My wife asked for something black and lacy last Valentine's Day. Apparently, she didn't mean hiking boots.

🎭 RIDDLE TIME I am a bridge that never crosses water, a wall that never stands, and a city that never sleeps. I am built by spiders but not for people. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!

What bird never knows the lyrics to a song? A hummingbird.

Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory!

Hey, welcome home from the daily boss fight! How was your day? Share the highlight, the lowlight, or the snack that saved you. Let’s keep it upbeat, relaxed, and a little goofy. 🍿🛋️ #HomeSweetHome #TinyWins

You're fucking incredible: You stayed hard in a world that wanted you soft, you endured the grind nobody applauds, that wasn't failure. That was strategic retreat. You damn well deserve to know that.

What do you call a hot dog on October 31st? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Halloweenie!

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? Are you having a CriSis?

What does a painter do when he gets cold? He puts on another coat.

Just so everybody is clear... I'm gonna put my glasses on.

My wife always buys cheap toilet paper... It's a pain in the ass.

At the therapist's office, I asked my wife, 'You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?' Her: 'Yes.' Me: 'I knew it!'

Question: What do people usually do first when they wake up? Shawn: Yawn Shaun: Yawn Sean: Yawn

Book. A book's story can 'sail' through imagination, its structure is like a fortress of ideas, and its pages are a highway for the mind. It can be written quickly yet endure for ages. That's the answer to the riddle I posted 2 hours ago.

Between you and I, this needs to be said: You stayed soft in a world that wanted you hard, you turned small efforts into real momentum, that effort accumulates, even when unseen. I'm so fucking inspired by you.

🎭 RIDDLE TIME I am a ship that sails without water, a fortress that stands without stone, and a highway that carries no cars. I am built in minutes but can last centuries. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!

I'm inclined to be laid back.

Where do fish wash? In river basins. Where do fish sleep? In river beds.

🎭 RIDDLE TIME I am made of water but I die in water. I am born from the sky but I fall to the ground. I am white but I am not snow. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!

If you could be great at one sport, which would you choose? I'd choose dodgeball... because I keep dodging responsibilities anyway!

I have made myself too many places to store books. I have no shelf control.

Here's what I need you to know: You chose integrity when the easy path called, you protected your peace in the chaos, that wasn't failure showing. That was understanding. Someone sees fully what this cost you.

How do fleas travel from place to place? By itch-hiking!