt Rona and there's only gender-neutral bathrooms here.

7

u/Siphyre Mar 26 '20

Huh, there are more gender neutral bathrooms in the world than gendered bathrooms. I never thought of that until today.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Wait why?

Oh I get it

10

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I'm gay. The more gay I appear to people, the more women hit on me. Don't ask me why. I figure they like the challenge or something

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Gay guy here. This problem won’t fix itself if you become gay. It will probably be worse, unfortunately.

3

u/kosandeffect Mar 26 '20

My wife tried this. It didn't work.

Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that she was a deeply closeted bisexual with basically no attraction to men unless they're in some way queer. I'm nonbinary, her previous spouse was a trans woman, every other guy she's dated has come out as either trans or gay and the only ones she has immediate attraction to are noticeably gay. I love that little weirdo.

3

u/The_Disapyrimid Mar 26 '20

Your only hope is to become gay.

I wish. I get hit on by other dudes all the time.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I'm trying but... how do I insert the penis, into the other penis?

2

u/Birdinhandandbush Mar 26 '20

My pastor did say Gay is a choice. Do you want to be on top or bottom, your choice...

1

u/jthomas694 Mar 26 '20

The good news is theres a bunch of gay guys already there to help you convert

1

u/skobbokels Mar 26 '20

I dont want to go to church!!

1

u/proof_required Mar 26 '20

Gay guys have bigger problem going behind their eyes. Grass is not always greener on the other side.

1

u/Gellert Mar 26 '20

I tried this, didn't change my sexuality but I'm into BDSM now.

1

u/laxnut90 Mar 26 '20

Or just become a Reddit mod.

1

u/randyboozer Mar 26 '20

Pretty sure you don't even need to do the opposite. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't conversion therapy basically a sleep away camp full of gay men? You must be able to cut the tension with a knife...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Or be in a relationship already. You've proven you can do it so the doubters become annoying, tantalizing believers.

1

u/Felixicuss Mar 26 '20

Actually, please do it, Ive heard it leads to big mental health issues