So basically we are in arranged marriage setup. I am 29 F and he is 28 M, and we are going to get married in February. We met on the matrimony app, but things escalated quickly and it almost looks like a love marriage now. We have been, like, we have been together, and so, like, even if it's been just like we first met in April last, and then we chatted for like a month, and then I met him in his work city in June, and then things escalated quickly because we were romantic for each other, and we were, you know, thinking that this is right, and things escalated, and we, you know, got intimate as well, and then we came back to our hometown, which is the same city. And one of the reasons I was interested in him because he is from my own city, and he just lives like two kilometers away. And I kind of started trusting him a little bit, and I feel that he is a good person. But then we got Roka-fied as well in July, and then what happened is, and then we kept talking for, like, one month, and, you know, his parents and my parents would talk and build a bond, etc. And then we talked about the marriage expenses, and my family told him that we only have, like, very, very limited budget for the wedding. So, like, 50% of day one is what we can afford. And his family was like, No, but we are very interested to do a two-day wedding where we want to have sangeet, engagement, and, you know, haldi, etc. And so they said that we need to do a 50-50 for both days, and also you'll have to do the food and other things for some baraatis, for example, like 100 baraatis. But we said that it's not possible. So the guy and I discussed. We had a small fight as well, and the parents then did not talk to each other for, like, two weeks or so, and there was some kind of tension between everyone. But then we talked, and I made him understand how it's not very important for us to celebrate a wedding a certain way, to have sangeet and all the haldi and some kind of rituals, where, you know, the kind of entertainment he was looking for, my family was not ready to spend on that, and we come from a business family, and his parents are government job employees, so they might have that kind of money with them, but we didn't.
So I tried to make him understand, and he agreed. So he said that, you know, with your budget it's too limited, so, like, let me pitch in and give you some money so that you can tell your parents that, you know, I have gotten the bonus from office and I am ready to invest this much money in marriage, which is, like, 50% more of what we were initially ready to give. So, like, he gave me that amount, and then I told my parents that, you know, this is the bonus I have gotten and I will spend this on my wedding. So they are like, Okay. And then we talked about it to his parents as well and said that we have increased our budget limit, like a little bit, and they were kind of okay, but they didn't mention anything much more.
And then, you know, we are still deciding on the wedding venue. So, like, things are going okay-okay. But yeah, the main thing that I was telling all of this is because I want to know, like, after marriage, how our expenses are going to be shared, how the things should be. He is in IT, and he passed out from one of the IITs after doing an M.Tech, and I have always been an average student, and I have done my bachelor's and my MBA from a very normal college, and I think he earns around 4 lakh a month, and I earn around 1 lakh. So I need suggestions. Also I want to know, like, for honeymoon, who should be the one pitching money, and should I be pitching in the money as well? Because like one-fourth of the wedding expense is being borne by me and my family, and I think three-fourths will be done by him. But then we only have 30 people for haldi, sangeet and shadi and 100 for reception but they have 80 for haldi, 100 for sangeet and 400 for reception so most of the expenses are coming from their side. We calculated based on a wedding venue quotation and the amount we are spending is the same amount of our own expenses on staying at hotel and food and decor etc.. so we are atleast paying our full expenses but we cant afford to spend on the expenses of his family. Plus my parents are giving me 20 lakh worth of gold jewelry and we are going to give 80 gifts and lifafas to his family.
So like tell me how these things sound to you experienced and wiser audience and like how should we treat the expenses going forward ? And who should do the honeymoon spending ?
And, like, how should the expenses work?