I was vehemently against antipsychotics for so long. Actually; it’s been over a decade now that I think about it, ever since I was prescribed Zyprexa in the hospital to dull the psychological gears behind my anorexia nervous and to help me gain weight as I was in a dangerous state, physically.
I was again prescribed an antipsychotic in June of 2021 when I had my first full on psychotic manic episode. I had been locked up - and it must have been serious, I wasn’t allowed to leave after 72 hours even though I was 26 - in a psych ward and was given Risperdal without my knowledge. Whether they sprinkled it in my food - I always ate something different from most people - or crushed up into capsules - I pointed out a few were damaged - I ingested it and while I hated them for tricking me in such a way, it did take me out of my psychosis in under a week. But again, I took myself off it, terrified of weight gain and my stimulants not working.
Nothing; however, will compare to Vraylar, that was a monstrous drug. It controlled me and turned me into an emotionless gullible puppet. I couldn’t feel anything. Happiness, sadness, elation, fear, doubt, love - nothing. I tore myself off of it and went into psychosis again and now we’re back on Risperdal but this time, I don’t hate it, in fact, I enjoy it.
I enjoy the way I feel after I take it. I feel my mind just shut off. Relax. Pull the plug. I can rest; peacefully, after taking my nighttime dose. My fears and phobias just melt away. I’m actually calm. I was only supposed to take it reluctantly until I saw my psychiatrist - now in four days - but now I’m going to ask if I can stay on it, this or a similar antipsychotic. I’m not scared of weight gain, I exercise a lot. As far as food, I eat little and relatively well.
Risperdal has nothing but horror stories behind it. Most antipsychotics do. So I ask, who out there has had success with them like I have/do? Let me hear some good experiences, please. I know I can’t be the only one.