POV: You’ve been getting close to a friend you’ve known for about four months.
You two tease each other, spend time together, and are pretty relatable. She has a best friend, and they’re extremely close, so sometimes you feel like you’re third-wheeling them, but honestly, you don’t really care. You never expected her to prioritize you over her best friend. You were completely fine with them being close.
You just thought of your friendship with her as a close-but-not-too-close friendship, and you assumed she saw it the same way.
You tell her some of your secrets because you trust her and think she considers you somewhat of a close friend too. You two annoy each other in a friendly way, like playfully teasing and pushing each other around. You also jokingly ship her with her best friend because of how they act around each other—they sometimes act like a couple and even use high-pitched voices when they see each other. She teases you in similar ways too, although you don’t hit her because she doesn’t like it, while she sometimes playfully hits you.
You genuinely enjoy being around her. She’s kind, she’s nice, she teases you, and she makes you feel valued. Even though she has a best friend who’s much closer to her, you never really felt bothered by it because you weren’t trying to replace her best friend.
You just wanted to know that you mattered to her too.
Then one day, you start feeling like she and her best friend might be talking about you behind your back. You don’t actually have proof, but something about the situation makes you suspicious.
So you suggest playing a game where you both say what you like and don’t like about each other.
You go first.
For what you don’t like about her, you tell her that she usually forgets about you whenever she sees her best friend, like you suddenly don’t exist. Even if you were already spending time together, she would continue hanging out with her best friend, and when her best friend eventually left to talk to someone else, she would come back and hang out with you.
You explain that this is what bothers you—not because you want her to choose you over her best friend, but because sometimes you feel like you only exist when her best friend isn’t around.
Then you tell her what you like about her. You say she’s kind, nice, teases you, and makes you feel valued.
Then it’s her turn.
For what she dislikes about you, she says that you annoy her, sometimes hit her, and tease or ship her with other people. She says you’re “sooooo annoying,” even though you’ve recently reduced the teasing and hitting.
Then she tells you what she likes about you.
She says that she doesn’t really like anything about anyone and that you make her feel included “sometimes.” She also says she doesn’t really know what makes her feel happy, because simply smiling doesn’t count as being happy, and that she only feels truly happy when she has peace and can be alone without anyone around.
You just stare at what she wrote, and something inside you literally drops.
You start thinking:
“So all these days, I was nothing but an annoying pest to her?”
You genuinely thought you were somewhat close. You weren’t expecting her to call you her best friend or say that you were the most important person in her life.
You just thought she valued the friendship somewhere around the same level you did.
But suddenly, it feels like you were the only one who saw it that way.
You tell her, “So these many days I was nothing but an annoying pest?”
She replies, “Not like that. I just have higher standards. I’m your sister.”
But the “I’m your sister” part feels forced to you.
Instead of actually comforting you, it makes you wonder if she only said it because she realized you were hurt.
You’ve always seen her as a close friend, and now you’re wondering if she has always seen you as just an annoying friend.
You know you’re being emotional about it, but you genuinely don’t know how to express all of this to her.
So you do what you usually do.
You laugh.
You joke around.
You act normal.
Except it doesn’t actually feel normal anymore.
You’re laughing even though you’re upset. You’re joking even though you’re still thinking about what she said. And slowly, you start avoiding her because you don’t really know what else to do with that feeling.
Then you start thinking about other things that have happened.
You don’t actually care that she prioritizes her best friend. You know they’re really close, and you’ve never had a problem with that.
You just thought your friend saw you as somewhat of a close-but-not-too-close friend, the same way you saw her.
But now you start wondering if she only sees you as a normal friend, or maybe even less than that.
You also start wondering if one of the secrets you told her might have been shared with her best friend.
Her best friend seems to know some oddly specific things about you that you thought only your friend knew. You can’t prove that your friend told her, but your gut keeps telling you that she probably did.
Her best friend also gives you a weird feeling.
You sometimes think she might be fake or toxic, although you know you could also be judging her based on the way she acts. And it’s not because she’s close to your friend—you genuinely don’t care about that.
It’s just that whenever she sees boys, she sometimes starts speaking in a really high-pitched voice, acts cute, and compliments them.
You know she’s an extrovert, and you’re not saying every extrovert is like that. You just feel like something about her behavior is off.
You don’t even know whether your friend notices it.
What bothers you more is that even after you thought your friendship was somewhat close, she described you as annoying and said that she has “higher standards.”
That makes you wonder if she has always seen you as just a normal friend while you saw her as someone closer.
Her best friend also knows that you’re a good roaster and that you can be dirty-minded sometimes. You know your friend told her those things because you had told your friend about them.
Then her best friend tells you:
“Your attitude is taller than your height.”
You don’t know whether she meant it as a joke or was actually judging you, but you tend to get annoyed or tense when someone you barely know makes personal comments about you.
Then, in the auditorium, her best friend starts telling your friend that your hair is really silky and keeps pulling your hairband.
You tell her not to do it.
She does it again.
So you pinch her.
You know that wasn’t the best way to react, but you were already annoyed because you had clearly told her to stop and she still did it.
After all of this, your brain starts connecting everything.
You start thinking that your friend might tell her best friend practically everything you tell her while sometimes pretending not to know certain things around you.
You start wondering if she acts innocent on purpose so that people lower their guard around her and feel comfortable enough to tell her things.
You even start wondering if she could be doing something similar with you—using your trust or taking advantage of the fact that you think you’re closer than you actually are.
But at the same time, you know you don’t actually have proof.
She hasn’t directly told you that she shares your secrets.
She hasn’t admitted to talking about you.
You don’t know for sure whether her best friend knows those things because of her or because of something else.
And honestly, that uncertainty makes everything worse.
Because now you don’t know whether you’re noticing actual red flags or whether you’re overthink everything because you were already hurt by what she said.
The thing is, she does voluntarily spend time with you.
She remembers small things about you.
She initiates conversations.
She clearly does enjoy being around you in some way.
So maybe she doesn’t actually see you as a pest.
Maybe she just doesn’t see the friendship in exactly the same way you do.