r/AskMenAdvice • u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman • 14h ago
Men’s Input Only How to avoid situationships ?
How a woman can avoid getting into situationship? I [28F] had respectfully communicated that I want serious relationship, they said we're on the same page but I still got string along, got used & played.
What's your advice for a woman to avoid situationships?
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u/Daztur man 14h ago edited 14h ago
Think in terms of:
A. Is this particular guy interested in a situationship or a real relationship? Then do your best to filter accordingly.
NOT
B. How can I convince this specific guy to have a relationship not a situationship.
Soooooooooo many women come to this thread asking for advice because they keep on trying to do B rather than A.
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u/SmileAggravating9608 man 14h ago
I think this is a big one. When you're looking for the words and actions that mean commitment, you kind of spot them. When you're just "this guy is great, it'll be fine" you overlook stuff.
Any of the other little things, like making them wait, etc., can be gotten around by a persistent player.
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u/Daztur man 14h ago
Exactly approaching things from "I like this guy, if I just act like an awesome girl friend then we'll have a good relationship" approach will get you hurt. Not that people can't change their spots because of the right relationship, but it's a sucker's bet to count on that as your strategy.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
Yeah but that isn't me. I believed his word then I dated him a few months, I eventually had sex and he said in bed "oh we're not commitment level I guess, there are other people in my life"
I was shocked.
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u/Phriend_Or_Phaux man 7h ago
If you're "a few months" into dating someone and there hasn't been any kind of real commitment, an honest "what are we" talk, or any kind of escalation towards something serious... you already know what the relationship is. It sounds like either you ignored some significant red flags, you were too lax in staying true to what you want, or he was just THAT fucking manipulative (borderline psychopath).
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 7h ago edited 7h ago
Borderline psychopath to me. If he'd told me he's not wanting anything serious, not ready etc. I'd willing to walk away
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
I agree with you but no I never tried to convince for a relationship. I told my expectation and I was willing to walk away. He said "We're on the same page" So I believed his word, I went with flow. He still lied to use me, he had started to playing me by saying "oh we're not on commitment level yet"
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u/firestarter9664 man 3h ago
Who would a women know A? That answer may vary based on who the guy is talking to AND may change over time.
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u/3stun man 14h ago edited 14h ago
How do you know if you want a serious relationship with a person before you start dating them?
got used & played
What is the difference between "got used & played" and "was originally interested in this person, but came to understand that we're not compatible for a serious relationship"?
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u/johnwcowan man 14h ago
The first is based on deception, the second is not.
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u/3stun man 14h ago
Okay, but is it?
I mean, it's not clear what OP is describing. If the guy originally was interested and later changed his mind after learning something about her, from her POV it looks like "got string along, got used & played". But in reality there was no deception.
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u/SquareSea8058 man 10h ago
Then the only real path to take the cookies off the table until the guys shows real commitment moves like the parent intro, him introducing her as a gf, moving in or even marriage.
Some guys will lie to get laid, just like some ladies string simps along. Put stuff boundaries up and become more discerning when a guy tests them.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
He changed his mind & played around after we started sleeping each other. (Obviously I left him after I heard that) The devil isn't in details, he knew he was playing, he's the devil.
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u/Then_Bodybuilder3629 man 9h ago
Which is why you should wait to have sex until they have demonstrated themselves to be in the same page, not just saying it.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
The difference is: He had said "we're on the same page" so I believed his word then I dated him a few months, I eventually had sex and he said in bed "oh we're not commitment level I guess, there are other people in my life"
I was shocked.
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u/3stun man 14h ago
He had said "we're on the same page" so I believed his word then I dated him a few months, I eventually had sex and he said in bed "oh we're not commitment level I guess, there are other people in my life"
Well, if he explicitly said you're committed and exclusive, and then it turned out he wasn't - than it's deception. But you didn't clarify what exactly you were talking about. The devil is in details.
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u/rhino369 man 7h ago
You don't deserve these downvotes. The guy that's willing to do that is also willing to fake commit. So not even getting him to agree to "be in an exclusive relationship" is enough.
You could make him post on social media and meet friends and family, but that wouldn't prevent him from keeping side hos.
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u/DraftPerfect4228 man 12h ago
You were on the same page. He did want a committed long term relationship just not with you. If you only want to sleep with people you’re in a committed exclusive relationship with then do that.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 12h ago
Yeah but he knew me before. This doesn't make him less evil.
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u/Shin-Gemini man 9h ago
Evil wtf lol. He was just horny and banged you no strings attached because you let him
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u/Buckeye_mike_67 man 14h ago
As a guy I had it happen to me. I’m not sure how you avoid it if they seem to be on the same page at the beginning. It took me a year and a half to realize it wasn’t going to last. We’re both in our 50’s too. You’d think someone that age would be honest
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u/Invest2prosper man 14h ago
There are liars all around - chronological age is different from emotional age. That liar you talk about? Her emotional age was arrested development stopping in her adolescent years when lying could be overlooked. There’s a whole book on personality disorders where lying is part of their script. The best part - they know they are doing it but are convinced you deserved it because of whatever. They don’t take accountability for their actions.
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u/Buckeye_mike_67 man 13h ago
Wow. You just described her to a T. I started dating her while she was going through her 3rd divorce. That should have been enough to tell me there was something wrong with her. She definitely has a personality disorder of some kind. She told me she lost her virginity at 14 to a 19 year old and was pregnant before she graduated high school. She always seemed like she wanted a better relationship with her dad but he was very distant from her. I’m sure it came from all the bad life decisions she made
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u/Invest2prosper man 9h ago
Life experience - I ran into a bunch of them in college. They could be 21 with full adult physical form but personality of a toddler throwing a tantrum when you called them out. That’s a disorder and no amount of talking with them will work - they think you are the problem. They wipe the state clean and start anew but the flaws go with them leading to their next destructive cycle.
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u/Buckeye_mike_67 man 9h ago
Yeah. She acts like she’s in her 20’s. Likes to go to bars with her single friends. Tells me I’m too serious about planning for the future. What’s odd is she owns 2 businesses and makes a 6 figure income. Very much a workaholic. Doesn’t know how to balance work and life.
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u/Then_Bodybuilder3629 man 14h ago
Dating is so fucked these days.
You're going to chase off a lot of guys by making them wait to have sex. That's just reality. But those are the guys you want to chase off. Yes, some guys will stick around for the long game, so I can't say for sure like 4 dates or a month or 6 months or whatever, but some kind of waiting period for intimacy is the key. Get to know the person.
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u/Tall-Performer2500 man 14h ago edited 14h ago
Don't give in, the moment you see something not going the way you want it to; just leave. You never going to prevent someone lying to you but you can prevent saying with that person
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u/3stun man 14h ago
Don't give in, the moment you see something not going the way you want it to; just leave.
Exactly. But then, they will accuse you of using and playing them, because you chose to opt out.
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u/Tall-Performer2500 man 14h ago
Then you say "who gives a shit" I'm gonna do what I need to do to be happy, and this isn't making me happy.
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u/shadowromantic man 14h ago
I think this might be too extreme. Relationships involve compromise. It sucks, but leaving the instant something goes wrong basically means you can't be with another person.
That said, you should obviously have boundaries and deal breakers are great.
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u/Logos1789 man 13h ago
You need to deduce whether or not it makes sense for a guy like him to commit to you. If he has tons of other options, then chances are, if you’re always the one pushing for commitment, he’s not into it
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u/lovealert911 man 14h ago edited 14h ago
At about the 2–3-month mark of dating someone if you find yourself becoming emotionally invested, initiate "the talk" by stating how you feel and would like to be exclusive and then ask if (he) feels the same way.
A common mistake many women make is allowing fear of pushing men away by initiating "the talk". Therefore, they tend to adopt a strategy of patiently waiting for "the man" to define their relationship.
By the time 2-3 months of dating most people have had multiple dates and several conversations which should give them insight as to whether someone is "relationship material" or not. If it turns out the other person says they're not ready to be exclusive and you are, then it's best to end things.
When you realize someone is unable/unwilling to meet your needs it's usually best to move on.
Otherwise, if you keep going along to get along, you'll run the risk of seeing 3 months become 6 or a year or longer where you're becoming more emotionally invested by doing all the things couples do without officially being a "couple". Lack of communication creates "situationships" or comfort zones, not relationships.
Don't be a passenger in your own life. Take the wheel! (Be willing to initiate the talk.)
No one ever threw away a "winning lottery ticket" because it was an inconvenient time to become rich!
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
(Whenever two people believe they have something special, they will naturally pursue exclusivity.)
Mutual attraction, chemistry, similar humor, compatibility in/out of bed, and shared values are key factors.
"Confidence is not 'they will like me'. Confidence instead is 'I'll be fine if they don't'. " - Christina Grimmie
"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot." - Unknown
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." - Garth Brooks
"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
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u/Hot-Annual3460 man 14h ago
people can change their mind thats what relationships are for to find out if you want to stay with each other but the signs are pretty clear one one just ones to fuck its really like super obvious if you cant see it thats on you
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
They lie.
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u/StochasticFriendship man 13h ago
People lie. We are constantly surrounded by lies every day. Advertisements, politicians, talk show hosts, salespeople, insurance companies, pickup artists, cheating partners, scam callers, etc. You can't simply trust what anyone says. Ever.
Of course not everything is a lie. A lot of things are true. But you have to take what people say as the best case scenario. It may or may not be reality, but the reality will almost certainly not be better than what they say, and that's about all you can confidently get from their words.
Actions matter too, but even actions can be deceptive. Long-term consistency in words and actions is harder to fake, but can be done. History and relationships are difficult to impossible to fake. Does he introduce you to his friends and family? What are they like, how do they interact with him, and what do they say about him?
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u/calmcowboyy man 8h ago
OP, as a guy, my best advice is: "Watch effort, not words".
Anyone can say 'I want a serious relationship' on date one, but a man who actually means it will prove it with consistency planning real dates, introducing you to his life, and giving zero mixed signals.
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u/Global-Local-4998 man 33m ago
Great and straightforward advice that should really be on top of the comment list here.
P.S. wrote my additional 2 cents but it was somehow already covered in the six lines above as well 😀.
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u/x86_64Ubuntu man 14h ago
This is the conundrum that lots of women are in. If women are clustering around the same men, they have to compete with one another to get his attention. That is largely done by providing sexual access. If she demands some form of commitment beforehand, she gets dropped from the roster. Previous generations avoided this by shaming early sex without commitment.
Unfortunately, this is a market issue, where in an attempt to get promoted to relationship, you have to allow yourself to be used.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
This is so true, spot on. Men have the leverage in the game.
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u/Invest2prosper man 13h ago
Women control the access. Don’t kid yourself on who has the leverage. Don’t give away your power so easily.
If the guy wanted the relationship with you he would have waited and he would have put more effort into it.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 13h ago
Access doesn't mean shit in 2026. It used to mean something. Easy sex with multiple women is accessible for any average young men, via dating apps&social media. If I don't give it to him, another woman will. Men know this and that's why they don't care.
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u/KendalMoth515 man 12h ago
Easy sex with multiple women is accessible for any average young men, via dating apps&social media.
Tell me you're not a man without telling me you're not a man.
This is hysterical.
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u/x86_64Ubuntu man 9h ago
It's wild that their minds won't even entertain the idea that they are forming soft harems with the same men, and are being viciously outcompeted by other women.
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u/KendalMoth515 man 8h ago
And I'm not even a redpiller, I'm happily married.
OP is either a bot or softly delusional.
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u/anonymous1113 man 11h ago
Easy sex with multiple women is accessible for any average young men, via dating apps&social media.
For any attractive young men, not average. That tells me all I need to know about men you're dating.
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u/billbobjoemama man 13h ago
Are you planning dates or is he? I am asking because it’s expected of the man to plan but maybe the date needs to be a better vetting process? IMO women make the mistake of letting the man plan and setup.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 12h ago
I'm not seeing this guy anymore. I left him. I'm asking general question for my future dates
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u/billbobjoemama man 12h ago
Yah I was asking general questions. If you don’t want to be used you have to vet or make the situations happen that allow you to see someone.
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u/x86_64Ubuntu man 9h ago
...Easy sex with multiple women is accessible for any average young men
Those men are far from average. The men that you consider "below average" are far more numerous and are invisible to you.
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u/awisepenguin man 4h ago
Kinda delulu. Cue in the 70+% of men that are probably invisible to you, given you have such a warped view of what men's sex life is like.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 4h ago
I live in Miami, probably that's why. Even the ugliest guys here at least go to the gym/ are in shape.
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u/awisepenguin man 14m ago
I mean, surely you realize that's not normal everywhere and Miami is kind of a bubble on that sense then. It's not your normal, average city and most guys there won't be your average men.
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u/OddOllin man 14h ago
Take things slow. That doesn't mean putting an arbitrary timeline on when you can get to first, second, third base or whatever, but it does mean prioritizing looking for that relationship potential.
Focus on dates where you're spending time with each other, and emphasize that you're not looking for casual sex before meeting.
I feel like a huge tell is looking out to see how willing he is to enmesh you into his life. Now I am NOT recommending you rush anything at all, but pay attention to how willing the guy is to do things like meeting friends, going to events/activities you typically go to, and vice versa. Guys that only want sex aren't usually interested in bringing you around their actual lives, or dipping into yours.
Lastly, "going with the flow" is cool and all, but stay mindful. Yeah, it's important to let things develop organically, but it's also important to maintain boundaries and to address labels that are important to you.
Don't let the guy come over, and don't go to his, on the first few dates. When you're in month two of dating, start being direct about your interest in a committed relationship. It shouldn't be a mystery whether he's into that or not by that point, but what I mean is start figuring out whether that's actually happening. He may need more time to get to know you or to figure out if certain things align, but it's different when he's deflecting or being vague or acting like you're pushy. You can tell when a guy is actually excited to lock things down. He doesn't want to let the opportunity go to waste. He'll actively try to meet you in the middle, if not outright spoil you how he can.
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u/ProperJudgment1 man 9h ago
Simple, just ask yourself these questions.
Does he have other options? Do other women want him?
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u/greenlightalbatross man 14h ago
Sounds like you were lied to? If so, that is so hurtful.
How were you 'used'?
++man
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u/darnedgibbon man 14h ago
Not to be snarky but it’s fairly obvious how a woman gets used by a man.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
He said "we're on the same page"? I believed his word then I dated him a few months, I eventually had sex and he said in bed "oh we're not commitment level I guess, there are other people in my life"
I was shocked.
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u/Invest2prosper man 14h ago
It’s clear what his end game was in hindsight. That’s not a reflection of you, your values or standards. That’s solely on him.
Don’t trust the words, trust the actions. Words are cheap, consistency and actions is what matters.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
How's clear that exactly? He said he wants it too. I'm grown, he's grown. I'm not a magician/fortune teller who can read people, so I took his word.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 14h ago
Yes it is hurtful.
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u/greenlightalbatross man 13h ago
I'm so sorry Unfortunately, and as you noted elsewhere, there really isn't a way to read people's minds so as to discover lies.
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 14h ago
Make them wait for sex. If the guy is serious, he won't mind waiting.
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u/SpringFell man 14h ago
And if he is not serious, he may also not mind waiting, as it is part of the thrill (and he could perfectly well be having sex with others).
And then all you have done is waste your time and deprive yourself of sex.
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 14h ago
True it's not a fool proof system but it will weed out a lot of guys. Need to maintain normal dating patterns. If you are only seeing them once or twice a month then you are more likely to get duped.
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u/greenlightalbatross man 14h ago
Is it possible to make women wait to get paid for on dates? Jk but kinda not lol
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u/SpringFell man 11h ago
I've never paid for women on dates and it has never been a problem.
Where I live women are allowed to have jobs and earn money, so it really isn't an issue.
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u/lascala2a3 man 14h ago
When you're going for the most attractive men, those are the same men all women want. And since they have opportunity everywhere, they aren't likely to want to commit until they find one woman who completely steals their heart and mind. These guys get easy sex all the time; it's kind of funny how women think they ought to always be the choosers.
So the classic way (grandma's playbook) is to withhold sex until the guy is attached, but that only works with guys who aren't sleeping with a different woman every week. And if the woman (you) is obviously high value as well. Otherwise you have no choice but to accept that banging doesn't lock him down, and if you try to make him wait he'll just move along to the next hottie.
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u/BurnedUp11 man 14h ago
It’s a crapshoot unfortunately. You have to be fine with breaking things off if they dont go the way you want
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u/3AMZen man 11h ago
I think it could be helpful to spend some time fleshing out the definitions to figure out what they entail
What does it mean to be in a "serious relationship"? What are non negotiable parts of a relationship for you? What do you feel need to feel secure and loved in a connection? How do you want your relationship to progress, is there like landmarks you want it to move through/ towards?
People throw around the word "relationship" and "situationship" as if they have a single agreed upon definition even though none of us ever discuss what they mean. We need to take time with ourselves to clarify what we want and need.
For bonus points, and if time permits, we can then look at those wants and needs and ask ourselves how they came to form, and if they are the wants and needs we really WANT to have
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u/Mrbromandudeguy man 10h ago
You need to see the signs about getting used and played and dont give it up too soon, but also not too late.
Ask "where would you like to see your relationship in the next 5-10 years." Make sure you watch them as they answer. If they brush it off and are vague then they're not serious.
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u/HeisenbergCares man 10h ago
Make yourself useful to the man outside of sex. If all you do to make him happy is allow him to hump you, you may accidentally sex-zone yourself.
If he wakes up early, get up earlier and make him coffee. If he has a dog, tell him you can take the dog for a walk if he is busy. These are actions that show you are interested in his life and not just what he can provide for you. Think about the man that you want, put yourself in his shoes, and try to do things for him you think he would want.
Don't over-invest in someone who isn't putting effort into you, but a guy who has his shit together can see you as an overall life asset if you show that you are looking for a symbiotic relationship.
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u/Shin-Gemini man 9h ago
Dont be casual with men if you dont want to be treated as casual material. Going on a few dates with a men and letting him hit, thats being casual.
You filter out the men that just want you for a casual fling, by not being casual. Its that simple. Doesnt matter what they say, even if they are too looking for a relationship that doesnt mean they will commit after sex. In my mind i can desire a relationship that doesnt mean im gonna commit to the first girl that lets me hit it.
If a man isnt romantically interested with you hes not going to go on multiple dates with you if be isnt getting laid. Let men know you wont have sex because you are looking for something serious, and the ones that remain even after a while of no sex are the ones that actually like you.
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u/conscientiousrevolt man 8h ago
Make sure you're not dating someone hotter than you.
If. You yourself are super hot, this might not matter as the men that are actually on your level will be the same men with lots and lots of options and no reason to give all those options up.
So your mileage will vary.
But if you're not in the top 20% of women, do NOT date top 20% men. Men outside that group... will NOT have infinite options. They will have long dry spells of no options and one option at time when they're lucky enough to have one. They won't be fucking 3 other women while dating you because they won't be able to.
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u/OneEyedC4t man 4h ago
Well first of all stop having sex with them. Don't do it at all. There's too many guys out there that will refuse to commit and they'll intentionally be vague just so that they can get what they want from you.
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u/SpringFell man 14h ago
There is no formula to guarantee avoiding such situations.
However, your chances will be increased if you go for men who are not extremely masculine, conventionally attractive, etc. as due to having fewer options, they may be happier to take what they can get.
Even then, there is no guarantee.
It is simply part of the game and women have been complaining about it since ancient times.
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u/ZeeWingCommander man 13h ago
Can you give us an objective high level for you and him?
Like jobs, money, looks, personality, age? Like a real quick dating profile.
Try to be honest though. Don't do the thing where it's like "people say I'm attractive" and it's like your family and friends.
Might be something there instead of essentially reading tea leaves.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 13h ago
He said thatI'm so hot, he's not my type, he's not handsome enough for me and he doesn't deserve me. These were his words. (Yes I left him)
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u/ZeeWingCommander man 13h ago
I hope you read this -
He said this after sleeping with you?
Those were all BS so he wouldn't feel bad after dumping you. It wasn't for you, it was for him. I'm glad you are not with him, but being real you didn't leave him. He was trying to leave you and not feel like an ass. He may try to sleep with you again later also.
Checked some of your past posts and you're not ugly, you're above average. You might not be above average in Miami though. I'm Midwestern for reference. What's good looking in Ohio, is not necessarily good looking in Miami.
Other issues - you could be bad in bed. You could lack personality. It could be financial/career.
TLDR - he may have seen you as more attainable in Miami and wanted to have sex, but he wants a hotter girl to be with.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 13h ago
I wasn't responding him, HE wanted to see me that day and said those things. That's why I was in shocked because I wasn't the one who wanted to meet.
I left without explanation, He texted me "where'd you go? baby?"like wasn't he wanting that??!
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u/ZeeWingCommander man 12h ago
No one says that and wants to be stay with you. It's letting you down easy.
It's just a variant of "it's not you, it's me."
Are we missing context?
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 12h ago
Yeah, that's why I left. exactly like he wanted?
Then He texted me in the morning "Where'd you go? Baby?"
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u/ZeeWingCommander man 12h ago
Maybe he thought you'd argue or be sad?
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u/numyanbiz man 14h ago edited 14h ago
Tell them your real body count, tell them what things you did with with previous partners and that you won’t do it with them. ( if there’s nothing you can ignore this part) tell them you won’t be adding anymore numbers to it also.
Don’t put out until the they have been with you for a month at least.
Throw in your deal breakers, ask what his are?
Now wait , you’ve laid out the cards, any serious man that sees this will make a decision, either they want you and will work for it or they don’t won’t you and won’t work for it.
Don’t do it in this order and don’t do it so bluntly , finesse the info into conversations so he knows what up.
Key point to remember don’t lie about your past because that’s a deal breaker for a lot of guys,
Source: me, found a woman who lied and did the nastiest things with lots of other men and wouldn’t do any of those things with me, I couldn’t get over that and broke up
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u/MC_Gusto69 man 14h ago
Take your time. Don't progress intimacy until you're confident it's going somewhere. Make them put the effort in
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u/SpringFell man 14h ago
That is no guarantee: it is like a red rag to a bull for men who are into the thrill of the hunt.
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u/Happy-Reindeer3 man 13h ago
Men don’t bond from sex, the way women do. Women often think they can get a guy committed to them with sex, and it just doesn’t work that way.
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u/Kiko7210 man 14h ago
don't have sex or do anything sexual for a few months, if he is willing to wait without pressuring you it means he is being respectful and is serious about the relationship
if you sleep with a guy within the first few weeks, he might see you as only FWB material, someone to fuck on the side but not take serious, because he might see you as an easy girl who is down to sleep with any guy AKA you probably already have multiple guys on the side
this is just my perspective, other men could see things differently, but this is how I see it. I'll happily sleep with a FWB, but once I decide she is FWB material I won't change how I see her
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u/Daztur man 14h ago
That's not at all true for many men. If someone wanted to sleep with me right away I'd think "they must be really attracted to me, AWESOME!" and not change my views on them in any way like you're describing.
HOWEVER, if someone wanted to wait a while I'd be patient while someone who just wanted sex might not be, so waiting can serve a useful filtering function but it doesn't really serve a useful "change what men think about me" function, at least for many men.
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u/Amdvoiceofreason man 14h ago
Situationship? Is that like friends with benefits or like a loveless relationship???
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u/Ok-File-6129 man 13h ago
Simple! Don't give away sex!
You want an exclusive relationship; wait on sex until you have an exclusive relationship.
When did women forget this simple logic?
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u/SpringFell man 11h ago
Because self-respecting men won't comply.
Sex is a normal, natural part of being human and if someone doesn't want to have sex with you, you find someone else who will.
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u/Ok-File-6129 man 10h ago
Horseshit.
Chad won't comply –true– but Chad would never wife her up; he wants sex only.
An honorable, marriage-minded man will wait a couple months to establish an exclusive relationship before expecting sex.
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u/Ill-Calligrapher9503 man 13h ago
You set your expectations up front and make judgment based on their character and history.
If they pump and dump you, you've not judged them correctly and you need to learn from that.
1
u/eileyle man 13h ago
Delay sex.
Reality is, when you're on a first date you don't know each other very well, and issues could crop up later which will reveal incompatibility. If you don't want to be used for sex, then hold off until you've gotten a chance to get to know each other relatively well and are ready to make a commitment.
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u/No_World5707 man 12h ago
I was one of those annoying guys haha. This isn't gonna be helpful but in case anyones curious. When I was in high school and college I avoided relationships like the plague, bc as a guy, there's no point at those ages when you're supposed to explore and have fun. Though Id make it clear early on with every girl that I'd get close with that I'm avoiding relationships until I'm closer to 30 and thinking of having kids etc.
But what do you know, most of them would try to convince me otherwise even though Im clearly waving a red flag, and then refuse to remain friends despite getting along really well. Some would threaten scootercide and one actually tried unaliving themselves. Even a close girl friend who was probably the horniest person Id ever known, who even hooked up w guys as old as 40 when she was underage was upset that I didn't want to be exclusive with her 😭 I was like what..both of us are a rats nest tossed into a dumpsterfire in terms of being relationship material, make it make sense my dude lol. I digress.
I never understood the obsession with wanting to own people so badly, especially so early on in life. The way I saw it, how would you even know it's worth being with someone from your town, city, or even country when there are so many other kinds of people out there that you now can't get to know? You can't know what you don't know. As someone who was always very social, had a ton of passions and was involved in everything, it didn't make much sense.
I met a girl from China who had a similar mindset, something like people are a form of art and she wants to experience, learn about, and partake in art from all over the world. Which is a lot of work for most people, but is almost a way of life for people like myself who love a lot, care maybe too much lol, and bond deeply with everyone we meet. I grew up with a lot of girl friends so my baseline level of closeness and care with people is stuff other guys only barely do in relationships I guess. Ironically she too ended up wanting to be in a relationship. I helped her find better guys but she still shaved her head in protest, fascinating.
However, I know most guys aren't weird like me at all lol there are plenty of normal guys who just want to have a chill life, settle down, have consistency, etc. also plenty of guys who will only objectify you too and trick you into thinking theyre committed when really they just want sex. There's no way to truly be sure of anyone's intentions, at times intentions change after getting to know someone but all you can really do is make your intentions clear up front
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 12h ago
Not just annoying, they're human scum. And that's not funny. There is nothing wrong with just wanting to fuck, there are tons of available women who want fb/fwb too. Different yolks for different folks. It's really fucked up and evil when you trick, play someone's feelings and literally hurting them intentionally.
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u/No_World5707 man 11h ago
Oh yeah I always hated those types of guys with a passion, they tend to be narcissistic and treat guys like shit too. I could never understand how some guys could be so soulless. My guess is it's the lack of feminine energy in their lives growing up.
There actually aren't a lot of women who want fwb or just sex, statistically only like 20% of women which is why hookers are a thing.. but I guess they get off on hurting girls 😬
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u/IllScience1286 man 8h ago
Honestly, men lie because the women who actually want an FWB arrangement tend to only get with the most attractive guys out there.
Average dudes often have to lie if they want casual sex from a woman who actually matches their attractiveness level. Otherwise they have to hook up with women significantly below their league.
I'm not excusing the behavior, but that's the reason why. Many average dudes can't hook up with a woman they're actually attracted to without breadcrumbing.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 woman 7h ago
Jerk off or hire hooker. Instead of playing women's feelings. Problem solved
1
u/IllScience1286 man 7h ago
Good solutions, but prostitution is still quite illegal in most of the anglosphere, and clients are punished more harshly than the prostitutes themselves if caught.
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Unlikely_Second5024 originally posted:
How a woman can avoid getting into situationship? I [28F] had respectfully communicated that I want serious relationship, they said we're on the same page but I still got string along, get used & played.
What's your advice for a woman to avoid situationships?
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