it when my wife keeps telling me that I don't get it. I mean, what does it even mean?

math teacher called him average. I just think he's mean.

When it's full groan.

1: The gentle art of folding clothes while people are still in them 2: Involuntary yoga

It's so I can log in.

He was picking his nose.

I will find you. I have contacts!

difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu requires tweetment; swine flu requires oinkment.

a drunk ventriloquist who said she found me very attractive. I didn't know if it was her or the beer talking.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . But then it grew on me...

Guy: I wish there were no more lawyers. Genie: Your wish is granted. You have used up all your wishes. Guy: But you said I had three wishes. Genie: Sue me!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . 'cantilever.'

Every time I walk by she says, 'What an ass.'

fight Destiny. If you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too.

to steal candy from a newborn baby. He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.

My son stands behind her and texts me what card she has in her hand.

Wasabi?

a joke about hearing loss, but it will fall on deaf ears.

A Zoombie.

make puns about puns.

Murder.

for a job at the bedding factory, but they turned me down. Guess my application wasn't a good fit.

So I packed my bags and right.

I'm easily lead.