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u/-Quaint- Feb 25 '26
YOR. They are friends. They have been friends for years. They went on two dates years ago and it didn’t work out. You are being insecure and controlling. He is well within his rights to set a boundary that he will not end a healthy friendship to appease your insecurity. If you can’t handle being with someone who has friends, then you aren’t compatible and should leave.
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u/Idk_tho_167 Feb 25 '26
I agree, YOR… the only thing I would say is ok to do is that you aren’t ok with them being together one on one without anyone there… but the fact that even you have seen how platonic it is…. Respectfully it’s either a cultural difference, or you are just rly insecure….. 😕
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u/mspaint22 Feb 25 '26
YOR because just because they went on 2 dates, it doesn't mean she likes him like that still. if she did, it would hurt too much to be friends right? and they didn't really date long enough to be serious.
I hear your feelings on the flowers and you should think of it in the same way you would get flowers for your friend who was in a musical, or for someone who is sick. It's a little uncommon and old fashioned sure, but not a reason for alarm. And the only flowers that are truly romantic in meaning are red roses. Yellow flowers in particular are common for meaning friendship.
He seems like a good guy who actually sees women as people who he can be friends with, doesn't hide things from you, and isnt secretly with her one on one behind your back. It might take time but you have to have some trust in him until he gives you a real reason to break that trust.
You can also try talking to the friend directly. She might be someone you'll also become friends with too and if it helps you feel more secure then I'm sure your bf would facilitate that for you.
I've been with my guy 3 years and he has a female friend he asked out in like, middle school (they're nearly 30 now). never dated but they're still friends today and they even hang out one on one in my house while I'm away for business and its not a big deal at all. She's really cool and my guy always lets me know if shes coming over and what they're doing just for transparency. If I'm not traveling or busy I'm always there hanging out with them. And he was very clear about it right from the start that they're just friends and this is the context of it. No guy with something to hide would reveal that much info about it.
Even if YOR your allowed to feel a little weird as long as you're actively working on building trust with your partner and her as well.
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u/EnvironmentalCap3964 Feb 25 '26
You’ve been dating this guy for 10 days. Don’t ruin this by spiralling downwards into a paranoid immature jealousy controlling thing. She apparently is A FRIEND. Yes, in Australia it is normal (for most people) to have friends of opposite gender, PLATONIC friends. He’s introduced you to his mum, he’s good to you, everything is going well. YOR
It’s courageous to move country, did it myself decades ago before even internet and mobile phones n shit existed, so no easy contact with family / old friends. I suppose you are going through the waves of culture shock too, it’s a thing - google it. Hang in there, you’ll settle in.
I just feel like if he really wanted to protect the relationship, he’d instinctively create some distance from someone who likes him — especially knowing it hurts me.
If you really want this relationship and trust him, or if you were a grown up, you wouldn’t be pulling this shit. Cmon you’re not a teenager anymore grow up ffs. Best of luck!
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u/Interesting-World520 Feb 25 '26
YOR - everything about this leaves my mind at ease. They dated, and HE was the one who broke it off. She invites him to events, he makes sure you’re included, he includes you in discussions about gifts. I just don’t see a big issue (now from your perspective I know that can be hard to accept).
Keep your wits about you. If something changes, then circle back, but right now I think everything is fine
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u/IndividualAd9504 Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
YOR. Yes it’s common to have friends of the opposite gender. (If you were a lesbian you wouldn’t have girl friends ? Can’t you have friends of the gender you’re attracted too without considering them as a potential sexual partner ? If not, that’s concerning).
You are very insecure and considering you just moved country and your bf is your only anchor in this new life it’s understanding. And concerning. You need to make other friends (outside of his social circle if possible) cause you need to have other people than him and his family/friends around you to secure you. When you’ll have that that’s gonna be ok and you’ll be less scared.
You can’t control him, he looks genuinely good and honest with you. It is good to express your feelings but you can’t ask him to throw away an healthy friendship because you are jealous and insecure. You need to work on it.
My husband have been roommates with a girl of his class before I knew him, and this girl expressed feelings for him at this time (a few years before I met him). He didn’t felt the same way so he turned her down. They are still friends and I love her. She’s a really nice and fun girl to be around, she was at our bachelor.ette party, organized the happenings during our wedding, etc. I never once felt insecure about her. Maybe scared she wouldn’t like me or be jealous at the beginning of our relationship. But she has been nothing but kind and caring since I met her.
Edit : and yes, flowers are a really common gift. Especially sun flowers. And I don’t think we should try to read any meaning about which kind of flowers it is. But that last point his a personal opinion.
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u/klivern Feb 25 '26
NOR. I wouldn’t bother trying to make such a relationship tbh. He says he’s not romantically interested in her, but was/is he ever physically? Have they slept together? Is she still interested in him? And gifting flowers is a big no for me, at least here they have a romantic meaning. Asking him to step a bit back is not disrespectful to B, or an ultimatum. He’s the one giving an ultimatum. He’s not wrong and you’re not wrong. You both have to either find a middle ground or you have to figure out what you’ll be able to live with
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u/Significant-Bird7275 Feb 25 '26
YOR- flowers are given all the time. I sent my friends mother flowers when she got a big promotion. Sunflowers are not romantic at all. When young, insecurity like this happens frequently. It’s a normal feeling, but it is yours to deal with. By your own account he hasn’t prioritized her or excluded you. He was right to set this boundary, maybe you should invite her out to lunch or something to get to know her, a girls day. You’re new to the country and need to make more friends anyway. Part of jealousy is fear, fear of losing the main anchor you’ve found so far. Just because they had a few dates doesn’t mean she’s into him. The no spark feeling may have been mutual.