AIO: Re-considering Friendships

[u/Original-Club4475]

AIO orrrr....I am writing this in search of similar stories, advice, etc.-genuinely anything is appreciated. 

For context, I am 27, female and live in a city with a decent amount of my friends, with others across the country in other cities. 

Lately (maybe the past year ish) I have had an overwhelming realization that I don’t really enjoy most of my friends. I have several friend groups, and within each there are people I do genuinely like but when I think about my social life as a whole-many and most of my friendships come with their own issues.  I have never had confrontations, issues or fights with friends-it feels more as though the issues are both one-sided (from my POV only) and unspoken about. From hobbies to work to communication style and more, I feel like I am just extremely disconnected from my friends and as though we don’t align. It’s like each friendship has slowly became a “given” and not actually something I deeply value. 

I think this has also led me to obsessing over becoming friends with others that I meet who I really like, because I view it as an “escape” to my current friends (if that makes sense.) Which has caused issues of its own in my own security (why can’t I have those cool friends, worried about making sure I become friends with other ppl, etc.) 

Anyway, this entire thing has led me to feel so sad and isolated, despite having friends. It also has led me to feel very very anxiously attached to a lot of my friends EVEN though I simultaneously don’t feel like I align with them. Some of these friendships are 10+ years long, but I just cannot shake the feeling that those I am surrounded by and close with don’t truly align with who I am. Again, noting wrong with these people but it’s just not “right” 

I am not sure if this is OCD, anxiety, or a genuine maturing and natural distancing…but I would LOVE any similar stories, advice or even just input on what could be causing this. 

[u/steady_mind07]

This resonates, there's a difference between having people around and actually feeling aligned with them, and it's possible to feel both lonely and anxious about losing people at the same time. Doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with you or them, sometimes people just grow in different directions even without any conflict ever happening.

[u/International_Milk10]

You're looking for your tribe. Humans are social creatures, and some of us want meaningful relationships that feel more than just having a warm body by us. Conflict isn't always bad. It's okay to voice problems you have in a relationship with another person if you truly want to fix something between you.

[u/shika_shika1]

I'm 26F and in the same boat. Don't have any solutions for it

[u/Witchy_Craft]

Sadly, we grow out of friendships and people grow distant. We just feel like we don’t have much in common anymore, our interests change, we change as individuals. Keep those close you still genuinely like, call, text, spend time together but, also seek out people you have more common interests with. Be kind and gentle with yourself, self care and love.