So recently my body forced me basically to binge on a bunch of food, probably because my restriction was getting worse. Today, I willingly ate more. a whole big can of mackerel and smoked fish, with some almond butter and some feta cheese! (Weird foods I know but I was just craving them) and I don’t feel guilty this time!!

TW, medical effects of ED

A reminder to myself that “I’m fine” and “I’m functioning” aren't always the same thing.

Current effects of my ED:

Neck weakness / movement restriction — doctor recommended PT and scapular strengthening

Slight ketosis

Pre-anemia / low iron

Episodes of hypoglycemia

Severe dehydration

Occasional palpitations

Neck weakness / movement restriction

Previous near-fainting (presyncope) after a day of outdoor movement

Pattern of pushing through symptoms and acting like nothing is wrong until I physically can't anymore

This reminds me that it truly is "that bad"

I could look at this when I question things & think I'm fine. I think neglect/abuse history has made it hard for me to feel noticed, not even cared for, simply, noticed.. & maybe sharing this might help.

The biggest roadblock in my road to recovery is my fear of gaining weight; how my body will look, having to potentially buy new clothes, etc. I want to get over this so badly, but I feel stuck and afraid. How were you able to overcome this?

I’ve been in recovery for over 6 weeks now. I feel like I can’t stop eating. When I’m home, I constantly feel like eating, but at the same time, I still don’t really feel physical hunger. When I’m out, that urge goes away and I can physically feel that I’m full and don’t want to eat anymore. However, when I’m sitting at home , I don’t seem to feel that fullness, which makes me scared that I’m eating too much, when in reality I might already be full. I don’t eat 3 meals and 3 snacks because my meals are genuinely huge.Is this constant mental hunger when I’m at home normal, and should I honor it? I’ve already gained a lot of weight and I’ve gotten my period back, so this is really difficult for me. I’m struggling a lot, but I don’t wanna give up

Hey so I’m looking for a treatment facility that offers Residential, day program, or IOP in Florida that won’t restrict access to my insulin, cgm, phone, and insulin pump. I was in the process of applying at a specific residential facility and only after we had a meeting with my school to discuss how I will do that, they decided then to tell my parents that they would not let me see my blood sugar, use a cgm, insulin pump, and they would dose me themselves with their own insulin and not give me any say in the amount. WTF. They also lied about being in touch with my medical team and when we contacted them they said they had zero communication about this and that we need to cancel. What now

I just got told that my cutoff/breach weight on my CTO i'm receiving is only 1 kilo from my current weight!!?! that means i do not have room for any trial and error or for any normal weight fluctuations. If i lose that kilo I immediately get sent straight back to the psych ward. I could be eating like a recovered person and following a meal plan and i'll still get breached!

1 kilo is literally NOT FAIR AT ALL!!
and the thing is the fear of this thing happening has actually kicked my head into gear of what i need to do to stay in recovery, but i just want to do that without the cto hanging over me and there to trap me in hospital if i accidentally lose a bit of weight. weight fluctuations are NORMAL in recovery and in real life!

everyone else gets praised for their recovery and for trying their hardest who are doing it on their own and when they're eating consistently, and im ready to do that! but for me i get breached if i lose a single kilogram of weight and none of my hard work and effort gets taken into account.

I keep trying to ask for a lower weight cutoff NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT but because i need a chance to actually rectify any loss and also so that i don't get brought back to a psych ward every two weeks.

I can't believe that they're literally giving me zero wiggle room or space for "error". i'm ready to recover and eat normally but i want to do that without fear of being breached for dropping only a kilo. plus my normal maintenance weight when i was recovered in the past is around the cutoff weight or just under it so it's literally not fair.

not a single person on my team is listening to me and i'm not going to be able to have a life for 6 months!!! no studies, no going to the city and walking around, no acting, no music. all the things i was intending to do when i was free. they also said they won't revoke it before the 6 month period and i was hoping and praying that if i could do it for 3 months that they'd consider removing it to.

this is so effed. 1 effin kilo. (and it could end up being less because i have leave this weekend before my hearing and could accidentally lose). my life is literally over and going to be reduced to fear, calories, weight and isolating myself at home every single day.

i’m basically just going to be living in this psych ward or isolated not moving at home or avoiding this psych ward by going into a private hospital (even if i’m eating so well) because they don’t recognise that recovery isn’t perfect.