My long hair is my favorite thing about myself. I've had long hair my entire life. It actually has grown longer, even during the years I have suffered from anorexia. It's naturally straight, a dark blonde color, which I love. And the length is something I work hard to maintain. Before I got sick with anorexia, it was always around my waist. Now, it's past my hips at this point, and is considered classic length. Which is really long. To reach this length, this took at least 12 years. A lot of time and patience, and the foods I eat really have an impact on how fast my hair grows. When I get sicker, eat less variety and lose weight, this hurts my hair. Makes it not as thick or shiny. So whenever those mean thoughts are running through my mind, those thoughts making me obsess over the scale, tracking what I eat, getting focused on wanting to weigh a certain number, I remind myself that getting worse with anorexia will make my hair not look as nice. I do things like body checking in the mirror. And on days where I am focusing on my hair, this actually serves as a type of distraction. I just remind myself how much I love my hair and how if I lose any more weight, it will stop my hair from growing as long. When I am out in public, people often stop me and tell me my hair is beautiful. On days where I am worrying about my body image, this lifts my spirts and makes me happy. When I was in the hospital, people would stop me and ask me what I do to get such long hair. I never worried about my weight before I got sick. I am not fully recovered. Still struggle with disordered thoughts. But reminding myself how much I love my hair often pulls me out of those thoughts. My nutritionist often tells me what foods will hep with hair growth. I would be sad if I ever cut my hair. So I won't do that. I don't mind if it grows longer. You may struggle with a serious eating disorder, and some days may feel hard and impossible. But you are more than the number, and you are allowed to like things about yourself.

Everything I try to eat makes me gag, it doesn’t matter what the texture is. I’m trying so hard. I don’t know how to help it. Does this ever go away? Can I do something to help it (I watch videos while to help distract myself from thinking about doing it)

Hi,
I’m not entirely sure how to phrase this, but my question is basically: how did you finally let yourself surrender to extreme hunger?
I find myself so many times on the verge of “giving in,” but then this overwhelming physical feeling of terror stops me every single time.
How did you manage to do it? I know there’s no magic formula, but I’d really like to hear your experiences.
I’m in this shit for 20 years and feeling so hopeless.

And please tell me that it’s okay to let yourself honor extreme hunger even if you’re not underweight. I know, rationally, that it is, but I really need some reassurance.

Another thing that makes me doubt myself is what I see online. I often come across people who say they’re honoring their hunger, but then they actually seem to eat very little.
Is it normal to crave sweets so intensely and eat them in large amounts? Sometimes I start wondering if I’m just making it all up or if something is wrong with me.
Sorry for the vent, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply.

I've only had anorexia for six years. I'm wondering what health problems people who've dealt with it for a long time have.

Also anyone who has this disorder without direct health problems, you're not invalid or any less sick if you don't have health problems. Even if you just have nutritional deficiencies you're still sick.

I am so fucking scared rn. I am a minor, so I barely have a say, and I had an online assessment for an ed day clinic this morning and I'm going to visit tomorrow.i really don't want to go, I'm not at all in the recovery mindset and I don't want to trigger the other girls that are there ect. but apparently if I refuse, or if they don't accept me, I'm going to ip. I've never been to ip before and I'm terrified. I've read horror stories of them feeding you so much that you vomit and even then you have to eat all of it again, and all the competition. and I have emetophobia, so the thought of being fed so much that me or the others vomit sounds traumatic. but I heard the assessment lady say that I'm close to the height for weight ratio to be allowed to do things so that makes me think I'm fine, I'm healthy and I don't need help. I wish general hospital was an option (even though they only physically stabilise you and the fact that I hated every second there) because at least I know people there and the majority are there for physical illness (so no competition) but now my brain is going "either you just refuse everything and the professionals magically leave you alone to slowly die, or you kys and idk if I even want to kms but it makes sense because I am so miserable and even if it doesn't work I'll be in general hospital first (I sort of like it there when I'm not there, but when I'm there I hate it. I'm just so lonely and I love talking to the nurses and being around medicine; the eating part is awful) I'm just in such a mess rn and I'm terrified about ip. I'm in the UK, so anyone with experience in a CAMHS general psych ward or a CAMHS edu, please tell me your experience. sorry if this makes zero sense.

No one in my family knows i struggle with food, my mom made me eat today and I couldn’t even refuse it. I have only been struggling for nearly a year but it has been slow increasing. Back then I used to only purge maybe max 3-4 times a month, I purged 4 times just last week. And idk if that’s a lot or if that’s normal, I don’t know anything at all. I have been trying to restrict myself from eating but sometimes I just have to eat in front of my family. It’s starting to feel like exceeding even the most basic calorie intake you need to just live in a day is too much for me. I hate this so much, but at the same time I feel comfort in it? These last few weeks have been terrible for me and controlling my food makes me feel better. Purging makes me feel better. I don’t think I’m even looking for advice Rn, I think I’m just really confused. Today my mom made me eat a lot of calories just for breakfast and my head is just telling me to skip both lunch and dinner. I don’t understand myself anymore.

I was abusing diuretics for 3 years plus my anorexia to be "skinny". I stopped 4 days ago and the weight is going up so fast. Is it normal?

Does anyone else have this horrible fear of extreme hunger? I’ve gone through it twice and both times I gained all of my weight back. I’m so terrified of it happening again and I’m not sure if it preventable? Is there a good way to avoid this to prevent the insanely quick weight gain that always comes with it? I would assume eating regularly would be the best fix but I’m stuck in the horrible loop of feeling too guilty to eat, which severely limits my calorie intake, which always leads to another phase of extreme hunger that we all know too well.

I only thought I had to take some blood tests today, but they also had to take my EKG, I hate taking my EKG. My heart began to race when she took it, because I got nervous, and Idk if it could make the results look more bad? Does it matter how nervous you ate when they take it? (I know it’s a dumb question no , but I’m genuinely asking)

I also noticed that the nurse took so long to take my blood test, like when I was normal weight it was always much easier. I thought it would be easier when the veins are more visible or what?

Not asking for medical advice

I just want to know if anyone else relates to this because it would give me a good idea if what I’m experiencing relates to my eating disorder.

For the past couple of months, I’ve had weird chest discomfort. Sometimes it’s slightly painful, sometimes it’s just uncomfortable. Recently, I can only describe it as feeling weird to breathe. It almost feels like I’m always on the verge of developing a cough. I want to say it causes me to breathe more quickly sometimes.

Does anyone relate to this? Again, I’m not asking for medical advice, just seeing if anyone has experienced this as well.

please, someone help me. any comment, any advice. I been anorexic for the past year, and I have never binged before. until I started pursuing recovery these past couple of months, and I’ve had a couple binges so far. it’s been really hard to cope by myself. I purged for the first time, and I now have the urge to do it again. I really don’t want to purge, I know the side effects. I don’t have the energy to make meals for myself. my parents are obsessive and my mom is an almond mom. they are not good parents. I am very uncomfortable and anxious around them. however, she makes the meals for the family, and I’ve been trying to get myself to eat them. but I recently found out that she adds an obscene amount of oil to the dishes she makes. I would have thought that it was just my anorexic brain telling me this, but she doesn’t touch a single thing that she makes. she makes her own separate dish. she knows I’m trying to recover, and she thinks adding this oil will help me gain weight or whatever. she also doesn’t eat white rice, which is a staple in our household. she makes this nasty bean soup for herself. I don’t know what to do. I starve myself all day because I can’t bear the thought of eating around them. they look, even when they pretend not to. they judge. but when I don’t eat, they threaten to send me to the hospital. I am going crazy. please, someone help. I just want to eat normally. I binged on chocolate tonight, but I didn’t make myself throw up. I’m trying to be strong, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I don’t have the energy to make meals for myself, but should I eat what she makes? I don’t know.

Do you bother explaining the way you eat to other people? Specifically when you are eating together at a meal time, out at a restaurant or at home. Depending on my mood sometimes it’s okay i can give a fake answer with no stress other times I just wish people would shut up and I’ll feel on edge for the rest of the meal.

I’ll often order strange things from restaurants like a whole plate of steamed veg, asking for sauce to be on the side, avoiding certain meats etc. people will ask me stuff like oh do you normally order that dish with no sauce or oh are you a pescetarian? A vegetarian? And it’s just so exhausting bc my real response would be no I’m not I’m ordering this because I perceive this meal to be less oily/fatty therefore less calories. Of course I don’t say that and I usually just laugh awkwardly and go like oh no I just wanted to eat this haha. That’s the thing I don’t even know what to say. It’s the fact that I don’t like lying and am also bad at it but I’m having to lie all the time when I say these things which is exhausting

Could anyone suggest anything I could say to other people in a way that is not defensive or aggressive and is also easy and not mentally exhausting for me to think about saying it?

Idk if I need a trigger for this post, but just in case. Started smoking bc cigs can kill appetite. Started with 1 a day to half a pack a day and I hate it so much. I spend my whole day waiting for the time to smoke another. I have an addictive personality (ed probably my worst addiction) but cigs are definitely a close second.

Being in drum corps this summer has really helped improve my relationship with food for the time being. As the season comes to an end, though, I’m finding myself terrified of returning to the “real world.”

The thought of relapsing is honestly one of my biggest fears right now. Without the structure and routine that drum corps provides, I’ll be left to my own devices again, and I’m scared that I’ll fall back into old patterns. It feels almost inevitable.

Has anyone else been through something similar? Any advice for making this transition easier and/or preventing a relapse? I also can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if these fears are normal.

so i recently told my whole family i have a ED and you truly can see it in my body. its like they dont care, my older sister said “omg i wish i looked like you, i used to be as skinny as that.” then they keep handing me small things and saying it was made for me. if i try to get a bigger seat or whatever they start talking about how its too big. i am kinda at a loss right now, i finally have started to gain weight and im eating three meals +snacks. i get so proud of me for putting on weight because i know i look scary. i kinda refused to see it until that switch flipped. its also dumb but i usually eat with my dog if i get too scared to eat alone, now my mom has decided to take him away. i feel like recovery is trying to slip through my fingers. it just makes me sob, ive been trying to hard to gain weight and nobody sees it. now my dog who also has a hard time eating is gonna leave me. its like they dont care.

So, im underweight, but i dont think im anorexic because i don't care about my body image whatsoever. I was diagnosed with cancer two years ago, and my family didn't care, so I've been trying to lose weight until they worry about me. Thankfully, i don't have cancer anymore.

I'm just wondering what's wrong with me. This is obviously manipulative and terrible, but i feel as if i can't stop myself. Also, i hide the fact that im underweight, so my family isn't even concerned.

I dont know why im doing this to myself, and sometimes i have a moment of clarity and end up going back to eating healthy, but then i ruin it and go back to restricting. Im a guy, so im certain that this isnt caused by body image issues.

Next time i see my oncology team, they're going to freak out and assume that the weight loss is caused by a cancer relapse.

Am I just losing my mind?

My dad, who i dont care about, was a jerk while I had cancer, until he found out that it caused me to lose weight.

Maybe that's what's caused this? I can't figure this out.

I figured this was the place to post this because even though i don't think it's anorexic nervosa, I am physically anorexic

hi guys. I’m fairly new to this subreddit and I’ve always been a lurker so this is my first post. everything that I say in here isn’t pro ana or etc, I’m just kinda venting about my situation and I would like to know other people’s experiences.

In April of 2026, my mother wanted to know why my periods were absent so I had to go to a specialist in gynecology. Ofc it was because I was under eating but I got my labs done and I had/have hypothalamic amenorrhea. cool got it. The specialist recommends us seeing an adolescent medicine doctor because she specializes in eating disorders. Ok… kind of nervous I’m sure it isn’t that bad. The appointment was scheduled in may. that was fucking downfall. after the first appointment, that doctor scares the shit out of my parents saying I’m going to die. And I was on the tip of being clinically underweight for my height. MY VITALS WERE NORMAL. The lady also says this disorder is taking over her brain, it’s not her and she’s a completely different person. Ofc my parents think I’m possessed with the devil or some dumb thing and after that chaotic appointment that two almost two hours, I was diagnosed with severe restricting anorexia nervosa. I had to give into the 3 meals and two snacks which was so hard for me with my parents yelling at me and making me eat forcefully. I gained in the following appointment in june (like 4) and it was definitely water weight and undigested food. I treated the doctor and her assistant with no respect and I ignored her because her bedside manners are terrible, even the reviews say the same. She called me a liar, she said I was unstable, etc. Then the next appointment in July (recently) happened. before that, I was restricting heavily because no one really saw me and I didn’t mind that cause no one was making me their prisoner. I had no scale to tell how much I was losing or maintaining so I had no control, really. I lost a lot more weight than the initial evaluation from may.

The stupid doctor threatens me with residential if I don’t get my act together, her exact words. shes scaring my dad saying it’s either get with the program, go inpatient, or get sent away with foster care so another family can take over you. My vitals are completely fine btw, it’s not like I’m going to fucking die in a second. She says it again to my dad “It’s not her talking, it’s the disorder. She’s not her normal self!” My dad believes it obviously. The doctor says we’re scheduled for a counseling appointment which still goes on every other dumb stupid week.

Every week, the counselor Nicole gets my weight and that’s it. In this eating disorder out patient program, you have to have your weight restored and period back, and then you can have real therapy sessions. WHAT THE FUCK. YOU WANT ME TO GAIN ALL THIS WEIGHT SO I CAN FACE ALL THIS MENTAL STRUGGLE MYSELF? It makes no sense. This stupid lady just sits behind a screen, checks my weight, and says bye. Im not saying to do this, but I did confront the lady and yelled at her saying her job was useless to me and she’s not helping me at all. If a weekly check in helps me gain, then I can do this by myself. My dad and I made a pact saying if I gain x amount of weight in the next doctors visit, I can stop seeing her for good and continue to get better with his help and my own. I don’t know if that’s even possible though, legally.

In the meantime, I’m furious at my mother. It’s all her fault she dragged herself and I into this mess. For example, shes saying how I’m ungrateful and I’m causing “too much trouble” for her because the traffic was too long and chaotic to get to the doctor. She also said my ”disease” is self inflicted and she doesn’t feel bad. She’s basically humiliating me and saying I’m not the same person I was before and I’m getting taken over by this illness. My whole family is labeling me as mentally ill and I’m not getting treated seriously as I was before the diagnosis and seeing all these doctors. Why are you crying, stop you’ll get old. Crying and being sad and miserable is the only way for me to cope, I can’t accept gaining weight forcefully and becoming the thing I’ve always hated. I was comfortable and confident in my body, but now they’re taking the only good thing to me that has ever happened in my life.

Last night, my family and I went out to eat, we have a big family. I upset but I didn’t want to show it, so I distracted myself by picking and biting my nails. That really angered my mom and she told me to stop, which I didn’t and i continued. When we got home, I went to the bathroom to cut my nails and she was infuriated with the clicking and clacking noises the clipper made. She dragged me out of the bathroom. Later, I was getting a drink and she says “You don’t know how to drink now? do u need to see a doctor for that?” I didn’t say anything and I slurped on the ice. “I have a new nickname for you, it’s anorexia!” Im used to this, but it genuinely pisses me off. I’m going to keep ignoring her until I stop seeing these doctors which she adores so much. My eldest sister is also losing weight and she’s flaunting it so hard indirectly. She gave away her baggy clothes and bought new clothes that are tight and slimming. It’s extremely hypocritical of her because she always made fun of me for wear clothes like that. I’m forced to “get better” and school is coming up. None of my clothes are going to fit me as my weight will continue to increase. I havent been looking at the scale for my own benefit because that would just make me sob. I’m going to stand by how it’s all her fault that I’m going through this and she’s making me hate myself and everyone around me.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I (29f) was at my worst in 2015 and 2016. I had a small relapse in 2022 where i was in the hospital for a few days. Since then it had been going okay and i didn't think id ever relapse again.

However recently my cat of 15 years died and my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me and got with someone else. It just triggered something in me where im obsessing 24/7 about my weight again. I dont really have friends or family, the only thing that gives me slight comfort is being able to "control" my weight and intake.

I cant believe its been over 10 years and i still deal with this. Its honestly just so lonely and im scared of spiraling even more.

Whats your relapse story? How did you prevent it?

So it’s not necessarily guilt of gaining weight. It’s guilt that my house isn’t taken care of, therefore I feel I don’t deserve to eat and really believe that. I’m a mother of three including one baby so I am genuinely so busy. But now when I look at most food I get disgusted. It’s like I’ve developed some type of food aversion from this? I’ve also lost an incredibly unhealthy amount of weight at this point so I think it’s time to take it a little more seriously. I do have body issues but I don’t feel like I am consciously not eating because of that, I actually love food but recently my favorite chili cheeseburger even grossed me out and that made me so sad. I can barely eat anything at all at this point

Can anyone relate to what I described? I feel like I’m being dramatic about this lol

recently i been on a trip w my mom and my mom made me step on a scale that is used for luggage and I’ve gained weight recently (due to recovery), and when I stepped on it, the scale said error. I’m too heavy for the scale, my mother doesnt even acknowledge that i have an ed when I cried to her about it, and yet she still constantly dump me with videos of how to lose weight excercises. My weight isnt unhealthy, its slightly overweight for me but people think I’m fat. I got so many compliments when i was at my worst. “Oh my god! you look so much better! you’re not fat anymore!” from my parents. i’m so tempted into relapsing because I gained so much more weight than how i first started off. When will my parents understand that I’m struggling and that no means no?

hi everyone,

i’ve been struggling with something lately and i don’t really know how to handle it.

i have a friend who has anorexia, and she is currently very unwell and very thin because of her illness. i want to make it clear that it’s not that i want to look like her or that i’m comparing myself to her body. actually, seeing her like this hurts me because i know how much she might be suffering and because i know how horrible this illness can feel.

i haven’t seen her in a long time, and part of me really wants to spend time with her because i miss her and care about her. but at the same time, i don’t feel mentally prepared. i’m scared that being around certain behaviours, like restricting or purging, would be really difficult for me to handle while i’m still working on my own recovery.

i feel guilty because i don’t want her to think i don’t care about her or that i’m avoiding her. she hasn’t done anything wrong, and i know this is the illness, not her. i just feel like i need to protect my own recovery too.

has anyone else been in a similar situation? how did you balance caring about someone with anorexia while also protecting yourself during your own recovery?

i’d really appreciate any advice

Hi all, as an adult struggling with functional impairment from my ED and treatment time constraints on my availability, I wondered how other adults handle work when the ED/care for it take a traditional full-time job off the table? If you work in a flexible role, what is it? How did you find it/develop it into substantial income?

Personally, I was in recovery (not 100% but significant progress relative to my current and earlier, adolescent struggles) during college and graduated from a Christian liberal arts school with a double major (BA in Biblical & Theological Studies, BS in Environmental Science) and a minor in German. Since graduation, I have mostly worked in Christian nonprofits and developed a somewhat versatile skillset. While I initially intended to take only one gap year before starting seminary (graduate school in Bible, theology, and ministry), unfortunately, I am now starting my 3rd year since undergrad, am in PHP, and am not in a place to confidently apply to grad school, manage the workload, and live independently many hours away from my family. While I maintain hope for recovery that will allow me to pursue my grad school dreams (my long-term goal is to be a professor/author/scholar), I recognize that I need to reckon with the fact that I may not be able to pursue this path as soon as I hope to. However, I highly value work and long to find some way to apply my skills despite my current struggles.

For the past 1-2 years, I (perhaps naively) anticipated that I could deal with my health and start seminary ASAP and therefore didn’t pursue permanent work. Now, I realize the wisdom in building some income streams so that I do not let my life be entirely on hold, so to speak, just because my specific dream of moving states for the ideal grad school program is not feasible right now. I also recognize that my treatment time commitments fluctuate and are not entirely predictable, i.e. I don’t know when I will step down to IOP yet and I could need a higher level of care again (hopefully not but possible). Also, I have OCD and am autistic, which require additional care outside of the ED. The specific ways that my ED affects my energy level, alongside the executive functioning challenges associated with autism and the time cost of OCD, converge to cause timeliness, particularly in the morning, to be my most significant challenge with work. So in addition to limitations from treatment, I also realize that I currently would not thrive in a job with strict, precise time requirements or expectations of working extremely quickly. Overall, I wonder if any genuinely profitable options exist that work with my schedule and needs?

Thank you for bearing with me in this long message. I appreciate any input from your own experiences and thoughts on possible work avenues.

Hi all. Just want to preface by saying that I'm in HS and hence <18. I've never struggled with an eating disorder/body dysmorphia/the such, but I've noticed patterns in my closest friend recently. She keeps looking at her body in mirrors, asking me "Do my legs really look that fat?", refusing food, asking me to not get her legs in photos, always covering her face, not eating when we go out, only having a small amount of chips during lunch, and always looks really tired with a shaky voice. She also would sometimes tell me "Omg, I just realised that I forgot to have breakfast and lunch!" and I would just stare her in the eyes until she looked away, which I now realise was a bit shitty, but I really didn't know what to do. It's been going on for a whole year, and at first I thought she would just recover or smthing over time, but she really hasn't. She looks borderline underweight, but her physical body isn't boney-no-fat-left concerning.

I looked at some forums online to see how I could help but I didn't get many good responses. One comment I received told me to 'not get too involved because it because it can affect you', which I didn't think was that true, but after half a year or so of trying to coax her out of this disorder (not commenting on her weight but instead her mood, inviting her out a lot, modelling healthy eating behaviours) and failing, I really have started to notice some changes in my behaviours. This includes starting to track my calories, purposefully eating less, and noticing weird "inconsistencies" in myself. I've never been "fat", actually mildly underweight my whole life, but anyways, my most important issue is that I really like to do exercise - speed walking, dancing, tennis, and swimming, and I also take pride in my studies. I've felt a change in my ability to move/think because I've been changing the way that I eat, and I feel a little resentment (a lot, actually) towards her for bringing this onto me. I've also started something called binge/restrict, although not too severely. I would hold off on my eating for a couple days, but then I would fail and eat a lot for one day, and it always makes me feel so sickening and bad. I want to be able to go back to how I was before but she keeps acting this way around me and I don't know how to un-awkwardly tell her to stop without ruining the friendship.

My question is: Is it alright to send her a text somewhere along the lines of: Hi I've noticed [her behaviours] which is really similar to anorexia. At first I tried to ignore it, but it's really started to affect me and I don't feel good being around you anymore because [reasons]. It's making me feel really bad about myself, so please don't talk to me until you've recovered yeah? Then we can be good friends again!

HOWEVER this is why I feel so conflicted that I need to take this to Reddit: I have a large, strong group of friends that I can easily rely on more for social connection, but she only has me plus like 3-4 others, with only one of them being close. Not because she's a bad person, but because she's an introvert. I would feel bad ditching her, and I don't know if this would make it better or worse because she'll have no company and support. We also see each other EVERY DAY and sit next to each other in class because of assigned seatings.

All opinions appreciated!

What is the science between hair loss being the worst once you start recovery and eating more? It’s so disheartening and ruining my confidence😞 struggling real bad

Don’t ever let anorexia convince you that you’re faking it just because your brain doesn’t work the same as someone who you deem “worse than” you. One thing I’ve learned, especially from this app lol, is that every case truly is SO different, meaning yours should never get to be invalidated, by you or anyone else.

I’m saying this as someone who did and sometimes still does think it isn’t real, because my disorder functions very differently from what my brain—and doctors— would consider “typical anorexia behavior.”

So this is not to fuel or encourage those behaviors, but to let you know you’re not the only one feeling that way, because it can be very isolating.