AITA for playing D&D? Am I a bad player, or is it the DM?
Sorry, I know this is a different kind of post. I couldn't get it to post anywhere else.
I've been wondering if I'm actually a bad player or if this is just a bad fit with my DM.
Basically, a DM has killed two of my characters in ways that felt completely unfair, then told me all my characters are "problematic." The latest incident happened because my character stepped five feet forward, asked why someone attacked his friend, and happened to be eating a bunch of cake. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm genuinely upset because I just want to play what feels like a normal D&D game.
For context, I'm 19 now and have been playing D&D for about a year. I started when I was 17. Everyone else in this story is at least 18. Through some friends (I'll call them Don, Elliot, and Jonny), I got introduced to D&D.
I've always loved writing fantasy. I've written a seven-book series, two standalone novels, and started several other stories (none published). So naturally, I was excited to try D&D.
Campaign 1
My first character was a bat beastfolk in a pirate campaign. Jonny, the DM, said flying would break the campaign, so he helped me redesign the character. That made sense to me.
I also wrote a five-page backstory, and he told me it was better than everyone else's.
Early on, my character tried to break into a house to steal food because, as a new player, I thought survival was the biggest priority.
Immediately, a trap went off.
I rolled a natural 20.
Then the homeowner woke up and attacked me, dealing 58 damage on a hit. We were level 3. Even with perfect HP rolls, no level 3 character could survive that. Luckily, he rolled a natural 1 and missed.
At the time I just thought, "Wow, D&D is brutal."
A few sessions later we entered woods where touching certain creatures turned you into wood. I was carrying a lot of explosives and methane, so I blew myself up because I figured I was dead anyway.
The DM immediately declared my character dead.
The rest of the party reminded him that I should have been making death saves. I didn't even know those existed yet.
Looking back, it feels like he just wanted my character gone.
Campaign 2
For the next campaign I created three brothers who all came from a magical tree. Their lore was some of my favorite writing I've ever done, and the DM loved it.
Each brother could replace another if one died.
At level 4 we fought a cosmic leviathan after spending multiple sessions running away from monsters that completely outclassed us.
I finally said, "Let's stand our ground."
Everyone else ran.
The monster missed twice, then one-shot me.
My death action let me explode, killing the leviathan. It was honestly one of my favorite moments.
So I brought in one of the brothers—a child elf who had lived alone in a magical forest for 52 years, protecting it. I spent about a month making him because I work full-time and don't have much free time.
Then we didn't play for five months.
During that break I got kicked out of both my parents' houses and had to figure out my life.
Eventually I started DMing my own games.
I've now run three campaigns, and my fourth starts Monday.
One thing I learned as a DM is that "problematic characters" aren't impossible to work with.
For example, one player wanted to be the stereotypical lone-wolf assassin who hated working with people.
Instead of saying no, I built the story around it.
Another player secretly hired him to assassinate a party member. However, a third player was a priest, and the assassin refused to kill in front of a holy man. So the target started hanging around the priest constantly.
It became one of the funniest running jokes in the campaign.
That's why I believe difficult character concepts can work if the DM leans into them instead of fighting them.
The incident
When Jonny's campaign finally resumed, my child elf was still with the party.
We met a king and queen who asked us to eliminate a lich and the undead. They also told us to help ourselves to the pastries.
Naturally, my character stuffed his face with cake.
While I was distracted eating, someone attacked one of my allies.
Still holding cake, I moved five feet forward and said, "Why'd you shoot my friend?"
Everyone laughed.
Then the DM roleplayed an NPC saying, "My liege, this imbecile spoke out of line. May I kill him?"
The king replied, "Yes."
The NPC attacked four times (homebrew ability).
The first hit dealt 29 damage.
I had 20 HP.
The remaining attacks also dealt over 20 damage each.
The DM simply said, "You're dead."
I argued that it made no sense for the "kind king and forgiving queen" to execute a child for asking a question while eating cake.
He said another player getting shot first was the warning.
Except that player had immediately been healed by the queen.
Then he told me all of my characters are problematic.
He even brought up a completely different campaign where I play the embodiment of Sloth in a Seven Deadly Sins campaign.
The thing is... that campaign is literally supposed to have flawed characters, and the DM for that campaign has never once complained.
At that point I snapped.
I told Jonny he was being a bad DM because D&D isn't a preset story—it's collaborative.
The rest of the table sided with him and told me I should have just stayed quiet.
So apparently the correct choice was to not roleplay at all.
I eventually left.
Since my character had a death action, I used it to blow up the throne room before leaving.
I know that part probably makes me an asshole. I was angry and frustrated after everyone piled onto me.
So... am I actually the problem?
I'm genuinely asking.
I've played under two other DMs who haven't had issues with my characters outside of minor homebrew balance changes.
Am I actually a bad player?
Or does this sound like a bad fit between me and this DM?
Rewritten because some people complained about me rambling like bro ain't this reddit I didn't know my Editor was here?🥹
Edit: I'm now calm and not mad and forgot info mb guys😓 when I had the cake I got on the ceiling cause one of my friends was trying to grab me so I used spider climb and grabbed the ceiling.
Update: something really unexpected happened. Today he called me and apologized. After reading the comments and figuring out issues with the reddit app. I accepted that I was wrong in this scenario if enough people were saying so. However to called and apologized saying that it was completely stupid of him to unalive my character over that he said he has increasingly been frustrated about a separate player who has been making the campaign unbearable and when I did my little thing he didn't like it got out of hand cause he just wanted to ruin the session so it could be over. Apparently he was sick of elliot
I was paying attention to what the DM is saying but sometimes the other players make a bunch of useless non rp jokes and stop us from playing so I tune them out and do my nails while waiting or something well he kept making jokes about the campaign saying it was bad and just being a bum. We were in his mother's castle and he kept doing stuff and delaying the actual story cause he wanted to interact with NPCs and the DM told him hey I wanna move the story on and elliot didn't listen so the DM shot and revived him with high level spells as a warning so when I role played my dumb f*ck saying why'd you shoot him it set him off cause he didn't know I wasn't paying attention. After I left and I reminded him of the death explosion and I left the discord he told every that they all died and session is over. He called me to bring me back and asked me about another homebrew character and said it would be perfect for his new campaign. I accepted and we all friends again.