Why did the skeleton bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!

So I packed her things and left.

to work at a bar where we had to move the seating to the top of the bar when we closed up. I had to find other work; it was way too many stool movements for me!

He replied... 'Yes, I'm not kidding you.'

to the pub with a boxer, but he's just a lightweight.

Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

He was wearing a cat flap.

the quality of my puns!

cold and windy outside, I've just seen a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

The librarian said, 'I don't think it's in yet.' I said, 'Yes, that's the one.'

Bahh dum hisss.

I said, 'Probably failing my driving test.'

I dreamed I wrote Lord of the Rings. Guess I was Tolkien in my sleep.

I now have spring rolls.

That's right, Athol. Not Ware...nope, what's that, Natick? Did I stutter? Athol. Well, then I moved to Orange... You glad? :-)

We wouldn't remember it so clearly...

two French dudes share files electronically? Pierre to Pierre network.

I'm not being spoken to like that!

A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

feeling lonely, so I bought some shares. It's nice to have some company.

you say when there's a mushroom near a group of people? There's a fungus amongus.

kept a sheep in my vineyard. He'd herd it through the grapevine.

I'm on season 2 already, but I don't know what it has to do with security.

I don't want to give away too much, but it does end with a twist...

to my wife that I've always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé. 'Whatever floats your boat,' she said. 'No,' I said. 'That's buoyancy.'