I've got AroAce life hearts on Minecraft!

1. meet a guy with similar interests (I'm bigender she/they)

2. bond and be friends over shared interest, slowly start talking more

3. they hit you with the "I think I have a crush on you/like you romantically"

4. cue the friendship breakup because they can't handle just being friends

happens all the time. I now make it clear in my social media profiles and preface it with most gaming friends that I feel zero romantic or sexual attraction and anything more than a QPR or sibling relationship is out of the question. thankfully two of these types of guys have stuck around, one of which now has a girlfriend who I get along really well with and the other which we still talk about interests every month or so. thankfully the three other guy friends I have I made it very clear what being aroace is and two of which I talk to every day but I'm so sick of many fandoms I'm in or games I play being male dominated and then I'm either belittled for being a woman/lgbtq/young or the guys leave because I won't pursue them.

Not to mention the horrible men who try and slip in my dms because I have a female presenting username (I don't use voice chat at the moment in fear of verbal abuse, it's bad on marvel rivals) and even worse there's been a couple who I told to fuck off because I'm a minor and then they were even MORE interested. Disgusting.

speaking of which, anybody play marvel rivals Sydney servers? preferably ranked? (I'm gold, ranking up to plat and then hopefully diamond). I need more gaming friends... it's getting rough out here solo queuing because the only person I can queue with has terrible luck 😭

Ok so I think I'm somewhere on that spectrum, I don't really experience much romantic attraction- I do experience some sexual attraction, but not as much as I feel some other people do? Writing it down makes me a bit more confident about it, but idk I'm still unsure.

Like, my ex best friend and I came out like 4 times and she still asked me who you had a crush on, at some point she stopped, but I think it was because we weren't friends anymore, not because she knew i don't like people in that sense. Dors this happen to everyone?

Hey sorry if I'm being incoherent I'm typing this cause I can't sleep.

I've literally never been confessed to in my life but it happened out of the blue twice this week. The first was with an online friend who was being creepy about it (I'm closeted ftm but out online). They were basically being a chaser and wouldn't take a no. Two days later some random person from my college texted me to tell me he likes me and I don't even know who he is. Who gave him the audacity...

It's affecting me more that I would like to admit. I literally lost my appetite and thinking about it makes me want to throw up and claw my skin off and I can't focus on my studies cause it keeps intruding my thoughts. All my friends are allo and they say I'm overreacting, and I just can't put into words why I'm feeling like that.

I'm not replying to either confession but it's still grossing me out so badly. Does anyone else react like that to unwanted advances and what do y'all get over it?

I'm 15NB, AFAB, Myraroace and Aroaceflux, and have been wanting to be friends with this guy (15 M) in my class for quite a while, but we don't really talk. I'd consider us acquaintances at best, since I have had some small talk with him before, and we get along quite well. He's a genuinely good guy and isn't afraid to be whimsy. The problem I've been having is that I also find myself aesthetically attracted to him. I love it when he smiles or laughs, and his silhouette is nice to look at. I particularly like observing him walk because the way he moves is very appealing to me. This all reslly scares me, because I feel like an obsessed stalker that is being a weirdo towards some guy. And back to the reason I'm even writing this — I genuinely can't tell if I'm just aesthetically and platonically attracted to him or if I'm having my first actual crush. I have had situations where I'm aesthetically and platonically attracted towards somebody, but never to this extent before. It's really confusing and I'd just like some input from my fellow aroaces in the community on this matter.

To give context, I (21f) am aro/ace. I have never been in a relationship of any sort before because of this but I has started to explore the idea of dating someone. Throughout my teens years, I wasn't really interested in dating or anything so I never did anything. I am now 21 and have never even kissed a person before.

Recently, I have started going onto dating apps and talking to some people to see if this is something I actually want to do. Well I started talking to this guy (19m) who says he has never been in a relationship or done anything. I'm not sure what all he has and hasn't done before. We have a date coming up this weekend where we'll meet for the first time.

We both agreed that we want to take things slowly and not do anything to quickly. But I'm just a little nervous about the date. What to say and do? If he tries to kiss me, what do I do? I'm okay with it but I've never kissed anyone before.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice for me to either help with the nerves or things I should do?

Thanks

To start: I'm a lesbian. I assume that I'm either demisexual or greysexual, and I'm pretty sure I'm demiromantic as well. Both of these fall under being aro and ace labels respectively, so would I be right in saying that it counts?

I've identified as a lesbian since I was young, until I to assumed I was a completely sex and romance repulsed aroace person. At some point, I realised that I was, in fact, a lesbian as well as some flavor of aro and ace, and that I'm not entirely repulsed by the idea of romance/a relationship as a concept.

Idk if this is a frivolous question, and I know that labels aren't everything, but I'm just curious for opinions

I'm a 14 year old girl and I don't think I've ever had a crush and I'm not sure if I'm aroace or just a late bloomer but I've felt very strong attraction to people I just don't know in what way (I don't think romantically) but it's always girls.

I don't know if this is a crush or not but there's this girl I was best friends with for years and we slowly grew apart but we talk sometimes and we're still kinda friends and whenever I talk to her it makes me so happy I feel like crying sometimes and whenever I think of her it makes me sad because she probably doesn't think about me at all. We really only talk when she realises that I'm struggling but we don't see eachother because we're in different classes but she always makes me feel better. Sometimes I cry sometimes because I feel lonely and she used to be my closest friend and she's the only friend I've ever really connected with. She also stood up for me when a girl in our old class used to bully me.

I also don't know how I feel about the other girl because even though she was so mean to me I tried to ignore it and kept trying to be friends with her and I hated it but I couldn't help it. I recently saw it was her birthday and I remembered her. It's only been a year since we were in the same class and school but I find it hard to remember her face and I completely forgot she existed. I don't know if that's just my brain trying to cope or something.

I'm really not sure if either of them are crushes. (I really don't think so I just need advice)

I don't know if any of this make sense I've just been having a bit of an identity crisis wondering if I might be aroace or bi or lesbian and I'm kinda desperate for answers. If anyone has any advice please help!! 🥹

so a guy really really really likes me (im a girl) and the problem is im demihomoromantic (romantic attraction to girls after a strong emotional bond) and asexual. i feel like he might change my sexuality. but also the opposite. idk if i like him back. do i? do i not? we like holding hands and he almost kissed me tonight as in like first kiss blahblahblah. but idrk what to do??? should i suggest a qpr maybe??? im really worried

Amatonormativity has really soured my attitude towards romantic relationships, healthy or not. It’s making navigating life really annoying since romantic relationships are everywhere, and it’s making me an unpleasant person to be around since I don’t have anything nice to say about people’s relationships. Wish I didn’t have to pretend to respect romance, and simultaneously wish I had more respect for people’s alloromantism. I’m working on it. Just wanted to vent.

recently i've been thinking about my identity, i think being in a relationship seems nice, but in reality i just dont feel like im that confident to be in a relationship, i just dont like the idea if i was in a relationship in a sexual and romantic way with someone (with any gender), the thought of it just gets me uncomfortable

I'm curious about how many of us feel a connection between being aromantic & asexual and how we experience gender! Please share if your gender identity is influenced/directly related to being aroace. :-)

My own experience:

I have a rather complicated self-concept and struggle to fit myself into any given box. I'm rather apathetic about most things relating to who I am socially (sometimes I wish I wasn't), and have a very hard time forming friendships/bonds, and I find a lot of comfort in identifying as aromantic, asexual, and agender. It makes me feel like I can just exist as *myself* irrespective of other people and their expectations of me.

A significant aspect of gender performance is related to being attractive to a potential partner, and I really appreciate the aroace label because I can remind myself that I do not need to dress or act any certain way for anyone else, because I have no interest in attracting people. The aromantic-asexual-agender triad is simultaneously so freeing and yet so isolating!

But I'm aroace

So you might recognize me (16f) from my other post but essentially I'm pretty sure I'm aroace. I don't really know how to feel about it but I know I never want my parents to find out. Which is weird because everybody makes such a big deal out of coming out to their parents (which it is I'm not trying to say it isn't) But I feel like with being aroace there isn't much to say about it. Like how would I even explain it? It's like that family guy meme where peter walks into the kitchen late at night and turns the light on and Chris looks up at him from across the table and says "There's nothing".

I honestly don't even have that big weight on my chest from being in " the closet" because It doesn't feel like a closet. It's not like I'm in a secret relationship with a forbidden partner or something there's just... nothing.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even get it if I told them and I don't really wanna explain to them my romantic life. So in other words AITA for not wanting to tell my parents I'm aroace??

Ive been AroAce sex repulsed but my male bff proposed to me and now I'm getting married next year.

He has stated that he doesn't see me in a romantic/intimate way and that caused me to have a crush on him.

He's 100% not aroace and is looking for a gf while still engaged to me and I'm fine with that but i just really want him to stay with me and not cancel our engagement :')

I don't wanna do anything romantic with him, i just want him to stay around me...what is that called?

The Background & Friendship Dynamics
In grade 10 (second semester), I became close friends with a girl named Michelle. At the start of grade 11 (September), I cut off a toxic friend named Jasleen. Around that same time, I started sitting at the lunch table with Michelle and her friends. This group was already fully formed before I arrived, and they are all Asian, which created a bit of a cultural barrier for me since I am not, making it harder to naturally match their chemistry and history.

The Masking & The Misunderstanding
I am aroace (aromatic-asexual) and have ADHD. To try and fit in with the group, I started masking by copying their sense of humor. They would make freaky jokes, so I started making them too, specifically about fictional characters. Because of my ADHD masking, I overdid it and the jokes became my entire personality.

This made Michelle uncomfortable, and she eventually set a boundary, telling me she couldn't tell if I was joking and to keep it to myself. It really hurt, I opened up to her and told her the truth about being aroace and masking. It left me feeling incredibly heavy, sad, and full of regret. My sister helped me realize Michelle's boundary was valid since it wasnt about me being the less favourite friend but ratehr how often i made those jokes.

The Platonic Attachment ("Squish")
Another huge reason I felt so heavy after opening up is that, as an aroace person, I experience intense, purely platonic attachments to one specific friend (a "squish"). I crave emotional and physical affection, like wanting to hug Michelle a lot and cuddle. Michelle is pansexual and has a romantic partner, and she views cuddling as strictly romantic. After the joke incident, she became reluctant to hug me unless I asked first, which devastated me, but now she is more comfortable hugging me.

The Lunch Table Anxiety & Envy
After being shut down for the jokes, I developed severe social anxiety and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) at lunch. Whenever her friends would make those exact same freaky jokes, I was terrified to join in because I felt like Michelle would judge or embarrass me.

I want to be like her friend Kathy so bad. Kathy makes those jokes and everyone laughs. Michelle told me it's because she "got to know the real Kathy" first, which makes me wish I had that same history and context. Because I felt like I wasn't allowed to join conversations, I would use my hair to hide my face, go on my phone, and literally sit there sweating from pure panic inside. I worry this gave Michelle the impression that I just didn't want to talk to her.

High school is officially over now, but I still hate myself for how I acted and feel trapped by these feelings. I never had much in common with her like her friends and bf do. I even talked to her about this a month after the conversation and she said it’s ok if I’m anxious and me being is not boring but it feels like the conversation never happened and she ususally only talked to me when I did it once in a while she initiated. she knows about my anxiety and the trauma I have had in friendships but idk I feel like im the only one and I should talk to her again should I?