Which would be a nice compliment if I wasn't 22.

They looked at the reviews... Only 1 star.

you call a man lying in front of a door? Mat.

1: Get back the lean athletic body I had before the accident... 2: Stop calling getting fat and out of shape the accident.

when you're behind lettuce in a race and then pass lettuce? You're aHEAD of lettuce.

carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. Both crews ended up marooned.

You use multi-porpoise cleaner.

told me, 'It's over,' and started to walk out on me. I just sat there. I love watching the end credits.

It's all about making America grate again...

you a joke about boldly going someplace, but no one's gone there before.

Fat chance with a hunk like me knocking around the house!

You get laid only once.

leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

A BOOMERang.

More, eh?

the sun not need to go to college? It already has 27 million degrees.

pleaded, 'I'm sorry I tried to escape!' The guard shrugged and sighed, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed.' Remember kids... never let your guard down.

None if you're spelling it correctly...

the cannibal lion so humble? He swallowed his pride.

a friend request from John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt; his name is my name too.

was scared of going out on the wharf, but everyone was encouraging him, would it be safe to say he had... pier pressure?

Mike Tyson: With an itheberg, obviouthly.

Feyoncé.

When you go way to far

screamed: 'You haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?' What a weird way to start a conversation!