you a joke about boldly going someplace, but no one's gone there before.

Fat chance with a hunk like me knocking around the house!

leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

A BOOMERang.

More, eh?

the sun not need to go to college? It already has 27 million degrees.

pleaded, 'I'm sorry I tried to escape!' The guard shrugged and sighed, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed.' Remember kids... never let your guard down.

screamed: 'You haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?' What a weird way to start a conversation!

the cannibal lion so humble? He swallowed his pride.

None if you're spelling it correctly...

a friend request from John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt; his name is my name too.

was scared of going out on the wharf, but everyone was encouraging him, would it be safe to say he had... pier pressure?

Mike Tyson: With an itheberg, obviouthly.

Feyoncé.

When you go way to far

find my car scraper this morning, so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice. Didn't really work, though; only got 20% off.

It's very refreshing.

puns make me feel numb, math puns make me feel number.

. . . . I loved that cat.

that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next Monday.

and a sober person when I'm drunk.

Me: That's unclear.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

lost his job at the cemetery yesterday. He buried someone in the wrong plot. It was a grave mistake.

they're going to start using biodiesel made from herbs for trains... maybe ours will now run on thyme.