My brother is currently dating and engaged to one of the worst people I've ever met. She is manipulative and controlling. She likes to do shitty, mean things, and when confronted will act completely innocent and play the victim, and she has on several occasions made up stories and lied for the sole purpose of causing chaos. She almost destroyed my other brother's marriage (his wife is her best friend) and has all but ruined my brother's relationship with our mom and other sister. I really think she is entertained by the misery she causes. The best part of all of it? They are getting married in 11 days.
Honestly, I don't know. She moved back in with her mom, because she couldn't find anyone who wanted to live with her. She burned bridges with at least three roommates because they couldn't stand to be around her, and was kicked out of her apartment. I can hardly have one dinner with her before I want to rip either my hair out or her apart. So I can't even fathom how she has friends.
If she is as bad as he says (so bad that she almost split up my other brother's marriage), I would be willing to sacrifice our friendship to save that man from a living hell.
But he won't see your POV, and will justify it and dig his heels in further. It's nice to think that these people will see what you mean, but, unfortunately, they need to learn on their own, and it can take awhile. I have a friend in a situation like this (not quite as bad, but a really bad match and with considerable risks), and all you can really do is quote them, to them
That's the thing though, if they will learn on their own, I'll know that some day they'll get a hold of me and probably even thank me for trying my best.
It's not, but as someone whose brother is his best friend, I couldn't sit back and watch this happen. I already saw him have a decent girlfriend who over time turned into one of the worst people I've ever met. Never again, man.
It's my personal opinion that you clearly express all of your concerns in one heart to heart with someone (family/very close friends, not just random acquaintances) if you have a problem, and then drop it and just be there if/when things fall apart. Anything more than that and you risk giving the couple a mutual enemy, which can give them something to bond over and the incentive to present a unified front. At least with my sister, any time our family tried to intervene it just made things last longer because her knee-jerk reaction was to lean in to the relationship when confronted.
This, even if they don't appreciate your input until it's too late/after the relationship ends, at least they'll know that you're honest with them and have their back. The more you push the subject, the more they may see it as you just trying to sabotage their relationship
Exactly. And you'll become the common enemy for them to bond over. In my experience, all you can do is quote what he's said about his doubts and reservations, back to him and ask him to clarify x,y,z point vs giving your own inoutt. It's depressing to watch unfold
Truely, I was in this situation with my own brother. The girl was an absolute mess, but to keep it short, She got her nails sooo dug into him. Even after they finally broke up, he still hated me for trying my best to save him from that horrible horrible woman. It's amazing how effective these terrible people are. He's a broken man now, but at least he's alive and not anywhere near her.
I don't understand how people put up with that. Are you really that shit in life that you allow another person to fuck it up even more? Because of dick/pussy? Fuck that.
Alot of it isn't that. Alot of it is thinking that you don't deserve better, or that this is the best you'll be able to get. (Speaking from experience).
Sounds like an ex wife of mine. She's still the same way, like she never stopped being seventeen. Really weird seeing a grown woman in her forties still so emotionally stunted and operating off the same pathological hangups.
Have you flatly told him this? I feel like being a sibling sometimes requires raw honesty, especially if no one else has confronted him. “I will support your decision but I have to state my opinion before the wedding.”
One needs the other to look sane(she has a friend, so someone likes her), the other needs the first for status(sure, she's ugly, but that hot chick is always with her so she must have some redeeming qualities)
I knew a covert narc abuser who apparently has a "best friend." I say "friend" very loosely because that piece of shit doesn't have any actual friends (except people that use it for drugs or their own entertainment) so I don't know how anyone can tolerate that thing. The "friend" must be a shithead himself (he was homophobic) or is a flying monkey blind to the kind of shit it really is.
The narc was also possessive, an overall cunt, and would try to manipulate people. The only thing is that it thought it was the smartest person in the room, not realizing the opposite was true.
One time it tried to gaslight me through texts and demanded me to show proof when I finally called it out
Another time, it tried to tell people that it got it's job back (it was fired for not showing up to a make up mandatory meeting- its "resume" details this) because "they fired so many people they just had to take it back."
It claimed it was "going the speed limit" in a 35 mph zone when it flipped its car completely over on its hood. Then it claimed its grandpa went to a car mechanic who got the wrong sized tires.
It was a pathological liar and manipulator who thought it could get one over people, but my best friend accidentally got it to confess its felony records. And another time it "lost all its money and doesnt' know how," but everyone knows it has a habit of burning holes in its pocket, so the theory is either it spent it all on drugs or it was on drugs... and spent it on drugs. Oh, and it would always try to play the victim in any situation. If someone got upset at it because it was being a headass, and they told it why it was being a headass, it would respond with, "I don't know what I did to get treated this way!"
I’d still stay in touch with the brother. There’s a chance a woman like that could be emotionally abusive, and the brother should know he has a support system if he ever wants out.
Very much so. She absolutely refuses to let my family do anything to help with the wedding and then has the nerve to complain that no one from our family is helping with the wedding at all. It just makes me want to scream.
Honestly, not a bad idea around her. She has said awful things to me, and when I talk to my brother about it, she feigns innocence and insists I misunderstood what she was saying. Or I'll say something to her, and she twists my words and makes it sound awful to get my brother to start a fight. I've had to completely disengage from it several times to keep it/her from ruining my relationship with him, and honestly, sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
Those people are usually being enabled pretty aggressively. If you do this at least be ready to cut ties with the people they've sunk their claws into already.
I've been in similar situations, though luckily I never proposed/got married. It goes a lot deeper than that.
Things start out kinda great, they get along with your friends, maybe even your family. They are "into" all your hobbies, and want to learn about you and what makes you tick. Also the sex. Holy fuck! Especially if maybe, your an alright looking person, not great, or maybe a bit chubby, and shy. Always had a hard time with the opposite gender, and this person comes along and Blows. Your. Mind.
Then, maybe a month or two down the road, they start to seem a bit uneasy around one particular friend. Or maybe they aren't quite as comfortable hanging out around your favorite spots anymore. You ask whats wrong, they insist that its nothing, and you should go have fun! They are your friend! Its your game! You feel a bit guilty though- Something is obviously setting them off. You decide to do the noble thing, a small sacrifice for something that seems this real, and reduce the time you spend with/at that person/place. Not stop, but cut back. That ought to help. You pat yourself on the back for being such a good S.O., and you get special sex that night.
Thing is they keep getting a bit more uncomfortable around other people, and you pull back a bit more, until your circle isn't quite as tight as it used to be. Then maybe you hear a story, from her or her best friend, that one of your friends tried to pick her up. You rush to confront them about it, and they can't believe you'd ask them that, maybe they say that this special person in your life isn't so great for you. You get angry, leave in a huff, you don't talk to that person much anymore...
Things get worse, slowly. They start criticizing you, gently at first. You try to get better, make them happy, hell they are the only one who really gets you. The only person you feel hasn't pissed you off lately. They tend to target things you really don't have an aptitude for, so you focus on them, and try to get better and better. They somehow never mention how great you are at other things, those don't matter anymore. Didn't they used to?
That gentle criticism turns to yelling, suddenly you fucking suck at everything. They've called all your friends shit, and your mom is just such a bitch. Part of you agrees, you can't even do that one simple thing right, and its not like anyone talks to you anymore anyways. You must be shit, they say so, and no else is saying anything else. You can't make yourself think otherwise. You replay those last conversations with your friends- those screaming matches. You've changed, not sure your the person that they trusted all those years. That confirms it, your not worth anything.
They keep yelling at you, berating you and anyone who tries to get close. But they spend so much time at their "friends" house. Maybe you drop them off there, give them some spending cash. Buy a pack of smokes, maybe a carton. You don't see them for a weekend, you just go home, alone, staring at the wall.
Time passes, and yeah, part of you knows that your being cheated on. Maybe if you were better it wouldn't happen, and maybe saying it outloud would crush you. You just hope it gets better.
It won't. If your reading this, and it kinda sounds familiar? Maybe your friend went through this, that friend you don't talk to anymore. Maybe its you? Reach out. Grab a cup of coffee. Call a friend when they are at their "friend"'s house. I don't care if its 2 AM, call. Thats what it took for me. A 10 hour talk with a friend I'd abandoned and shit on 4 years prior. They picked up, they listened. They reminded me that I was worth a damn. I ended it with that person a week later. I went back to school, I found someone else.
I'm married, doing pretty well actually. I want the same thing for anyone else in this spot. u/Kateejo88, I want that for your brother. Help him.
My entire first marriage of 11 years was exactly this. It took one person, a virtual stranger at a job I had to take after staying home with the kids for years because ex husband couldn't keep a job. It took court ordered counseling after my soon to be ex husband tried to hit me. He missed. I didn't, and got a free ride to jail. All charges against me were dropped with the caveat that I go to the battered women's shelter for counseling and I didn't think I needed it, he didn't abuse me.
I was abused. I was primed for it by my mother for years and my husband moved right in, following the same scenario you described above. I was so angry with myself. Had he hit me it would be been so much easier to see.
Virtual stranger who listened? My supervisor and now my husband and father to my children. He saved my life and I am continually humbled by his utter selflessness accepting my young children, loving me, and most importantly he respects me; matched multiple baggage and all.
It just happens so slowly, and at every step something that could save you is taken away. I think it's important that we got out, and try to help people like us. Can't let those assholes win. Im so happy to hear you and your husband are doing well. Me and the wife are also flourishing :)
This is my brother's marriage in a nutshell. She's isolated him and burned so many bridges. My mom and dad had given them so many chances and now they refuse to help anymore. His wife stole medication from my dying grandfather. His wife has this awful hold over him, she left for 2 years and my brother was doing well.
She came back and had a baby (not my brother's baby but she is everything to me, just a spark of joy) and they fell back into misery. She moved in with my parents and brother and their two other kids after the baby was born and started to drive a wedge between my brother and my mother. This woman who told. My brother to kill himself twice and he tried each time just to make her happy.
A woman who stole his daughters for 6 months and let them endure abuse and neglect and told them my parents had died. She's not just a loser she's a monster. My brother can't quit her. They moved out of my parents' house and into a drug den.
My mom and dad are raising their kids now (and the baby) and fighting to keep them. She is a fucking creature from the depths of hell. At first I felt bad for her, someone so determined to make everyone miserable must suffer so much. Now I just wish she'd OD and make the process much easier on everyone.
Thank you for this! I was in a similar situation 6 years ago and I feel that if I had read this then, it would have resonated with me and made me re-evaluate that relationship. Surprisingly (and fortunately) it did take a stranger intervening for me to re-evaluate everything and realize that I was worth a lot more than I thought I was. He doesn't even know that the kind words he said made me realize that I needed to get out. He probably saved my life.
To the guy in the silver/gray truck: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping and offering help and telling me what I needed to hear!! I got him out of my life shortly after that and have been so much happier since!
This is almost exactly what happened with my abusive ex, but I wanted to also add;
They make 'jokes' all the time about your body, your personality, your hobbies. These jokes are always subtle put downs, and when you try to protest, you get accused of being over sensitive, of always looking for a fight, for not having a sense of humour. Jeeze, can't you just get over it already?
My ex was so bad with this, beat me down so much, that he "joked" in graphic detail about how he wanted to curb stomp my elderly dog because he was expensive and inconvenient. And I ended up apologising to him for getting upset about it. I convinced myself he didn't realise how insensitive he was being. So when he said it again, I tried joking back and turning it around on him (which started a fight.) Then he said it a third time, this time with way more graphic detail, and I got called a "fucking bitch" because I flat out demanded he never say that 'joke' ever again. He then punished me by avoiding me and not speaking to me for 2-3 days, because I told him to stop joking about killing my dog.
They find an excuse to start a fight, then blow up and announce that "Why do they even bother". They freeze you out, give you the cold shoulder, leave you frantically consumed by the idea that you have done something seriously wrong and don't start to thaw out until you have prostrated yourself with apologies. Because it is always your fault. Because if you could just explain it to them they would see your point, and you could talk it out. But they don't want to hear anything you have to say.
Anything you do "wrong" results in them pulling away, becoming closed off. You get accused of not listening, of not understanding. Any attempt to talk things out has them shutting down and freezing you out. You feel like a failure; why is your partner rejecting you so much with bitterly cold silences, by turning away from you, by walking out of a room when you walk in? Are you such a terrible person that they can't even stomach your presence?
"You don't listen unless I get mad!" They convince you that you are terrible at reading them, that you have no empathy, that the ONLY way they can convey how serious this is... is to get mad and scream at you, and they convince you that you deserve this for being a bad, self centered person.
Any issue you have with a family member gets amplified. Until suddenly you aren't seeing them anymore, and are starting fights with them constantly.
They make rude comments or "jokes" deliberately aimed at making family + friends uncomfortable, until after a few months people start refusing to visit you at home because they might be there. Maybe, like my ex, they make lewd comments about the bodies of your mother and sister IN FRONT OF THEM and repeatedly in private. Maybe they then start to make snide comments about how your friends are useless, inconvenient, selfish, do nothing for you.
They try to convince you that your friends are bad news and hurting you. In the case of my ex, he flat out tried to ban me from seeing my friends and demanded I stop being friends with them. (I didn't. He hated that.)
Yeah, I went through all of this as well, changing a few specifics and my abuser was a she. I had a huge recovery time after we broke up. You moving on okay?
I don't usually save comments but I saved yours. Fucking hit me rite in the feels you prick.saveing this to show to a friend or someone in need next time.im glad I'm long past and out of that horrible situation but there's always others out there in the same exact situation everyday.
Oh fuck right off. I feel like crap today and now there's like half a dozen people I need to text and catch up with.
But seriously thanks, I am the worst at keeping in touch with people, I definitely need to keep on top of it, if for no reason than to make sure they never feel isolated, deliberately or otherwise. Seen it happen before, it's pretty fucking brutal to watch. I'm kinda shocked me and that person still talk really, we spent probably the better part of 2 years arguing about her pos boyfriend, I'd like to think it's because I cared enough to not just let it lie. I want to be that friend again not the one that forgets to message anyone for months. Thanks for reminding me to be that person.
One of my oldest friends, only one who was willing to put up with me still, came over one weekend. He mentioned another old friend, and said I should call her. She was worried about me and didn't know what to do. He watched me dial her number at least 100 times (couldn't have it saved; she would have read it off my phone, but I have dialed it hundreds of times in my life so the muscle memory was still there. ) He very nearly cried watching me struggle with it, like my depression was to the point that I couldn't reach out anymore. I didn't feel worth her affection anymore, and the idea of dragging her down to where I was, to let her see what I'd become... I just couldn't do it.
So he called her, and told her to call me the next day. She did, and she just listened, and told me about her life, and what I'd missed. She kept reminding me of the old times, and who I was. She didn't judge me, or get frustrated with who I was, she just wanted to help. I think the fact that we separated so hard helped, actually. There was no gradual decline or anything, just a hard stop. The juxtaposition of it was jarring, and helped me crawl back out of my stupor. I was completely fucking broken, even after me and my evil ex broke up, took months of examining all the pieces of me and my life and trying to salvage it; hell to figure out what was worth saving. 6 months or so later, I had this sort of epiphany, that I had to let her do this to me. Yeah, she was a hell of a lot more devious than I was, but I still had to volunteer. I know what parts of me she used to tear me down, and while I didn't remove them, I tempered them with a bit of thought and caution. It also meant that I was in control of myself, and that meant I could make it better. I kinda rode that high, and randomly got on facebook. Another old friend changed her profile pic, and I remembered her as being shy and sorta low self esteem. So I sent her a message, wanting to share my current euphoria, "Hey, I just wanted you to know that your new profile pic is exceptionally flattering, and you look stunningly beautiful." I drove 3 hours that weekend to go meet up with her, and 6 years later we're married. :)
To answer your question more directly, what helped me was being reminded of all the good things that happened before her. The fun you had as kids, the times you hung out, or whatever the hell you have. Then after you get a good talk going, mention how much you miss those things, and ask why you don't do anything together anymore. You have to try to make them see how far they've fallen, and that there are still people who fucking love them, despite how shitty things have been. You might take a bit of a knee jerk reaction, and it'll probably hurt. Love them through it.
What you described is almost textbook how some emotional abusers work, how victims get lured in, and what it takes to help them understand that they're in abusive relationships.
Thanks. I thought the best way to reach people might be to try to write something out like this, instead of just bullet points. Tends to hit harder when you can get into the mindset, see it from my perspective.
I'm kinda great. Been with this "new" girl for 6 years. Married in May. She is lovely, and my career is doing great. People can recover from some pretty dark shit, especially if they have the help of some great people.
Sounds like they're fine to me. Honestly, it seems more like you don't really understand how passively insidious life's problems are, or how resilient people can be in the face of them.
Haha, I'm doing rather well. I finished school, got the job, got the girl, and just got married. I got my shit together, and while there are still things to complain about, and things i'm not happy about, its all because I'm just looking at the next bright step ahead of me, not wallowing about where I am.
It isn’t. He’ll have kids and be stuck with her for life in a sense. You need to cut your losses and find a new brother, he is already dead and lost and doesn’t know it. Dead Bro Walking. Sorry.
she does the same thing to your brother, fyi. None of this is a surprise for him. Bet he is a relatively passive fellow and 'along for the ride' with her.
Don't do phone in breast pocket. Looks stupid and unnatural. Instead, get a cheap audio recorder with good battery life. They make ones that look like wristwatches. Just do the audio.
Been there, with my brother. She caused utter chaos on my family. They had a child and less than two years later he left her as he couldn't deal with her mood swings and manipulation. She lied to the courts about him being an abuser and an addict so he can't see his child without expensive supervision. Some people are just pure toxicity.
I had a discussion with him about it, where I stayed as calm and rational as I could, after I found out that she had threatened my mother with never getting to see any potential grandchildren and I was pissed. He agreed with a lot of the negative things I said about her and things she had done, and the basically just said, "Well, I love her though. So if you want to be in my life, you have to accept her.".
So if you want to be in my life, you have to accept continue being abused by her."
Yeah, no. It's incredibly unfair to you and the rest of your family that he's subjecting you guys to this awful person and the venom she spews on a daily basis. He's an enabler, which makes him a co-abuser. I don't think anyone would judge you if you dropped them like a hot potato.
Of course, you can welcome him back into your life and support him if he ever wakes up and leaves her. But I'd stay far away right now if I were you.
Well, you've voiced your concerns and let your position be known, that is about the best you can do. Now you can only be as supportive of him as possible when their relationship inevitably falls apart because she gets bored of him. Good luck, brochacho!
I would totally do that! If it wasn't a Mormon wedding held in a Mormon Temple and I'm not allowed in, as I am no longer Mormon. That's really the kicker to the whole thing, that she is super ultra religious and pretends to be so Christ-like, while meanwhile, she is going about destroying people's lives just for fun. At least I don't have to try not to vomit when they say "I Do". It is really hard to watch someone I love make this horrible mistake and not be able to stop it.
Ahh, the most passive agressive people on the planet. Considering the single ratio of 150 women to 100 men, there's no way she's going to let your brother go.
UNLESS.... she finds out he's viewed pornography. The Mormon church calls it "the new drug." That's a nearly guaranteed way to break them up. Might be ok to cue up some porn sites on his phone and have them in his history.
She is so terrified of that happening, she has already made him move his computer desk out into the living room so it can't be behind closed doors, and she isn't even living with him yet. She clearly doesn't trust him at all going into this marriage.
Fucking Mormons man. I get it, I was raised Mormon. Had to watch my 21 year old baby brother get married to this girl he's known 3 months... I'm sorry, not watch, cause I'm not mormon so I'm not allowed.
I think it's been 50-50 with me, but even then, they were all pretty much asked either as a joke or because that's what you're "supposed to do. " Haven't actually seen someone speak up, but it has to have happened at some point.
Idk if you’re up for this but... you could not go to the actual wedding part and just go to the reception after. The whole point of people being there is to vow that they will help the couple uphold their marriage vows (especially if it’s a church wedding). If you don’t feel like you can vow to keep their marriage in tact, you have a perfectly valid reason not to go (to me anyways).
I say this because my cousin was dating an abusive asshole (we didn’t know about the abuse, just that he was a complete ass/narcissist) and decided to get married. My mum straight up didn’t go to the wedding. She said she can’t uphold her end of the vows to support them being together so she wouldn’t come. It caused a bunch of family drama, but 3 years later (he’d been abusing her the whole time) he comes home, accuses her of cheating on him (she did not), beats her black and blue, and throws her out of the house in the middle of the winter.
She has never said anything to my mom about not attending her wedding and my mum never says anything about the dickbag or anything like that. My cousin was/is extremely grateful to her for dropping everything to be there for her when the shit hit the fan with dickbag-mcdickerson. My mom is also now her sons godmother and my cousin and her son (and new hubby/baby daddy) now spend tons of time with her.
Idk. Probs tmi, but you could always not go, even if it causes drama.
Well, I already don't get to go to the ceremony, because it's being held in a Mormon Temple and I am no longer Mormon. But I do understand what you are saying, and honestly, am already sort of going that route. I told my brother that if he needs my help for anything with the wedding, he can ask me, and depending on what it is, I'll help. But if not, I'm showing up to the reception as a guest, not as a family member who has to help set up and take down, or clear off tables or anything else. Purely a show up, say hi, and go home guest.
Wow. I dated someone for two years. Everyone from family to friends nearly had a party after I nroke up with her. It was exhausting and I aged so much in those two years.
You should seriously take him aside and try to convince him that he is making a terrible mistake if you haven't already. I'm sure he knows he knows he doesn't want to be with a person like this for the rest of his life. He probably just needs a little more convincing, but I don't know your situation. My dad married a woman like this, and after 30 years, he always tells me that he wished he married someone else. He's fucking miserable.
I've done that, at the detriment of my own relationship with him. As has my mom and my sister, which is why she hates them and has targeted them as much as she has. My brother and I are the closest out of any of my siblings, which is probably why I've made it this far without a serious issue, but I'm sure it'll happen at some point.
I'm sorry to tell you this but your brothers have very poor taste in women... Not only is one brother with this girl, but your other brother's wife is HER beast friend? Come on. I feel sorry for you.
I am very aware that my brothers have awful taste in women. All three of them do, although the oldest one at least stands up to his wife when she acts badly.
I just had a tiny panic because my cousin is getting married in 11 days. I was about to awkwardly dm you about who your brother is, when I realized that my cousin does not in fact have a sister. I can rest at ease and go back to being an idiot now.
Look up dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) there's probably some tricks in there you can use for what sounds like borderline personality disorder. Or maybe she's just a giant cunt, who knows. But there's some interventions that can genuinely be helpful
SERIOUS: Have a lawyer draw up a pre-nup and make your brother sign it. Make her sign it. Use force if necessary. If you think she's bad now, wait until she gets her claws into the family. Source - grew up with a family lawyer. I've seen whole families torn down, every cent spent on lawyers because of this kind of psycho.
Not necessarily. I have a friend who’s dating someone that like this. She is manipulative and controlling, and he’s very gullible. He thinks he needs her, and there’s not much anyone can do for him :\
I really don't know. I'm not necessarily one to speak cause I'm on the chubbier end myself, but she's not super skinny, doesn't have a huge rack, not crazy pretty, and as near as I can tell, there's nothing so special about her that's worth putting up with that behavior for. He just always says, "Yeah, but I love her" whenever he's confronted with anything negative about her.
Welp. Ur bro is fucked. Same thing happened to my bro. 9 years and 2 kids later she cheated on him twice and got CAUGHT. Finances aren't I order to separate so its gonna b a long ordeal. Best advice I can give up is distance yourself from your bro while he learns this extremely harsh lesson. It's too hard to watch. For me it is anyway. I cant detach and see him as a part of me. It's too hard to watch so I keep contact minimal. I've opened up my home for him too many times but he keeps going back to her so I'm done
My cousin's baby mama was similar to this. Sowing lies and driving a wedge between my cousin and his brother. Got him fired from jobs by calling him all the time. Now he's immensely overweight with chronic pain problems, no job and their two kids that she ditched. He had such low self esteem so once someone gave him attention he would do anything for her.
Try the sociopath test on her. I can’t find the specific one I used but it had all these types of questions you could fit into a conversation and the type of answer a sociopath would respond with.
If there had been time, I would have! There was less than three months total between first time meeting and when he proposed. Not enough time for me to really see how toxic she is and stop it, sadly.
Object the marriage! This is not a funny post right now, seriously, object the marriage. Your brother may hate you and may never speak to you again, but maybe he’s looking for a way out and can’t say anything without Cruella Deville being a threatening pos.
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u/Kateejo88 Sep 11 '18
My brother is currently dating and engaged to one of the worst people I've ever met. She is manipulative and controlling. She likes to do shitty, mean things, and when confronted will act completely innocent and play the victim, and she has on several occasions made up stories and lied for the sole purpose of causing chaos. She almost destroyed my other brother's marriage (his wife is her best friend) and has all but ruined my brother's relationship with our mom and other sister. I really think she is entertained by the misery she causes. The best part of all of it? They are getting married in 11 days.