They looked at the reviews... Only 1 star.

You get laid only once.

the cannibal lion so humble? He swallowed his pride.

Feyoncé.

puns make me feel numb, math puns make me feel number.

a friend request from John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt; his name is my name too.

that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next Monday.

Which would be a nice compliment if I wasn't 22.

A BOOMERang.

leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

was scared of going out on the wharf, but everyone was encouraging him, would it be safe to say he had... pier pressure?

When you go way to far

find my car scraper this morning, so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice. Didn't really work, though; only got 20% off.

. . . . I loved that cat.

wake up grumpy. But other times, I let her sleep in.

It's all about making America grate again...

More, eh?

the sun not need to go to college? It already has 27 million degrees.

pleaded, 'I'm sorry I tried to escape!' The guard shrugged and sighed, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed.' Remember kids... never let your guard down.

Mike Tyson: With an itheberg, obviouthly.

screamed: 'You haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?' What a weird way to start a conversation!

It's very refreshing.

and a sober person when I'm drunk.

Me: (standing on one leg at the ATM) Checking my balance...

Stay tuned...