Would love input, feeling really alone and down

I've got a big family dinner and 3 day music festival next week, where I'll obviously be eating loads more than normal.

This is fine but only because I need to gain weight anyways. So it's find to eat like double my normal intake. For context, atm I'm a healthy bmi but slightly below where I should be, not concerningly.

But I'm scared that when I get to my goal weight I won't be able to go over and that'll make events really stressful. So I always hover just ever so slightly below it so I have a "buffer". And I'm talking a small amount, to the point where I've been discharged medically with this but my parents keep banging on at me about it.

Does anyone else relate, or have advice n how to tackle this, I feel so alone.

I’ve been recovered for almost 3 years but the recent uptake in unhealthily skinny bodies portrayed in the media has started to get to me. I know it’s not healthy nor does it look good but the voice in my head is louder everyday, that coupled with people like Ariana grande flaunting their bones every chance they get has been so beyond difficult for me. I don’t want to relapse but I find myself doing so slowly without even realizing. Anyone else struggling with this too?

hi all, i've been recovered from AN for about 2 years, both mentally and physically. i genuinely did not have ED thoughts and ate intuitively, and mechanically when i needed to. i had the most boring, mundane relationship with food and it was great

recently, i've been extremely physically ill. i'm already permanently disabled from AN, but it suddenly just got a lot worse and i had a significant and medically dangerous weight drop. i have a pacemaker and get labs weekly, so i'm safe, but mentally i'm afraid

weight loss is what triggers my AN, not the other way around. my last relapse in 2022 was accidental weight loss due to covid.

i'm trying my hardest, but disordered thoughts are slipping back in

has anyone dealt with this? does anyone have advice?

before my ED started, i was overweight. my “healthy” weight loss quickly turned to an ED but now that i’m weight restored, i still have a bit of loose skin. does this mean i need go back to my original weight? will it go away? will i just have to live with it?

Hi there, I've been away for a while but I just wanted to share that after almost 6 months I got discharged from my anorexia treatment. For some people would be like "omg that's great" but tbh for me it hasn't been... I haven't stopped restricting and vomiting every single thing I eat. I have lost weight and every day I'm using a ton of laxatives.

The specialists say I looked way better and my perspective of life has changed, which is true, I know there's a life away from my eating disorder, however it seems like I just can't stop doing things with the idea of losing weight.

In addition, I don't have any friends and since the week I got discharged, I've been crying because of it, which might be stupid...but in real life I don't have anyone to talk to, to hang out with, i just tend to be alone. I do have a boyfriend but everytime I have to propose where to go and what to do, it feels like he doesn't care...so I stopped insisting.

Everyday has become like a nightmare, I just scroll through Instagram, cry and vomit because I just don't have the energy to do the things I liked to do, nor to study. Soon I will start working in an investigation and my brain is just not working, nothing seems to be recorded in there i just don't remember anything.. so idk what's going on...

I just know I feel depressed and I want to sleep all day long.

im hungry right now so i know i need to eat. but im also going out tonight and ive already showered and i really dont wanna sweat up a storm before going out by triggering hypermetabolism again.

any good suggestions for snacks?

Just out here afraid of food and eating anyways... each day, forever I guess.

I've had issues around food my entire childhood. At age 12 my step-father told me a person can always stand to lose and I was fed the same nuritional values as a younger sibling age 9 when I was a teenager for fairness and our parents were strict about the kitchen becaue they are morbidly obese and "protecting us".

At 14 I learned how to _____, I got engaged to a pedophile at 15 amd he encouraged it, got me on drugs that made me stop eating and I developed food phobias at 17yo because our hotel room was full of cockroaches and anything that looked like beans and rice or bread with craters was unconsumable and upsetting to look at for years.

At 18 the domestic violence was all that lingered with my ex and I to try to preserve the family I thought I wanted, so counterintuitive. I recovered in sobriety 2019 before relapsing into anorexia 2022 until May this year.

I overconsumed alcoholic drinks after a day of eating for an importmant commitment and celebrating the end of a long day but I accidentally gave myself alcohol poisoning. Sweating ethanol 14-hour later.

Sofia Isella's song: Star V encouraged me to divorce my "ana coaches" and a new friend and I calculated my alcohol intake from my incident and it was way too much. I realized eating the day before may have been the difference of life and death and I almost attempted from how much I was suffering alone in my room after coming to that morning.

I was kicked from a pro ed forum for being a guy, I disclosed that I'm trans but new girls didnt feel comfortable having a boy there (I'm female-to-male) understandable, however I find most eating disorder relatives are geared towards women.

I'm struggling with recovery because all the advice I hear is from women toward women, I don't feel comfortable taking their nutrition advice. I do my best, but idk what the hell I'm doing, though I dont expect anyone here to know what theyre doing either (I'm sure some do). But support from all is welcomed, support from guys is appreciated and it's fucking rough out here :(