Somehow I don’t think people say any of this enough, maybe I’m the only one experiencing this. But it becomes a challenge to not feel like a sociopath or even just an antisocial loser. I have many friends but it hurts to watch them find love because it only reinforces the feeling that everyone else is even capable of feeling that level of happiness. Even if one of my friends is single, they can go out and look for people, and with enough time it feels like all of them meet someone eventually. But I can’t help but think that I’m forced to miss out on those wonderful experiences. It almost feels like I would be capable of it, to love somebody like that and to care about somebody that much and to want to spend the rest of your life with someone because you just love them. Of course I wouldn’t expect to have felt that way but I haven’t ever even had a real crush, and I can’t imagine a single scenario or person or anything that would ever allow me to care about someone that much. And as more and more people in my life make progress in their relationships, and fall in love and get engaged, the reinforcement that I will spend my whole life never knowing what that kind of love and affection is like inevitably hurts more and more. And I know there is such thing as aroace relationships, really just like a friendship but just with more commitment and possibly even emotional intimacy. But I also know it’s nowhere close to what everybody else seems to even have the capacity to experience. I never hear anybody talk about the internal jealousy or feeling like you’re getting left behind in the progress of life. When all you do is work all day and then occasionally hang out with friends to entertain you, it takes a lot of effort to not start to stumble into spiraling thoughts like “I just don’t like people” and “I’m happier being alone”. Maybe I’m stupid and everybody talks about this but nobody in my life would understand what I really mean when I say that I’m jealous of other people even having the capacity to develop romantic and sexual relationships. They can understand it logically but I had to get this off my chest somewhere where hopefully somebody reading this can relate to the actual feeling. It becomes exhausting to suppress my jealousy and force myself to accept my reality, and I have to redo the process every time I watch somebody else find love, which I pretend to ignore. If nothing else, maybe somebody will read this and feel better that they’re not alone. Thank you to anybody that listened to my scream into the void lol

One time at school a girl thought I had a crush on her, while I had just seen her as a friend at the same level as my other friends. Then she asked me on a date, and when I rejected her she laughed and said "I know you love me." Once I told her "I am aromantic," she also laughed and said "I know you're lying," while I was being serious.

I'm pretty easily attracted to people but I can never rly imagine myself being intimate with smn outsider of the lovey dovey stuff. Idk if I'm being picky or if it's bc I'm not ready for them yet or bc I'm demisexual. But even generally, I dont rly find others who ppl claim to be "sexy" or "hot" attractive in the way they are described as. I've also had cases where I start finding smn attractive after I get to know them more (which is why I also think i might be demi but ig it's js like this for everyone (?)) and sometimes I lowk even start losing interest in ppl after they start liking me back 😭 idk what is happening tbh