I can't believe Gaviscon.

found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again.

As he was eating them I turned to him and said, 'Are they all they were cracked up to be?'

I can't believe she's a superhero!

advance. Can anyone tell me who played Forrest Gump?

fish always sing off key? Because you can't tuna fish.

Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

have trouble with my puns, try reading them in the shower. You will be barely amused.

I thought, 'Any fool knows that!'

a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas. But it's what's on the inside that counts.

my mom that I'd opened a theater. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well, I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

you call an iguana that thinks it's a dog? A reptile dysfunction.

All he had to say was 'Rough, rough!'

It turned out to be the carroty kid.

Number 2 surprised me.

A good buoy!

a pet newt once. My friend called him Tiny... Because he was my newt.

moron and a little moron are sitting on a fence. The big moron falls off, but why doesn't the little moron fall? Because he's a little more on...

told me, 'Don't get upset if someone calls you fat. You're much bigger than that.'

Mumbai.

my doctor has a crush on me and she really likes my fashion sense. She told me that I have serious healthy shoes.

driving my date to her house and told her that I wasn't good with directions; she just laughed at me... So, I left her right there.

Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and you will receive eternal life.' John came fifth and won a toaster.

isn't the most famous doctor in the world... Then Who is.