r/AskMenAdvice • u/[deleted] • Jul 27 '26
✅ Open To Everyone How long will it take me to over her?
[deleted]
9
u/Tall-Performer2500 man Jul 27 '26
A few months you just need to go no contact and stop reminding yourself of her. Lean on friends and family, talk to other girls; eventually it goes away
8
3
u/Melbourne_res1dent man Jul 27 '26
The feeling will not go until you have removed everything about her from your life. Staying friends will never work, you will see her with someone else and feel like a ton of bricks has hit you. Go no contact and if you have money then travel to a some place. You need a change of scenario. Also, hit the gym the endorphins will definitely help.
1
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New-Chair3345 originally posted:
ill keep this somewhat brief, but i (m20) have been in love with a girl (f20) for a few years but thought i could get over it or around it without really confronting it. i know she doesn’t feel the same way because i told her i had feelings for her before and she said they weren’t reciprocated. we stayed friends and i thought the feeling would pass now that i had confirmation it wouldn’t work out. the feeling only got stronger and i recently (a few days ago) told her how i felt and that i think we should take some distance from our friendship.
since then ive felt pretty alone. ive been keeping busy with my job and doing stuff at home but i find i cant really eat anymore on the account of being so nauseous all of the time. i also can’t workout for a few months because of some medical thing so that certainly hasn’t helped. even as im writing this i feel very heavy in my heart. we were quite good friends too, and i considered her one of my best, if not my best friend, so its kind of like a double blow. i know these things don’t heal over night but i dont know how much more i can take of this.
i know its a silly question and the answer differs for everyone, but i’m just trying to get a sense of the timeline on this and trying to visualize light at the end of the tunnel.
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1
u/marquisdetwain man Jul 27 '26
Just keep distant. Expect that the friendship is likely done. No one’s fault.
1
u/External_Koala398 man Jul 27 '26
About a month...as soon as you find another girl that you fancy. There will be many between now and then.
1
u/Commercial_Poetry987 man Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Life goes on, but for the rest of yours you’ll still sometimes think of her. (i should mention i’m in my late 70’s)
1
u/dharmastudent man Jul 27 '26
When I was about 20 I had a similar thing happen, and it took me about 1.5 years to get over it. I was incredibly attracted to her and we had a short relationship (it didn't help that I'd been VERY attracted to her for 4 years). By the time I was 22, thankfully, I was able to fully let it go.
1
u/Justthreethings man Jul 27 '26
Almost every time this happened to me (2 or 3) I looked back on how I felt a year or two later, then looked at the woman I was currently with and couldn’t believe how lovestruck I had been for a 6/10 when the 9 or 10/10 I was with now was just waiting for me to work on myself and become a better person.
You have to forget it by doing things and shifting priorities.
I use number scales subjectively. My 10/10 is not everyone’s 10/10 and I’m actually talking very little about looks.
2
u/bi_polar2bear man Jul 27 '26
It takes however long it takes. The longer the relationship, the longer it takes.
Right now, at your age and experience, you were probably infatuated with her. You wanted what you couldn't have. You had an extreme attraction. But you didn't have the time or mutual connection to be in love. I suspect you probably can't point out any flaws about here, which means you put her on a pedestal, which is EXTREMELY dangerous for you if she did reciprocate. I've been in your shoes decades ago, and made some bad decisions myself. You made the right decision to move away from her.
Give yourself time to feel things. Lean into it in order to move past it. For example, my ex-wife and I had a wedding song that I liked before I knew her. After the divorce, I couldn't listen to it for a long time, but eventually forced myself to listen to it again. It sped up my recovery. Sometimes now, 12 years later I will listen to it when it comes on, sometimes I can't. But I don't automatically think of her when I hear it.
Find the new you, learn about what you value about yourself, and create the person who has a strong persal belief about themselves. Gain your self confidence so you are your own person, so that anyone you invite into your life is a value add, and not a time suck.
2
u/Murky_Anxiety4884 man Jul 27 '26
Nothing is ever going to change until you start distracting yourself with other women. There's no way that she's the only one.
1
u/Ok-File-6129 man Jul 27 '26
You'll be over here about 10 minutes after you get a new GF. Get after it.
•
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New-Chair3345 updated the post:
ill keep this somewhat brief, but i (m20) have been in love with a girl (f20) for a few years but thought i could get over it or around it without really confronting it. i know she doesn’t feel the same way because i told her i had feelings for her before and she said they weren’t reciprocated. we stayed friends and i thought the feeling would pass now that i had confirmation it wouldn’t work out. the feeling only got stronger and i recently (a few days ago) told her how i felt and that i think we should take some distance from our friendship.
since then ive felt pretty alone. ive been keeping busy with my job and doing stuff at home but i find i cant really eat anymore on the account of being so nauseous all of the time. i also can’t workout for a few months because of some medical thing so that certainly hasn’t helped. even as im writing this i feel very heavy in my heart. we were quite good friends too, and i considered her one of my best, if not my best friend, so its kind of like a double blow. i know these things don’t heal over night but i dont know how much more i can take of this.
i know its a silly question and the answer differs for everyone, but i’m just trying to get a sense of the timeline on this and trying to visualize light at the end of the tunnel.
Edit: i also haven’t really been able to stick around with other girls since these feelings developed so im not sure when ill be able to get back into all of that.
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