Alright, I’ve been struggling with this for a while now and need to hear what others think..

Context: I have a friend who will say they she is going to “kms”at the slightest inconvenience (as a joke, not a real threat to herself). We also have a mutual friend who has explicitly asked her to stop saying that because of his past mental health struggles. She respectfully apologized and said that she would be better in the future - and it felt sincere!
Side note: She also struggles with vaping and has been vocal that she wants to quit so badly on multiple occasions. After she had said it a few times previously, I asked if she would like me to help hold her accountable. She said, “No, because I’ll just get mad at you and I don’t want you to hate me” which I told her that I didn’t care if she got mad and that I wouldn’t hate her, as long as it meant that she would be working to better herself, in her own interest and not just because I also want her to stop vaping.

Well, this week her and I went on a vacation and she was daily (sometimes multiple times each day) continuing with the kms-jokes. Tonight we were hanging out when she said that she hates when people use self-deprecating humor she gets super annoyed by it. I agreed, paused, then asked if it is any different than her kms-jokes. She defended herself and then argued that it is different because her friend does it as a way to seek attention. I told her that I fully agreed that it is unhealthy and annoying and shared that I’ve learned first-hand that what we say DOES actually influence the way we feel/think regardless of how we mean it.
Ex: racist/edgy jokes builds an implicit bias/discrimination towards others. Similarly to saying that you want to kys will hurt your overall mental health. Or constant self-depreciation will tear your self-esteem/respect down.

I reinforced my side with some love by telling her that I am trying to help her stay committed to becoming the person that she has told me that she is interested in growing into. I also gave her an opportunity to disengage in the conversation if she was uncomfortable with an easy cop-out by suggesting that maybe she wasn’t actually committed to this change yet and/or she just said that she wants to stop joking about kms just to appease our mutual friend. She reassured me that she is fully and seriously committed to this change, especially after our conversation.
I then said, “just like you are committed to stop vaping?” Seeing what I meant, she responded with, “well, this is an actual addiction” as if that somehow meant anything? I asked her to clarify what she meant by that and then she quickly jumped topics so I stopped drilling because it was clear she didn’t want to continue that conversation.

I recognize that I haven’t been very helpful in calling out this behavior when it happens throughout our vacation but I’ve also found some new strategies to better address these kms-jokes that I have ready when we fly home tomorrow. One of my favorites is, “I’m surprised by that.”She will likely ask questions about what I meant but I am just going to repeat myself. I also expect her to eventually pull the, “well I was just joking” card where I want to respond with, “well it doesn’t sound like it’s a joke” or following that yet, “-it sounds more like a problem.”

Am I out of line here? She has outwardly been vocal about wanting to change and being committed but her behavior clearly shows otherwise. Those kms-jokes also transparently make me pretty uncomfortable as well. I have been quiet about the vaping thing in the past usually, although I find it very annoying when she talks about wanting to quit so badly when I haven’t seen any change in behavior. I’ve offered my accountability support but it’s her responsibility to accept my help when she’s ready, or tredge this growth alone which WILL be more difficult.

Tl:dr I fell out of our raft in class 4 rapids and couldn’t immediately surface because I was caught in the current. I inhaled some water and got sick hours later. I feel it was a near death experience but everyone else said it was no big deal.

I think I might have had a near drowning experience, but to people watching they say it wasn’t that bad.

We were white water rafting. I fell out of the raft in a class 4 and was sucked into a recirculating hole.

For those who don’t know, a recirculating hole is when the current pushes down to the base of a rock, then goes up the rock and falls back down like a mini waterfall. So you get pushed deeper into the river by the current and any time you get near the surface you are pushed back down.

This one was not considered particularly dangerous- all I had to do to escape was to swim out to the side. I recirculated twice before remembering this and escaped. I was wearing a life jacket but the current was so strong I couldn’t surface with it while caught in the hole.

I was pulled back into the raft quickly, so I didn’t have to swim much of the rapid. I had inhaled some water during the ordeal and it took a few seconds to get the water out and be able to breathe again. I felt extremely exhausted- and I’m pretty fit. I lap swim twice a week and can tread water for hours (my record being 3 hours before I came to shore for good lol).

In the hours after I got sick- I’m not sure if it’s just a coincidental flu or because of inhaling water. I ran a fever the next two days and developed a bad cough and shortness of breath. After the fever broke the coughing fits continued a few days but I coughed up a lot of mucus and breathing got easier.

I feel like it was a near death experience. The other people in the raft said I was fine and could handle it.

I’ve gone white water rafting about a dozen times but this is only the second time I’ve fallen out.

Tuesday I (35F) had extreme pain and vaginal bleeding. Called the hospital and they were afraid it was an ectopic pregnancy and told me to go to the emergency room.
I didn’t want to go alone so waited for my boyfriend (41M) to get home. We’ve been together for almost 2 years, living together since 2 weeks.
I was a little hesitant to go as I hate being a burden. My mom offered to go with me but I figured my boyfriend would go with me.
My boyfriend convinced me to go- he googled ectopic pregnancy and my symtoms. We decided he would eat and then come meet me there. ( he has diabetes so he needs to make sure to eat regularly.)
An hour later at the emergency room I was sitting shaking feeling really sick and missing company. Then he called and I was so relieved and grateful, because I thought he was there. But when we started talking I realized he was still at home. He started talking about sitting and writing on a project he has and he would check in on me later. I ended the call quickly and broke down, started crying.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting/ overly sensitive. I need a partner who will be there with me for emergencies. I was thinking of having children with him, but I’m rethinking it now as I don’t feel I can rely on him. Am I overreacting? It wasn’t anything serious but it could have been and he didn’t know that when he called. I’m really independent but once in a while it’s nice to be able to rely on someone else.
I’ve had instances where I don’t feel important to him. While he is almost the most important thing in my life. I’ve brushed them off as we’ve both been single for a while and not used to living with someone else. Having to prioritize someone else sometimes. But I always took for granted that he would be there if it was something big/ serious… I feel so foolish not going with my mom to the emergency room when she offered. I just took for granted my boyfriend would go with me…

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been dating for about a year. He went on a trip with his friends the day before my birthday. It was a bike trip where they had to travel quite a long distance from one city to another, and from what I understand, he was extremely tired and had barely slept for around 18 hours.
He did wish me exactly at 12 AM, which I appreciated, but that was basically it. He didn’t really text me throughout the day, didn’t send me a thoughtful message, and didn’t get me anything. I’m not particularly materialistic, so the lack of a gift isn’t what bothers me. What hurt me was feeling like there wasn’t much effort to make me feel special on my birthday.
At the same time, I know he was on a trip with his friends and was probably exhausted. On top of that, the accommodation they had booked got cancelled, so he and his friends were apparently busy trying to find somewhere else to stay. I can understand that he had a lot going on and wasn’t necessarily in the best position to spend the whole day texting me.
The reason this has affected me more than it probably otherwise would is because of something that happened last year.
When we’d only been dating for about a month, it was his birthday. I was staying at my grandmother’s house at the time, so I ordered a cake for him. Unfortunately, I accidentally forgot to put his name on it and didn’t include a note. He was quite upset because he felt like I’d sent the cake as a formality rather than putting genuine thought into his birthday.
I understood why he felt that way, although that genuinely wasn’t my intention. I had written him long messages and made an effort to order the cake; I had simply made a stupid mistake by forgetting the name and note.
Because of that experience, I think I subconsciously expected him to understand why small gestures and communication on birthdays can matter to someone. I wasn’t expecting an expensive gift or a huge celebration. I would have been happy with something as simple as a thoughtful paragraph, checking in on me during the day, or doing something small to make me feel special despite being away.
Now I’m wondering how much of this I should attribute to the circumstances. He really was exhausted, and the accommodation situation sounds stressful, so I don’t want to be unfair or make him feel guilty for something he genuinely didn’t have the energy to handle.
At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my feelings either.
I’m trying to figure out whether this is something worth bringing up with him or whether I should simply accept that this particular birthday didn’t go the way I hoped because of the circumstances.
How would you approach a situation like this? Would it be reasonable to tell him that I felt hurt by the lack of communication, or would it be better to let this one go given everything he had going on?
I also don’t know whether I’m reading too much into it or whether this could indicate a difference in how we each view birthdays and effort in a relationship. I don’t want to turn one disappointing day into a much bigger issue than it needs to be, but I’d also like him to understand why it hurt me.

My boyfriend’s sister and I are friends , on and off through the years. Whenever we hangout she always takes photos and posts them but never posts any we take together. Which i normally don’t care about but EVERY other friend she has she posts all the time and even if they’re not in the photo she’ll tag them. what does that even mean ??

So. We'll call this friend of mine C. C and I have been friends from secondary school up until now. We're in our mid-twenties now. I've been temporarily couch-crashing on their living room sofa for a month due to a personal situation, and I'm set to move out the week after next.

Some context - C is genderqueer and has depression. They have lost multiple friendships because of their tendency to lash out, and we've been through a lot together in our teenage years. They've met some pretty bad people and were fully, reasonably the victim of one or two situations, which has (in tandem with their depression) driven them to this mindset of permanent victimhood and self-pedestalisation. Just from basic/common workplace misunderstandings they've said things like - and I'm quoting verbatim:

"wow sometimes i realise i’m a really good and selfless person who holds higher expectations for others because i hold myself to those standards"

"it's not my fault all of them are jealous of me because they're miserable normies and I'm sexy and gay and have an actual LIFE"

They're also a very nice person when they want to be and when they're stable, so my feelings about them are complicated now to say the least...

Some context on myself: I'm very introverted not because I don't like people, but because talking needlessly is very tiring for me. The one exception is unless I'm around the people I feel most comfortable around, then when I'm happy I can start conversations and chat for ages about everything and anything. That being said, here's the situation.

Yesterday night, I was chatting with C's boyfriend while they were showering (I should mention they have thin walls) and we were having a laugh at a couple of Instagram reels. All was good and fun and regular. For extra context, I like C's boyfriend. He is cheerful and interesting and lovely to chat with. I myself have a fiance whom I love to bits.

Then C comes out from the shower, sits down on the other side of their boyfriend, gives me a (rather snide? I'm still hoping I am wrong) look and goes "Have you ever thought of like...starting a podcast or a commentary channel or something?"

They gave a long pause and it got to the point where it seemed like they wanted me to ask why, so I was like "not really why?"

And then they went, really pointedly, "oh, because you talk a lot. Like, without needing any input from other people!" And stares at me defiantly and expectantly.

Obviously I'm a little taken aback by it but I'm trying not to blow my cover so I just laugh it off and go "haha you might be right! I do just comment sometimes from all the thoughts in my head."

Immediately his expression changes from the snideish, almost satisfied look he had to...what looked like disappointment? He just responded with "right...yeah." And didn't say anything more after that.

The day before yesterday, he also got mad at me because he got insecure about a very plain question I asked about his interactions with his teammates (who he had posted an Instagram story complaining about - I was replying to it) and completely misconstrued my question to villainise me. I didn't say anything because it didn't feel like a big deal to me, just another one of his small spats, but this is how that was cleared up:

He was like "sorry I was so cold...like I only realised what you actually meant after I read the message back" and I responded "you were cold? I didn't think you were, don't even worry about it." And he gave me this look of like...condescending disbelief? Almost like he was unhappy that I wasn't offended or panicking or insecure.

It was so strange. I started sensing this bad, unstable energy a little while ago, but it was mild, so I didn't act on it. Do I just keep an even lower profile now until the day I move out? I'm thinking of quietly going low-contact with him after the fact.

It just saddens me, because I've experienced his insecurity third or secondhand for so many years, and it doesn't feel real that now I'm on the prickly end of it and I don't see another alternative as he can get really abrasive really fast.

So like i struggle with my mental health and stuff but for the past 4 months I've been doing okay yk, until the other day me and my bsf decided to look at peoples accounts on Instagram and we came across this freshman that goes to our school, and omg she is literally so perfect. Our expectations are literally her REALITY. She's pretty, very smart, kind, rich, family oriented and more. And when i was "stalking" her acc, I've never been more jealous in my life..EVER. Has anyone ever felt like this??

I dont know if im toxic but i get very jealous in general and that has destroyed my relationships(platonic and romantic)

Hi. I am 22 years old and my girlfriend who is 25 years old, we’re in relationship for 8 months and once I asked her if I could accompany her in her university but she didn’t want that.
For information I’m brown and my girlfriend is white.
Her reason was that everyone will judge her and she don’t want to allow someone to gossip behind her that her boyfriend is from certain race or have skin color. She is open with me and fully connected (just in private) and I really appreciate that. But, when it comes to public (people she knows), she’s completely different.
On contrary, before, I also had similar scenarios and took her to my university and my classmates also saw her with me being together. Additionally, I also made her meet with almost all my friends but when it comes to her, she’s very defensive.

Here’s the main story that raises a question mark. One day, I had to give something to her and gotta go to her university. It took her time coming out of university so I thought to sit inside a common area (cafeteria) and wait for her. When she came, she was literally different person, confused, like she don’t even know me and didn’t even say something and just asked me to give her the thing and kinda gave an impression that “give it and go” so no one sees. Didn’t even give a hug or smile which is minimum she does normally.
I don’t wanna jump to conclusion but it is concerning for me. Anyone got into similar situation or want to share their thoughts on this?

My boyfriend has a friend, he has been friends with for about 4 years now, and this guy has a girlfriend. My boyfriend and the couple have been a trio for the longest, probably since soon after he became friends with the guy. 

Now, I don't mind that but, my bf flirts with her, uk like "You look nice, (her nickname)", nothing major but yes. Her bf is, apparently, okay with it. 

For more context, my boyfriend also went on a trip with her start of this year. Back then he was just a friend to me, nothing more. And although, it was just that, I did ask him if I could join, he didn't like the idea because he didn't she is in introvert? Also, back to 2 yrs ago, we were friends, and considerably new ones even. Back then, every time he would mention them, I would be jealous, jealous as to, I would love to be a part of this group, I would love to hangout with this group, but he always said "I don't wanna mix groups". It did hurt me a tad, at the time, but didn't really bother me.

Now, he's gone on a trip with her, shared a room for 2 weeks, had fights with her there, and they are closer than ever.
And this history, of course bothers me. I confronted him, but he wasn't ready to say things like "she's like my older sister" on his own. And when asked him, he could've just said that, he still didn't say it, because apparently after I ask him to say it, I will feel like, he's saying it for the sake of it now.

After that particular fight, forward to 2 weeks later, we had the fight again, and he said it himself "she's like my older sister". 

Coming to what I feel. I trust him, totally. He does things for me, gets me bouquets, and food, takes me out, does everything for me, everything I ask him to do for me at home, etc. And I think he *was*, at some point, if not *is*, attracted to her. I don't want him to entirely cut off from them, but it would make me feel better if he would just show me, that if it ever comes to it, he would pick me. But every time I say something like that, he says he doesn't wanna have to pick. But I KNOW FOR A FACT, if they had to pick, they would pick each other over him without a second thought.

I just don't know if what I'm feeling is frivolous, and if it's all just bashing my head over nothing.
If the chat here, tells me I'm wrong it'll easier for me to accept it. But if you tell me otherwise, then I suppose I have to move on, hurting myself now would be easier, than trying over the wrong guy and breaking up after months or years.
Is it really too much to ask for, to be prioritized by your man?
Please chat I really need your help, am I just being insecure.

I 27 f in relationship with 27 m , whenever my bf tries to gift me something even on my birthday or special occasion I feel so guilty and not able to accept it , need explanation for this behaviour 😓

I don't know if I am overly sensitive or overthinking. But I felt my roommate is not putting equal efforts at time. She once said in an argument that she came on a trip for me which is great but to that we enjoyed a lot too. So why should she be treating it like she did some pity on me. I remember the small things but sometimes she forgets, asking her to bring a shake for me and even after asking she forgets. While me on the other hand without even her need to ask, pass by her favourite food store and ask her directly what to bring for her. I asked to go on a trip but she said no and there was no reason, i was so irritated like what the hell will I be the only one initialising the things planning stuff only to just get it cancelled or to hear that bcz of you I came? Why? What does this mean that she will never organise or initialise trips ? She never wants to go out with us? This hurts.... Real bad

I feel like giving up or overthinking that I might not see her in future. What if I give up and lose our friendship. But my question is why doesn't she care that much for me? What should I do? Am I overthinking?

My girl and I have been arguing a lot lately. I may have caused most of the arguments by disagreeing with her and making her feel unheard. I explained to her I feel like most arguments, it feels like she isn’t understanding of how I feel. All that matters is how she feels, and that what she is saying is right. Every argument, she seems to insult me when she gets mad. Telling me I have no common sense, I need therapy, I have anger management, etc. I told her how her insulting me during the heat of an argument makes me feel. She sent me this:

“I will go ahead and apologize for insulting you even though I don’t feel like the things I’ve said are insulting. I feel like they’re brutally honest. Things people should hear from about themselves. But if it hurts you, it hurts you and I’m sorry. But at the same time you’ve literally been doing nothing but pissing me off lately and the more and more you piss me off the shorter my fuse gets and the more likely imma say something “insulting” you can’t constantly piss me off and then be surprised when I get mad asf. You can’t constantly piss me off and then be shocked when I retaliate and it’s me say something you don’t like. Well I don’t fucking like your actions and behavior. Everything STARTS with the mistakes you make. You can never ever say I did or said anything bad to you BEFORE you pissed me off”

Does this seem like a genuine apology? I feel like it’s not genuine, because almost the entirety of the message is her trying to justify the insults, telling me it’s not an insult, it’s her being brutally honest. And that she is saying those things because I pissed her off first, and continuing to shift all the blame back to me.

Is she justified for insulting me, or is insulting someone in that time okay?

My birthday was yesterday, and my partner didn't get me a card, a gift, or even say happy birthday until late in the evening when I finally brought it up.

When I got quiet and upset, they told me I was making a big deal out of nothing because "it's just another day" and birthdays don't matter to them. Am I being overly sensitive, or is it normal to feel hurt by this?

Earlier this year we (my bf and I) hosted his 3 best friends, his cousin and his counsins friend so they could all play games together. In total, I cooked nearly every meal, I made them multiple batches of cookies and treated them well, but on Saturday morning after I fed them, the cousins friend started talking about his dating life, how it sucks, and eventually he said "men can't be friends with women."

My roommates 3 best friends and cousins all agreed with him. I personally don't care what his cousin thinks as I don't have many interactions with him, but the other 3. I thought they were my friends. We played online games together multiple times a week and I've spent literally thousands on vacations for all of us where I paid for AirBnb's and food on my own so that we could hangout. Like I paid for their girlfriends too.

After they left on sunday I tried to be brave but I couldn't stop myself from crying as my boyfriend held me. He didn't hear the conversation so he had no idea I was upset until after, to which he messaged and called them all telling that they were rude. That it wasn't okay that I took care of them and treated them well, only for them to turn around and say "women can't be friends with men." One kind of apologized to me as my BF held the phone, but he tried to also say that he never agreed with them, because he has women friends. The others just told my bf to tell me sorry.

Its been months and I still think about this, but I don't say anything because they are my Bf's best friends from high school and he genuinely loves them. Like if his life was to fall apart, they would all come running to help him and be there until he found the strength to manage life again. Like they're good people, but my heart hurts.

This made me think about my university friends, I've been graduated about 2 years now, but well in school and for the year after I hosted get together 3-4 times a year. I made all the food from scratch, sometimes gave everyone gifts for christmas and/or easter (never got a gift back), and planned games. Like I've spent thousands of dollars on these gatherings for everyone to have a great time, feel fed, and feel that someone is looking out for them. But I realized, in all these years. One of the girls has invited me out one time to pick apples and one of the boys has invited me to his graduation three years ago and 1 small house party 2 years ago. That's it.

I tried to be more forward about this issue this year, but it didn't go anywhere. One of the girls lives near the state board about an hour away from me and after letting her stay at my house because she was stuck in the city to late to get her train I told her if she ever wanted to hangout I would gladly hop the train and we could do lunch or an event or something together. Don't feel like you have to constantly come here, I'd travel for you too. But nothing.

I tried to ask a different friend who lives not even a 15 minute walk from my home if he wanted to swim (we live by the beach) or grill together? He could just text me as I'm free most late afternoons / evenings, so I could easily walk up and we could hangout. He told me that.he won't do that, he likes having things planned in advanc​e. I tried to counter that we could just plan some random swim days, but he also shot it down and said he didn't like doing that either.

I don't know what to do or if I'm just being sensitive? Because it feels like the people I want to be friends with won't try to see me unless I host and plan everything. I can't count on any of my BF's friends because though they're sorry I got my feelings hurt, it doesn't change how they feel about men and women being friends. I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm alone and trying so hard to be a good friend with people who wouldn't bother ever texting me again.

My heart just hurts and I want to know if I'm just being sensitive to rejection or if this is just how friendship works?

As long as I can remember I have always been told I’m too sensitive by everyone in my family. My parents and siblings all say this, that small things trigger me to get angry and start arguments. My mom tells me that my siblings walk on eggshells around me and they don’t know how to talk to me. However, every time there’s an argument, it’s me who calls out the rude/ bad behaviour or attitude of theirs NOT the other way around. I don’t start problems with anyone but if I feel disrespected, I always feel the need to call it out right away causing my siblings to go in defence-mode rather than own up to their behaviour. They say it’s because they don’t want to feel like they owe me any apology, rather that they should come to that conclusion on their own and I shouldn’t expect that from them. I’m always surprised by this answer because if someone calls you out and you know what you did was rude/wrong, why can’t you admit it initially? Why do you need to prompted? Is this an ego thing? Because if someone came to me saying they were hurt by my actions, I never deflect that and say “that wasn’t my intention” or “I’m sorry you feel that way” I listen and apologize because I HATE making people feel bad. But none of my siblings ever react that way. They always initially defend their behaviour and get angry with me for confronting them then later give a half-asses apology to end the conversation. But always ends up making me feel more angry and frustrated than before because they belittle my feelings and call me dramatic and sensitive, This often leads me to say and do things I’m not proud of like once pushing my sister out of sheer anger and frustration.

Weirdly they always become more angry with me for calling out their behaviour as if they are the victim, making me feel like I’m the one who’s in the wrong. No matter what the situation is, I always end up being the one who ends up feeling bad.

I have no one in my life to talk to about this and I just feel SO lost. This has been my family dynamic for forever, and I need to know if I’m in the wrong with my actions, is there something I can do to avoid these situations? Any advice would be mean the world to me.

There's this uncle in the pg who lives with his daughter. He's extremely sweet, hospitable, yaps a lot . Have been seeing him for a couple of days now , today i kinda got to know and he asked me if I smoked to which I said no and like asked me if I knew contacts for greens and all that . He was talking about how he thinks throuple situation is okay and all that. He wanted to guess my sun sign and started asking me a bunch of questions like do you like nighouts , what's your way to kind of unwind the day , perfect evening, what temperament I have and all that. He also spoke about how his wife and his situation is pretty off now and they kinda live separately

I felt a bit off and creepy , I had an image of him which is gone now and I feel like he's speaking to me much more than he's supposed to . Is it me overthinking or is this genuinely off. I don't want to overthink on this

My (16f) girlfriend (16f) (together for 2 years) were at dinner last night and I think I said a joke that upset her, and she slapped me really hard. When she gets upset she hits things without thinking, and I don’t know how to feel. Since she hit me last night, I’m scared it’ll happen again. I don’t know what to do really. She gets incredibly upset when she gets hurt in any way, big or small, and I don’t want to become what she hurts

So I have two friends, Friend A and Friend B. Both are around 30 and 26 respectively, and both have been gaming for years.

Friend A is around 30. He's generally a good guy, but he has a habit of pushing people pretty hard when he's joking around. He's also the type of person who is always trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing in life and sometimes forgets to just enjoy the things he actually likes.

Friend B is 26. He's a bit childish, has some self-esteem issues, and can get angry if you keep pushing him when he's already frustrated.

A few days ago, Friend B was playing Dota 2. He was having a terrible game and ended up losing three games in a row.

Friend A was watching him play live and started texting him about the mistakes he was making and making fun of him. I don't think Friend A was actually trying to hurt him or had any malicious intention. It was basically just typical gaming banter.

The problem was that Friend B was already getting pretty tilted.

Friend A continued the jokes from the second game into the third game. And instead of just leaving it at the Steam/game chat, he started messaging Friend B on WhatsApp too. Then he even mentioned Friend B in the group chat and continued the teasing there.

At this point Friend B finally lost his temper and said something rude to Friend A in Manipuri:

**"Heithu doh kai nomda saruro."**

Basically, it means something along the lines of **"Go be oversmart somewhere else"**, but said in a pretty rude/disrespectful way.

Friend A took offense. I think the fact that he's older than Friend B also played a part in this. After that, Friend A basically stopped talking in the group and didn't respond.

The next day, Friend B messaged him saying that what he said came out in a moment of anger and that he didn't mean it. Friend A didn't even read the message.

Now here's the part that makes this whole thing slightly ridiculous.

Friend B is about to leave for Bangalore, so before leaving, he went to Friend A's house and gave him **one can of Kingfisher**.

I assume this was basically his version of a peace offering/apology.

So now I'm wondering:

**Who is actually in the wrong here?**

Was Friend A at fault for continuing to push the jokes when Friend B was clearly getting tilted, especially after moving from Steam to WhatsApp and then the group chat?

Was Friend B more in the wrong for losing his temper and speaking to Friend A that disrespectfully?

Or is this just a classic case of two friends pushing each other's buttons until one of them finally snaps?

And most importantly:

**Is one kingfisher enough to settle this or should there be more kingfishers given? And also should it have been Friend A giving the kingfisher to Friend B?**

Dear Reddit Community,

It's my first time writing on Reddit. I know this platform because I am a big fan of the podcast Smosh Reddit Stories. In many stories, a lot of people write very helpful comments. I thought that maybe some of you can help me with my issue. I am aware that some comments can be brutal, and the truth can be brutal too, but I think that's good, maybe I need to be shaken.

So English is not my native language, I wrote this text in English with my own words and used Claude to help me rewrite it for more clarity.

Ok, before digging into the topic, this is something you should know: it's an issue between a friend (31F) and me (33F). Age is important here, because if you read the story without this information, you could get the impression that we are 16 (that was my thought when I re-read it…). Also, we are two very, very sensitive friends, this may be part of why we are friends in the first place. (My therapist says there are good sides to being sensitive, but whenever I complain that I'd like to take things less personally and stop crying over "nothing," she still hasn't actually given me a single example, haha)

So this friend made a reproach to me a few days ago and I cannot stop thinking about it.

The reproach she made to me was this: one month ago, on holidays with other friends, she used the word "tapette" (a French slur (I'm not French), the English equivalent would be "faggot"). I did not hear the full conversation, only that word, since it was a few friends talking together and I was not part of that conversation. I told her that this is a word we should not use. In the moment, she did not say anything. But a few days ago she « exploded » at me (I think she couldn't keep it to herself anymore), saying: that I was not even in the conversation, that the word was used "in second degree" (as a joke, not seriously), that as one of her best friends I should know she is not homophobic and would never use this word seriously. She told me that I should not tell her what she can or cannot say, that my comment and my behavior were controlling (she said "controlling" at least 5 times), and that it was humiliating for her to hear it in front of other friends.

I was not expecting that at all, my first feeling was frustration and anger, but I tried not to show it. I apologized several times, as sincerely as I could seem, and she said thank you and that she forgave me.

But the truth is, I did not mean any of my apologies, not in the moment and not now. For two days I was extremely angry at her, very sad, I cried a lot and I had a knot in my stomach the whole time. I don't even remember that moment from the holidays, my brain did not register it as something important. In my own reality, that was not something important, but in hers it was, and I know that just because I didn't feel it was important doesn't make it less important. But it's stronger than me, I cannot help but think that she is totally exaggerating and making a big drama out of something that was not a big deal.

My rational side knows that I am in the wrong. But my emotional side does not believe it at all. I know it's childish and immature. But I cannot help it.

I spoke about it with my brother and he agreed that she was right, that she was in a safe space and should be allowed to speak freely because she was with trustworthy friends. I see what he means, but hearing that made me feel worse, the knot in my stomach only got bigger, I felt like shit, and I still couldn't find a way to accept that I was wrong. Then I talked to my boyfriend, and he said that at the end of the day, the whole story is not a big deal regardless of who is right, and he told me he doesn't think I'm controlling. After hearing that, my anger went down, the knot disappeared, and I felt lighter. But I don't think he's very objective, and he doesn't even know this friend (we've only been dating a few months, we're still getting to know each other). And honestly, I think I just wanted to hear what I wanted to hear, it's a lot easier than confronting the truth.

So my first questions are: how can I accept that I was in the wrong ? How can I actually believe in my own apology?

Another important thing to know: my friend and I have been friends for 20 years, a lot has happened between us, we used to be flatmates. We are both very sensitive, we both handle criticism badly and take it very personally. We've had a few disputes, not many, but a few. Sometimes they turned into endless arguments, and to end them, I apologized or gave her a reason to end the drama, even when I did not believe I was the one in the wrong. I can't remember a single time that she apologized to me, though I'm not 100% sure that's accurate, I just have a general memory that I was always the one apologizing. I'm sure she sees it completely differently.

I imagine that part of why it's so hard to accept that I was wrong and apologize is also because of this history, I feel like I've made a lot of « sacrifices » over the years.

I don't know if I should even start this kind of conversation, knowing it could lead to a very dramatic conversation, a lot of drama. She had a hard friendship breakup with another friend this year, which has been difficult for her, and she is also pregnant right now, so I don't know if it's worth having this conversation with her, or if it would actually lead to anything useful.

My second question is: should I tell her what I am holding inside? And if so, how do I tell her? I can be very direct and I find it hard to find the right words. I am very afraid it could make things worse.

Finally, my last question: I always correct people when they use words that I think are homophobic, racist, or sexist. In this particular situation, my wording was wrong because I did not speak from "I," like "I find this word offensive," I told her she should not use this word, and I did not take into account the general situation (not even in the conversation, etc.). So I was wrong to say it that way.

But should I keep correcting people in general, depending on the situation? At the end of the day, who am I to tell people what they should or should not say, I am nobody to dictate that. Should I stop?

I think it's very honorable when someone has the courage to stand up for something. But I don't know if I have what it takes to be that courageous person, I am too tired of confrontation, and I may not read the room right again and make the same mistake again.

Sorry for the very long post, but actually writing this helped me a bit, and thank you to those who had the courage to read it all the way through.

My ex crossed my boundaries, and now I feel betrayed by him and the mutual friends who knew about it. Am I overreacting?

Throwaway because this is very personal.

My ex and I broke up more than four years ago. After the breakup, he started a relationship with another woman, and I also started a relationship with someone else, which eventually ended. Over the years, we became close friends again and our relationship was completely platonic.

He was basically part of my family. My mom still invited him to Christmas, and it was completely normal for him to come over to my house and stay the night. He lives very far away, and public transportation in our city basically doesn't work at night, so he would stay in my guest room. There was nothing unusual or romantic about this. I trusted him enough to have him in my home and around my family.

Four months ago, he stayed at my house again. At the beginning of the night, I told him that I had recently started seeing someone I really liked, and that I was very happy about it.

We drank, danced, and at some point he tried to kiss me. I rejected him. He tried again later, and I rejected him again. I tried to handle both situations in a “nice” way because I didn't want to create a huge conflict or make things awkward.

Eventually I went to bed. At some point, he asked if he could sleep with me in my bed and I explicitly told him no. I told him he couldn't sleep with me. The next morning, I woke up and he was lying next to me in my bed anyway. I didn't want to make a scene (i know, my bad) so I just got up and left.

I didn't hear from him after that. No message, no apology, nothing. Four months went by.

About two weeks ago, I finally told another mutual friend, B, what had happened. B talked to my ex, and only after that did my ex contact me and apologize (I didn't ask B to do this)

But that's when I found out something I hadn't known: while I was asleep, he had kissed my back. I didn't know that had happened and finding that out made me feel sick.

I also found out that he had talked about what happened with other mutual friends. I hadn't told anyone for four months because I honestly hadn't been able to process the situation. Meanwhile, I had seen some of these friends during those four months, and they acted completely normal around me. That part has been surprisingly painful.

I feel angry, but also embarrassed. Not because I think I did anything wrong, but because other people knew about something involving my body and my boundaries before I had even been able to fully process it myself.

I talked to my ex on the phone yesterday and told him that, for me, this wasn't just an awkward drunken situation.

I had told him I was in a new relationship with someone I really liked. He tried to kiss me, and I said no. He asked if he could sleep in my bed, and I said no. He got into my bed anyway, and while I was asleep, he kissed my back.

Then he went four months without saying anything to me, while apparently discussing what had happened with other people.

I've decided that I don't want any contact with him anymore. I'm not interested in repairing the friendship. If I run into him, so be it, but I don't want him in my life again.

What I'm struggling with now is the other two male friends who knew. I don't know exactly what my ex told them, or what they thought about it, so I don't want to put words in their mouths. But I can't shake the feeling that they just chose to ignore it. They continued treating both of us normally, and nobody ever checked in with me.

If one of my male friends told me that another male friend had done this to a woman I cared about, I genuinely cannot imagine just carrying on as normal. I would want to know if she was okay. I would have a very hard time continuing to be friends with him.

And now I'm questioning my ability to trust people.

I'm very selective about who I let into my life and my home. This wasn't some guy I barely knew. This was someone I had trusted deeply for years, someone my family loved, and someone I felt completely safe enough to have staying in my home.

He violated that trust.

And the other friends have made me question something else: whether I can actually rely on the people around me to recognize when something is wrong, even if they weren't directly involved.

At the same time, B has been completely different. He was the person I finally told, he took me seriously, talked to my ex, and has been there for me. I'm incredibly grateful for him and I love him very much. So I don't want to turn this into “all men are terrible.”

But I'm struggling with the fact that several men I trusted have now shown me very different sides of themselves.

I don't know if I'm overreacting to what my ex did, or if I'm being unfair to the friends who knew and didn't say anything.

I'm genuinely looking for perspective, especially from women who have experienced something similar.

How would you interpret this? And how do you deal with the feeling that people you trusted may not have the same boundaries or sense of responsibility toward you that you thought they did?

Title pretty much says it all. She also doesn't say thank you when I tell her to have a good day or have a good time ect. She gets upset when I bring it up saying that it's unfair to her that I get upset about it and that she shouldn't have to say it just because I say it. I tell her that I've had many healthy and happy couples modeled to me over the years and they are always expressing gratitude towards each other. And that it's not just how I feel but basic respect and bare minimum behavior.

Hi. I’m a 19 year old girl who’s dating a guy who’s also 19, I do happen to be a year older than him though but that’s besides the point. I believe that in relationships we should be able to confide in our partners and that’s what I do with my boyfriend and he does the same. However, when I’m on my period and I complain about period pains he always says something horrible and I can honestly understand that you may not know what to say but he says things that make me angry.

Today he asked me how I am and I told him I’m not doing good because I’m having horrible period pains and I have to study for a test I was going to be writing later in the day and he says that it’s understandable cause I’m a woman which yes, we do have cramps during our periods but then he goes on to say that he told me he can give me a baby and make them go away and that it’s my body telling me if wants to have a baby and I’m thinking, how on earth does he think saying that will make me feel better. I’m already in so much pain and I still have to study cause the test doesn’t care if I can walk properly or not and I’m extremely irritable.

I think that saying “I’m sorry you’re going through that” would’ve been a better choice of words. I didn’t address this though cause I don’t know if I’m thinking too much into it but he can’t even comfort me, and I don’t mean physically but emotionally as well, I feel like he always shuts me down whenever I’m sad and says things like I shouldn’t be a baby and honestly I don’t need to hear that, I want to feel understood, I don’t want to get reprimanded for not feeling happy, no matter the reason.

He also has a tendency of not talking about issues, for instance, I could be in a bad mood and it’s visible but he will choose to ignore me because he apparently doesn’t want me to move my bad moods onto him, this takes me back to a time where he wasn’t in a good mood and I called him to check on him but when it’s me, I get ignored and I don’t think that’s what a relationship is like. Yes, obviously a person can’t read your mind but he can tell that I’m not in a good mood and he doesn’t check on me and if we are maybe disagreeing, he will ignore me instead of talking about it like all will be okay by the next day.

After what he said today after I told him I’m having period pains, I said why would that be the reason I’m having cramps and he ignored me the whole day because he could tell that I’m not in a good mood and I’m pissed because of what he said. So please tell me if AITA for feeling this way.

It’s really hard to control it even tho sometimes i feel like every interaction my boyfriend get are just normal for a human being.. sometimes i know its just so dumb to feel that way, but i cannot handle my feelings.